Be Yourself (Everyone else is already taken)By
Life is not about ‘creating ourselves’, it’s about ‘dissolving into who we are’, or discovering who we are not and behind the concepts and ideas of who we think we are, when dropped, or relinquished; there we are.
There’s a fundamental difference, in that if there’s a need to ‘create’ we’re coming from a place of lack, or inadequacy, a lack of beingness as if we’re not whole.
Finding out who we are at our core being and expressing it is what it is about and there is a huge difference between the two.
We already are, we don’t need to try to become someone, only accept who we are, fully.
Creation is happening to us, it’s not an activity that we ‘do’, and while we participate in the unfolding of events (and the evolutionary process of humanhood), it’s Life moving and molding itself to have the human experience through and as us.
And the more we let go – the more we stop trying to control (how others will perceive us) – the more we pay attention to what life is speaking to us (listening to our hearts) – the deeper the discovery of who we really are goes.
When we don’t know who we are, we follow the flock, we conform to what is considered as ‘normal’ or accepted.
Because we want to fit in, we want to be liked, we don’t want to lose face or be vulnerable so we pretend to be someone we’re not.
So no one really knows us, they only know our ego.
Egos’ interacting with others ego’s and no one really having any deeper connection with anyone.
The person you imagine yourself to be, or the person you wish you were or show yourself to be to others is what others connect with.
Here’s a few things you can begin doing if you feel that you could accept yourself as you are more; all they are about in essence is having the courage to simply be who you are.
If you feel any discomfort by doing them, know that that’s the ego, and the awareness of how the ego operates (which is fear) is what will set you free.
Not by adding an attribute to yourself, or becoming someone you’re not by ascribing a personality attribute that you wish you had, but by authenticity and sincerity, both qualities we all already have inherent in the true nature of our being.
Accept all sides to yourself. If you are shy, then be shy. What’s wrong with being shy?
Or scared, or opinionated or whatever (pick anything that is considered to be outside ‘the norm’ or not as admired as it is to be ‘nice’ and liked by everyone).
When I was younger I hated speaking in front of large groups, I mean I almost fainted because I was so scared, but what I also discovered was that when I accepted that part of myself – and shared it by letting people know I was scared – then the fear lost it’s power almost immediately.
And I could feel the love and compassion from the people I was about to talk to, probably because they could relate.
If you’re easily blushing or stammering or whatever because your shy, then don’t try to hide it.
You can even say to the people in front of you when that happens that you’re blushing/stammering because you’re shy, and see what happens.
Many times we give too little credit to people. Most people can actually relate to the same things you’re experiencing and they might even have the same fears you have.
We really aren’t that different after all.
Speak up. Voice your opinion even if it different from other peoples opinions.
They are only opinions after all, and not fundamental truths. Being open about your thoughts and ideas can lead to many more interesting conversations than if people stay closed and afraid of sharing what they think about things.
Be courageous enough to ‘take side’ and defend someone if you see someone being unfairly treated.
Don’t look the other way because you’re afraid of what the others may think.
The Asch experiment came to mind, Google it if you haven’t heard of it.
I’m sure there are many more and newer experiments that has been done when it comes to conformity to group opinions etc.
Don’t be afraid of confronting others if you find out they have lied to you for example, or if you feel disrespected or something.
Sometimes if we for example feel badly treated or offended by something and we express that to the other they may not even have been aware of how they have behaved towards you and the relationship can become closer and even more intimate when we share our feelings with others.
It’s easier in the end to just say what you feel than grow resentful or angry at someone who might not even have been aware of what they have done.
And it’s done very quickly too, it only takes less than a minute to express your feelings to another.
Time saved, and maybe friendship saved too 🙂
Don’t be afraid of conflicts – they can all be met intelligently and calmly.
Be open, but dare to be closed too. Not everything has to be shared.
Some things may be private and sometimes it can feel uncomfortable to let people know that you don’t want to share that bit from your personal life.
By simply saying “I’m not going to get into that, it’s a private matter” is all there needs to be said. No further explanations needed.
Other ways to be true to who you really are can be to do things your own way and not look for approval or have others to agree with you, and to have the courage to suddenly change your mind about something, or laugh at silly jokes even if no one else does! 🙂
None of theses things requires you to put on a mask, to ‘become’ something or any of that sort – it’s all about letting go of the masks and the fears we carry of how others will perceive us and if they will approve. That’s all.
When we start being who we are and staying true to ourselves the natural confidence start to rise too, all by itself.
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