Feb
27

About Loneliness On The Spiritual Path

By

“Loved your article on reviewing the past decade. (This one).

Sadly, I don’t really remember much of the decade (I was a heavy alcoholic).

A turning point in my life was getting sober. Their wouldn’t have been an awakening, but a spiral into despair.

I don’t think I could have survived losing everything if I wasn’t sober.

I was able to go through the experience with Grace and dignity (Grace I learned from you.)

I didn’t feel the need to be self destructive, the universe took care of that part and, I allowed it.

One of the lessons I’ve learned was regarding money.

Growing up, we didn’t have much money. It was engrained in us to work as hard as you can and make as much as you can. Nobody is going to help me out.

So I went to college, got the great job with lots of money and I was miserable. It just never seems like I could make enough.

Now it it isn’t that important to me. I still make it, but now I walk away from the extra shifts at work.

The lesson was to find the balance of work and life.

After losing my high paying job, I felt the pressure from others to go out and find another, which I did.

The thought of starting over at 50, full time, bottom of the seniority list, no vacation for a year, was utterly insulting to my soul.

I just couldn’t do it.

So I left my comfort zone and decided to become a traveler. (I’m a nurse)

I’m currently in Hilo Hawaii. Enjoying the sun, experiencing the culture, loving my new life experiences.

I’m so so so thankful to have found your website. To me, you are a beacon of reality for those who want a true understanding of oneself.”

My Question:

So I’m in Hawaii and the loneliness I have is really painful.
I haven’t really been by myself… Ever.
Is this normal? Feeling lonely? I find myself getting emotional to the point of weeping, while at work.
I know this will pass, but it still hurts. Any suggestions???

Reply:

Thank you for sharing from your own personal life.

It’s great to have some background information to the questions.

From my own experiences and observing the life of others, anything that has spiritual significance requires us to step out on a path where we might face being lonely or alone for a while.

Part of our spiritual growth means we have to learn how to be alone and what pushes us there might vary but it’s definitely part of our spiritual development.

For you it came about when you decided to become sober where you had to change your way of living and being and that also meant that you had to leave old friends behind and walk alone. 

Depending on how we’re wired it can be more of less painful, I for example enjoy my own company and I thrive in solitude but I have also felt the pain of – I don’t want to say loneliness, but having the feeling of not fitting in anywhere, of being alone even when I have been around a lot of people.

It’s normal to feel these feelings and have these experiences, we all have them to some degree and at some point in our lives.

And when we embark on a path that is different from the worlds, or our friends, or relatives path, there can be a lot of aloneness, and loneliness too.

The experience of being on a different path, a different reality, or even planet, than the rest of the world.

I have felt that a lot throughout my whole life, and still today I sometimes feel that I have to put my human costume on and walk among the rest of the world, knowing that I’m not of it yet I have to be in it and engage in it from time to time.

I see the illusion, the play, the delusion, the game of Life, but I can’t talk about how I see and experience existence or anything like that because others can’t relate to it, they have no clue what you’re talking about.

All you get back are blank stares, they just can’t hear you. Literally.

It’s like people who are unconscious can see your mouth moving but the information is not going in, they are just not able to hear you.

So in that regard this path is a lonely one, or lonesome one, or how can I put it?

It’s not really about loneliness but aloneness; this path is most of the time a path that you walk alone to a certain degree and it may start out as a feeling of being lonely (and feeling sad about it) and then it develops into becoming comfortable with being alone and maybe even prefer that. 

Sometimes to me the whole world is a bunch of children and I feel like the only one that is an adult, or that the world is crazy and I’m the only sane one.

Some of you might be able to relate to this.

It can be painful at times and especially if you’re in a situation where you can’t fully be yourself, or express yourself; when you need to put your human costume on for a while and pretend (that you’re the body) and play the game with other human beings who are not aware of who they really are.

But the more draining it becomes to interact with them the easier it becomes to remove ourselves from their presence or just not engage as powerfully as we might have done before (like getting into discussions and arguments about this and that). 

Maybe this is something you can relate to when it comes to your work and colleagues, that you don’t really have much in common anymore and that it becomes more and more painful to be around them?

Not because they are bad people, but because you have outgrown their present state of consciousness. 

You might feel like you’re in this world but not of it. You walk on this earth but you live on a different planet from the rest and it can be painful, but we all have to learn to live with it, to live detached while still be able to engage. 

You will find your way, and as you already stated in your question you know this will pass, it’s just a matter of making new choices (according to your spiritual growth) and going (continuing) more and more with your own flow.

This might mean that Life is pushing you out of your current situation (again), but if so it’s because you’re ready for it, so whatever you feel you need to do, do it and move on. 

I used to weep, I used to cry, I use to feel resentful because the awakening process felt more like a curse sometimes so I felt self-pity and there were times when I didn’t get the point of even being alive.

Not that I would have done anything, but the feeling was there as for so many others, that’s why I’m sharing it.

It’s “normal”.

Today I don’t feel those things anymore, but I do feel the pain of having to interact with others at times and not being able to fully express myself.

It’s not an emotional pain but painful in the way it would be if you’re forced to spend time with children for example and you’re not particularity into kids (I’m not so I don’t enjoy spending too much time with them, or for too long at a time).

And kids can’t understand adult stuff so whatever you say just can’t be received, or there’s opposition or they want explanations about everything etc and you can’t give it to them.  

My life is so different from most peoples and their life and thinking-process is pretty much the opposite of how I experience myself and existence but you can’t really say anything about it without being met with opposition, defensiveness or weird looks. 

You can’t really talk about it with others. Not that the need is there but when you have the choice I prefer freedom, so I avoid that crowd and keep my interaction with them to the absolute minimal.

Your pain will grow too to the point that you will at some point leave your current job, that’s how it usually goes, and it’s a good thing though so don’t give it much thought (of being “old”/senior and all that), Life will show you a better way and path and it doesn’t matter how old or young you are. 

Right now you might be dealing with those things (loneliness etc) as best as you can but as you begin to remove and withdraw yourself from that which doesn’t resonate anymore you will come to live your life in a way that is more and more pleasing to you.

And you have been through this before on a different level of consciousness, it was uncomfortable then and it’s uncomfortable now – but you’re always evolving, growing upwards!

You moved to Hawaii, you became a traveler. That’s great, good for you! 🙂

You’re in your 50’s, and that might feel challenging but it’s challenging for anyone, no matter how old or young you are.

People around us, society and so on, they don’t encourage others to embark on their own path.

They want you to stay with them but since you can’t or won’t, well, the reality is that not many will come with you. Maybe not even one person will come with you or support you.

And you find yourself being completely on your own.

But as you walk and keep walking things will open up for you, once again there will be great progress, just like the other times in your life when you have had to walk alone. 

I’m sure you can see how Life supported you in your choice of becoming sober for example. Or how you decided to move to Hawaii.

Or any other big things you did in your life, I’m sure that as you look back you can see how everything came together for you when you couldn’t even see the way before you, or when you didn’t even believe things would ever be able to improve, yet they did. 

Even if you can’t remember the details you can still somehow look back and see that things did come together for you, sometimes even in magical ways (I don’t care if it sound woo woo because it is magical), how you were blessed more and more with the real stuff that Life is made of.

Am I right?

But then there’s the loneliness as well, I know. Many people experience this, it’s a huge topic that many people ask about or express.

What I can say is that don’t hold back any emotions, weep if you have to (go to the bathroom at work and cry if you have to), rage if you want to when you’re alone (don’t project your anger toward others and don’t hold your tears within you).

Express them for yourself and see it as a clearing and cleansing process while at the same time always move towards the better life that you sense is there.

The True Life.

You know what this is, and it has nothing to do with earning this much or that little (which you already know), and it has nothing to do with who we know or don’t know.

We can be totally alone and someone or something will turn up in your life that plays a very important role on your continuous journey forward.

Someone that can show the way, who can help you out financially, who can be there emotionally for us (for me it was my pets), and so on.

Life always sends someone special our way, or something special, something that make us feel blessed and looked after. 

Some kind of aid and support always comes our way when we let Life lead.

It’s Life pushing through from all angles of Itself to help Truth come forth in our existence and surroundings and when see this it’s all beautiful.

You can already see this in your own life as you described in your email; that you’re enjoying Hawaii and all that comes with it.

You’re experiencing the beauty of life yet there is sadness of being alone, but it won’t last forever.

As you continue on the path *that has chosen you*, you might continue walking alone for a while but with your continuous growth you won’t feel alone anymore. 

And with this connectedness it becomes very easy to choose the life or freedom by simply peacefully walking your own, unique path that doesn’t look like anybody else’s.

Hope this was helpful to you.

Albert Einstein quote about not following the crowd.

Greetings from Goa, India! Next up is Kerala – leaving on Tuesday 🙂

♥♥♥

Here’s a few older articles that I have written about being alone etc:

mariaerving.com/awakening-process-feeling-lonely

mariaerving.com/a-new-way-to-interacting-with-people

mariaerving.com/the-beauty-and-the-peace-let-grace-transform-you

mariaerving.com/willing-to-be-alone-dedicated-to-truth

mariaerving.com/spiritual-transformation-and-sadness

Poem by Charles Bukowski: MariaErving2/posts/WA4SNMgdPLa

Spiritual Teacher Maria Erving

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When you’re in flow with life you live in harmony with yourself and the Universe. This is true oneness.