Aug
28

Forgiveness And Letting Go Of The Past

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Here’s a free chapter from my book ‘Energy Awareness – How To Use Energy To Change Your Life’

~ Enjoy! 🙂

“Forgiveness and letting go of the past”

How to forgive? When I was younger I used to say that I can forgive but I can’t forget, and in a way that’s good advice if it is understood correctly. I could easily leave people behind who had done me wrong, and by not forgetting what they did I usually didn’t make the same mistakes twice, and by forgiving I could easily let them go from my life even if they had been very close to me. I learned and moved on.

Of course there were often tears and it was sometimes heartbreaking, but I knew that I would get over it, and I also knew that the faster I could do that, the better for me. If you have decided not to have a particular person in your life anymore, then what good does it do you to keep crying over it, sometimes for years? When you understand that everything that happens to you serves a purpose, you can see it as something that has a blessing somewhere, and your job is to find it. Then it’s easy to forgive.

There have been people in my life who have done me horribly wrong, and I have been able to give thanks for later, silently, within my heart. I could do that because it helped to shape me into the person I am today. That is not the same as saying what they did was okay—it’s the ability to see through the eyes of your soul. It’s something that needs to be done within you; there is absolutely no need for you to go to the people who hurt you. Just feel forgiveness in your heart. The universe hears you, and that will be enough.

  • Just feel forgiveness in your heart. The universe hears you, and that will be enough.

I have done harm to myself, too, and I am sure you have also. You must forgive yourself, and do it now. Even after we have promised inwardly that we are going to live our life differently from now on, we sometimes fall into the old ways of thinking and acting, and it is very important that you give yourself a new chance. Make a new decision, and do better next time.

Some things will take longer, but each time you get a little bit closer, a little more determined, a little clearer about how you really want to be or live and what kind of person you want to be in the world. You grow into your own being, you learn to trust yourself, and the more you begin to really love yourself the more respectfully you will treat yourself. You have to become your own best friend, and it’s much easier if you give yourself a break. Learn and learn again until you get it, but don’t beat yourself up ever again. Doing that is insane, if you think about it.

If all this sound very difficult for you, I’ll share a technique that helped me to get clear with my past.

For me it had to do with my need to know why I didn’t remember everything in my childhood, and I was a bit obsessed by needing to know why; but now I know it’s a blessing that I don’t remember everything. Obviously I had a reason for memories to be repressed, and I no longer need to know. I don’t care anymore. This technique was very helpful to me so that I could let go.

I suggest that you set a day and place where you can be alone, where no one can disturb you, and start to write the story of your life. Write it in third person. When I wrote it I began like this: “Maria was born 23 April in Sweden by such and such parents. She was very much wanted and her mother has told her that when Maria was born, the doctors told her that Maria might become a piano player because she has such long fingers. . . .” etc.

Write until you feel you are empty. Write all the way from the day you were born to where you are now. Write the things you remember, and don’t force yourself to remember things that you have suppressed. Sometimes things you haven’t thought about in years come up again, but just keep writing. Don’t get stuck anywhere. If you do get stuck somewhere, just continue and write about the next thing that comes to mind.

Write about every single thing you can remember, or what others have told you about you, even the silliest things; I mean everything you can think of. When you write in third person, you are able to take a step back and observe your life from a distance, and it becomes easier to revisit difficult experiences. You will probably feel exhausted by this exercise; it takes a lot of energy to cleanse and clean your energy system—but it’s worth it.

You absolutely must intend to do this exercise with the goal of leaving your past where it belongs and never look back again. Are you ready for that? If you are, then go ahead.

  • Intend to do this exercise with the goal of leaving your past where it belongs and never look back again.

This process was a huge breakthrough for me, because it allowed me to take a step away from the drama and the conflicts that still felt real to me still even if most of them happened years ago. I could be the observer of my own life. I realized that I don’t have to know about my past in order to know me as I was then. I wrote like never before, I cried my eyes out, and I really let it all out. I wrote for hours and hours; the words just came by themselves. The pain wanted an outlet, and this was a really powerful process for me. For a few nights I woke up and cried, not knowing exactly why, but I did know it had to do with the process of letting go and by letting myself experience everything fully I cleansed myself completely. This was a process of letting go, forgiving, and accepting what had happened throughout my life. It left my whole being through the tears I cried and the words I wrote.

I hesitated about putting this into the book, because I no longer believe that we need to go to the past for anything because life itself, as it is in this present moment, presents to us all the contrast we need. Where you have been, what you have done or experienced in your life is not important; what’s important is where you are going.

  • Where you have been, what you have done or experienced in your life is not important; what’s important is where you are going.

But because many people still have a bad relationship with their past, I have chosen to share this releasing technique. At the time I went through it, it was good for me; that was one of the ways I finally was able to let go and release my past hurts. Maybe it can help you, too. If you decide to do this, then totally let go and let the process happen.

Permit yourself be vulnerable in these moments and know that your guardian angel is there beside you, comforting and soothing you, healing and protecting you. You don’t need to go back and read what you wrote, to dwell in the rawness of it. I saved my writings for a while because I thought I could use it as book material someday. About a year later I read it, and it was all okay. After that I burned it. But I think you can just go ahead and burn it right away;

that’s what I would have done had I known more about how we store energy by holding onto it. If you feel that you have let it all out, if you feel emptied and relieved, then you are ready to move on. So just do it, and don’t look back. Your past is dead.

  • So just do it, and don’t look back. Your past is dead.

Forget about your dysfunctional family when you were growing up. See them as they are today; allow your sisters and brothers, cousins, parents, and the grandfather who wasn’t there for you to be seen as they are today. If they have not improved or grown as humans since your childhood, why hold on to some romanticized picture of how a family should be?

I guess your older sister doesn’t hit you the way she used to anymore, does she? And your brother doesn’t steal your candy anymore, does he?

Ask yourself why you keep the past alive? Do you keep yourself as a needy child (even if you are forty years old today) who needs an apology or recognition for the pain they caused you? Be honest with yourself. Know this truth: that before you can get that from them, you need to be the one who forgives.

Give what you seek, because on a deep spiritual level, we are all one, so you are really forgiving an aspect of your self. I know that is hard to accept, or even understand. But I’m telling you what has worked for me. If I can do it; so can you.

If you believe your past has any power over you, then that is what you are going to experience. If you tell yourself you can’t forgive because that would be the same as saying the things they did to you were okay, you are holding yourself down and unconsciously preventing yourself from being the magnificent being that you are. You are making yourself shrink, while blaming others, refusing to let go.

Even if the people died years ago, some may find it very difficult to let go. I have had people accuse me of saying it is okay to rape somebody, just because I have forgiven my molesters. Those people are still holding themselves in the grips of their attackers, but now the attacker is a mind-made thought only, years after the actual event. And that’s how people become bitter and even hateful.

Keeping these thoughts alive is not necessary. It is safe for you to let go. You are not saying it was okay to treat you the way you were treated. You are taking responsibility for your own well being by not hurting yourself anymore. The energy of you being a victim has only created more to feel victimized about. We attract what we feel, so the more you feel like a victim, the more you get to feel like a victim.

  • The energy of you being a victim has only created more to feel victimized about. We attract what we feel, so the more you feel like a victim, the more you get to feel like a victim.

Now that you are powerful and willing to move on, you will inspire others to do the same. If you choose to you can begin to use your past experiences for the greater good, and you will be someone whom others can lean on and turn to in the freshness of their own negative life events. You will be able to guide them to a better way of handling whatever difficulties they are facing, because you have been there and you know the way out. You will participate in the healing, and your support will be priceless. You lead the way when they can’t see it.

If you don’t choose to share your past experiences with the world with the intention of using them for the greater good, that’s perfectly fine. No matter what you choose you will automatically send out a positive vibration when you change from feeling like a victim to one who has forgiven and moved on. Other people will sense that, and at the same time you are using your energy to participate in co-creating a new world without even doing anything particular. Your energy vibration has changed because you decide to let go of your past. Thus as you have changed, so has the world.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned” ~Buddha

Purchase the book (paperback) here: ‘Energy Awareness – How To Use Energy To Change Your Life’

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Comments

  1. hassan says:

    Hi Maria, i just want tell you that you are a great woman, with great heart, It’s my felling Maria !

    Hassan

  2. Maria Erving says:

    Thank you Hassan! That is so kind of you:-) I appreciate you letting me know –

  3. Amber A says:

    Maria, Thank You so very much for posting this! Your words are truly an inspiration and close to my heart. Personally I have found that there are amazing people in this world who write about forgiveness and letting go, but your words speak from your heart in a way that helps me truly grasp and make the joyous leap to finding myself in love and light! I wish the absolute best for you and look forward to reading more! Maybe one day you can come speak in Memphis!

    Love and Light,
    Amber

  4. Maria Erving says:

    Aww..! Thank you Amber! That is so wonderful to hear:-)
    and I would absolutely LOVE to come to Memphis! How awesome would that be?

    Peace and Blessings,

    Maria

    PS: I will be one of the presenters on an upcoming Telesummit next month if you are interested in attending.
    I’ll be posting more specific details here on my blog later, and also on facebook.

  5. Gina Vaughan Faragher says:

    Maria,
    Thank you so much for this excerpt on forgiveness. I think your writing activity is a great idea although time consuming 🙂 But it appears to be worth the effort. I guess i do have things that i really can’t forgive people for…..I have tried. I think you have hit on an area that i really need to focus.
    Love and Many Blessings to You!
    G

  6. Maria Erving says:

    Hello Gina, and thank you for your comment.

    I hope you find it in your heart to forgive – it truly is a gift to yourself. No one else is suffering except you from not letting go.
    Here’s a ritual you can do the next full moon: http://ezinearticles.com/?Use-The-Power-Of-The-Full-Moon-To-Let-Go-Of,-And-Release,-That-Which-Holds-You-Back&id=5905090

    Peace and Blessings,
    Maria

    PS: I love writing so it’s not an effort 🙂 It’s a pleasure.

  7. Carol Scheid says:

    Wow, talk about timing; this hits home very hard. I am right in the mist of a life changing letting go tsumani. The past week has been very unexplainable emotional for me. Recently divorced after 19 yrs, a very heart breaking time for me. Severe depression, very near death suicidal, unable to function, feeling numb to the core. Having my physcologist release me because I did not have insurance, and feeling totally alone. I am literally fighting for me life.
    Today I am finally in a safe environment living on my own, I am able to let my mind wander, spend time with God, be grateful for everything I have been graced with.
    I read so many different websites, listen to different inspiration videos/audios, EFT, Sedona, anything and everything. I so want my life back. Writing in third person is an incredible idea for me.
    My question is, how do you keep it from pulling you back in and sucking you under? My emotions are very raw at the moment and I struggle daily fighting off negativity.
    It has taken me from December 29, 2009 to today to get where I am spiritual and emotionally. I have dump truck loads to release.

  8. Maria Erving says:

    Hi Carol,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story.

    I am so glad that you are in a safe place today and that the journey you have been on so far has brought you closer to God. That’s a beautiful thing.

    You could have easily turned your back on him in rage and resentment as I’m sure you already know.

    My heart goes out to you and I feel the love and grace that surrounds you. My heart is filled with loveliness from the message you wrote. Good things awaits you.


    To your question;

    When you begin to write –

    by the way; this is important; before you begin, sit in silence and INTEND to release it once and for all. At this point the ego will come forth and say that you can’t do that, but intend anyway.

    Get quiet and have a talk with God first where you say things like “this is the moment when I will release and forgive and it is so, I desire it, and it is done. It’s my choice to leave my past behind and step into my own greatness – filled with love and life – I will now empty my whole being and energy system from any negativity that holds me back from living my life to the fullest with God as my partner, and with God there is no room for fear, I declare this. I set my self free now.”

    And so on. Make it very clear to your mind and soul that you are now ready to move on.

    When you are done with this first step, you will have put yourself in s a space of firm decision and the energy will carry you forward. (there’s no ifs and buts about your decision, and your subconscious mind responds very strongly to firmness/assertiveness)

    When you begin to write you will probably begin crying like never before as I did and as many do when doing this, and that is good. Just keep writing, don’t stop and justify your pain (as ego probably will want you to) and don’t take breaks. Write your heart out.

    It’s a good idea to have someone near you (or available for you) that you can call that knows about your process so that you can get support on the days that follows. Support as in just being with you, listening (not necessary giving advice) and hugging you when needed.

    When we do this in third person we don’t get sucked in as easily because we are somewhat detached from the drama. It’s like observing ourselves from a distance. What I have discovered is that many people can feel more love for themselves this way, more compassion, instead of perhaps victim-hood or resentment/guilt/blame etc etc.

    It’s almost like you as the writer are looking at the younger and more vulnerable you with loving eyes, and that will help you move forward with more ease in this process and not get ‘sucked in’.

    Hope I could help you somehow with my explanation,
    and please feel free to share with me how it went, whenever you’re ready.

    God Bless You <3

    Maria

  9. […] Here’s a free chapter from one of my books; “Energy Awareness – How To Use Energy To Change Your Life”: Forgiveness and letting go of the past […]

  10. […] Here’s a free chapter from one of my books; Energy Awareness – How To Use Energy To Change Your Life: “Forgiveness and letting go of the past” […]

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Daily Quote: "Want Truth more than you want to awaken and the awakening takes care of itself." - Maria Erving