Dec
30

How To Deal With Dilemmas and Insecurities

By

Some of the questions I get from people has to do with fear and insecurities, not only about oneself, but also about what to do in life.

We all have had dilemmas at some point in our lives, and when we’re faced with a big decision to make that can change the course of our lives completely fears and insecurities can take a strong hold on us emotionally and mentally, and we just don’t seem to find our way forward.

Dilemmas such as one of my readers has; if she should move to another country for work, or if she should stay and pursuit something else, a totally different path, where she’s right now.

Usually what we do first unconsciously (because we have been taught that we need to figure things out), is that we go to our minds to get as much information we can and sometimes it is helpful to write a pros and cons list, but that is not where you find the true answer to your dilemma, yet it is a natural reaction to look at what is positive and negative to see how we imagine the two different paths to develop down the road.

But this exercise is still on the level of mind, so we need to go deeper.

When we go to our minds for answers, it will only lead to more confusion, because the mind will comment on every so called conclusion you get to, it will analyse it to pieces without finding a solution, and this can lead to more discouragement, worry and frustration because you are projecting a future scenario that is all in your mind, and you just don’t seem to know what way to turn anymore.

So the answer is, turn within.

Stop asking for advice from others, stop seeking the solution from the mind, and simply stop for a moment and get very still.

Look at how your thoughts create problems that doesn’t even exist.

The mind creates different imagined scenarios where most of them predicts some kind of catastrophe such as “I might loose everything”, “I might chose the wrong thing”, and so on.

But it’s when we get back to the present moment that we find ourselves to be just fine, even if we are in the midst of a challenge.

It’s when the thinking is too much projected into a future that we get anxious and fearful, but when we get back to here and now, we find peace again, even in the midst of chaos we can do that.

That’s what surrender does, it brings you back to peace, where you belong. 

Look at ‘what is’, get back to the level of body; feel your breath, look at your hands, feel your toes, and feel the present moment awareness of what is really happening right now.

To become aware of how the mind works, how thoughts create problems that don’t exist, that’s when transformation is possible. When we get out of our minds, just for short moment, that will be enough for space to be created, but the mind resists stillness.

Awareness of this allows us to go there anyway, to surrender to the present moment. 

The reality is not what your mind imagines it to be.

If a problem would arise, it will always be in the present moment and it’s impossible to prepare for it as we can only always deal with the present moment. Life is an endless Now moment.

Everything happens Now.

Either we are present here and now, or lost in our minds that always projects a future (usually a scary one) or a regretful past which in any case we can’t change. We can change our perspective of it, yes, but the doing of that is still happening in the present moment, so we are basically wasting this moment on a fantasy and not on what is actually happening right now.

It’s time to get quiet and listen to the stillness within.

This will allow the Truth to come forth, the divine intelligence that is beyond the analytical mind.

The answer will not come when you’re anxiously waiting for it, but from you dropping the question into the deeper consciousness and then letting it go.

The answer will come spontaneously and it might surprise you and even take you in a totally different direction than any of the paths that you had envisioned and worried about!

Stillness allows everything more room, more space and openness, while holding on and trying to figure out makes everything rigid and closed.

When we are expecting one path or the other, we close ourselves to the possibility that there might be a totally different solution and answer to whatever challenges we are encountering. A completely different path altogether. We can’t know, and we can’t figure it out.

We need to be open and also curious, light-hearted. We can be that when we realize that ultimately, Life will take us where we need to be in every moment anyway, so to worry and fretting about it will only create problems that really don’t exist.

From a place of Spirit the intuitive knowing can come without struggle and we respond to it as it shows us the way, moment to moment.

This goes with all insecurities and dilemmas we might have.

Someone asked me how they “can over come the lack of confidence and get rid of the fear to be able to reach my full potential”.

The answer is the same here, go within, connect with the Truth of your being and let it do its work through you.

This person asked me specifically about her healing abilities, about how she could find the confidence to use it to help others, and what I would like to share is that you get over your insecurities about your abilities when you realize that they are not yours at all.

I used to do healing-work myself in the past (I’m a Reiki Master), but I never took credit for the healings that occurred, I knew it wasn’t me doing anything but being the instrument through which the healing was done, but I never said “I healed her/him”.

This has always been very clear to me, so my suggestion to you is that you recognize that the power that heals is the higher intelligence that gave you the gift in the first place and it’s ultimately none of your doing. It’s all God.

I hope that creates a relief within you knowing that; not only does it take the pressure off of you, but it creates a natural and effortless flow when you don’t go on thinking that you have to perform any miracles with the work that you do.

When we realize this, it fills us with awe and gratitude that God uses us in the way that is unique for each person. All work that is done from Spirit is “spiritual”, that includes if you are a bus-driver, clerk, writer, or dog-walker.

Whatever you do, if it comes from the heart, it is spiritual/God working through and as you.

When we see that, we realize that the insecurities are not there as much in a bus-driver for example (I have never seen one anyway:-), or the kindergarten teacher or whatever, because we somehow put healing-work as something special and high regarded/noble almost, while not being aware of the fact that divine work doesn’t stop at that, it has endless expressions and manifestations.

Besides, traditional doctors, nurses, psychologists and even vets are healers too!

It allows freedom within you when you revere the gift as something that is done through you, that comes through you, but not from you, doesn’t it?

There is no strain whatsoever when God/Life can move freely and live as us, and do its thing through us – we just need to be still and open and surrender to Life, surrender all our insecurities and dilemmas to the power that has all the answers, and we don’t even need to understand it, only remain open and willing to listen to the still voice with rather than the loud voice of the ego.

For that we need to get out of our minds and into the stillness within.

Get Out Of Your Mind

 

(Click on image to see larger)

 Do you have a question for me? Ask me one here.

You might like this post too – it can help you develop your intuition when it comes to making decisions:

 http://mariaerving.com/let-a-coin-toss-decide-what-you-should-do/

And this one: Does This Path Have a Heart?

 

◊▫◊

“… I want you to recognize that the agony, the sorrow, the anger, frustration and all that as the burning of the ego, because that’s what it is.

The ego is burning in these moments which can last for a few hours, to days, even months and years in some cases – and so I want to share with you that those moments of despair is actually very, very fortunate. (When perceived with an open heart, understood and embraced).

If you have asked for the truth of your being to be realized, then this will happen in some degree, and as long as there is identification with being a separate person/ego, the process will be one of suffering.

But when we can go within and ask who this suffering is happening to, something happens within us.

When we can – even in the most difficult times – keep saying Thank You Thank You Thank You, something happens within us.

Why this is a good thing, is because when the ego realizes, after all it’s attempts to create, attract, get something or whatever (basically always projecting an imagined future where all will be well and great) that it actually don’t even have a future, the realization will reveal Truth within you and the ego finally gives up…” : http://mariaerving.com/when-the-ego-realizes-it-has-no-future/

Maria Erving

Hi! I'm Maria, the writer of mariaerving.com membership site (Spiritual Awakening and Transformation) and I'm passionate about teaching how following our Intuition and deepening our Awareness puts us right back to the rhythm of the universe and our true life ― Be True To Who You Are And From That Space Your Real Life Will Unfold Naturally!

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Comments

  1. Sara Lindsey Gittins says:

    Hi Maria

    Thanks for the article that was really informative for me, although it doesn’t answer my question directly as non of us know what the future holds but it certainly clarified for me what i do need to change to bring about some relief from the persistant fear and inner chatter about what i’m supposed to be doing….

  2. Maria Erving says:

    Hi Sara,

    Did you get still and in that silence and place of peace drop your concerns and questions to the deeper realm of consciousness that is beyond mind, or did you just read through the article and skipped my suggestions..?

    I’m asking because that’s what my intuition is telling me, it might not be so of course.

    The mind doesn’t think it’s valuable to be still and listen, it likes to have things to do, to figure out, to understand etc, so to not do is disturbing to the mind.

    It expects answers right now, and of course no one can give someone the solution or answer to a dilemma, I can’t tell you what to do, that would be to take your freedom away from you.

    The answers are within you, and there is no other way than to go within if you want an answers. Until you do, until you truly surrender, you will keep suffering.

    You can keep asking and asking, but you also need to listen.

    And not demand that the answers come to you right away.

    What we think is best for us, might not be the best at all, we can’t possibly know.

    That’s why surrendering the desire to know will bring forth that which you need to know, in the exact moment you need to know and not a single moment before.

    That to me is true freedom.

    I can’t even imagine that I once thought that I was in control of life, and now that I know I’m not, there’s peace and freedom, a presence of being here and now and the future is not even interesting anymore.

    You asked me on Skype what the Truth is, and that’s the thing; I can’t tell you that, because it has nothing to do with me having some kind of knowledge that you don’t have.

    No one can own the Truth and give it to someone else, it’s not even describable in words.

    It’s something you discover when you get still. Then you will know. Not by knowledge but by wisdom.

    Let me know how everything goes?

    Maria

    PS: These articles can be helpful as well:

    http://mariaerving.com/self-awareness-questions/

    http://mariaerving.com/what-is-the-truth/
    Maria Erving recently posted..The Real You Is Already HereMy Profile

  3. Joe Faulkner says:

    Maria

    A beautiful article and so true but a difficulty way to be in this material world of meeting goals and deadlines etc but it is aspirational and inspiring if only one could trust the process endlessly Thanks again for all you inspirational articles

    regards

    Joe

  4. Sara Lindsey Gittins says:

    Hi Maria

    At the moment i’m struggling with feelings of boredom and restlessness, we all make decisions, i made mine based on the feeling at the time of not being able to cope but i feel i lost a great chance and it’s hard for me to surrender and be still knowing this, my current ‘Now’ isn’t so great and that’s why i feel as i do…..

  5. Maria Erving says:

    Joe; Thank You :-)

    Sara; Your ego is disturbed by this, and you might not want to hear this now, but it is a good thing actually.

    It means it is threatened and just before any kind of insight or revelations, there can be huge stress and emotional turmoil involved. Rage even.

    It’s the ego’s resistance to transformation.

    Boredom and restlessness comes from not liking this moment, being against it, thinking it’s wrong and should be another way.

    But it is what it is, feeling resentful towards it won’t be helpful. Yet, I know those feelings can come up in the process.

    I also know that when you take the time to look closer, to go within, and even if there’s huge resistance; say out loud “I’m all yours God – THY WILL BE DONE!” and see what happens.

    Obviously only if you feel drawn to letting go, not just to do as some kind of relief-exercise. Truth can’t be manipulated. You can’t fool God, the letting go has to be sincere.

    Do you want the Truth?

    Then realize that you need to let go of the need to know anything, you have to be willing to be stripped down bare spiritually speaking and let go completely into the unknown.

    The Truth can never be understood or received by the means of the mind. It’s beyond all that. So the rest (what comes after surrendering) after a spiritual surrender is none of your doing, you don’t need to get anything, simply surrender to this moment.

    Let it go.

    Everything happens in divine timing, and again; what you though was right for you back then when you made the decisions, obviously wasn’t right for you simply because it didn’t happen.

    This moment, however it looks to you, is the right moment, and it is completely neutral, it’s your thoughts about it that makes it unbearable.

    The Now is always as it’s suppose to be, simply for the reason that it is as it is now.

    This is how God/Life have decided to move, and the only thing that opposes it is the ego.

    When we let go of our thoughts and opinions about it and are able to look at it with a sincere and open heart we will find that the story we made up about it was the cause to our suffering.

    Let go and let God.
    Maria Erving recently posted..Don’t Stop! Keep Looking! My Profile

  6. Sara Lindsey Gittins says:

    “Sara; Your ego is disturbed by this, and you might not want to hear this now, but it is a good thing actually.

    It means it is threatened and just before any kind of insight or revelations, there can be huge stress and emotional turmoil involved. Rage even.

    It’s the ego’s resistance to transformation.

    Boredom and restlessness comes from not liking this moment, being against it, thinking it’s wrong and should be another way.”

    Yes that’s exactly how i would describe my current “state” and as i become more aware of it and why, i understand what is going on. Yes…my ego is battling…with me! It wants to win and is trying very hard to do so!

  7. Maria Erving says:

    You sound lighter now Sara :-) If you are I’m glad. Awareness of the ego will help realize the Truth; we need to look at what is not true and real in order to be able see what is true.

    Seeing the ways of the ego is actually liberating.

    Also, have a look at my older posts about spiritual surrender (browse my categories and months and search for surrender and ego death etc) – I think they might be helpful to you.
    Maria Erving recently posted..Deep Self Inquiry Is Beyond Mind and ThinkingMy Profile

  8. [...] It’s when the thinking is too much projected into a future that we get anxious and fearful, but when we get back to here and now, we find peace again, even in the midst of chaos we can do that: http://mariaerving.com/how-to-deal-with-dilemmas-and-insecurities/ [...]

  9. Maria Erving says:

    How did it go after our conversation here Sara? Did you investigate further within yourself from the less frantic and obsessive state of mind after it calmed down?

    I hope you didn’t stop at just simply feeling better?

    From the place of a relaxed mind, even i it’s just for a brief moment, we can go deeper into true reality and look closely and with clear awareness of what is really happening, and not what the mind makes it up to be about.
    Maria Erving recently posted..Is There a Difference Between The Mind And The Ego?My Profile

  10. Sara Lindsey Gittins says:

    Hi Maria

    Obsessive and frantic…very good choice of words, i can see ahead now and if i just have the courage to “let go” and then “wait and see” i become calmer and less fearful. It seems that the harder i “push” for something and then that “something” doesn’t eventuate that i recognize how much energy it costs me when i didn’t need to do this…it is fear driven energy, the desire for safety and security which is also just the mind playing games as what is “safety” and or “security” does it really exist…of course not!

  11. Maria Erving says:

    Yes, it’s in the letting go that peace can enter, the peace that is already here, only clouded by a frantic mind with it’s fearful thoughts.

    Peace is always present, and from that space our actions are constructive and helpful.

    Let me know how things goes?
    Maria Erving recently posted..How Do I Avoid Being Swept Away By The Excitement Of The Mind?My Profile

  12. [...] same goes when it comes to any kind of drama or dilemmas we’re encountering, we can consciously chose to let our inner self guide us to the most [...]

  13. Michael says:

    I love your writing, but for an atheist you sure do talk about God a lot!
    ….and I’m just kidding

  14. Maria Erving says:

    I’m not an atheist Michael –

    With the awakening process even the concept of God is let go of and in that process when I knew (and know) without a doubt that there is no God I had for a period of time call myself an atheist (mostly to make it clear to others that I can’t relate to their God-talk anymore, or prayer etc, as many wrote me and talked about God as if it was some entity outside of us), but then that concept too fell away. (I’m not fond of any labels and I don’t like calling myself anything special).

    There is no God – everything is an aspect of ourselves, but I don’t feel the need to call myself anything in regard to that.

    The flow of life is simply life itself – no need to call it God or Shiva or whatever other names there are. That only personifies a power that is what we are and it makes it sound like it’s somewhere out there for us to ‘connect with’ as if we weren’t already that.

    I wrote more about that later on (in the articles that followed the atheist article), but can’t remember which ones.

    I’m glad to hear you like my writings :) Thank you for saying that.
    Maria Erving recently posted..When Others Feel Uncomfortable When You Follow Your HeartMy Profile

  15. Michael says:

    Hi Maria,
    My position – I’m far from awakened, but I’m also far from religion and a fearful God. I’m chained (intentionally) to ACIM for 22 years now – and I still know nothing.
    I’m new to your site and, as I said, love it. And I understand your clarity as apposed to the sham of whats out there.
    My first reaction to your atheistic declaration was – you’re courageous and authentic, and you reminded me of a friend of mine who left the priesthood who said – it was great to have Jesus off my back. My second reaction was – this girl is going to need food stamps, because most people cant take where you’re at – and might even be scared of you.
    If nothing else, you’re authentic. I could say no nicer thing. I like your Angelic photo, and I will always read your (free) stuff. Abraham-Hicks hasn’t done it for me yet.
    Many thanks for your reply, and I’m sorry for wasting your time – I really was only kidding, as I’ve a good sense of where you’re at – you lucky thing!!

  16. Maria Erving says:

    Hello again Michael,

    Thanks for your reply, I always appreciate when people write me back.

    There’s a lot of truth to what you said;

    The more awake I become, the more clearly I see the deluded state the world is in and yes, it’s not great news for me financially at the moment. (Or since the shift happened).

    Many people are still very immature in their spiritual development and they don’t really want awakening, they want their idea of awakening and it’s not what people think.

    I don’t say this in a judgmental way, it’s just the way it is.

    People prefer the glossy and false teachings (new age/mainstream spirituality) that promises them eternal bliss, “get what you want”, and a life without any kind of difficulties or challenges and most spiritual people are full of concepts and spiritual ideas that they think is true and they usually will not allow someone like me to challenge their beliefs :)

    That’s just how it is, and it’s impossible for me to coddle with spiritualised egos who desperately want to be ‘enlightened’ – it’s not the ego (or person) who ‘gets enlightened’ at all, but most people don’t want to hear that – they want the awakening to be for them, but they don’t even know who they are.

    They killed Jesus (if he ever existed) for saying similar things that I’m saying and they rejected Buddha (I have heard, don’t remember where) when he awakened from beliefs and ideas that has nothing to do with Truth, such as the belief that a man should not receive food from a woman (and he did accept food from a woman) or something like that, so his disciples left him and rejected him because he didn’t behave like a spiritual person ‘should’.

    (According to their beliefs, which as still very much alive today; there’s a lot of charades going on even now where people behave in those silly ways that they think is ‘spiritual’ and then spiritualised ego’s respond to that with ‘ooh, look at her/him, how spiritual she/he look, she/he must be enlightened’. So silly:)

    Spiritual awakening is in fact waking up from playing any kind of games and charades.

    Awakening means to wake up from all beliefs and ideas and what is left is the truth of our being.

    I too was all into Abe and ACIM and all other kinds of concepts but they have all fallen away and to me it’s so obvious that none of them are true, but what can one do other than pointing others to look for themselves?

    (I was even going to travel to Malaysia to be a key speaker on seminars to talk about the law of attraction when the awakening from the concept happened :-) I have shared a little bit about that here: http://mariaerving.com/maria-erving-background-and-bio/)

    But when people don’t want to look within but are continuing (going from one guru to another and then to that spiritual teacher over there and then back to that new age guru and so forth) searching and looking without, then there’s not much one can do.

    It’s like telling an addict to stop what they are doing, but no transformation or change can happen until someone is ready – but I also know that my articles and sharing is appreciated by some so I focus on them.

    Michael, I was just inspired to give you free access to my membership site, I don’t know why, it just came to me so if you send me your email (privately) I will add you to my membership site for a couple of weeks or so. (If it resonates with you that is).

    All the best,

    Maria
    Maria Erving recently posted..Most People Don’t Want To Wake UpMy Profile

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