Nov
08

How To Love Yourself

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How To Love Yourself

The riddle of your life can be solved by you clicking into place with yourself, and by being true to yourself that’s exactly what happens.

But many times, in most people’s lives, self-doubt, timidity, (unhealthy) perfectionism, and other things like fear and procrastination, which are the ego’s clever ways of distracting you and getting you off your true path, they get in the way and hinder the natural flow of life. 

The ego gives you all kinds of ideas on how you can make excuses for yourself (“I’ll do it later, tomorrow, or when the kids have grown up” are popular ones), or it feeds you with things that promotes addiction (alcohol, drugs, Internet and social media addictive behavior etc) in order to keep you distracted. 

The ego will always be able to find something that justifies its choices for you if you don’t take charge over your own decision making.

Oh, I’m going through a rough time right now, one or two glasses of wine is fine, I really need it now to unwind and relax.”

How many times have you told yourself that, and how many times have you told yourself things like:

“Ugh, I don’t really like the energy of alcohol, and I don’t like how it steals from me. It steals my energy and I don’t want it in my life anymore”.

Or how about this: 

Well, she’s not always that way, sometimes she’s really fun to be with, it’s just in her nature to gossip and be a little negative. I’m sure she’s not talking behind my back, I mean we’re friends”.

Right.

People who are negative and gossipy are run by the ego and the ego loves a good story, so there are stories about you too there, believe me. 

Moving on, ..

I don’t know. I don’t feel really inspired right now, I’ll wait a while, maybe I feel like doing it tomorrow, I really feel like not doing anything today. I’ll look at it tomorrow.”

Yeah.

Except that that day never comes, have you noticed? It’s always tomorrow or ‘later’.

How long have you been waiting to get “inspired” to get your ass off that couch?

Here’s the thing;

You can either do things out of inspiration (heart/soul’s desire) or you can wait and then be forced to do something from a place of pure motivation instead, which many times comes from fear and necessity; because you ‘have to’.

And that usually is because you didn’t do anything when the thought (inspiration) of doing something first came to you.

That is the inspiration you are waiting for by the way.

Your part in all this is to take it and run with it and when you do, that’s when it grows, but at first it can be a little inclination, a spark of inspiration that ignites new hope or confidence in you.

Most people ignore or dismiss this because they are waiting for a big eureka moment that will thrust them into a whirlwind of intense passion that they believe will transform their lives in an instant without them having to do any ‘heavy lifting’ or difficult choices.

The everyday choices we make for ourselves is what shows us how much or little we love ourselves. 

As long as we go with the ego it can (and many times will) lead a person to some level of self-loathing that just keeps them further and further away from a healthy, loving relationship with themselves.

It can be things like guilty feelings, regret, frustration with yourself, overeating or drinking in attempts to control your emotional state, depression, and so on.

How To Love Yourself:

First of all, and this is the Number One thing that you cannot get away from or not do. You must do this.

Forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself for how you have treated yourself and others and for the mistakes you have made in the past.

There’s nothing you can do about certain things other than to forgive and let go.

Release what you can’t change if it’s too late to amend and make right again.

Be sure you have let yourself off the hook of unforgiveness.

You’re a different person right now in this moment and the choice you make now can alter the direction of your life in ways you cannot even imagine once you’ve cleared yourself from past wrongdoings and mistakes, both conscious and unconscious.

Having regrets is a waste of time.

Okay, so you made a mistake, maybe even a huge mistake, or a lot of mistakes, a whole bunch of them, but it’s done, you did it, now own it and let it go.

You simply have to.

Look at the alternative; how has that worked out for you so far?

Forgive and let go. 

Stop the self-abuse!

I see this mostly in women and it makes me cringe when I hear women talk down on themselves, even in casual conversations.

Don’t ever call yourself names! Don’t call yourself stupid and don’t verbally abuse your body either by saying you’re fat and ugly or whatever.

How disgracing!

Don’t ever again talk negatively about yourself in any way.

Appreciate yourself and your body.

I think it’s a tendency for women especially to talk down on themselves in the presence of others in order to make the others feel better about themselves or more comfortable (this is a way of getting approval, which the ego seeks).

But both men and women do this at times; they try to compensate the other persons confidence, or power, by emphasizing their own weaknesses because they unconsciously believe it will make the other person more comfortable (or more comfortable to be around).

In reality the person who showcases her/his weaknesses or ‘faults’ in front of a confident individual is only giving their power away (it’s not balancing anything out), and the reason for this is because they are afraid of their own power. 

They are afraid of looking too confident or too powerful or even boastful, and because it’s important for the ego to feel approved of and liked, it makes itself a little bit smaller (“weaker”).

This is when the relationship between people gets off balance; because one or both parts are afraid of being who they are.

They are being afraid of how the other person will perceive them so they try to be in control by for example making jokes about themselves (or others) in a self-loathing/degrading way in an attempt to feel comradery and connectedness.  

It’s false of course, we can all see that, but sometimes this behavior can be very subtle and even totally unconscious. 

The solution is to accept yourself, your body, personality, strengths and weaknesses without making them wrong as they are all part of your unique setup.

And if you secretly might even like yourself (as many also do but are afraid to say) then dare to focus on that (express self-love unapologetically) and put more attention on developing your skills, talents and abilities instead of focusing on what your ego points out to be ‘wrong’ about you.

One way it loves to bring forth the weak spots in you (which are not weaknesses at all in reality) is to compare you with others that are ‘more this or that’.

Just forget about it! Don’t listen to that voice. 

You’re fine. Totally fine.

Don’t listen to any self-loathing voices in your head, listen to the voice of Truth instead that guides you to make better choices for yourself.

.. Which brings me to the next point;

Relationships.

To love yourself means you have to learn to say no when something is not in your best interest or when someone is not good/healthy for you.

Honor yourself by doing what is right for you, by making your own choices based on your own values, and don’t worry about hurting someone else’s feelings.

It’s time to stop ignoring your own needs and start setting boundaries and some standards for yourself.

Evaluate your relationships and get real with yourself.

Are they good for you to hang around with or to be associated with?

Do they bring you down, are they Drama Queens or Kings, are they mostly in a negative frame of mind, depressed, but never doing anything about it?

Do they complain a lot and are they subtly resentful towards you because you choose to look at life from the bright side, or because you choose to do things differently?

Is there always discussions going on between you where you feel the need to defend or explain yourself over and over again?

When do you laugh and have fun?

I mean authentic fun, fun without any props like alcohol, drugs, gossiping, or endless TV watching/commenting and no real communication.

Are you truly enjoying their company?

If not then you know what to do.

And if it’s family (and you want to have them in your life) then you can make some space for yourself by creating a distance between you that allows you to be who you are.

Let them do their thing and you do yours – you don’t necessary have to mix and be around/with them as much as you have in the past or think you ‘should’ in the future. 

And the truth is that they will probably never understand you, so just let that need or wish go and feel the liberation that comes from accepting that they might never ‘get you’ or even accept you fully for who you are. 

Choose to mingle and surround yourself with people who believe in you, people who see your greatness and who have an optimistic outlook on life in general.

Real friends wants to know the real you and they are supportive and caring.

Here’s a few powerful and transformational questions to ask yourself.

Exercise: (Get a pen and paper)

Finish this sentence, list 5-8 things that immediately comes up for you:

Relationships/friendships are a source of _______ 

Next;

Finish this sentence, list 5-8 things that immediately comes up for you:

My ideal relationship/friendship is _______

And then look at the reality of how things really are by asking yourself:

Why is she/he in my life?

Why am I friends with them? Why do I have them in my life?

Be ruthlessly honest with yourself, even if it embarrasses you.

Self-awareness can sometimes point out to us that our true intentions might not have been so noble and pure after all.. just sayin’.

Be honest. 

“Why is she/he in my life?”

After you have answered the questions, see if there’s a match between your friendship/relationship with someone and your values.

For example; if you wrote that friendships are a source of support, or laughter and fun, or whatever it may be for you personally; look at the reality of your relationships.

Are they (in reality) a source of support, laughter and fun, or is there most of the time a lot of drama and them not even seeing who you are?

Your passion, your work or vocation and the time before success

There will be people around you – even family and very close friends – who don’t see what you’re doing, the great things, the focus and determination you have and how you have worked day and night for your dream, because it threatens them to see someone doing what they feel called to do when they aren’t doing that themselves. 

Embrace the fact that you need people who will be there with you on to the next level of your life.

Leave the naysayers behind and make space between you and the people who only choose to see the ‘you’ that they feel comfortable in seeing (the small self), make room for yourself.

Which brings me to my last point,..

Spend some time alone (starting today, not tomorrow or when the kids have grown up), and tune in on your needs; your wants, and your desires.

Don’t let other people define you or tell you what you should do or not do, what you should want, what you need or what/who you should prioritize before yourself. 

Be true to yourself, honor yourself, love yourself.

And be prepared that this will likely make you unpopular or not very much liked; people will talk about you, resent or ridicule you, and their ego’s might have the power to drag you right back in to the old if your not aware. 

See any disturbance as a little storm whipped up the wounded ego consciousness that is trying to assert itself back into the drivers seat of your life.

The more love you show yourself and the more you honor your own needs and wants, the more the world will react because its base is in fear and when someone suddenly appreciate and love themselves they are a threat to the status quo

Stand strong and tall and stay clear-headed and you will be fine.

More than fine 🙂

La Maroma mountain

My ‘office’ right now. Isn’t it beautiful? I’m back in Sayalonga with the cats again and I’m loving it! 🙂

♥♥♥

Here’s even more articles for you to read that has to do with #BeTrueToYourself

Spiritual Teacher Maria Erving

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My intent is to have people think independently, feel deeply and honestly, and move into a higher knowing of themselves.