Religuishing Old Belifes About God (Update re: my post about breaking up with god)
ByHere’s a little update regarding my last post: http://mariaerving.com/ive-just-broke-up-with-god/
I must say that before I announced this I took a deep breath and thought; “alright here we go!” And kept my breath – waiting for the reaction.
And I got some really great and loving feedback, but some people that I know that has been with me for a while decided to leave and that’s kind of weird in a way, because all I did was basically to let go of some of my beliefs that was hurting me.
I set myself free and gained something far better; a bigger chunk of myself! If consciousnesses can be measured. Because that’s all it is.
It’s about self realization.
I’ve got a few messages that stated a disagreement in my decision.
One wrote:
“I am not in agreement with Maria regarding her decision to “break up with God.” If I am to be led by anyone, their heart needs to be filled with the love and grace of God, and His wisdom. I hope she comes to her senses.”
My reply to that is that I haven’t lost any of my love, grace or wisdom, and I have not lost my senses either lol! 
I have just realized that the source is me, not an imaginary god that I have done my share of crying out to and I’m just done with stroking his ego and giving all praise to him, which I have always done when it comes to successful healings for example; I always said and sincerely meant it was god who did them through me, but the inconsistency of a god that is suppose to be an “all loving god” is just not my cup of tea anymore.
If god knew me before I was born and he knew my hearts of heart; my sincere desire to do his will, then why all these tests and times of great spiritual suffering – if he already knew of my sincerity!
What’s the point of testing someones sincerity if they already know..??
That’s sick and twisted if you ask me. I’m done crawling. That’s all I’m saying. I have really come to realize how we always make excuses for this awful behaviors of this “kind and loving god”.
And trust me on this; I will write about all that here on my blog!
Another person wrote to me saying (as a reply to me saying: “I have just broke up with god”)
“pls dont if you have lost anything 5od is the reason you have not lost every thing”
This is exactly what I mean! Why on earth would anyone want to stay in this kind of relationship?? Thinking that we live by the mercy of god only and he’s the reason why we even have anything – RUBBISH and MIND POLLUTING!
That is a fear based relationship, and I wanted OUT!
Plain and simple.
Please know this: I have had absolutely wonderful – awesome – indescribable – blissful moments and times (that’s why I stuck out for so long) with what I though was God but there were also very dark moments at times, and the more I learned about myself (and still are) and others that has gone through these “dark nights of the soul” periods, the more I started to question the goodness of god. Why would he make us suffer?
I know the theoretical answers to all this (I’m just making conversation now) as I have learned a lot about it throughout the years in my own personal spiritual journey, but what if they were wrong?
I know for myself that I would never allow this kind of behavior or treatment from another human being; I would have run the other way long ago. Isn’t it interesting how we make excuses for this god and our own suffering.
We somehow manage to justify it by calling it spiritual purification. I know I have done that myself when I have search for answers to my own experiences.
What if for example Teresa of Avila (with whom I can relate) had it all wrong and suffered ‘in vain’ so to speak?
This sounds a lot like a god with a huge ego and that doesn’t fit into picture for me. If god is all-knowing, all-loving, omnipresent and all that, and people are on their knees praying to him, why the cold shoulder at times?
As I said; I know the average replies to these questions, and I call them for what they are; we have come to make excuses for a god that only wants his ego to be stroked.
“Oh, god knows best, oh, it’s all in gods timing, it’s for our highest good”, .. Really? What if it’s not? Then it’s only you left. You and I. No one is going to save us from anything except we and what we can do for each other. We are here for each other, and the source of goodness is coming from your own level of consciousness, it’s all YOU.
I mean; just by asking myself “what if it’s not how I think it is” created a huge revelation within my own being.
So simple, and so mind opening. “What if I got it all wrong? Wow.
We don’t know! I remember when I was all into Law of Attraction and that kind of stuff; I really thought it was the answer at that time in my life, hey I even wrote a couple of books about it! But then I allowed myself to grow. Yes, it was at times painful, but worth it. I refuse to stay with one single principle and call it the ultimate Truth. There is no such thing.
Oh, again! Lol!:-)
My post is a bit long again, will continue in another one soon.
It will probably be for members only, and as you can see it’s even a lower fee to become a member of mariaerving.com than I previously announced.
(And even if the fee would get higher later on, you will always only pay what I offer it for now.)
Read more here:
http://mariaerving.com/membership/
I want to take the opportunity too, to thank you all for the loving and supporting feedback and comments after my post about me breaking up with god – much love to you all!
Maria
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