Feb
09

A Life Worth Living

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Yes, there’s risk involved when we take the step into the unknown following our hearts which doesn’t always tell us where any of the steps we’re taking leads, but risking the loss of an authentic life is larger to me than the risk of losing money and material things.

I would not want to sit there as a 90-year old lady regretting that I never took the chance when a door opened for me because of fear of the unknown.

Life is uncertain, that’s where life really is. (The ego feels safe in the known).

So what if you risk losing money and security; you know that the time, effort and dedication to what is important to you has been worth it if that for some reason would happen.

It’s not about accomplishments. At least not for me.

It’s about living a true life.

I have invested (dedicated) my life into this journey and will continue to do so, I’m dedicated to truth and what I do matters, to me.

Regardless of any outcomes I will not fail nor succeed, this is life living me, and truthfully there’s nothing in me that looks at life in that way, as if it was some kind of a contest or rally to accomplish.

I don’t care about success in the worldly meaning.

To me a successful life is when it can be lived on our own terms and that has nothing to do with things, money or prestige.

I don’t care about vacations, new cars, who’s baby got new teeth and what someone at work said about someone else yesterday, and while there’s nothing wrong with liking those kinds of things, the ordinary life has never interested me.

Besides from that I have seen too many people live lives they don’t particularly like and going to jobs they hate. (I have had those kinds of jobs too in the past). 

I don’t want to merely survive in this life, I want to feel truly alive, and one can only do that if we dare to go with what life wants, to go with nature and not against it.

Sure, I want a permanent home for myself and I look forward to the day I find a place that I can call home and where I would like to end up in so to speak is Los Angeles. (But that can take many years).

I love California, and I remember the first time I saw L.A. from the plane and I bursted into tears, totally surprised at my reaction, but that moment I felt as if I had finally come home. (And I have moved about 35 times in my life).

Maybe that happens (that I end up in L.A. some day), and maybe not – it’s just a preference and not a personal goal.

The times I have spent there (CA) has also been very much scripted by life itself; I especially remember one period when I lived there for three months and I had just enough time to read all the books (that resonated with me at that time) in the library there (and more) before it was time for me to leave.

I recall giggling at the coincident of how it all came together and I don’t remember if I have shared anything about that here before in some other article.

My point is that in this life all things are interconnected and how everything moves and molds into different events are not in our hands to control.

We either go with our true nature or against it (by our fears and desires) – life is an unfolding of events, and looking back, I can see the perfection of timing in all of it.

Right now I’m going to Spain (as you can read about here) and will have a room there until June 1st (2014) and after that I don’t know. (Please let me know if you have a place/room to offer).

What I have learned from living life so far is that life suddenly can take a whole new direction – completely out of the blue so I’m open to all possibilities.

One more week in Norway and then my new phase in life begins (in Nerja, Malaga), and it has been a freeing process to give everything away and to get rid of old stuff and during this process some old karmic stuff has reappeared as well and I have embraced them and sat with them because that is what is called for.

This is not just about moving.

It’s about dying to yourself, leaving the old and letting a new expression come forth, whatever that might be and that’s the thing; we can’t know beforehand.

During my five years here in Norway so many things has happened when it comes to my transformational process and what is left now is Nothing. (Which is everything).

Throughout the years here I have let go of my plans (or they were removed by the awakening process) of having a wildly successful and thriving career (as a Life Coach/Healer etc) as Truth took away every ambition, dream and spiritual idea I have ever had, all concepts has been cleared from my mind, I have no labels on myself anymore (I don’t call myself anything particular), and last year I burned all my books and waved goodbye to even the concept of spirituality.

I have no identity to hold on to, no specific roles to play, .. and I can tell you it’s liberating to be ‘nobody’.

We really have to let go of our life to gain it and when everything has been let go of life becomes transpersonal.

The last thing that left me and which really opened up life for me was when the concept of God fell away, and after that followed a process where I had to call myself an atheist for a while (and then that label too was let go of) in order to break free from the old self as others perceived me, mostly because people wrote me asking me to pray for them or they talked about God with me as in having a relationship with an entity called God that is outside of themselves.

I can’t relate to that anymore as I don’t have a dualistic perspective on life (or “divinity”), but I also don’t like the word God because it means so many things to so many people.

It’s a contaminated and ugly word and I just don’t like what it stands for.

I call this ‘thing’ I have realized “Life” (or Truth/Consciousness), because it is neutral and it contains everything, leaves nothing out and Is everything.

But no words can ever truly describe it.

As my being has been cleared I feel my heart has opened and I don’t know if you want to hear about my bliss and joy but some days I just want to hug the whole world and even now as I’m writing this my eyes are tearing up with an overwhelming sense of love and gratitude.

I have cried so much lately; not because I’m sad, but because I’m happy.

Not because of this new journey I’m about to embark on, but for life itself.

I would have cried tears of joy anyway, regardless.

Is that helpful or even interesting to know? I have mentioned that bliss is a part of the process before but I don’t think I have shared much about my own experiences with it.

I don’t really see the value in sharing any specifics regarding that. 

Yesterday I was out walking and I had some papers/old notes with me that I was going to burn by the lake where I go pretty much everyday and I was almost sobbing and my heart kept singing ‘Thank you, Thank you, Thank you’, and I wondered for myself if this is something I can share with you or not.

I guess I just did that.

Life happens.

That’s what I have learned throughout the years and it’s not a bad place to be in not-knowing. We have always been in that place, it’s just a matter of knowing it.

I love the mystery of life.

The shift of consciousness is about knowing that the mystery itself is what life is and is what we are. 

This insight is freeing, energizing and opening – there is a sense of hidden possibilities that might not be connected to anything we have been aware of before (or maybe we have, in the back of our minds) and that to me has an exciting flavor to it.

There is no linear path before us, no blueprint on how to live, and it’s freeing and opening to not have one.

Abandoning our old life (or ways) and embracing uncertainty might not always be comfortable, but is that so bad?

I think we need to become comfortable with being uncomfortable at times for something new to be able to come forth.

Everyday life keeps showing me exactly what I need to hear that encourages me to continue focusing on the here and now and not on what will (or might) happen three months from now when I will have to have found a new place to live.

It’s going to be interesting to go with this now and experience the unfolding of it all:) 

♥♥♥

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Comments

  1. anonymous says:

    sending you love maria 🙂 I wish you much joy and love and happiness in this new chapter in your life! And thank you so much for helping me in the past with your responses 🙂

    Blessings and love to you <3

  2. Maria Erving says:

    Thank you! 🙂 And you’re very welcome, hope you keep following my blog and writing me in the future as well:)

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My intent is to have people think independently, feel deeply and honestly, and move into a higher knowing of themselves.