Oct
06

Spiritual People Can Be Really Annoying

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It may sound weird, but I don’t necessarily like being around people who call themselves “spiritual”.

The “I’m not religious but spiritual”-description of a person is starting to sound pretty much the same as someone being all about religious dogma to me.

The most annoying thing about spiritual people is that they are so incredible sensitive and I would say that my own personal observation is that ‘spiritual’ people have bigger ego’s than just plain ordinary folks. Seriously.

It’s easier to have an open discussion with a person who’s not seeing themselves as spiritual than trying to have one with a “spiritual person”. 

They get very easily offended when someone is not playing by the “spiritual rules”, they are very rigid in their thinking and I don’t see them following “the inner path” at all.

On the contrary, what I see is that they are following an outer path, a set of invisible rules made by the spiritual community. (Which in many ways can be seen the new type of ‘church’)

It has all become very commercialized and I can’t stand it to be honest and I’m so glad to have left that behind me.

Ah, freedom!

Enlightenment is the new big thing, and the funny thing is that it can’t be sold.

But sadly I think that’s the new lucrative thing in the spiritual arena, and spiritualized ego’s will jump into every program there is thinking they will become enlightened in a weekend workshop.

It’s not about self inquiry anymore, it’s more of a social group, a gathering of people asking each other who they are instead of asking within.

“Tell me who I am (Because I’m too afraid to look myself). And it must be something ‘nice’ because otherwise my feelings will get hurt and I unlike you on Facebook”. (And then go to someone else that will tell me what I want to hear). 

Putting on a “spiritual” goofy looking smile (you know what I mean; the ‘gazing’ look that only looks phony and silly), and looking all supportive and loving doesn’t make one spiritual.

That’s just entertainment for the ego. That’s all about stroking sensitive ego’s so that they will feel good.

In reality the spiritual unfoldment of awakening is in many ways a grueling process, a process many shun and avoid, because it can be very messy and painful, and it’s very personal, so no guru or spiritual teacher who call themselves an enlightened master or whatever can “fix” you or awaken you or save you. 

It’s an inner process that you have to do and go through yourself. There can be support on the way of course, but the journey itself; that’s very personal.

Spiritual awakening is not about getting your soul fixed or healed and it has nothing to do with therapy for the soul or anything like that, because there is nothing wrong with the soul.

The ones who are dedicated to real spiritual growth, they go through it, and the ones who only want to feel better, well, they stay on an infantile level of very shallow spiritual development.

They are too afraid of their darkness so they do all they can to make it go away and that is a very limiting way to live.

Why not get real with yourself? Let go of all the rules. Let yourself feel and experience your being and humanness fully. 

I can’t believe how many people think that a spiritual person should not be angry and that it is unspiritual to rant and vent, even for a brief moment.

Like it’s wrong to be angry. 

And when a person who is considered to be spiritual (like myself, although I don’t like the definition) expresses anger or irritation, then there are people who gasp in horror because a spiritual person is not suppose to act that way.

I wonder, am I allowed to laugh if I’m happy? Cry if I’m sad?

What if I scream with laughter, is that okay, or should I only smile softly and gaze lovingly into your eyes when you tell a joke?

Or is it only when I’m pissed off that I should bottle it up and be quiet? Or maybe this is when I should do the smile-softly-thing again..? I’m confused.

You know, because I wouldn’t want to hurt your little feelings and make you feel uncomfortable.

Such nonsense.

It’s better to be clear.

I can’t help but laugh with amazement when someone who is clearly really upset and angry pretends not to be because that would be very unspiritual.

That goes for comments and replies online too; the tone of passive aggressiveness in comments sometimes followed by a “peace and light” or something silly like that, as if it could help them stay ‘above’ not losing their face or something.

That’s very typical to see because so called spiritual people seem to think that being spiritual means to not ever be pissed off or opinionated, even if they are, they try to hide it with a fake “peace and light”-smile. 

They don’t swear or shout or talk loudly and they do everything they can to be spiritually perfect, even if it means they have to repress their true feelings in the process. (Or starve their bodies so that they will become “pure enough”).

So they put on a smile and avoid the pain and hurt because that is “negative vibrations” and should be avoided at all cost. To me that’s just ridiculous. 

Or how about other rules, such as:

  • A spiritual person should be gentle.
  • A spiritual person should be positive all the time.
  • A spiritual person should speak softly and kindly.
  • A spiritual person should not drink alcohol or coffee (only herbal tea).
  • A spiritual person should always be mindful.
  • A spiritual person should give money for charity (or tithe if you are religious) and work for free.
  • A spiritual person should not like money, or have any desires of having money and other material things (only if you are into law of attraction of course, then you should monitor your energy vibration so that you can attract a mansion to yourself. You know, because you’re a “magnet”).
  • A spiritual person should not be sexual or sensual (only if you’re into Tantra, then it’s okay).
  • A spiritual person should be vegetarian or vegan.
  • A spiritual person should not confront people when they piss you off or lie to you because it’s not how a nice, evolved person behaves.
  • A spiritual person should not like trash TV (only secretly watch it anyway).
  • A spiritual person should only listen to ‘positive music’ and that hideous new age music. You know the type that has CD covers with unicorns, rainbows and angels on them and that all sound the same?
  • A spiritual person should not be judgmental. This is a word that must be one of the most shunned words there is, both in the religious arena as well as in the spiritual. “You should not judge”. Period. But we all do that, don’t we? You may even have some judgmental thoughts about this article, I don’t know. But the difference is that if you do, I really don’t care, because it’s just an opinion, that’s all. I don’t take your opinion as truth so I don’t mind.
  • A spiritual person should not be opinionated or even have opinions because that is not spiritual.
  • A spiritual person should always think that everything is perfect.
  • All spiritual people should believe in God (religious or non-religious, but they should all believe in a personal deity who looks after them). If they don’t, then they can’t be spiritual. Personally I see some atheists being more spiritually in tune  than many so called spiritual people.

This is all so ridiculous! This is basically about repressing your own humanness.

But the cool thing is that when we allow ourselves to be for example angry, it only lasts for a brief moment and then we go on with our lives.

See how children play. (=live). That’s kind of how it is. One moment they play, then the next moment they get mad with each other and say that they never want to play anymore and then fifteen minutes later they are best friends again.

I don’t get why the anger-thing is considered to be such a negative thing.

It’s not a big deal!

It’s the same when we laugh too and have fun. We may have fun and laugh like maniacs for a few moments and then the next moment we do or express something else.

It’s not like we stay and linger (or dwell) in laughter for many hours or days or months. (That would actually be considered as crazy behaviour.. lol)

We simply feel, express ourselves and move on.

We’re being human.

I’m telling you; when you go to war with yourself you always lose. If we don’t allow ourselves to have all the human emotions and feelings and experiences, then we’re not living full lives and we’re going against nature. 

A truly spiritual person (if I have to label someone that simply has integrity) acts independently, they have the guts to be who they are, and they don’t play charades for each other.

It really is all about being real, and that is not difficult, it’s not something we need to learn.

It’s simply about being who you are, and that means to have the integrity and sometimes courage to drop the act and to drop the masks we wear for each other. 

Live life, enjoy yourself and what life has to offer. Lighten up. Let go of the burden of labeling yourself as being “spiritual”.

Laugh, cry, get mad, and move on. 

weird

Don’t follow the herd – follow your own uniqueness

Other articles you might like:

Is Your Life a Conditioned State?

Our People Pleasing Society

The Real You Is Already Here

Spirituality and Integrity go hand in hand

Spiritual Awakening Has Nothing To Do With Pleasing The Ego Mind

Breaking Free From Conditioning

No, I don’t work for free. Do you?

There is no personal God

Be Yourself (Everyone else is already taken)

Being Transparent is Freeing

All Feelings Come And Go (Let Them)

Allow Yourself To FEEL Goddammit!

Spiritual Stereotypes

Shit. Did I just say that? (I’m so spiritual)

Work with life, not against it. 

I’ll show you how.

I’ll help you get released from the constrains of the ego and connected with your flow in your personal, professional and spiritual life.

Sessions with me are different, I don't work by the hour.

As long as the flow is there, we'll talk: »Let's Get Started 

More here» 

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Comments

  1. Bonnie says:

    LOVE your article, today!! so true.. tired of seeing phoney people.

  2. Maria Erving says:

    Glad to hear you liked it Bonnie! 🙂

  3. Julie Adams says:

    Wow, this is soon refreshing to hear! You hit the nail on the head. Realization is not a show for others, it’s a deeply individual and, like you said, grueling process. Truth has gripped me by the balls, and I don’t even have balls. Lol! This process is NOT what I thought it was…the brochures lied. Heh! Being genuine and authentic, regardless of the form it takes…THAT’S what it’s all about. Thank you for speaking up!

  4. Maria Erving says:

    Glad to hear it resonated with you:)

    Yes, it’s not what most people think it is; it’s not about becoming ‘more spiritual’, and I can’t stand the phoniness that I see – even in some of the popular teachers and Gurus of today.

    I have known for a long time that the new age arena is full of people bullshitting others, preying on the gullible, and now I see it so clearly in the awakening/enlightenment side of spirituality as well.

    People think that having a spiritual experience means that they are suddenly enlightened so they go and change their names to some Indian sounding cliche-name like Krishna Baba or something and they take on the spiritual persona and go Namaste on everything.

    Even if it’s a profound and life-altering experience, the process has merely began, and as you too have discovered it’s not a self-enhancing process, it’s a deconstruction process.

    A demolition project undertaken by life itself!:)

    Spirituality has become a farce; a charade aimed to be marketed to ego’s that believe that enlightenment and awakening is about them.

    It’s like a new religion, and I find it repulsive.

    That’s why I say; don’t be a follower – do your own thing, do and say what’s in your heart – liberate yourself from the masses and spiritual-sounding ideas, and sure, some feathers will always be ruffled on the way, but in the end people need to take responsibility for their own feelings and don’t be so oversensitive as many ‘spiritual people’ are.

    There’s nothing wrong with voicing your opinions, but somehow that’s taboo in the enlightenment (or even spiritual arena in general) arena which to me is beyond silly and I can’t but laugh out loud sometimes! 😀

    We should all be meek and humble (aka “spiritual”) and never question anything so that we don’t offend people or create a real communication between each other.

    The ego says ‘don’t look’ – only listen to the teacher/guru and sweep the floors of their ashram for a few decades in hope of enlightenment, but whatever you do, don’t question the Guru nor your own doubts.

    What a joke – sad part is that it’s not even funny.

    People are wasting their lives basically, chasing after something they think someone else will give them when all they have to do is to trust themselves and listen to their own intuitive knowing which always tells us the same;

    Be who you are. Be that fully. (In whatever shape or form it/life expresses itself through each individual).

    Truth is to be found (or discovered) within us, but so many people are afraid of what they find so they prefer the idealistic image of an awakened person which is not even close to the real thing.

    They want the glossy and plastic version of enlightenment.

    The realization of Truth is always inviting us in but many turn in the doorway because it doesn’t look the way they thought or want it would look.

    As if life cared! It will get what it wants regardless:)

    And when we go with it soon enough we discover that what life want is what we want too.

    One of my older articles came to mind: http://mariaerving.com/keep-looking-within/

    Thought that one too might resonate with you 🙂

  5. Julie Adams says:

    Thanks Maria, you made great points on the other article as well! There are several things that I discovered along the way that I’d like to share (it feels good to talk about it sometimes! 🙂 ).

    First, I had to get relatively comfortable with aloneness, because I had to really focus on the voice within and tune out all the consensus thinking, no matter how “enlightened” it may have seemed. That was (is) the only way for me to really be clear about anything, because the voice for truth can be so very subtle. And it has to ring true for me in every moment, whether it changes later & shows me a different perspective or not. There’s a unique and special curriculum for each of us. And hey, that can involve ANYTHING. Sometimes I may need to watch trash TV, or whatever, because the experience might hold an important nugget of insight… whether I overhear a statement that sparks something in me, or the experience itself was an important step in the process, if for no other reason than to allow myself to experience something mundane and a “time-waster”, without reproach. It’s all OK. Too often, it seems, we walk around with our sphincters clenched, for fear of doing something incorrect. (Super-ego’s path to enlightenment). lol!

    I also had to become OK to be wherever I actually am, whether or not it’s “enlightened” or “spiritual” or “correct” in whatever way. I had to let go the need to be enlightened, period, because that became a big hindrance. Anymore I actually have no idea, objectively speaking, what it means to be enlightened, what it looks like. It feels like such a subjective thing to me, because if I’m really honest and have integrity, then I’ll know if something is clean or not, or if something is ever so subtly *off* in some way. And it’s only for me to know, really, because to everyone else it can look so above-board. Just like something that feels absolutely in alignment to me may look very “unspiritual” to others.

    That’s how I realized that awakening is not, cannot be, a show for others, but I had to turn away from others in a way, because this cannot be a group experience. We like to skip merrily along, holding hands, into awakening, but we must pass through the eye of the needle and everything has to fall off, including all others, including everything false about “me” as well. That doesn’t mean we can’t relate with others, or be in relationship at various levels, but that inside we must meet that absolute aloneness in a very intimate way, and be willing to be naked and unprotected. Maybe this fear of aloneness is what has people cling to group-think and spiritual social circles. (I personally find relatively little value in such social groups… not to say there’s no value in them at all, as nothing is absolutely *this* or *that*).

    I once wrote something, while participating in one of those online spiritual communities, about how we must allow for and embrace hate before we can really embrace love (and got blasted for it, lolol!!). This came from a deep place of realization that rejecting any part of the human experience was to reject all of it, and we can’t discover liberation unless we embrace all of it. We can’t carve up duality like a turkey, now can we? 🙂 And it’s not that we become liberated FROM the human experience, but that we become liberated WITHIN the human experience, because there’s nothing wrong with any of it. It doesn’t define us, it’s simply experience. Just like spiritual experience does not mean being awake, it’s just an experience. Anything that comes and goes is an experience.

    It seems many people seek to escape their bodies as quickly as possible. They almost become disembodied in their quest for enlightenment, and this doesn’t ring true for me as I wish to embrace the whole of my experience, while doing so consciously. As Carl Jung said, “There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

    I would rather discover what is really true in this moment, than to contort myself into some kind of image or position, because how else then can I really know? And this burning passion to know the truth trumps everything else!! And how else can I accept another’s darkness if I can’t fully accept my own? If I only identify with “light” then I can’t help but project all the darkness out, onto other people, and reject them for it, resulting in a split-state.

    It also occurs to me that Maya (deception) is always an element of this world, and there’s never really a time when it’s forever gone or stops exerting some kind of influence. So I find it important to never assume I’m at some stable and constant state of awareness, because that creates a ripe environment for self-delusion to creep in.

    So really, what’s meaningful for me is to just be natural, as natural as I can be, and to keep inquiring about what feels off within, so that as I let go the false I become more and more liberated. I notice I don’t mind that whole “speeeritual ego” mode anymore as much either, because maybe I recognize it as being so easy to fall into. And I just feel compassion now, and trust that people will eventually snap out of it. The ewww factor isn’t as strong as it once was, but it makes sense that initially it had to be very strong to propel me away from that influence, like a rocket leaving earth’s orbit… because without enough force it won’t break through the atmosphere.

    Thank you again, Maria, for your honesty and courage to speak (and live) what is true for you. 🙂

  6. Maria Erving says:

    Loved your reply Julie! 🙂

    Yes, I think that’s one of the main ‘hindrances’ if you will in many peoples process; to be alone.

    It seems to be one of the scariest things for many people, not that they say it out loud, but it’s there.

    I know people who just don’t like being alone, or who always have some kind of noise on, radio, TV or whatever, to distract them from stillness.

    http://mariaerving.com/stillness-is-highly-underrated/

    Here’s an article about how the mind distracts us even from meditating:
    http://mariaerving.com/urge-to-fall-asleep-when-meditating/

    To me it has never been an issue as I’m not that sociable anyway and I don’t mind my own company:)

    I mean I can be both – but I do appreciate aloneness a lot too. (Which is not the same as loneliness).

    So I have never had the need for any holding hands in a circle of oneness and singing kumbaya either.

    It really is like you also stated in your comment, that everyone’s path is unique but that the overall ‘happening’ is similar, meaning that it leads to the same place.

    Here’s a couple of my images that came to mind: (I love taking pics and image editing:)

    http://www.pinterest.com/pin/7881368069751002/ http://www.pinterest.com/pin/7881368069881639/

    All things that doesn’t belong to Truth will be removed, and those things are often beliefs and ideas that has been held on to for maybe a lifetime, so it can be a difficult process in that regard.

    And it’s not a choice as many think!

    We can make a choice to let go of relationships that are not good for us and so on, but concepts and beliefs; that’s a totally different ballgame.

    It’s not like you one day decide to not believe in something anymore. (Whatever spiritual idea it may be, even the beliefs in a God).

    It just happens.

    It’s a realization, not a conscious choice, so we can’t really do the letting go of false beliefs ourselves in any other way than inquiring within and then by doing that we discover what is really true and real.

    So we have to look and not assume nor believe in what other people say, we need the direct experience and that comes from inquiring within and not taking anything for Truth until its a living reality within us.

    I think life likes that – the determination to know the Truth and nothing else will do.

    And on the journey life shows us exactly what that is – and sometimes it can be a nugget of insight from trash TV too!:-)

    As you also said, the ewww-factor has to be there too – definately.

    That’s how life pushes us out from what is no longer needed or it uses it to show us what we need to see and realize and move away from.

    Therefor to continuously say “show me what’s real and true” is what also reveals to us what is not true and sincere too.

    It’s part of the packages and we need to keep our eyes open to that too. Not only the light and love and all that. To have a wider perspective, and not a narrow one.

    And if we want it – if we want the Truth – then that is what we end up with.

    I loved the quote you shared.

    Here’s another one that just came to mind:

    “If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.” – Albert Einstein

    That’s what I mean with people being do-gooders; if they are only behaving and acting in ways that seem perfect or spiritual in order to look good or spiritual to others, then that is an unauthentic way to live.

    Not to mention the religious nonsense, but lets not go there lol:)

    I noticed someone re-posted this article on Facebook and wrote something (somewhat negative) about vegetarians and vegans and I think they took it like I don’t like vegetarians or something.

    Unfortunately I can’t always reply on FB as my FB is not working properly, otherwise I would probably had said something.

    More here: http://mariaerving.com/facebook-issues/

    What I meant with the point I mentioned in my article is that I have noticed that people actually think that if someone is not vegetarian then they can’t be awakened. (Or they question it, as if there are rules and regulations that someone who is “awakened” should live by, one of them being vegetarian).

    I’m a vegetarian myself since a few years back when life showed me what’s going on in the meat industry, but I didn’t chose to become a vegetarian because it’s “spiritual”, you know? There’s a difference there. (My reasons are strictly ethical based on my personal values).

    The same goes for anything else in life, if we only do them because it looks good then what’s the point in doing it in the first place?

    So that we can sit on our high horses and feel above others or something? Or to make others look up to us and think we are great..?

    So, yes, what it all comes down to is that we all have our humanhood to live out and with that comes all kinds of experiences, not only blissful ecstatic experiences as if they were permanent somehow.

    Life includes everything. http://www.pinterest.com/pin/7881368068974965/

    What is left is what is true and that can be anything!

    There’s billions of different expressions of the One and when we embrace who we are, then that expression is the true one – however it looks.

    Never in millions years could I have predicted or even guessed where life would take me in all this.

    What is left is life, in the purest form. http://www.pinterest.com/pin/7881368069607899/

    Here’s another article that came to mind that you might like (sorry if it’s for members only as I can’t remember them all, but I think I recall this one being public).

    http://mariaerving.com/spiritual-awakening-not-the-end-of-path2/

  7. […] Spiritual People Can Be Really Annoying […]

  8. […] they have as being The Awakening and they become carbon copies of a spiritual teacher and have that stereotypical ‘spiritual look’ and behavior that so many ego’s respond to, and both they and […]

  9. […] much anymore. I don’t like how contaminated it is with new age nonsense, it has become like a new kind of religion […]

  10. Broderick says:

    very glad to have found this article, I’ve been on a spiritual development kick for about three years and my life has changed for the better tremendously but this was a big issue for me. I realize that at my core I’m crazy, vulgar, crude, opinionated and sucker for a laugh and a good time. I’ve always been “smart one” and was expected to be the perfect, obedient and rigid intellectual. as i’ve gone into the corporate work world (which is like insta-death or a person’s authenticity) my internal conflicts grew as i was constantly suppressing my anger and more inappropriate behavior. it damn near killed me to be honest but over the past year i’m realizing that all emotions and facets of myself are authentic and should be expressed.

  11. Maria Erving says:

    Relationships and the way we interact with others always change as we change and become more who we really are.

    The more we grow spiritually, the more we also come to realize what characteristics comes from where (ego or spirit).

    One can have opinions for example (which we all have), but being opinionated (pushing opinions on others) usually comes from a place of ego.

    Those things are for each and every one of us to look at closely within ourselves.

    Sometimes if someone has felt restricted in their expression then crudeness might come forth as a way to break free from those limitations, but it’s only a part of the process.

    What I mean by that is that while the ego wants to polish itself by putting on different masks (holiness, pure, gentle, or other “spiritual masks”), the spirit in its true expression becomes more refined if that makes sense to you.

    (It “becomes itself”, the one that is already there, behind all the masks).

    Refined in the sense that what might be crudeness or vulgarity for you now is only a step (or tool) for you to use in order to break free from what has been expected of you (“The smart one”, “obedient” and so on).

    The core of you is not vulgar and crude, but those are some of the ways in which the spirit within breaks free.

    Like a disobedient and obstinate teenager almost.

    We all have to go through those processes at some extent and especially if we have felt repressed or not heard/seen or something, or if we feel very strongly about something.

    I can think back and recall times when I have responded or spoken to people in a way that might have been hurtful, but at the time it felt like I was authentic, but I wouldn’t speak that way to people today as I did then.

    Obviously I was authentic (seen from where I was at that time in my self awareness), but my point is that at the core of our being we are all kind and loving.

    That’s our true nature, but to wear a mask of kindness that many spiritual people do just to look good or holy is not authentic, even if their egos’ think that.

    It’s how we behave and carry ourselves when no one is looking too that counts.

    What goes on inside us when we meet people and interact with them is the key because we can only be honest if we are honest with ourselves first.

    We might love a good laugh, and have corky or crazy humor and so on, but if it’s about making fun of other people or being sarcastic, then it’s from the ego.

    I don’t know what your views are on yourself of course, other than what you shared in your comment, which can be seen in different ways, so I’m not pointing to you specifically.

    It is important to express what we feel and be authentic about it, but it can all be done in a kind and peaceful, sincere way.

    The heart opens up the more we grow (and we come to love others more) – and our true nature is one of integrity, poise and true confidence and this confidence and poise is a beingness that expresses itself almost without the need of any words.

    There’s self-respect and respect towards others in that expression, although a person like that can also be a very outspoken person as well and blurt out all kinds of things that perhaps ruffles some feathers now and then, so I’m not saying that one becomes this mellow and soft person.

    The right expression of that “roughness” becomes refined with our spiritual growth but it will be respected by others because it’s honest and sincere. It may be dynamic and powerful, but it comes from a true place within.

    It’s an aura if you will of non-pretence or need to protect itself by being loud and opinionated, nor does it try to be noble and “spiritual”.

    I have written many articles about feelings and self expression etc and here’s some old ones that came to mind that I think you might like:

    (Please note that some might be for members only as I can’t remember which ones are public and which ones are for members only).

    http://mariaerving.com/feelings-come-and-go/

    http://mariaerving.com/no-resistance-to-feelings/

    http://mariaerving.com/be-true-to-who-you-are/

    http://mariaerving.com/the-real-you-is-already-here/

    http://mariaerving.com/personality-is-a-perfume-consciousness-wears/

    http://mariaerving.com/how-we-get-programmed-by-the-world/

    Hope you enjoy the reads 🙂

  12. Teena says:

    Giving to charity is repressing humanness? Okay.

  13. Maria Erving says:

    I had to actually read my article and comments a couple of times before I saw what on earth would have gotten you the idea that I think that giving to charity is “repressing humanness”.

    You clearly did not get the point so let me explain it to you.

    I have been contacted many times in the past where people have asked me to give money to their charity and if/when I have said no they have said silly things like “you call yourself a spiritual person (which I don’t by the way, but anyway), spiritual people are givers, spiritual people support charities” blah blah blah.

    I don’t even get into those kinds of discussions because they are just plain silly, but that’s the reality of how people think a “spiritual person” should behave; ‘we’ should just give and give no matter who asks and we should also work for free etc etc (the rest of the things I wrote).

    This whole article is about the rules people put upon their ideas of how a “spiritual person” should be and behave and not about how you saw it at all.

    Give if you want to and to whomever you want to but don’t give because you feel that you ‘have to’ for some reason (other people’s expectations or religious beliefs about tithing) or your own ideas of how you should be and behave since you’re a so called “spiritual person”.

    That’s just pure nonsense.

    Get the point now?

  14. Maria Erving says:

    And with all this said I also want to add that beliefs in all forms are absolutely repressing to your humanness but that was not the essence of this particular article.

    Beliefs are what keeps you restricted and bound but once you see through them and see the falseness of them you are free (from its repression).

    I just posted these two links on my Facebook yesterday; thought you might find them further clarifying what I mean when I say beliefs are repressing to humanity and what keeps it underdeveloped and even spiritually retarded.

    In religion for example there is no room for growth, you just simply believe what everyone else believe and the same with any kind of belief-system, whether it’s spiritual, cultural, social etc etc.

    https://www.facebook.com/MariaErving/posts/1054595471295983

    https://www.facebook.com/MariaErving/posts/1054609971294533

    So anyone who gives to charity just because it’s “spiritual” or because their god says so is repressed and confined by those beliefs (and they are all based in ego).

    When you give because you want to give (with no particular reason other than that you feel inclined to), you are free.

    See what I mean?

    Hope you enjoy the read!

  15. Teena says:

    Thanks for explaining, Maria. I may not necessarily agree, and I’m not at all anti-religious, but I understand your point. Perhaps some of it is a semantics issue and beliefs are used interchangeably with values… when we raise children, we certainly teach them certain immovable values. They can’t hit others, for example, not only when they are inclined so but never, because they AREN’T ALLOWED TO… later it becomes a belief/value that violence is unacceptable, and if they hit/hurt/harm people, consequences will be very unpleasant.

    To me personally, charity is important not because it’s something “spiritual” people do but, among other things, because it’s something I greatly benefited from myself. I was, thank God, able to move to the United States from a much less fortunate country together with my family, thanks to donations of people I never knew… and all of us, in essence, are beneficiaries of someone’s charity – even when we go to the library and read a book someone donated, even our grandparents’ charity when they cared for us, but usually there are so many more. So I feel that the circle of charity between people on Earth is part of the entire living ecosystem – I hope this doesn’t sound as new agey mumbo jumbo, lol.

    But definitely, I get annoyed with new agey statements that they are not rooted in any type of facts. It is one thing to read a book that says “according to such and such religion/belief system, our souls come to this earth to fulfill such and such purpose.” That’s perfectly fine and actually interesting. It’s a completely different thing to read simply “Our souls to this earth to fulfill such and such purpose.” Has the respected author been up to the heavenly courts and can attest what souls are, where they come from, where they go, what they’re doing etc.? To hear grown folks here in the western world seriously talk about karma, reincarnation and creating your reality… I recently read a new book I bought, and it was such a breath of fresh air to read “Anything can happen to anybody, deal with it.” I just… haven’t heard such an outrageous statement… in such a long time. 🙂

  16. Maria Erving says:

    Thanks for sharing Teena. Yes, giving is wonderful, and so is receiving! 🙂

    Let’s talk about values, beliefs and plain good ol’ common sense:

    – Values are not the same as beliefs.

    Values are what we think is important and beliefs are what we think is true.

    – And no belief is “rooted in facts”. There is not one single belief that is true in actuality.

    To not hit someone I would just call common sense and it’s already built into our human nature and is not dependent on neither values or belief.

    Common sense is what most people know already; it’s inherent in our human nature and a deviation from this would be considered as abnormal or unnatural.

    Most children don’t have to be taught not to hit (they already know it’s ‘wrong’) and to scold a child who hits another by simply TELLING it that it’s wrong/unacceptable to hit is not very constructive in my opinion.

    To just put a value or belief-system upon a situation/happening by telling the child that “this is wrong” instead of asking and investigating into why it hit in the first place is what creates adults with deep-rooted issues.

    The issues most adults have are usually based in some kind of belief (which promotes guilt/fear/worry etc) or them not being true to themselves and their own values, simply because they never learned to think for themselves and clarify for themselves what is important to them.

    See what I mean?

    They were taught that “this is true” (beliefs) and “this is important” (values) but they never actually chose the beliefs and values themselves, they never questioned them by asking themselves what they think is true or what they think is important (their personal values).

    You would be surprised how many adults there are that have no clue about what their values are! They just don’t know.

    They have just adopted a set of values (from their parents, society etc) and made them their own but since they are not authentic (coming from their own preferences and choices) they live completely out of accordance with both them and their own true values and standards.

    People at large has simply adopted other peoples values (=things considered as “important”) and have never clarified for themselves what they think is important.

    Their own personal choices and preferences may or may not be the same that their family and friends have, but that’s not the point here.

    The point I’m trying to make is that they (we all) should make the choices for ourselves, consciously (and not unconsciously).

    The same with belief-systems; someone has told them that “this is true/the Truth” or that they should be kind or this or that but without any deeper reason than that.

    They just think (believe) that they ‘should’ be kind because that’s how ‘you’re suppose to be’.

    And actually many people who are taught to “be kind” all the time grow up to be pushovers, doormats and people-pleasers.

    A lot of people spend most their lives on trying to be liked and accepted by others by succumbing to other peoples ideas and concepts.

    I would say it’s equally important to not be so “kind” at times.

    To stand up for yourself even if it hurts others peoples feelings (I’m obviously not talking about physically hurting anyone); it’s equally important to be willing to be seen as “unkind” by other people at times.

    So what is important here is to instead of scolding the child for hitting, to ask them why they did it in the first place.

    And by asking questions like “how would you feel if someone hit you?” and “how do you think your little brother felt when you hit him” etc and then let them answer with their own words instead of telling them how others feel or how they should feel.

    A child that hits someone needs to be corrected, yes, but not by programming them with a specific set of beliefs and values but by awareness and understanding.

    Here’s a few of my older articles that came to mind that are about values and being true to yourself (your values):

    http://mariaerving.com/how-we-get-programmed-by-the-world/
    (About how we are taught from early age to not think for ourselves).

    http://mariaerving.com/what-do-you-want-in-a-partner/
    (A very old article, I don’t personally have lists anymore but doing this can help clarify why becoming aware of our values are important and why people sometimes make poor choices when it comes to partners/friends etc).

    http://mariaerving.com/being-authentic-means-respecting-yourself/
    (What happens when we are not true to ourselves/our values is that we get stuck in unhealthy environments and relationships).

    http://mariaerving.com/five-things-you-value-most/
    (Fun “exercise” to do to see what is really important to you 🙂 It can reveal to you things you weren’t aware of when it comes to what is truly important to you personally).

    http://mariaerving.com/how-to-love-yourself/
    (Another exercise that you can do to clarify what your values are in regards to relationships).

    http://mariaerving.com/why-putting-our-values-in-hierarchy-is-important/
    (Again, a very old article that helps you understand and see the other persons point of view and values/what is important to them).

    Lastly, I am not anti-religion or anti-anything. I have opinions though (and my opinion about religion is that is one of the most poisonous things that can enter the human mind), but I don’t waste energy on being anti or against anything.

    Here’s a very old (again!:) article that came to mind that you might like:

    http://mariaerving.com/why-im-not-against-anything/

    And lastly, this one (since you mentioned a book you read recently about bad things happening to people):

    “Why do bad things happen to good people?”

    http://mariaerving.com/why-do-bad-things-happen-to-good-people/

    It’s from way back when I used to believe in law of attraction and all that other new age nonsense 🙂

    Just take what resonates and leave the rest, there’s some thing there that can help you think in a different way, that’s why I mentioned it.

    (Not sure if all articles are accessible by the public but you’ll see when you click on them if you’re able to read them or not).

    Hope you enjoy the read! 🙂

  17. Teena says:

    Yeah, I don’t do lists either. It’s rare enough to meet somebody you simply like.

  18. Maria Erving says:

    I strongly suggest that even if you don’t write lists to absolutely become aware of what your values are in terms of relationships (if you’re not yet aware of them).

    List (state) at least five things that are important to you and then stay true to them.

    A lot of relationships are dysfunctional because people don’t have any shared values or not even aware of what they value and think is important in the first place.

    People even get married with someone because ‘they like (“love”) them’ and nothing more than that.

    I know of couples that clearly have nothing in common other than that they ‘liked each other’ and got married and they started to have issues right from the beginning.

    The same when it comes to friendships. I’m personally very selective and clear on what kind of friends I want because I know what my values are.

    Anybody can be more or less likable but to be my friend or partner there’s definitely more that I require.

    Standards are based on values and self-love and I have my standards.

    Once I had a friend who had some really bad friends around him that were talking behind his back and so on and I asked him why on earth he continued to hang out with them and his answer was that “we should accept everyone as they are”.

    That’s a belief. A perfect example how beliefs keep people in their self-made prisons. They believe things.

    And that belief kept him (and many others) confined with his toxic friends because he wasn’t conscious about what his values were when it came to friendships and he just basically let anyone in even if they were really bad for him.

    People can be however they want, I don’t care, and I accept that they are the way they are, no problems at all, that’s not the point; the point is that they cannot come near me, that’s just not gonna happen.

    They can be whatever they want to but far, far away from me.

    And if I for some reason have to be around them from time to time I won’t let them close once I have seen how they are because I trust my instincts about people.

    A lot of people think it’s “spiritual” to “accept everybody as they are” thinking they have to be around them and interact with them.

    This is what I mean by beliefs (the falseness of them), values (that people are not aware of them) and why common sense had been repressed in human beings from very early age so they just believe silly things like that and thus live toxic lives.

  19. Yunfan Hao says:

    Oh man, what you said in the last post just hit like a nail on the head! I spent the majority of my time in spiritual awakening dealing with childhood trauma and familial issues, and I spent a good deal of time in agonizing guilt and rage when my values (authenticity) and beliefs (filial piety) clashed in an ultimate confrontation.

    Here’s my story – I was brought up in a single parent household, just my mother and I living in a foreign country with no relatives and friends. The two of us never got along simply for the fact that the relationship between us has always been a farce. It didn’t occur to me until the whole awakening process began that I realized how I truly felt about her and our relationship. On top of that, I finally got a glimpse through her eyes, and was confronted with the painful truth that she saw me as nothing but a punching bag, emotional trashcan and vanity tool. I’m not exaggerating when I say this, but to this day I have not met another person who’s as twisted and fake as my mother, and it’s hard to describe her without getting psychoanalytical. But to put it simply, she is a combination of a master manipulator, sadist and a fragile damsel in distress with a lack of humanity as well as an understanding of it. Throughout childhood, whenever my actions are inconsistent with her ‘image'(which is all the time), I would get severely berated. I was the receiving end for comments from ‘you’re useless and pathetic’, ‘nobody likes you’ to downright ‘I want to kill you’, and I adapted to that by conforming to the set of behaviors and speech pattern when I’m with her. She never accepted me for who I am nor is she interested in what I have to share, and I’d often retaliate with uncontrollable anger and frustration as a desperate cry of ‘why won’t you look at me’. A typical conversation between us would be her trying to masterfully manipulate me into ‘changing’ for her benefit (she does so often by playing the victim card), and with me constantly alert trying to catch her lies out, and believe me, it’s the most draining and unrewarding exercise in the world.

    For a long time I forced myself to put up with it by convincing myself that this relationship is completely normal, and that there’s nothing wrong with her. I detached myself and sealed my childhood away when I left home at the age of 16, avoiding everything that may trigger said memories – I simply wanted to forget it all and move on. Life went on as normal for another 10 years as the memories receded to the subconscious level, but as you probably know already, during that time I was an ignorant prisoner to all the unresolved issues.

    However that all changed when the awakening process hit me a little under two years ago. Slowly, the dark past and the truth of her character as well as our relationship began to reveal itself, and for the first time in my life, I was caught in the crossfire between contempt, rage, guilt and sadness that went on endlessly for months. I seriously thought I was going crazy from the torment that came from the contradictory feelings that was experienced simultaneously. My mind at the time was engaged in a constant monologue of anguish thoughts that varies from ‘I feel your pain’ to ‘I fucking wish you were dead’, day in and day out. During this period of time I decided it was best that I stopped talking to her, part of it was because I wanted to go through this undisturbed, but mostly because I was fed up with having to put on a mask again for her sake.

    Filial piety, ‘respect your elders’ and staying obedient are deep values to my culture, and to point fingers at the parent is considered a crime on par with infanticide. The source of my guilt came from the fact that I never loved my mother as one is ‘expected’ to, coupled with shame for believing that there’s something wrong or ‘bad’ about my character for wanting to get away from her. I know it’s all false, but the integration with truth doesn’t happen without pain and struggle, at least that was the case with me.

    This process has intensified both my true values (freedom and truth) as well as the falseness in the deep seated beliefs in regards to traditional family values and the idea of ‘unconditional love’. I haven’t spoken to my mother since my resolve to stay true and accept nothing but genuine relationships, but every time I receive a message or see anything that reminds me of the past I would feel an ache in my heart, it’s getting progressively better, but there are still things I gotta work out.

    Just two days ago I realized that there’s really no point in me trying to get rid of my feelings of hate, disgust and anger. And once I’ve accepted them as my own, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my mind. Well, I’m still very much in the awakening process, and part of the reason why I shared this story is because I finally can look at the whole ordeal in the face without painful attachments.

    So thanks for the heads up Maria, you standing up to the value without a shadow of a doubt is a real delight to read, especially when the value is an integral part of my true self that is slowly revealing.

  20. Maria Erving says:

    You are very welcome Yunfan, and thank you for sharing your story, it’s undoubtedly shedding even more light (awareness) into this whole conversation for the benefit of others, so thank you for allowing yourself to be so raw and open when it comes to sharing something so personal.

    I have had some family issues to deal with in the past myself (as most of us have) and forgiveness played a huge role for me in terms of being able to let go and move on (and I have a good relationship with my family today).

    And some other stuff too that happened when I was younger that taught me about forgiveness, like for example when I was raped in my teens and how I learned about forgiveness by forgiving my abusers/attackers.

    I learned that early on in my life, that’s why I can talk about it today and say that forgiveness is essential in order to be able to move on.

    And of course sometimes that also means we have to leave people behind to never see them again, it’s a personal choice and every individuals journey is different.

    But before you let them go completely, forgive them. Absolutely forgive them.

    Here are some of my old articles and PDF’s about forgiveness and letting go, hope you find them resonating and helpful on your journey forward.

    http://mariaerving.com/the-power-of-forgiveness-and-acceptance-free-pdf/

    http://mariaerving.com/forgiveness-sets-us-free/

    http://mariaerving.com/forgiveness-and-letting-go-of-the-past/

    http://mariaerving.com/stop-dragging-the-past-with-you/

    http://mariaerving.com/spirituality-and-suppression-of-anger/

    http://mariaerving.com/letting-go-of-your-story/

    http://mariaerving.com/stop-dwelling-and-move-on/

    http://mariaerving.com/accept-your-feelings/

    (Some of them might be for members only but simply click on the links and you’ll find out).

  21. Jarrel says:

    Spot on! Unfortunately on my journey, I’ve come across many of these new agey hippy types.

    One on one, in private environments they seem to be genuine people, but once they are out in public everything becomes this big show.

    I notice that if you don’t mirror that back to them they’ll go to great lengths to avoid you.

  22. Maria Erving says:

    Thanks for commenting Jarrel! Feel very welcome to share an example from your own personal life, then it’s easier for me to give you a proper response.

  23. Jarrel says:

    So I have one friend who is the worst offender I can think of. He is all about talking about it, not being about it.

    He goes to great lengths to curate this image that he is some peace loving hippy who is deeply insightful and all about peace, love, community.

    He once talked about how he is part of some secret society that was something called “Brotherhood of Enlightened Beings” or some nonsense like that (pretty sure it wasn’t real), and it seemed like he was using it to 1-UP me. He was very secretive about it and implied that I wasn’t positive or enlightened enough to be a part of this exclusive club.

    He started a company that promoted music, and positivity within the community to help the world evolve. He hosted his first musical event with a very reputable local band, then proceeded to take a huge cut from the final stack of cash at the end of the night. Immediately the reputation of his company was tarnished, and he never was able to put on another gig, yet he pimps his company like it’s thriving.

    Said friend has no ability to laugh or poke fun at himself. All friends give each other a little friendly ribbing from time to time, yet he can get down right aggressive. I’ve had him punch me in the chest, unprovoked and out of nowhere, I’ve had him become very aggresive and start condescending, or even just start ignoring me. OVER SOME FRIENDLY RIBBING!

    He listens to bands like Nahko & Medicine for the People, String Cheese Incident and other typical hippy bands, and touts these as the standard for good music, and going to these concerts have been some type of brag for him. As in, “I saw Nahko Bear and even met him in person, having a enlightening 1 minute conversation.”

    All in all the worst aspects of New Age Spirituality other than friends like him (who seem to suffer from Narcissism) is all of the information. It all seems to be parroted from eastern religions or down right makes absolutely no sense. I think there are certainly truths to such things such as The Law of Attraction, Out of Body Experiences, Kundalini, etc. But I don’t believe a great deal of information on these things is correct. Many people have no idea what they are talking about, but if it sounds profound, it spreads like a wildfire.

    There’s so much I could go on and on about that’s wrong with new aged spirituality. I’ve always liked the saying, “He who speaks, doesn’t know. He who knows, doesn’t speak.” So true, so f-ing true.

  24. Maria Erving says:

    Yes, sounds like the spiritualized ego in a nutshell.

    They come in different shapes and forms but the similarities it has is the mimicking and copying what it thinks is “spiritual” and noble and tries to ‘be’ that.

    You can easily hear what beliefs people have by simply noticing what words they use because they usually parrot other peoples (from books etc) “profound” teachings as if it was their own.

    And the spiritualized ego is also very easily offended and protective of its beliefs, so it’s not easy to have a normal conversation with them.

    The more beliefs someone has, the more deluded they are, but of course the ego doesn’t want to hear that.

    It wants to believe it knows something profound and the more “holy”, saintly and ‘spiritual’ someone portraits themselves to be, the more charismatic and appealing they become to other spiritualized ego’s (and voilà, a new “teaching” is born).

    The image (of being “spiritual”) confirms the ego’s beliefs, and then they try to live up to that model by, as your friend is trying, to ‘be’ something they’re not; like peaceful, ‘enlightened’, loving etc.

    It’s very difficult to communicate with people like this because the ego crust is so thick.

    My advice to you would be to reevaluate what a healthy and good relationship means to you and then take action according to your new and clearly defined values and criteria.

    Or, if he’s really important to you, try to have a heart to heart talk with him where you spill it all out and hope he’s able to hear you.

    If he’s not, then at least you gave it an honest and sincere go and hopefully that helps you realize that perhaps it’s time to go in different directions and leave the relationship altogether.

    If you’re not enjoying the company, why stay?

    Let me know how it goes.

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My intent is to have people think independently, feel deeply and honestly, and move into a higher knowing of themselves.