spiritual awakening and aloneness

Why aloneness on the spiritual path is a blessing

Spiritual Awakening and Aloneness

I was inspired to write another article on aloneness on the spiritual path in response to someone who read one of my old articles “Spiritual Awakening and Aloneness”.

The reader commented and asked:

“Oh am I experiencing this right now big time. Can you explain what you mean that it’s a blessing getting to be alone. I do understand what you mean about things and people not distracting me. I miss having a boyfriend though. And I miss having a group of friends to do things with.”

Here’s my reply:

If you’re in the awakening process, then part of the path will involve solitude and aloneness, sometimes for years at a time.

Most people, if not all, go through periods of aloneness and the less you resist this, the smoother your life goes.

You will either be pulled there because you voluntarily seek it, or you will be put there and resist it, but being alone is part of the process of awakening.

And the ego will most probably have fits and temper tantrums about it because it doesn’t like it at all.

It will most probably go into poor-me mode at times, it will pity itself, curse the day it ventured on the spiritual path and sometimes even threaten to end its life.

The ego does not like being alone, or in solitude.

It craves distraction and entertainment, noise, doingness etc, and being alone can trigger all kinds of ego responses such as feeling sorry for yourself, being angry, feeling abandoned, and so on.

You will most probably go through many times where you feel like you’re the only one in this world that is alone, that everybody else gets to have fun and live happily ever after but not you.

No, you ‘God is punishing and holding back’, keeping you in suffering, and you feel hindered in your attempts to make your life work.

That’s what the ego feels, so there can be huge resistance to the aloneness the spiritual path sometimes requires. 

But once you have the awareness needed to see the blessing in it everything changes, and you learn to use the time in solitude constructively.

That’s when things shift for the better and as you grow and evolve you begin to make the very best of where you are.

The ego craves company while spirit wants to connect in solitude.

When you begin to come into a higher knowing of yourself, when you begin to connect deeply with Truth, the need for distractions naturally start to fall away and even the will to be social or engage in the outer life is just not going to be there anymore for a while.

Instead you begin to enjoy being with yourself, in nature, and in solitude.

This is one of the blessings because once you come to this place in your process, other things will open up and follow.

But as long as the resistance is there, or the wish to not go into aloneness, you will feel as if life is working against you.

Once the blessing is seen though, that’s when you can begin to use it to your advantage, and that is a blessing in itself.

Very few people have the courage, the stamina and the dedication to continue following the path when the call for aloneness sets in.

It’s a path of aloneness because it’s a path that can’t be followed.

It’s easy to follow a religion or a spiritual path that many pursue because there’s a sense of safety of the group and where you feel you ‘belong’ so you won’t be alone, but spiritual awakening is the awakening from all belief-systems and all the gods.

And when these things start to fall away and you get stripped down and naked, you realize that you no longer can relate to what others call “spirituality”, and you’ll find that there’s nothing to talk about with others because they all live according to beliefs that you can’t relate to anymore.

For example the belief that there’s a right and wrong way for you to live, that one way is better, or more “pure” or more “spiritual” or “divine”, than the path that you’re on.

You come to realize that spiritual awakening is not really spiritual, so all that falls away and for many on the spiritual path this eventually leads to the feeling of not belonging anywhere anymore.

For someone with no awareness of how the process unfolds, they simply fail to endure the time of loneliness that is almost mandatory.

The separation from one’s usual social life and connectedness with other people when you go through a spiritual awakening process and the transformation that needs to happen is just too unbearable for the ego to take.

Very few go all the way, but for those who do go through it all, they are the ones that eventually become free.

In your time of solitude you will realize and discover many things.

One of the things you’ll discover is that the spiritual path is not for the meek or faint-hearted.

You will have to be willing to give up all illusion and attachments so sometimes there’s times of severe, hellish turmoil and turbulence.

And it’s not even about that; it’s not about your willingness in that sense, it’s more about an acceptance that this is the way it goes.

Your willingness is really of no concern when it comes to Truth, it will take you on the path whether you like it or not.

The acceptance is for you, not for Truth, it doesn’t need it.

If you go ‘willingly’ the path becomes easier of course, but it’s more about surrendering and letting go completely into the process where even the one who is ‘willing’ is let go of.

In the process you will learn a lot about who your are not, which is the greatest teaching there is, and you will learn about trust, about love in its truest form, and about commitment.

The commitment you have to the path (that is only shown to you one step at a time) gives you freedom because you’re no longer distracted by the things that are not relevant to your current growth process.

Such as boyfriends, girlfriends, and other friends.

Sometimes a person comes into your life, it can be a brief encounter and you learn or receive something from them, but you can forget about permanence in this phase of your process.

There will be an in and out flow of people during this time, a friend or some kind of company appears here and there (many times in the form of pets and animals), and teachings and teachers emerge only to leave again quite quickly (and sometimes come back again).

You might be drawn to a mentor, or a specific book, situation and so on, all which is there to help you progress, but you will come to see that none of them will stay or become permanent in your life.

For the time being you’re on your own and that’s the way it goes.

Being committed and dedicated to Truth is what will drive you forward.

Not to what the ego wants, but what Truth wants from you, and what wants to come through you.

The dedication you have to this path is what gives you freedom because it hones your attention and focus inwards, directing it toward what is most essential in you, which is Truth itself.

So in your aloneness, stay in the moment, appreciate what you have, offer no resistance, and accept responsibility to do your part; do whatever is shown to you and walk into the unknown, from one moment to the next.

Flow with life and do the inner work.

This is what the time of aloneness calls for:

Go for long walks, read, listen to lectures and other audios, do whatever inner work you’re guided to do.

In other words; use your time wisely.

Get to know yourself deeply.

Be quiet, listen. 

Feel deeply and honesty. 

Put your attention inwards, to the things that matter the most.

Let grace transform you. 

Welcome feelings, thoughts, experiences, revelations, insights, inspiration, crying, venting, feeling alone and miserable.

Allow Truth to unravel and strip you to the bare bones until you become completely naked and yes, alone.

Before this happens though, you will try probably everything.

You will do everything until there’s nothing more to do.

When every technique, teaching, and tool has been used and executed and you’re completely empty and exhausted, that’s when true spiritual transformation and shifts can happen.

It can be a long road before someone gets there, and some won’t even get that far because the journey is full of challenges, setbacks, and blockages where nothing you do or try is working (not for long anyway).

The spiritual awakening process is a relentless undoing of the ego and this includes periods where you feel alone and disconnected from the rest of the world.

If you find yourself secluded and isolated in life, make the best of it and realize that it is a blessing in disguise. 

It’s a blessing because even though there might be nothing that you want more than deep intimate connections with others, the most important connection you must make now is the one you have with yourself, with Life.

It’s a transitional phase, although it can last for many years (not that it has to), but it’s an important one because you’re transitioning from the false self to the Truth of your nature.

The truth is, that if you met someone now, they would fall in love with your ego and you in theirs.

It’s even difficult to have friends in this transitional phase because of the fundamental transformation you’re going through (the person who is in a spiritual awakening process that is as I don’t know you personally).

This stage of your awakening process is an important one and a time where you really get to know who you are/who you are not and find out what is true and real versus false.

Sometimes it’s necessary to be alone and stay away from people and activities (such as “having fun with friends” etc) until you connect to the inner part of yourself, which is where the Truth of your being flows from.

It’s in the aloneness that you’re called to face your demons, your fears, your pain and suffering, and also to realize that none of those things are about who you really are.

You are not the one with the inner demons, fear and pain and suffering but that’s a discovery you have to make for yourself when you’re alone with yourself. 

The time will come when it’s time to participate in the world again.

Until that time comes, your only focus should be on You and what Life asks you to do and being attentive to the instructions you receive.

One day everything will make so much more sense, that’s all I can say and promise you. 

I promise you that your time of isolation, being secluded and alone, is a blessing.

As you grow spiritually you will come to see that aloneness was one of the most rewarding experiences of your life and you will then be able to look back with gratitude and even awe. 

Or, you can of course bemoan your isolation and feeling of loneliness, and remain unsatisfied, stuck and stagnated and feel even more estranged when you seek the company of other people because it’s not you who seeks it, but your ego.

The way you feel this is that interacting with others feels more and more ‘unnatural’, as if you have to force yourself to engage in social events and be with others.

This is when you eventually surrender to the path and seek out solitude yourself.

Now the real work can begin.

Finally Life got you where it wanted you; in your aloneness.

So either you surrender to it right away or you go through a period of resistance and eventually come to see that you’re going there anyway so you do it “willingly”.

Soon enough you will be ready to integrate the “new” you back into the world and society, but until that happens:

Work on yourself (do self-inquiry), get to know yourself, and focus on the things that Life puts before you.

The existential emptiness cannot be solved or filled by anything ‘out there’.

The desire of wanting a partner can creep up and presents itself as the solution to your aloneness and emptiness and the ego might cry out in sorrow because of ‘lost life’.

Of agony of not getting this or that, and where it’s full of frustration and resentment.

And this is all about the ego trying to fix itself back to the former life where it at least had something, even if it was unsatisfying.

You simply can’t go back because it’s too painful, even more so when you’ve outgrown pretty much everything, even the things you once were intensely passionate about.

So when you let go of the life you thought you wanted and instead want the life that is meant for you, the path will become more enjoyable for you.

The deeper you go within and surrender, the more your feeling of loneliness decreases.

But without this awareness, many people become depressed and find life meaningless and empty because they feel so alone and they don’t know how to handle it.

Many try to avoid the aloneness by overeating, smoking weed, watching a lot of TV, being on Facebook hours and hours every day, going to bars, having meaningless sex with people they don’t even like, and so on.

All in an attempt to try to fill the void of loneliness and emptiness.

They may feel intuitively that they’re going through something and that a change is taking place but they don’t have the awareness of exactly what is taking place so the ego avoids it because it’s the unknown.

In your aloneness you’re being undone so that Truth can come forth through you.

You don’t have to feel alone in this phase of the journey.

First of all; Truth has your back, always, and in all ways. Always remember this. 

When you really feel this in your heart, all the frustration and sorrow you once felt will transform into a sense of protection and trust, and all the miracles you experience, and all the epiphanies, insights and mystical experiences you have along the way, will help you to understand your journey more and more.

As the separations to others increase, so does the connectedness to yourself, or Truth.

The phase of aloneness is really an opportunity to come to silence, stillness, and the spaciousness of Life itself.

Nothing more will be needed.

Gurus and teachers will eventually fade and drop away.

All the books that has been read, techniques implemented and tools used, it will all be gone. 

Nothing left to do, nowhere to go, and you’re all alone.

The degree of the ‘loneliness’ that you feel depends on how much you resist the process and how sincere your surrendering is.

The more you allow yourself to go into aloneness, the less threatened you will feel about it.

It’s a matter of stepping into the unknown yet again, as you’ve probably (hopefully!) done so many times before on this path.

It’s always about letting go of control and of attachment to how you want things to be and unfold.

Be willing to explore the aloneness, give it room to move within you, breathe into it, and just simply be with it and see what happens when you do.

And though you may be alone, you will never be lonely, for as I said; Truth will have your back, always and in all ways.

Let yourself be emptied out so that Life/Truth can fill you up.

And get to know the ego (most importantly!), how it operated and works in your life because even if it may be a sincere surrender on your part, your old self (the ego) isn’t entirely gone in one go;

There is yet more of it to surrender because its a master in adapting to and hijacking consciousness.

Trust that you will be ready for the world again at some point and that new relationships and friends will come into your life.

They will be different from the ones you think you want at this time though.

Just as the outer universe is expanding, so is the inner, and eventually it will reach climax and begin to collapse unto itself like a reverse big bang.

And then, when you again come into this world, you will have been born again but it’s not like you’ve built up a new life (“you” will not build up anything, but the ego will make many attempts and succeed many times too).

The old life is being destructed and in the new construction that arises, the hammer must fall on the ego first.

The ego cannot see itself, it’s unaware of itself and to see this is an essential part of the journey, you simply can’t progress without going through this process first.

Begin by looking at who it is that is yearning for company, see clearly the one who yearns for the company of lovers and friends and you’ve just opened the door to the next phase of your life.

Focus on yourself, that’s what this phase is for.

I shared a lot during the 5 years or so when I was isolated in Norway here on my website so you can go back in the archives (see sidebar) to find the articles and read them. 

And even though it was hellish at times, I also experienced the most beautiful periods of bliss, love, joy, peace and so much more while there, in my aloneness.

It was a huge blessing for me, although I didn’t recognize it immediately and in the beginning there were times when I felt resentment, resistance and sadness about it. 

Eventually it all leads to letting go of pretty much everything.

The spiritual awakening process is not a straight line, there are many cycles, many phases along the way, and the key is to be fully present in the now, wherever and however you find yourself, so make the most of your aloneness and keep moving forward. 

One thing is sure; your life will not look remotely the same as it did when you first ventured out on the spiritual path with all the childish desires and wishes of the ego (as we’ve all had).

Not only will the inner you unravel, but you might also find yourself physically on a different path that you could never had imagined for yourself.

You might end up traveling the world even though you think it’s financially impossible for you to do so, because Life, or the universe, has other plans for you and will take you exactly where you need to be and go. 

Ambitions will change, friends will fall away, even what you love might fall away

You might move to a different city or country,

.. realize a talent/gift/ability you didn’t know you had before, 

or change job/career.. etc.

So many things can and will happen, you have no idea! 

Being alone teaches you to not only come to know and love yourself, but to love Life itself, and even if you now feel that it’s the toughest thing to be alone, you will also come to know that it’s the most rewarding thing too.

So during this time, invest in yourself, heal (although healing comes before the awakening process), let go, and grow, and you will soon find that the path that once felt dark and rocky has turned into a path of light where your communication with Life becomes increasingly more clear and then you can never feel lonely again, ever.

Hope you enjoyed this article and found it helpful. 

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It can be enormously helpful to have a mentor that can help guide you through the ups and downs of the spiritual path:

Book a private session with me.

Andalusian mountains
You’re never alone when you’re in nature.

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More articles about aloneness:

“So I’m in Hawaii and the loneliness I have is really painful.

I haven’t really been by myself… Ever.

Is this normal? Feeling lonely? I find myself getting emotional to the point of weeping, while at work.

I know this will pass, but it still hurts. Any suggestions???”

My reply: “About Loneliness On The Spiritual Path

“I don’t know if I am awakening or not but I am so lost.

I feel so apathetic about life, it scares me I have become so uncaring. I just want to be by myself, I can’t love my family or dogs like I use to.

I am not depressed, I have been there too. I just feel empty inside.

I want to quit my job and just hide.

I can’t talk to anyone. I meditate, I pray, yet no changes.

I feel alone and just want it all to be over.

I am always seeking, reading, researching hoping to find someone to help me.

I have surrendered but still I am lost. What do I do? Thanks.”

My reply: “I Feel So Apathetic About Life” (Ask Maria)

“Dear Maria,

I’m in a process of transformation and I have a question I’d like to ask you.

At times I feel so alone on this journey because there are very few people who understand me or where I’m coming from.

This causes me to feel extreme loneliness and depression at times.

I’m not sure how to handle these feelings. I don’t live in a place where I can simply go out and meet like minded people.

To be honest I feel like an outcast and what’s worse is I feel it is my own doing.

Can you relate to any of this?

Any advice would be so appreciated.”

My reply: “Feeling Lonely On The Spiritual Journey” 

“In the process of spiritual awakening there comes a time when the interest in other people vanishes and interacting with others comes to a stop, and we spend more and more time in solitude and aloneness (not loneliness).

For the mind this can be very disturbing so to trust the process and not worry when the mind projects and imagines it all going to a ‘bad place’ is vital.

The ego is crumbling and with it goes all interactions and companions that are not in alignment with Spirit and sometimes that can even be people that we thought were close to us.

We lose interest in chit-chatting, noisy environments where..”

Continue reading here: “A New Way of Interacting is Being Born

“The post on solitude and aloneness describes myself and I feel more aware and conscious of my current situation.

I’m more aware of things and see life from another perspective or perceive things different than most people.

I feel disconnected from people because I chose a path of spirituality and I live life so different than most people, I don’t watch TV or listen to radio, I eat very healthy, I meditate every day, run 20 miles a week.

My question is: Am I out of touch or is it the other ones that are out of touch?

People like to hear things I said and many talk about it, but not many walk the talk.

What are your thoughts?”

My reply: “Feeling Disconnected From Others Because You Chose a Spiritual Path

“A commitment to Truth can for some people mean they have to spend some time alone, or even feel isolated from the world for a while and sometimes all friends and even family may be moving away from them, or fall away.

That has been my own experience many times throughout my life, in different phases of my life.

Some of them were obvious choices, like when I stopped doing drugs, obviously I had to let go of my old friends, so there were times when I was all alone and I had to learn how to move and be in the “real world” again all by myself.

I have always been blessed with..”

Continue reading here: “You Have To Be Willing To Be Alone (Dedicated to Truth)

And lastly:

“Thank you so much for your site, I have resonated with so many articles you have written.

I believe I am on the brink of a spiritual awakening.

I can’t really put into words exactly why I believe this, other than my quest in recent months to unveil the Truth which has been interspersed with moments of clarity and peace as the ego makes way for reality.

Unfortunately, however, these moments seem much less frequent than the intense suffering I have been experiencing, including anxiety, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts which come with alarming bodily sensations and fitful sleep at night coupled with exhaustion during the day.

I rarely sleep through the night and worry a lot during the day about getting sufficient rest to be able to function in my job and relationships.

I very much want to get to the other side of this process, for stillness and silence to be my resting state rather than the constant chatter of the ego, and to be completely free of the anxiety that seems to have a grip on me.

I feel so exhausted today that I have kind of resigned myself to whatever happens.

If I should die, so be it, I have no desire to continue living in this state of mind.

I want rest, peace, happiness and the joy I am told is my birthright but they seem so elusive.

When will this suffering end?”

Here is my reply: “When will the agonizing process of spiritual awakening end?

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Comments

  1. Jenny

    Hi Maria,

    Thank you for your article, it was really helpful. However, I can’t help but feeling anxious that I will lose my boyfriend during this process. He is such a massive support to me and I love him so much, the idea of losing him strikes fear into me. I know this is attachment, but he has been there for me since long before this process began, and has supported me through major life events.

    I know this is the ego talking and clutching on, but must we lose the one we love? Is being single and losing a much-loved partner an inevitability on this path? I don’t mind losing friends, even losing my job but there are some things I can’t imagine giving up.

    Thank you,
    Jenny

  2. Of course not Jenny! Let me explain.

    You can be alone on your path even if you’re surrounded by a lot of people.

    The blessing for me was that I didn’t have to, I had the privilege of being able to be alone (literally), and to me that was a huge blessing.

    There are people who go through these things while they’re out in the world so to speak, and I can’t even imagine the dread if I had been forced to do that.

    I would have tried to flee into a cave of some kind, or run to a mountain top to sit there and be alone! LOL

    (And now that I think about it, I remember there was a time (way back) when I actually even considered becoming a nun or something just so that I didn’t ever have to go back “to the world” again after I’ve seen what Life really is).

    But joke aside, it’s not easy to be among other people while in the process, that’s why aloneness as in “being alone” is a blessing when you go through a spiritual awakening process.

    Not everyone has the opportunity to do so, some go through the process (or at least begin it) while they have jobs too, or are in relationships with their partner and so on, so please don’t worry about it.

    Your boyfriend might be a “forever friend” type of individual (whether you’re on a spiritual path or not), a person who you know you will have in your life all your life.

    I have one too, but that doesn’t mean they can relate to what you’re going through (mine couldn’t, and we had minimal contact during those years, although for other reasons), but they are there anyway, on and off throughout our lives.

    Sometimes people fade out of our lives for a while, sometimes years at a time (but again, not always!) and sometimes they’re there throughout our whole lives (look at Gayle and Oprah for example).

    Sometimes the relationships change and become a different kind of relationship and so on, so nothing is set in stone here, there are no “rules”.

    What I’m pointing at also is that it can be the experience of aloneness in the sense that no one can relate to what you’re going through, so you have no one to talk about it with.

    That kind of aloneness.

    But that doesn’t exclude other people from your life during the process because Life has a magical way of putting people on your path that you need or who’s company you can enjoy, even if they don’t know what you’re going through.

    I had one friend when I lived in Norway and when I went through the time of aloneness, but she had no clue about what I went through, we didn’t talk about those things because she would never had been able to understand.

    And I wasn’t bothered by that, I simply enjoyed her friendship and we did other things together the times we hang out.

    (Which wasn’t that often as I was inclined to withdraw and do inner work at that time and it was pretty much a 24/7 thing for me, but she was there, that’s my point; Life put her on my path, and I appreciated it so much and was immensely grateful to have her in my life.)

    I was blessed to be able to be all alone in my process, having all my energy and attention 24/7 focused on my process, and that’s what I consider a huge blessing.

    It would have been more challenging if I had had a job for example, if I had for some reason been forced to be around other people at that time.

    And I consciously chose not to get involved in any love relationship, that was completely out of my radar, had no interest in it wheresoever.

    I wanted full focus on my process (and building up my own business/this website), so a boyfriend at that time would only had been in the way for me.

    So while aloneness on the spiritual path is in a sense required and mandatory, it does not mean that you literally are alone in it.

    There can still be people in your life, pets might be there, you might stay in your job (for a while at least) and so on, so don’t worry about any of that.

    There’s nothing that says that you will loose your boyfriend, of course not, so please don’t even think about that.

    The period of aloneness can be experiences/gone through with people around you, but for most there’s a period of actual aloneness (solitude of some kind, withdrawal from the world), but this doesn’t mean that every single person goes through it in the exact same way.

    And whatever happens along the path, it’s not like you “give it up” as you wrote, it doesn’t happen that way so you don’t have to think in those lines at all.

    Just enjoy having your boyfriend in your life and let the future go.

    Really. There’s nothing to worry about.

    Enjoy, and consider yourself blessed! 🙂

    Hope this was helpful to you.

  3. Jenny

    Thank you so much for clarifying Maria, this has made me feel a lot better. I am finding that being around people is extremely difficult. I was at a party tonight but left soon after I arrived as it was so busy, people drinking, noise…I craved the silence of my own space. To get away was a relief. Although my boyfriend doesn’t know what I’m going through, he has been there for me unconditionally, more than anyone ever has (other than my mother) and makes me feel less ‘lonely’. The idea of not having that support is not a pleasant one.

    On a side note, I am so very intrigued by your path and very excited about your book. I’d love to know also about the logistics of your journey, i.e. how you supported yourself without having a job. My reason for this is partially selfish, as I may be losing my job soon. I have chosen to accept this inevitability (if indeed it is an inevitability) as I have clutched on to my job for too long and it has caused me immense frustration. However, although I don’t need much money to survive (I’m totally uninterested in material possessions now), I am worried about how I’ll feed myself and pay my bills if I do lose my job, whilst also being quite excited about the prospect of dedicating more of my time and energy to this path. Could you guide me towards any of your articles that discuss your experience in more detail?

    Much love, and thank you again,

    Jenny

  4. Well, it’s really not about that kind of aloneness, or loneliness, it’s not like that.

    The majority or human beings feel alone even when they are among other people, and most people will never wake up, so it has really nothing to do with it in that sense.

    But there’s no use of speculating about if you will lose your boyfriend (or job, or whatever it is) or not because the reality is that you might or you might not.

    We don’t even know if we will be here tomorrow so just enjoy this moment and this day because that’s all you got (and it should not be wasted on worry).

    Do the inner work, and when you do things will fall away, even people, but it’s not like you have to think about any of that, simply move forward relentlessly (if you want to wake up that is).

    You will even loose your God in the process, whatever “God” means to you.

    There is only you on this journey, that’s what you’ll discover, so its not about being alone as in lonely but as in “there’s no one here but me, and everything comes from me” (from consciousness).

    If support is what you get from your boyfriend and you’re attached to that support, it will probably be challenged along the way, because in the end, the support will have to come from within yourself and not from other people.

    That’s why gurus, teachers, books, teachings etc etc, all falls away and you won’t be able to hold on to anything because everything you think is true is not true.

    Any kind of “stability” or “security” will be severely challenged, because those things are all about the ego.

    But again, don’t worry about it.

    You don’t have a choice in the matter – the only thing you can do is to resist the process.

    Do what you feel inclined to do today, or directed to do, and let all the rest be in the hands of Truth/Life/the universe.

    About my book;

    I’m not writing at the moment and don’t even know if I will continue soon or not.

    I sometimes share things with clients if I feel it will benefit them but I don’t really feel drawn to writing on the book at this point.

    But let me see what I can find for you in my archives later, and maybe I even write an article or two about it (I’m always up for that!:) ), and if I do, I’ll post the link(s) here for you in the comments section.

    There’s a lot of things I can share from that time that I never wrote about here on my website.

    I have a lot of content and stories to share so I’m sure I will use it to inspire and encourage others at some point in some way or another (right now it’s mainly with clients and if someone asks me something via Ask Maria or when I’m interviewed etc).

    My focus was more on serving others through my writing (and not complaining about my situation) but there were also many things I couldn’t share at that time in my life, but which I can share now.

    So I probably will.

    Stay tuned 🙂

  5. I’ve just published an article for you Jenny.

    You asked:

    “I am so very intrigued by your path and very excited about your book.

    I’d love to know also about the logistics of your journey, i.e. how you supported yourself without having a job.

    My reason for this is partially selfish, as I may be losing my job soon.

    I have chosen to accept this inevitability (if indeed it is an inevitability) as I have clutched on to my job for too long and it has caused me immense frustration.

    However, although I don’t need much money to survive (I’m totally uninterested in material possessions now), I am worried about how I’ll feed myself and pay my bills if I do lose my job, whilst also being quite excited about the prospect of dedicating more of my time and energy to this path.

    Could you guide me towards any of your articles that discuss your experience in more detail?”

    Here’s my reply:

    https://mariaerving.com/survive-spiritual-path-no-job

    Hope you enjoy the read 🙂

  6. Nathania

    Hi Maria,

    Thank you for this article. Ive been on this journey for a few years, initially like you mentioned I considered monastic living, becoming a nun, so I didn’t have to go back into the world. I became so comfortable in my solitude, in prayer.
    That never happened, but being unable to mesh my spiritual life in the material world has been devastating. It’s been impossible to hold jobs, because I cant handle being with people much anymore. I used to be able to handle so much professional stress, highly demanding work, now, I can barely work a full day without feeling exhausted. On top of that, I suppose out of fear, I opted to move in with my mom. I’m a grown up and this is hard, she is going through her own depression is lonely and just doesn’t get that I want to be alone. She doesn’t get boundaries, she comes in my room as she pleases, despite me asking her not to, she feels the need to share every thought with me, I have no personal space. We are both home most of the time, and I feel like I’m going to explode. Were there times you had no space, when you longed for solitude and felt like you had to hide from everyone, times you felt you could not work and wondered how you would support yourself.? Times when you didn’t have the energy for ‘life’s?

  7. Thanks for commenting Nathania (what a beautiful name you have!), and for sending this to Ask Maria also.

    Stay tuned for an article from me shortly when I have more time to write it 🙂

  8. Lizzy

    Thank you for this article, Maria.

    I just gave notice to a job I’ve been working for 24 years (that I never liked, but did to pay the bills) that I’d be leaving in February.

    Really, until I started reading your articles, did it ever occur to me that I could choose to do something I really care about. It was never a thought or option. It was always about paying the bills.

    I’m lucky that I’ve built a small pension (very small), but I made my mind up that however small my pension was, I could not take another year, 6 months at what I’m currently doing.

    I love animals, always have…I don’t know what my new “job” will look like, but this time around it will be something I love, something that comes natural, and something I can put my heart into and that feels meaningful.

    Reading your articles was “hands – down” the motivation and permission I needed to think about my life differently and my “job”.

    I’m really happy and excited for the first time in a long time to see where this new phase in my life will take me.

    Thank you!

    With gratitude,

    “Lizzy”

  9. I’m so glad to hear that Lizzy!

    Congratulations to your new phase in life! 🙂

    And you’re so very welcome, I’m glad to hear my articles has been helpful to you and I’m honored to be part of your journey at this time in your life.

    Please keep us updated on how things unfold, it can be such an inspiring story to hear for others.

    I don’t know where you live but you can always begin volunteering at an animal shelter or something like that.

    They always need help and that way you come in contact with others who are passionate about animals and pets too and then something new can unfold from there.

    New experiences, new contacts, new interaction with others (and animals/pets), and so on.

    One thing always leads to another and the direction of the flow is something we can choose.

    Now that you have made this big decision in your life, go with the momentum of things and do something new already today 🙂

    It can be something very small, such as sending an email to someone.

    Go with the momentum of this flow now, and new, wonderful things will start to come your way that you can begin enjoying already now.

    I’m very happy for you Lizzy, and I wish you all the best on your new path – May it bless you beyond words!

  10. Lizzy

    Thank you for your always encouraging words and blessing! I will keep you updated.

    I’m not sure I would be taking these steps if it wasn’t for you. So again….thank you!

    Lizzy

  11. Lizzy

    Just one more thing comes to mind regarding what you wrote about taking a small step ex: it could be e-mailing someone.

    One of my very favorite books, What the Animals Taught Me, is a book about a woman who took a job in Sonoma County in California caring for a couple animals which resulted in the author starting an animal sanctuary.

    I heard about the terrible wildfires in that part of California, and I actually e-mailed her (she has a website) expressing my concern.

    She e-mailed back saying she and the animals were no longer in Sonoma County, and she and the animals were safe.

    Just taking that step to connect in a small way really did feel great!

  12. That is so awesome Lizzy!

    It’s so easy isn’t it to just reach out to someone, whether it’s for yourself (such as asking for help/guidance/advice) or if it’s to offer an ear or simply care for another person like you did when you asked how they were doing.

    This small act of simply emailing someone not just felt great for you, but for her as well, and not to mention the delight Life feels when you follow its flow.

    The flow of Truth, that you decided to follow, is what makes your heart and soul sing of joy.

    You showed up and you showed interest in your new path and you did something that may seem insignificant and small, but it helped open a door, and your heart too.

    What exactly that door is you will soon come to know.

    All things that we do and engage in always leads to other similar things, and the flow of that direction is in our hands.

    It’s when we do these “small” things that the “big” things start to unfold and happen.

    So many times people get overwhelmed thinking that they have to take a huge step or leap of faith in order to move forward, but many times it’s these small steps that open up the path more and more.

    So keep doing it Lizzy and Life will astound you with its intelligence and kindness!

    I’m truly happy for you and I look forward to hear how things unfold for you so please keep us updated on your journey 🙂

  13. Lizzy

    Thank you so much for your encouraging and kind words. I will be very happy to let you know how things unfold. “To be continued….”

    I really appreciate you!

    Lisa

  14. I look forward to hear from you Lisa! 🙂

    All in your own time, whenever the time feels right.

    And thank you for your kind words too <3

  15. siahn

    Thankyou so much Maria, i began my spiritual awakening and healing when i was 18 so it was very hard for me im now 23 and i think im just coming out of the spiritual solitude stage. It has been the hardest 4 years the last 2 i have been literally ALONE ..my mother told me i had a different dad when i was 18 so it started from there.. feeling half empty half a person living alone became un bearable i have to have my sister stay over… losing friends i havent seen some of them in a year or more. None of my friends have been through spiritual awakening so i cant connect with them like i once could even my best friends.. i feel so weird!!! but reading this article just gave me confirmation that i know im on the right path, im finding it hard to quit my job and let ego go in that area.. i dont know how the bills will be paid if i quit my job but i can feel life pushing me towards my creativity my painting. so i think i will keep creating and let life happen thanks for your article it was awesome to read 🙂

  16. Glad to hear it resonated with you.

    Just to clarify though, “letting life happen” does not exclude personal responsibility, which comes from a place of awareness.

    So make sure it’s not the false self wanting to quit your job thinking you’ll be alright anyway, that you will ‘just go with the flow’.

    That’s not the flow I’m talking about at all; it’s not the hippie mentality flow I’m talking about.

    Going with the flow in an unaware way is not based in Truth, but ego actually.

    I would suggest you keep the job for now – I assume you think it’s an okay job since you wrote you find it hard to let it go – while you concentrate on building up a creative work/career/vocation for yourself.

    You need money for paint and other art supplies, food etc, and it’s nice to be able to have a home to live in, wouldn’t you agree?

    Maybe right now at this point in your life you need the job and it might actually be a blessing to you that you have it.

    Just feel into that.

    If it pays your bills and you’re okay with it, then keep it for now while using all your free time to build up whatever your creative dream and desire is.

    You said it yourself; “I’m finding it hard to quit my job”.

    Then why would you quit if you don’t really want to do that?

    If you did that then that would actually be out of flow, out of alignment, with your true life.

    Meaning, that if you quit your job but you really don’t want to, then you’re going against your flow, not with it.

    Do what will give you most peace at this time in your life and from there you let Life show you the way.

    If you go against what you really want you will only create disturbances and hindrances for yourself.

    Listen to your own inner voice and let it guide you; come from a place of awareness within yourself.

    Your path is unique, your flow is unique, and staying in alignment with your own inner truth and the Truth of the moment and following that is what will bring you happiness and freedom in your life.

    For some it’s in their flow to quit their job, but I don’t feel it’s in your flow, not at this time in your life.

    I can sense it from the way you wrote it that you don’t really want to let it go so trust that and let Life show you how to move forward from here.

  17. Vivek

    Hi Maria
    When the new life takes place – would that mean that i would give up all the worldly things ?
    I am specifically asking in regards to “desire to earn money”
    will i not want to earn money anymore and give up the desire for such ?
    Thanks

  18. Of course not. You don’t have to “give up” anything but the ego.

    Living in the flow of life is about all that is good and healthy in life, so of course that includes money and income too.

    You can become as rich as you want to, but your main goal is not about making money, it’s about enjoying what you do (finding fulfillment/purpose in what you do) and being at service to the world/that which is greater than yourself.

    It’s about following that which is true within yourself; that you’re true to yourself and what you feel passionate about or called to do.

    Money then becomes a bi-product of those things, and so yes, you may earn a lot of money and become very rich too.

    Look at for example people like Oprah Winfrey, Richard Branson, Cesar Millan, and many others.

    They are very successful and wealthy people and they are also very service-oriented and generous.

    Read their biographies and you’ll see that their main goal wasn’t about making money at all when they first started out.

    They followed their dreams, passions and inner guidance and continue to do so to this day and that’s where their true joy and fulfillment is.

    So you won’t be deprived of anything good in life, don’t worry about that 😊

    Those kinds of fears belong to the ego and it’s a common misconception that many (spiritual) people have; that you somehow would ‘lose out’ living a life that is Truth-based.

    Or that it’s ‘wrong to make money’ if you follow your souls calling.

    That’s pure nonsense.

    It’s from where you live your life that counts, and you can never find true fulfillment in life if you’re just living for the sake of making money.

    You just have to find your own true path and follow that without being concerned about how much or little money you think it will bring you.

    One of the most important things you can do at this point in your life is to tune inwards and get a really good connection with your inner truth and then let that lead you forwards from here.

    Learn to trust your intuition and develop self-awareness, those are two very important things for you to grow so that you’re always anchored in the Truth within you.

    If you want to live in the flow of life that is.

  19. Vivek

    thank you maria this was very helpful =)
    was having a rough day
    feeling so much better now

  20. Saumya

    Hello Maria!
    Your post helped me to define the phenomenon that I have been experiencing. Thanks a lot.

  21. Bartosz

    Really useful topic.
    Since I had kundalini rise all is being changed.
    Sensitiveness is really challenging. All activities are overwhelming or barely acceptable.
    All interest is falling off, whatever I try ( hobby etc ) it’s quite hard because I feel like I am becoming more and more empty. More over my view about God and spirituality collapsed. It’s not about loosing it but all concepts had disappeared. It came to me all was trap as others addictions. That was most horrible thing I have experienced. Now I feel world doesn’t fit me anymore ( people,job, and typical mundane stuff ) what makes life more hard.

  22. I understand where you’re at Bartosz. It’s the real awakening process that you’re now experiencing, and it’s not comfortable at all.

    It’s not all about “love and light” is it? That’s what most people think. Although there’s plenty of bliss phases to be experienced too! But all in all, in it’s core, it really is a death and rebirth process and it can be very painful.

    Don’t lose hope though, keep moving through it and soon you’ll be on the other side of it in freedom.

    The most important thing you can do is to keep questioning everything and not settling for anything but the Truth and that’s what you’ll get.

    You will find your way in the world again and actually discover that God dwells within you, that you are one with it.

    I’ve written a lot about the spiritual awakening process in the past (I no longer do that though) so by searching my site you’ll find all kinds of articles about all the different kinds of processes one goes through in the awakening process.

    Wishing you all the best on your continuous journey inwards,

    Maria

  23. Bartosz

    Thank you Maria for reply. Very true, it’s not just love and light. We will see what happened later. The one thing make me sane is sound of flute I can hear everyday so I don’t loose hope 🙂

  24. Starr

    Wow, my head tingled throughout this article as if I landed on something just for me to read. I am 40 years old and I have struggled with melancholy, sensitivity, depression, anxiety, and not feeling at all connected to others and this matrix (world), even with my very own “family”. LONELINESS is a such a soul crushing, intense feeling. I grew up in a very Mormon family and that belief system NEVER resonated with me and have felt extremely ostracized from my very own family because of it. I was always bored at church— nothing truly moved me from the inside out, ever. Once I began to conceptualize things, questioning what I was being taught, I fell into major depression around 14 years old and it has been constant ever since…I feel that my spiritual awakening began very very early as I reflect back. Chucking being Mormon was the first bit, I feel, when my ego began to crack and then depression sank in even more–my ego has been wanting me to take my life FOR a very very very long time…it has been ruthless fighting it off.

    Then 9/11 in NYC happened and 5 years later I started to dissect that “truth” of what really happened and all the stories surrounding it and BOOOOOOM, I realized I have been lied to about what type of world I have been living in. Then, around 2011, I began to notice my relationships were horrible and I had no idea how to have one—-with anyone and I kept having relationsips with emotionally unavailable people because my parents have been that, too. I couldn’t trust then and still cant trust anyone now. Then, I landed on a book by David Icke called, “Human Race Get Off Your Knees: The Lion Sleeps No more” and I got cracked open even more…that was 2013 and this awakening has been going and going and going and going and I realized that I have truly always been a solitary person craving connection, but continue to be alone most of the time where I do most everything on my own as I panic about the biggest fear of being an old lady BY MYSELF, no kids, no family, is my worst fear, but I came into this world alone, I have truly been walking this path alone for much of 40 years, AND I will transition from this world alone. Fear, Panic, Depression, have kept me out of alignment with my divinity, my birthright ALL my life…I know it.

    This awakening has been brutal but your article allowed me to see that I have been resisting aloneness ALL MY LIFE and now it is time to embrace who I AM, alone, with ALL OF IT, and that LOOK AT ME, I HAVE always been doing it, mostly, alone and look, HERE I AM, alone, learning, growing, albeit scared and fearful as hell re: the unknown, but I AM doing it…I just wish the moments of freedom, joy, happiness that I do feel wouldn’t flee so fast; I wish I could hang on to those subtle yet profound moments when I feel aligned and calm. Mental calmness is what I seek.

  25. So glad to hear you found the article helpful Starr.

    I have a lot of articles about the spiritual awakening process so have a browse around (and use the search box as well) and you’ll find more of them.

    There was a few things in your story and comment that I feel I could give you some pointers on.

    For example; I would strongly suggest you stop reading and watching anything that has to do with any conspiracy theories.

    Just stop all that cold turkey and start focusing on other things that are more life-affirming and positive.

    If you really want what you say you want, which is mental calmness, then ask yourself if what you allow into your consciousness is really helping you with that.

    “Is this calming for me?” is a great question to ask yourself regarding anything you’re about to do or pay attention to.

    If you’re about to read a book for example, ask yourself “is this going to be calming for me, or is it going to agitate me and trigger fear and anxiety?” and so on.

    Then make a conscious choice to only read and watch and listen to things that are actually bringing peace and calm to your life and state of mind.

    The reality is that ok, they might be right, all the people who are into the conspiracy-stuff, but unless you’re actually going to be doing something about it (=being active and engaged in the solution-part) then it’s not helpful nor useful for you at all to let that stuff into your mind.

    Shift your focus towards other things that are more positive and uplifting instead.

    You have the choice where to put your attention and focus and it can literally be on ANYTHING, so choose wisely and consciously.

    Here’s a post that you might like:

    https://mariaerving.com/avoid-negativity-and-depressing-energy

    And it’s not about shutting your eyes pretending everything is perfect and awesome in this world, but it is about choosing consciously where to put your attention and asking yourself if it’s really helpful (and if so, how), the things you’re currently focusing on.

    Ok, so you’ve realized that you have been lied to, that’s a reality in your life, but instead of being depressed about it, see it as a positive thing.

    It’s helping you wake up! If you hadn’t found out then you would still be sleepwalking along with the vast majority of the worlds population, so be glad you found out and now build yourself a life outside of the Matrix and make yourself happy and forget about the past.

    Forgive and move on with your life. You only got this one life so why not be as happy as you can be?

    You can ask the Universe/Life/Truth/Divine/God to help you find new things to focus on that would bring you into alignment with joy and freedom instead.

    Here’s a post that can help you:

    https://mariaerving.com/messages-from-universe

    The truth is that wherever your attention goes, that’s the direction your path will unfold in and the direction is always in your hands.

    You get to choose what to pay attention to and what to screen out from your awareness.

    Attention energizes and magnifies and intention transforms and changes, so simply by intending to be happy in your life, Life will start taking you in that direction and then it’s up to you to keep moving in the direction that is shown.

    You’re already doing that, but you’re going in a direction that will not bring you what you want, which is mental calmness as you said in your comment.

    I would also suggest you begin meditating too if you haven’t already. Begin everyday with a short (or long for that matter) meditation and your whole outlook on life will transform, and very fast too.

    See to it that you always connect with the Divine first thing in the morning before you do anything else.

    One last thing about intention that came to mind as I was reading your comment;

    You may be alone now Starr, but don’t say (=intend) that that’s how it’s going to be for the rest of your life.

    You never know what’s around the corner so be mindful about what you’re saying to yourself.

    Instead you can say something like this:

    “I may be alone NOW but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be forever. I’m certainly open to meet new people and become friends and maybe even find someone I can love and who loves me. But until then I accept that I am alone, while at the same time I am also open and ready to not be that anymore. I remain open and receptive to all the goodness and love that Life has in store for me, and trust that it all happens in divine timing and in perfect ways.”

    Something like that. 😊

    Here’s one more post that will be helpful for you:

    https://mariaerving.com/cultivate-self-love

    Hope this was helpful to you.

    All the best to you on your continuous journey moving forwards (and inwards)!

    Maria

  26. Starr

    Maria,

    Your reply right here was soothing balm for my soul. I am so grateful you responded. I have read and re-read it now three times.

    I have such a difficult time meditating. My mind just races and I would so enjoy connecting with the Divine, but I get so overwhelmed in my mind. My mind’s condition is so bad these days. It really is a bad neighborhood for me to frequent, but, I don’t know how to calm it down–my ego is very strong and the pat and future have me imprisoned. Do you know a technique I can start with to help me align back with the light within, the God frequency?

    Have you heard of the four fold breath?

    I totally agree with you about staying away from “conspiracy theories” (I don’t like that word), but so much of my awakening happened because of learning about the Matrix, the game, the lies…it’s all been part of my awakening. I don’t think I would have woken up so deeply without discovering these things. But, I hear you loud and clear as I do get very scared and fear sinks in deeply when I spend hours and hours reading about this stuff. It also distracts me from my current family stuff, as well, but then I realize I become even more angry about the theories and my family stuff. IT IS Horrible.

    The work you do is such a beacon for spiritual beings trying to navigate this game. THANK YOU, Maria.

    Starr

  27. You’re so very welcome, I’m glad to hear you found it helpful. 😊

    I suggest you focus more on increasing your self-awareness so that you can begin finding and connecting with your true identity, which is the Divine itself.

    There’s a lot of articles here on my website that can help you with that.

    Simply search for “self-awareness”, “ego”, etc. and you’ll find plenty and then just move forward from there as you’re guided.

    Here’s a few articles that came to mind just now that can be helpful to you in calming your mind:

    https://mariaerving.com/alan-watts-taoist-farmer-story

    https://mariaerving.com/stop-the-story-in-your-head

    https://mariaerving.com/fear-cant-live-with-you-anymore

    https://mariaerving.com/get-rid-of-fear-meditation-process

    https://mariaerving.com/dealing-with-the-unknown

    https://mariaerving.com/stalk-your-fear

    And yes, everything has come your way to help you in your awakening process, and that includes the conspiracy theories and books and teachers that has to do with those kinds of things.

    But they have now served their purpose and you are ready to move on to the next level of your growth.

    So many people stay with different kinds of teachings way too long when in reality they were just meant to help them jolt out of a false beliefs or beliefs-system.

    But instead of moving on when the growth experience is completed they stay and start worshiping and making the person or teaching into the Ultimate Truth.

    All the while the Universe is standing and waiting for you to get over it so you can move on to the next level.

    You’ve come here today because you are ready to take your life to the next level, so go with this momentum now and you won’t even think about the past anymore after a while.

    Self-awareness and connecting with the Divine will help you get centered in the present moment so go with that and see where it leads you. 😊

    There’s plenty of guided meditations to find on YouTube, and something I always recommend for beginners is to look up binaural beats and brain-sync meditations.

    It’s a sound technology that helps the brain get in a meditative state quickly so it’s brilliant for people who are not yet used to meditating by themselves.

    Breathing is great too, it’s really good so continue doing that too even if it’s just for 5 minutes now and then during the day. It will help you calm your nerves and nervous system.

    Lastly, here’s a couple of articles that came to mind that can be helpful to you as well:

    https://mariaerving.com/there-can-be-joy-and-peace-now

    https://mariaerving.com/protect-your-peace-and-energy

    https://mariaerving.com/ego-fear-worry-stress/

    Enjoy the read! 😊

  28. Leigh

    This was a great article and needed at the right time. Thank you so much for sharing!

  29. Phyllis

    I can so relate to this article. So what do you do when you don’t like people but you want people to like you. For a long long time I have felt there was something inherently wrong with me because I don’t like being around people. I think a lot of that stems from the fact that I have very low self esteem even though I portray myself as a confident, well put together older woman. Although I have been married to my husband for over 38 years, I don’t even like spending time with him. I’ve been involved in a Bible study group with 3 other women for over 5 years now, but lately I find myself not even wanting to attend those weekly meetings. I want to be this person that I am not and compare myself constantly to others. I have no clue who I am. There is nothing I am passionate about. I love my children and my grandchildren and some of my siblings and that’s where the love stops. I realize it’s hard to love others and want to be around people when you don’t love yourself or want to be who you are. Maybe being alone would be the best thing for me at this point in my life, but that’s hard to do when you’re married.

  30. Thank you for sharing what’s going on with you Phyllis.

    I feel that there are several deeper issues and factors involved and that we would have to go deeper into everything, but I can give you some pointers that can be helpful for you, or you can share more in the comments below and then we can take it from there and see what unfolds.

    Have you ever communicated this with your husband, that you feel this way, that you don’t like spending time with him?

    If not, who knows, he might feel the same about you and if none of you is communicating it to each other you’re both just wasting your lives living being married to someone you rather not spend time with.

    That’s a huge misalignment with your truth and of course that also then blocks any other kind of love from being able to flow and flourish in your life.

    Passion, love, joy and all the good stuff of life can only show up for us when we’re true to ourselves – but until that happens the flow if blocked, and to get back in alignment again you have to choose it.

    We only have this one life, and I know that 38 years is a long time, but please make sure you’re happy with yourself and your choices.

    I would suggest that you get really clear on intending a different life for yourself where you can move forward with a deeper connection to your true self.

    Even if you at this time can’t love yourself, you can always love your soul and connect with It as if it was all that mattered to you.

    Turn to It with all your heart and ask it to lead you to the next step and something will awaken within you that you didn’t even know was there.

    Love your soul with everything you’ve got, and It will show you the right things to say and do and so on.

    It’s from your inner being that all (real) love flows from, and when you connect with that, your life (and your relationships) will begin to change for the better.

    Here’s some articles that can help you with your relationship with who you really are:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=self+talk+

    Hope this was helpful to you.

  31. Maria

    I have read so much about being alone, but this article is just amazing!

    I’m 42 F, and my awakening started 5 years ago when I was “successful” but really unhappy for no apparent reason.

    However, the last couple of years has been crazy for me. I sold my business two years ago, as the partnership and the kind of job didn’t resonatewith me anymore. Then, a year ago I fell sick and later I found Medical Medium so I started healing. Now that I’m feeling better and less symptomatic, my 13 year toxic relationship ended, so I’m in solitud right now, I meditate every day and I’m trying to find myself. That is why your article and journey is so inspiring to me.

    Everything has its purpose, but I’m still struggling with some inner demons.

    Send you sooo much love!!!

  32. I’m glad to hear it resonated with you Maria, and that you found it helpful.

    And thank you for the love – I received it with a grateful heart. 😊

    I’ve written a lot about the awakening process in the past so if you put “spiritual awakening” or “awakening process” or “ego death” etc. in the search box, you will find a lot of other articles that can help you even further as you move forward (and inward) on your path.

  33. Elaine

    Just read this article on Xmas morning -happy Christmas! I typed into google -why have I lost my spiritual evolution and your article came up. It very much describes my life of the last 15 years or so. I had my time of being a hermit of 8 years. Recently in the last three years or so I have found myself filling a space with books and Netflix etc. So much so that I don’t focus on myself inwardly at all. Thing is I know this isn’t a good thing yet I seem to be stuck in it. I think how do I fill my time? As all following teachings of others and tools learned along the way I feel there is no truth in. I keep intending to change the way I fill my time but just don’t seem able. Having read your article I think now it must be my ego desperately holding on? I don’t know how to change this really. I do feel I read your article at the right moment as I told myself I would dedicate Xmas morning to getting back on track whatever the track is!! Many thanks for your writings
    Elaine

  34. Happy Christmas to you too Elaine! 😊 And thank you for commenting and sharing from your life.

    I’ve seen this a lot throughout the years, what you described, in so many people who are on a spiritual path.

    It’s very common that people who call themselves “spiritual” are many times – and I’m going to be blunt and say it like I see it, many of them are wasting their lives without even knowing it.

    Spiritual people tend to be very passive and energy-less in my experience, while people who embrace their humanness too and focus on other (equally important) aspects of life, such as personal development and growth, are way more progressed and “awakened” in their evolution.

    I’m not sure if you see yourself as a “spiritual person being on a spiritual path”, but if you are, then my advice and suggestion to you would be to begin embracing other aspects of life and not just focus on the spiritual aspect, because that’s just part of the whole.

    Here’s an old article where you can read more about what I mean:

    https://mariaerving.com/flow-is-the-way-life-moves-not-spiritual

    Sometimes ‘spiritual people’/people on the ‘spiritual path’ disregard other interests and paths even if Life points the way to the next step in their evolutionary path simply because it’s not “spiritual” enough, and without their knowing, it’s all ego trying to be as spiritual as possible.

    So whatever you’re guided to do next, Do That, no matter how it looks to your ego (but never stay with anything, don’t make anything outside of yourself The Truth).

    That’s why many spiritual people are stuck, and also downright miserable to be honest. Very life-less and full of limiting beliefs about how they ‘should’ live and be (they live their lives according to what books, teachings, Guru’s etc. tells them. Most spiritual circles are full of ‘rules’, just like religion is.)

    The ego resists change, it (or the old level of consciousness, the old ‘you’) does this to fight and sabotage your growth and progress, that’s why you are not able to make progress or move forward.

    Don’t let more years go by without taking charge of your mind and consciousness. It’s either you, or your ego/old programming that is running your life.

    You have to make a firm decision that you’ve had it with lethargy and directionlessness, that you won’t tolerate it anymore.

    Self-awareness is Key. Here’s some of my articles that can be helpful to you:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=self-awareness

    The ego, or old ‘you’ that you are now awakening from, is scared, but remember this; your true self, who you really are, is THRILLED about the new so take a first step towards something new today and make this the day for you when everything turned around for you.

    Take charge of your mind, energy and consciousness. It belongs to you, not the false self.

    People who are overly spiritual have a tendency to not embrace the whole of life, or themselves fully either.

    Many avoid looking into their issues for example and by not doing the inner work to trancend whatever it is that they need to move beyond, they get stuck in a loop where nothing happens.

    I’m not saying you are like this Elaine! Or that you do any of this.

    But these words are flowing through me so it’s apparent that someone needs to hear this so I’m just letting it be expressed through me.

    Those who feel something stir up within them when they read this (it can be both resistance and a sense of excitement at the same time) might be inspired to do something about where they’re at so that they can get in alignment with their inner being that is always doing its best to point the way for them (for all of us) to experience even greater fulfillment in life.

    We are always evolving and growing (or should be, as consciousness is ever-expanding and always seeks greater expression through us), so for anyone not experiencing that, I urge you to look within and listen for the guidance that is trying to come through and then follow through on it even if you’re called to do something new and unfamiliar.

    Thank you again Elaine for commenting, and again; this message might not be specifically for you, but it flowed through me so I know someone needs to hear it otherwise it would have not been expressed through me.

    Hope you have a beautiful day and an awesome unfolding on your path from this day onwards! 😊

  35. Elaine

    Thank you got your reply! I have worked on self development-have also rigidly followed rules of spiritual groups (long gone)! This year my life has gone in a different direction beginning complementary therapy training. It’s more that the time. It taken up by training, family, feels very empty and I fill it with tv etc whereas before I spent lot of time on nature/looking at myself etc. I had a few years of being carer to my elderly parents and feel I helped midwife their passing and at same time was at birth of three grandchildren which all feels a huge blessing to me. Sometimes I take up something like healthy eating learning lots about it or some other focus. Yet it feels I have nowhere else to go difficult to explain the feeling 🙂 i feel I have balanced or am in process of balancing aspects of life. Having been very inward for a while I am more “out there” yet those moments of nothing to do/nowhere to be/no one around get filled with a distraction in the form of tv where it used to be self help programmes/books -it’s be one meaningless diversion but I don’t know what I am diverting from 🙂 sorry all sounds mixed up. I feel many hours are wasted and also worry that focusing on media will create things in life not very positive! Thanks again Elaine

  36. To have the awareness of something shifting for you now Elaine is huge, so when you do something like watch TV in a mindless way, your awareness will help you move away from it more and more, – provided you’re not making yourself feel bad for doing those things.

    Keep catching yourself when you do mindless things and then redirect your mind and focus on things that will be more life-affirming, that’s a healthy way to get things back in ‘balance’ as you said. No need to get into self-loathing and blame etc. (if you do any of that.)

    And sometimes doing nothing is also a part of a creative process of life! Actually a very important part.

    It’s how the flow unfolds, it comes and goes in cycles, so learning how it unfolds for you (as it’s unique for everybody) will help you relax into the phases and allow you to fully enjoy all of them, both the active, and the non-active phases, as they are equally important.

    Here’s two other of my older articles that can be helpful to you:

    https://mariaerving.com/honor-your-high-energy-days/

    https://mariaerving.com/honor-low-energy-days/

    The more you move with the flow of your life’s energy, the more effortlessly the stuff in your life that feels heavy and out of alignment will naturally begin to fall away and you will feel the obviousness of your next steps on an on-going basis, – your path will just beautifully unfold before you as you go with the momentum and move with the flow of Life. 😊

  37. Another thing that came to mind Elaine is that you could take some time and be with yourself today and ask yourself what the right actions would be for you in terms of moving forward and then see this as the day when everything turned around for you.

    To sincerely ask yourself questions is very powerful.

    Everything we think and do is pretty much generated by questions and they either push us into new, exciting territories or they keep us stuck in the past.

    To have a better life and future we have to ask the questions that lead towards improvement.

    Questions are what directs the mind and we direct the energy of where consciousness goes by the questions we ask.

    Either they stimulate the mind to think differently and deeper to find the best answers for us, or it just goes round in circles with itself.

    People who judge their life experience as being wrong or bad waste their time and energy looking back at what is already passed so the mind can’t move forward.

    While people who are willing to learn and grow ask questions that helps the mind to find ways they can improve their current (and future) circumstances and situations.

    The mind (which is infinitely powerful!) can then move forward and find the answers that will help enhance your life experience and change it for the better.

    A few examples of simple but very powerful questions to ask yourself can be things like:

    “What is trying to emerge, what wants to be born/come alive in me and in my life?”

    “What does my soul want?”

    “What is the next best action step for me to take”?

    When you ask these kinds of things and meditate on them you will be guided to what the next step is for you and then you just have to have the courage and/or willingness to follow the guidance that you receive. And when you do, life will begin to flow and move forwards for you again.

    Hope this was helpful to you. 😊

  38. Hello again Elaine, how’s things going?

    It’s been a couple of weeks now since we last ‘talked’.

    Did you do any of the things I suggested?

  39. Tristan

    Wow. This is super resonant. I seem to be in a surrendering process and life is “making the space” for that to happen (friends, Love, jobs) and leaving me deeply alone. I’m aware that this feels resonant to me but so foreign that I have no idea what is going on and how to navigate (though I know I am navigating just fine but fail to see it at this moment). My willingness to go on is what led me to your article. “What’s the point in going forward with it all? It’s just too tiring”. I’m losing interest in so many things. All I feel is a deep desire to connect with my light. A desire to just let go entirely and that is the process I feel I am in. But what you said about the unwilling and willing one in regards to this process struck me because both are identities and both will go. And that is my saving grace right now that I am on track (though somehow I always was). Unfortunately I have the resistive ego. What can you do? Either way, ego is ego.

    Thank you for your article. A response would be bonus. All the light that seeps through the cracks I receive these days are always welcomed. They are generally kind words that serve as reminders that nothing is lost (no irony intended).

    Thank you

    Warm regards

    Tristan

  40. Thank you for commenting and sharing Tristan.

    Yes, the losing interest in things is also part of the process. Literally everything changes in the awakening process.

    Below are a few of my older articles about these kinds of things that I know can be helpful to you:

    https://mariaerving.com/spiritual-ambition

    https://mariaerving.com/interests-fall-away-with-spiritual-awakening

    https://mariaerving.com/spiritual-awakening-and-losing-interest

    https://mariaerving.com/enlightenment-and-time-memory

    https://mariaerving.com/how-to-handle-relationship-changes-spiritual-awakening-process

    https://mariaerving.com/relationship-with-god-changes-with-awakening/

    Please note that some articles may be for members only, I don’t remember them all, but if you can access them, good, if not, then I invite you to become a member.

    Here’s a link to some of my articles about the ego too that I know will help you and others reading this:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=ego+

    Lastly, here’s a post I wrote yesterday about the time we’re in and how I can help you navigate and understand the process you and many others finds themselves in right now as things are speeding up:

    https://mariaerving.com/indigenous-grandmothers-flow-alignment

    No one needs to be or feel alone in this.

    Life might have sent you here for a reason, so if you feel that in your soul, then get in touch. I can help.

    Energy work is also very helpful in the spiritual awakening process. You can read more about that HERE.

    I’m always available here on my blog as well, so feel very welcome to keep the conversation going here too.

  41. Ben

    Thank you for this article. I have absolutely felt this aloneness for 3 years after going travelling at 24 and realizing I wasn’t excited or having a good time at all… even though I am very interested in the culture and nature which I was surrounded by!! Since then I have tried travel/relationships/work/studying/music endeavors and the same thing happens. It’s not that I am depressed (I don’t think) but I feel gently pulled down this spiritual path. Every single moment of every single day I have felt intense awareness of my disconnect – sometimes blissful sometimes ambivalent.

    I still have lots of motivation to work creatively and to be of service to the world, but as all these things around me ‘dissolve’ i’m finding it incredibly difficult to see a path of action. Sometimes this reaches a point of stress… desperately I’ve searched to find a path of action that gives me meaning and continuity. I am working on stopping myself from making any more decisions out of fear.

    Thanks again!

  42. You’re so very welcome Ben, glad to hear it resonated with you. 😊

    Yes, just continue with that, to not make any decisions out of fear or stress etc.

    The path of right action will open up when the time is right and you will know it when it comes.

    You will know it intuitively and it’s going to come (and flow) from a different place so developing trust is huge.

    Sometimes there’s long periods of complete silence and where there’s no inspiration or oomph to life at all, but those times are part of the process too so nothing is ‘wrong’, even if it might feel that way.

    It’s just the ego that panics and desperately tries to figure out ‘what’s next’.

    So besides from growing your trust, developing self-awareness is important too.

    You can find articles about those things here:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=self+awareness

    And here’s articles about trust that you might like:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=trust+

    FYI, I’ve just recently lowered my membership site price just so you know in case you weren’t aware. 😊

    Membership gives you access to everything on my website, which I know is very helpful to anyone being on the spiritual awakening path (and that I think you’re on.)

    Here’s a post about it:

    Membership site price change

    Here’s some other articles that can be helpful to you as well:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=fear

    Onwards, upwards – and inwards! 😊

  43. Ben

    Thank you for the reply!

    Yes, I have seen how my ego has led my life now… It feels extremely difficult to re-condition the textbook of stressful limitations I’ve created. My ego is very crafty/afraid and I often struggle to discern between it and my true intuitions.

  44. I have a lot of articles that can help you with that Ben!

    Some of them can be found here:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=ego

    The process is not really about reconditioning your mind, but about seeing through the false, and then that which is true can come through and become your dominant state of being – Which is your natural state of being, the way we’re meant to be, without the conditioning and programming.

    So it’s about shedding the layers of conditioning that is blocking the flow and your alignment with Truth.

    There’s no need to reprogram yourself, only to release that which is not of your true nature.

    Then what remains is who you really are, and that’s when you come home to yourself and all parts of who you are becomes integrated into wholeness.

    Here’s more articles that can be helpful to you:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=ego+voice

  45. Ben

    Really enjoying some of these articles, i’ll consider becoming a member.

    I’ve really spent a great deal of time hiking usually 2 hours every day for nearly a year without headphones to help shed away layers. It’s not that I expect results but I do find it exhausting trying to listen to my heart every day and usually hearing nothing… sometimes I feel intensely blissful and clearheaded in nature but it passes. My passion since childhood has been music which i’ve played and shared with people for years but now it doesn’t really give me meaning.

    Just last month I took an opportunity to move to a different state but knew that I had done the wrong thing as soon as I got there and basically broke down with nausea. The excitement and mountains are really not for me at this time in my life which is such a hard thing to explain to family. THANKFULLY, the government rang me and put me in a paid hotel room for 2 weeks alone for covid quarantine. This was a godsend and gave me time to get back onto the path. I know i’m lacking the patience and trust of the intuitive process at this point, but it feels like hell to sense such immense energy and potential in my body/mind/soul with nowhere meaningful to direct it towards.

    Much gratitude!

  46. Ben, this time IS meaningful, it just doesn’t feel that way for the ego.

    There’s a right time for everything, and right now it’s about your inner work and focusing on that.

    The time will come when you’ll be inspired to do something externally again, I promise you that.

    It’s all part of the process, and as I mentioned earlier, for you right now it seems to be about developing trust and increasing self-awareness.

    So focus on that and all else will be taken care of (as you already have experienced with the time you had in the paid for hotel), and then one day you will suddenly get clear direction again when it comes to the doing and sharing of your gifts and talents in the world.

    Don’t worry about that at all, I can promise you that things will shift and change for the better when you surrender more fully into this and gain a deeper understanding about where the resistance (impatience) is coming from.

    And keep walking! 😊 It’s so good for you in this process.

    I’ve written about that too, here’s a post that you might like:

    https://mariaerving.com/spiritual-awakening-tips-walking

  47. Ben

    Thank you Maria for taking the time to reply!

    It was interesting last night having dinner with my Mum she asked how me (27) and my 30 year old brother and many of our friends came to be such hippies, and I say it’s not by choice!! It seems especially hard for creative people to find value and meaning in the external world and I told her that our suburban childhood and schooling did nothing to give us purpose. I honestly have no intention to dwell on these cultural issues but I really did upset her last night by suggesting that I wasn’t overseen/fostered by an actual community as a child…

    Ahh from now I really will focus once again on my inner work and trust in the communion with true intuition. It’s approaching spring in southern Australia and the forest is full of birdsong 🙂

  48. Aww,.. your poor mum 💜

    It’s not easy for the average person to understand the path of awakening, and especially parents can take the things we say so personally, as if our deviation from the ‘normal path’ was their ‘fault’.

    Our culture, society, unconscious (asleep) parents etc, of course that affects us on a consciousness level and you have to basically fight for your right to live the way you’re meant to live because most people/the world sees people who walk their own paths as outcasts and therefor ‘lost’.

    So while we can relate to their level of consciousness, they can’t ‘get’ where we are because it’s outside of their awareness and understanding.

    It’s like trying to explain grown-up things to children, it’s just not worth the trouble.

    Most people who are unconscious will defend their level of consciousness because that’s what the ego does, so for most people it just leads to unnecessary arguments as the conditioned self wants to keep them small, fearful and limited.

    So I hope you have compassion for your mum and that you know that she is probably blaming herself, not knowing that the path you’re on will lead to your ultimate freedom as a human being.

    And don’t worry about becoming or being a “hippie” that just ‘goes with the flow’ so to speak, aimlessly and without any direction. 😊

    That’s not what living in the flow of Life is, at all.

    It’s a dynamic way to live where everything unfolds in cycles, and the less labels you give yourself the better off you are and the freer you can move through life, ever-evolving and discovering more and more of the vastness of who you really are.

    You might like this post as well:

    https://mariaerving.com/flow-is-the-way-life-moves-not-spiritual/

  49. Buhle M

    Wow, I see this is old but it just opened my mind, I’ve been asking myself all the listed questions and today I landed to this article. I sm very grateful for this, I thought I was the only one in pain and suffering. I have been resisting a lot because I used to have everything, I used to work, drive myself anywhere I wanted, I afforded things I wanted but since this started I’ve lost everything including families and it’s painful, it feels like everyday is the same, life has no meaning, sometimes I wish I could sleep and never wake up, I’ve been applying for jobs for the past 2 years now and I don’t even get an interview, I tried to go back to social media and I feel like I don’t know anyone anymore, I haven’t had new clothes since 2018 but somehow I do survive and get cosmetics, horrible food though. I try to appreciate it all but it is hell most of the time. now I understand and I will accept whatever the truth wants. Hopefully I will be back to life soon.

  50. I’m glad to hear the article was helpful to you Buhle, and that you don’t feel as lonely/alone as you did before you read it.

    Wherever you are, it’s very important that you use this time constructively and that you focus on the right things.

    I remember when Life put me in a place in the middle of nowhere in Norway many years ago when I was in the midst of my awakening process, and before I understood why I had been sent there I resented it so much!

    I hated it (and I rarely use that word!) and had numerous rants and spiritual foot stomping moments with God, believe me. There were a lot of tears and crying and the feeling of being punished by some evil force and even god, and feeling as if my life was doomed and so on.

    Until I realized what a blessing in disguise it was that I was put there that is!

    Once I realized that and surrendered to the process everything shifted for me (internally).

    I was living on welfare and just like you I applied for many jobs without any luck (while at the same time creating my website etc. and writing and sharing from my personal experiences here on my blog.)

    A lot of different things happened on my path that I had to experience so that I could become the person that I am today and do the work that I do.

    For example, I once lived in a tiny caravan in the woods during a cold Scandinavian winter because I didn’t have a home, but I was totally blissed out and full of gratitude. Of course I had challenges, but I was also building on my dream and believing in a different and better life and future.

    I’ve also been through massive personal crisis where I lost everything; my home, money (I had 9 euros left in my pocket and that was all I had), friends, my beloved pet, everything – I had nothing.

    But everything that happened and the things I went through absolutely had to happen the way they did.

    So I can promise you that you’re not alone (there’s a bigger plan unfolding in your life that you just can’t see yet), and that all will be well, no matter what is currently happening in your life.

    As long as you stay on the path that is yours to take, you WILL be taken care of.

    Your job in all this is to do Your part, which is the inner work to shift your consciousness and energy, and then Life takes care of the rest.

    I wasted a LOT of time and energy trying to follow a path that I knew deep down wasn’t for me when I was looking for and applying for jobs everywhere, but at the same time I can understand why the person that I was back then thought she had to do that. But that’s a whole other article in itself!

    My point is, be true to yourself and ignore the paths that are not aligning with you as much as you can and work on the limiting beliefs you have connected to the things you do in an attempt to ‘save yourself’ or think that you ‘have to’ do.

    Focus more on and be more committed and dedicated to following the promptings, the inner guidance, synchronicities and other signs you get and take the actions that you’re shown to take without any fear or anxiety.

    Also work on growing and increasing your TRUST. It’s so important.

    I can promise you this, that as you come to the other end of the process you’re in at the moment, your life will be more beautiful and fulfilling than you can ever imagine, and it doesn’t have to be a long and painful process (I know this now.)

    So keep moving forwards with this with as little resistance as possible. Letting go of resistance is actually one of the most important things you can do on the path you’re on (in whatever form it shows up for you.)

    Surrender to the process and keep surrendering, and of course do the inner work that you’re guided to do too, either alone or with someone that can help you, such as myself.

    You can find articles about spiritual surrender here that can be helpful to you:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=surrender

    And here’s an article that was previously for members only but that I recently made open to the public to read.

    Hope it can bring some peace into your life if you feel you’re all alone and that your life is crumbling and falling apart.

    Again; I can assure you that it isn’t.

    It’s all coming together beautifully for you even if it looks like the opposite is happening!

    It’s an old article, but I hope it can give you further encouragement and increase your trust in the process and path you’re on.

    https://mariaerving.com/survive-spiritual-path-no-job

    On the other side of your struggle and current challenges is a life that is more beautiful than you can ever even imagine.

    So don’t worry, you will be ‘back to life’ eventually! Not in the old way though. It’s going to be a new way of living.

    You will not even recognize yourself or your life (in the most positive way!) once this process is over, it will be that good, so keep moving forwards with all this. 😊

    Life is on your side, wanting to come fully alive in you, it’s in the process of awakening in you and as you, so trust what’s happening as it is all part of the transformational process.

  51. Madeline

    This wonderful article on Lonliness! Thank you Maria…really brought me back to my centre. You’ve defo been there Maria, all the way! So consoling and encouraging. Thank you Maria. Many blessings to you, loads 💓🙏👌🙋‍♀️xxxx

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