Answering The Call (Your Matrix Moment)

The moment of Truth.

Will you go with your heart, or will you stay with the comfortable and ‘safe’? (The ‘known’). Or will you say yes to the unknown, the true adventure of life?

I say Yes.

In every life there comes a time when we are asked (even forced if we have not listened before) by life itself to make a decision that will alter our life direction and change everything.

We can feel when things has come to an end and when we are asked to leave the old behind us and move on.

Since my belief in God was removed my life took a different flavor altogether.

It’s like that was the last barrier – the last belief that left me, and that liberated me in a way that I have never experienced before. (I didn’t realize it had been a barrier until I was on the other side of it. All belief systems are, no matter if they are positive or negative).

So many things has become clear to me, it’s like whatever hindrances I have felt in the past are now gone, but that doesn’t mean that there will never be any challenges again, because I’m sure there will as life is not limited to only pleasant experiences and joyful moments.

What I mean is that I can’t believe (or see any reality) in any beliefs anymore and I see very clearly how beliefs clutters the view of clear seeing. 

We have to go though extremes (that’s my experience and not obligatory) in our spiritual unfolding and evolution and feel all the rawness of life and emotions and so forth in order to chose and chose again, to be true to what is true in our hearts.

What you come to know is that all life is what you are; that all you see, all your visions and all your gods and goddesses and what not; they are all aspects of your own self.

There is no relationship, yet there is as Life continuously speaks to itself.

Life is both destructive and productive, it is everything, and here’s the difference between the western view on God that has to do with relationship (“Big powerful God and little me”-mentality) while the eastern view is about identification with divinity. (Not as a personified deity but as in Brahman/Oneness). 

Here in the west the ego is more developed and strong and when someone realizes their Oneness with all (or have a spiritual or religious experience and they have a glimpse of their true nature) the realization can more easily be hijacked by the ego and we have boasting, spiritualized ego’s running around thinking they are God. (Or “awakened beings”).

That’s not what Oneness is at all. It’s not an addition to who you are, it’s just plainly who you are, simply so

In the eastern part of the world this realization is obvious. It’s not a wow-factor at all. They know (and don’t just believe) that Brahman is all there is.

It’s not personified and their deities are merely symbols for what is in everyone’s hearts already.

Wrath, hate, love, kindness – they all stem from what is in you. Not from a God somewhere outside of yourself.

They look into your eyes and their Namaste comes from the heart of true authentic seeing that we are One, and it’s not merely a shallow phrase as it is used by many westerners who want to sound spiritual and ‘evolved’.

We can all feel the difference if someone is phony or if  it comes from a truthful place in someones heart.

Authenticity can only come when we are sincere with ourselves first and with every spiritual period of transformation and growth we are faced with extremes and it’s important (crucial) to not shun away from them.

It’s like the final test almost (like in a video game), when you have to meet and conquer the big monster before you can go on to the next level. (Or phase of your life where you have transcended the old).

Don’t let yourself be distracted from realizing Truth. You have to go with it and you have to stay true.

That’s the only ‘rule’ there is.  

It was absolutely necessary for me to for a period call myself an atheist, and I needed to come to that point in my realization that made the tipping point possible, and how that could happen was purely and only because I am nothing but completely and utterly truthful with myself.

For me there is no other way to live and wherever life (consciousness, which is who and what I am) takes me, that’s where I go and my only interest has been (and is) the true nature of reality and my commitment to that is what has lead me to where I am today in my own evolutionary process.   

I don’t like any labels at all, I feel that whatever someone is called or whatever something is called, it restricts them, but for a time I needed to use the word atheist to get through to people that I no longer believe in God.

And also for myself obviously, I needed to be able to say that truthfully even if it meant that I would probably lose a lot of readers. 

As I wrote to someone who commented on my Facebook:

“The reason I chose to let people (or my readers) know that I’m an atheist was not to chose side or anything like that (even if it may sound like that, because truthfully, I’m not a fan of any labels), it was simply necessary to state that and make it clear because many people write me about God and praying etc and I’m not into those things anymore.

With time people will get used to ‘the new me’ and then forget all about the label “atheist”

(And thus stop writing me about praying to God etc).

So I’m not rallying for atheism or anything like that.

It is what my journey has lead to and that’s freeing, it’s not a loss as many seem to think. (As I wrote in my article where I explained that I don’t need to be saved)”.

So that’s where I am. I don’t believe in God, but I also don’t need to label myself as anything particular.

I don’t believe in anything, all I have is experience and that is all I ‘need’.

There is no need for faith or trust in anything but myself and other human beings.

To trust life is also not something I would say. What is there to trust? What is there to believe in? Nothing. Life is all there is, and it includes everything.

Do you trust that the tree outside of your window will grow branches? Do you trust that your heart will still beat tomorrow? It may or it may not. 

We can trust the process of life, but it may go in whatever direction, we can never know, so that leaves us with trusting ourselves. 

And as we are life we could say that we trust life, but not as something separate from us so to say that has no meaning.

This is not a gloomy thing to realize; it’s a liberating thing to realize, it takes away the ego’s desire to control and trying to direct events to go in its favor while going against nature.

That hurts if anything. Going with nature is peaceful.  

Life is a happening and it can be amazing and it can also have challenging times. 

It’s totally impersonal.

I’m sure you can relate to the fact that in life, as mysterious as it is, there seem to be a hidden order to things and when we look back we can see that not much happened in the way we intended och thought it would happen, and we can also see that things had to somehow happen the way they did.

Life is the totality of everything and who knows why it moves the way it does.

It’s a mystery 🙂

And when we open up to that (relinquishing the need to control events) life can surprise us and show us something else, something that doesn’t come from a place of desire, but from life itself.

Then life can open up a path that we didn’t see before – only this time we have no knowing of where it will lead (we never did in the first place), all we know is that it feels like the most right and obvious thing to do, despite of feeling a bit scared. (Or nervous). 

That fear can be there, there’s space around it, and it can be seen for what it is; your own inner monster that you are now called to meet and conquer.

You can chose to stay with the known (although life will eventually have its way anyway:), or you can take the step outside the known and into the unknown.

What will it be?  

“This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes” –The Matrix


Other articles that you might like:

Keep Your Attention On Things That Matters Most

Inquiring Into Stillness (Committed to know the Truth)

What it means to serve Truth

Leave Excuses Behind (Stop postponing Truth)


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Val, Melbourne, Australia

Transformational Prayer Process by Maria Erving


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  2. bubba nonuthin


    for one on the Path…Truth can be expressed in any words. On that path, one can be ultra-natural as an Atheist, calling on reunion with Life, or super-natural as a Spiritually inclined with God (though religion clearly has made that word horrific, as I prefer the green word of LIFE to the blackened image of GOD.

    It seems you are still in search of release, if I read you correct here? I must say though, you show great inner beauty in immersing pain (not suffering) into your expressions…as it is the same for any caterpillar being overtaken by imaginal cells.

  3. It cannot be expressed in words, and it’s not supernatural.

    It’s what’s left when all concepts and ideas has been relinquished. The concept of God included.

    There’s a process of leaving and returning, but the return is not back to concepts and beliefs, but to reality which is free from images/ideas. (Return to oneness; before we learned and formed ideas and concepts about a “God”).

    I too like calling it Life, because it includes everything and it is everything. Consciousness is another word that feels right.

    But whatever description or label we try to describe it with, will not do, ever. It’s indescribable.

    Not sure where you got that from that I’m in search for release, I think I expressed it very clearly that the last thing that left me was the belief in a God, and that was what opened up life in a totally new and wonderful way.

    I wouldn’t recommend that anyone should seek release from any (emotional/mental/spiritual) pain either; it’s when we meet it that it releases itself. Seeking release is the same as trying to avoid it or hide from it and not helpful at all in the process of awakening.

    I can write authentically about my journey, but not all things I write about are current happenings or processes in my own personal life.

    Like for example the pain and suffering involved in the process of awakening.

    I can write about it because I know all about it, but it doesn’t mean I’m experiencing it in my own life right now. (My articles are not always about me and my processes).

    I write about it also for others, to support others on their journey (Ask Maria:, and sometimes the context in what I’m writing is not clear either. (Because it’s not important).

    This article for example can relate to many things in life for different people and where they are in their own lives.

    It can be about taking the step to quit a job and start a study, it can be about finally ending a crappy relationship, it can be about moving to another country, etc etc.

    This article hides some facts that are happening in my own personal life at the moment, but they are all good.

    And it is not primarily about an inner happening, but actually a physical. But I share more about that in a later post shortly 🙂

    So no, there is no pain in my life right now. (If that was what you meant by ‘searching for release’).

    Just last night when I had gone to bed and laid there thinking about life, I was very emotional and filled with awe and gratitude and immense love for life and I actually said that out loud. “I love you so much”.

    I can tell you that I have never felt better than I do today, and even if there are challenges (such as financial) there is nothing in me that is shaken by any of it.

    Now, that doesn’t mean I will feel and experience life this way forever and ever as life moves in waves and birth and death are always happening (and nothing is permanent), but really, this is the best I have ever felt in my entire life:)

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  5. Vishnu

    Hindu concept states, “Brahman Staya, Jagat Mithya” meaning Brahman (read God, super consciousness) is the only truth or real, World is Maya (read not real)
    One believes it or not…one realizes it or not…it just is

  6. Thanks for commenting Vishnu! Not exactly sure what you meant though or how your comment relates to what I wrote. I have grown a lot since I wrote this article as life always moves upward and forward (as long as we don’t get stuck in any concepts).

    I love the evolutionary aspect of life and have always liked transformation and change in consciousness. Not that I have always known that that was what it was (shifts in consciousness), and I think many religious and spiritual concepts all speak about the same basic things, but sometimes the interpretations go a bit haywire. (As Truth is not a belief).

    Truth is to be found within each individual and when it’s realized it can’t be explained in words. You can’t teach it, only point to it and then others have to do the inner journey and discovery for themselves.

    Although I have read and studied a lot of religious and spiritual concepts and belief-systems over the years (including Hindu concepts), my view and perspective has come to be one of seeing life as an exquisitely beautiful journey, and it is to be enjoyed; free from all concepts.

    That’s what we are here for. To let the God-power-within have full expression through us and to live life to the fullest.

    We do that by following our own inner guidance (intuition) and inclinations (and awareness) to move this way, or move that way, and as long as we’re true to ourselves we will find fulfillment in life.

  7. Vishnu

    You wrote about ONEness…oneness it is …true

    BUT as u r in this physical world..u r not the perfect ONE..u r just a part of that perfect ONE..
    SO when u say “all I have is experience and that is all I ‘need’.” ..ur experience is not perfect..and u definetely needs more..

    Its perfect to drift with the laws of nature ..that gives us calmness and peace..but calmness is not the only thing we desire or we should desire.. our desire should be to actually UNITE with the ONE..That will give us perfect happiness

    AND for that we as human beings need some knowledge and realization to act in a way that we become truly capable of uniting with super consciousness for ever…

    SO just dont settle…GO SEEK 🙂

  8. I believe you have misinterpreted/misunderstood my article and comment reply Vishnu.

    And actually, I do believe we all are perfect. There’s nothing wrong with any of us.

    It’s simply a matter of misidentification. Most people don’t know that they are God.

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