Awakening Doesn’t Make You Kinder (or a vegetarian!)

Some of the misconceptions of enlightenment is that you become more compassionate and loving and that’s not true at all, awakening has actually nothing to do with love or being or becoming anything.

You don’t “become” anything, a better version of yourself or something like that.

You unravel and annihilate yourself, and that totally and completely.

You” are not waking up, “you” are the one who dies and in its place comes nothing, no one.

A while after my awakening process was over and I knew I was done I was drawn to eat meat again so I began to eat meat again occasionally.

I’m sure I burst someone’s bubble there on how someone who has awakened ‘should behave’ and that’s exactly why I mentioned that it happened after the awakening since most people think that you automatically become a vegan or something just because you awaken.

That you become this beaming light of love towards everybody and everything.

Anyways, .. 🙂

And then when I went to India I decided to only eat vegetarian food there since 1.) Indian food is yummy and there’s a million different dishes for vegetarians to enjoy, and 2.) because of the health risks involved (in many places they don’t even have a fridge so the meat is out in sunlight all day long).

After a couple of months or so there I started to take risks here and there, I had some chicken for example because I knew that the chicken had been killed that same day (sometimes I even saw them kill it) but I did get unwell a few times anyway, most probably because of the hygiene of the people handling the meat.


The past two articles I have written has been about why ‘bad things happen in the world’-type of things after a reader asked me about it,  just to give you a little bit of a background to some of the things I’m going to talk about in this post.

Here they are:


Life showed me things about the meat-industry years ago when I decided to become a vegetarian and I when I became a meat-eater again a few years later I knew it was Life going in that direction (again, not ‘me’ but Life itself) so I went there too (obviously, since there’s no other way to live).

I remember I saw a couple of chickens being killed in front of me in a Spanish village and I didn’t feel anything in particular, I was emotionally detached to the whole thing.

I mean of course it wasn’t fun to watch, but I wasn’t as horrified as I was when I first became a vegetarian some years ago and learned the truth about factory farming, and seeing a farmer kill the chicken somehow felt to be ‘more right’ than how they are raised and killed normally (for profit only).

There are some old articles where I wrote about this because in the awakening process there’s a detachment that happens to both thoughts and feelings, but that’s another topic (and I can’t remember the article anymore) but in it I mentioned this experience with the chickens because it surprised me to be able to look at something with no feeling that had previously horrified me.

Detachment to thoughts and feelings happen in the awakening process because you detach from the wrong identification that you thought you were and who is all tangled up in thoughts, beliefs and feelings and emotions.

You stop identifying with those things and come back to your natural state which is consciousness itself.  

And up until now I’ve eaten meat now and then but then Life showed me again what the meat-industry is about (things were laid out before me) and I was again horrified, yet not as much as before (since I’ve seen it before and knew about it), but enough to make the choice to become a vegetarian again.

It’s Life that wanted to go in that direction and laid out before me the apparent ‘choice’ to make the choice, but in reality there is no “me” that makes any choices at all because when identification with ego is no longer there, there is only Life doing its thing, although there is still a sense of me, a sense of self.

We all have this playing out before us every moment of our lives (awake or not), the threads are always visible and right there in front of us (all it requires is to look and trust) but most people choose to not go with it.

They choose to go with the ego instead (the person they *think* they are).

Yesterday when I told someone I know that I’m going back to being a vegetarian again they changed the subject immediately, they didn’t want to talk about it, but when I had earlier told them about my change when it came to eating meat again they were all ears and even asked questions.

This is how the ego operates, it doesn’t like it when it’s uncomfortable and it doesn’t like to know something that would make them consider another way to live because it’s inconvenient, it doesn’t fit into their status quo.

But when it is something that agrees with their belief-system, then it’s okay, then we can discuss it and talk about it.

And a popular thing the ego says when it comes to change of diet, and I’m sure it says it right now to someone reading this, is “I can’t afford being a vegetarian, it’s expensive!”.

Well, I didn’t have much money either when I decided to become a vegetarian years ago in Norway, it was a challenging sometimes, absolutely, but then one day I was blessed with an abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables (when I came to Spain) that I had not expected at all.

I felt like I had come to heaven! 🙂 And not once had I gone back to meat during that whole process, I never missed it one bit, and in Spain fruit and vegetables are much cheaper so it was not a challenge anymore.

Life saw to it that I got what I had stayed true to for many year even if it was difficult because of financial reasons.

But then years later suddenly Life wanted this body organism (“me”)  to have some meat again for a while and when that period was over Life again showed me what I needed to see in order to make a new choice.

Because the choice to eat meat was not wrong, it was just time to make a new one.

And we are all shown things all the time so that we can ‘make a new choice’.

The world is retarded in so many ways, held back by beliefs and concepts.

People enjoying torturing defenseless animals and being outright sadistic in their treatment of them, that’s the level of consciousness they are on, that they actually enjoy hurting other living beings.

And not just that, but how the animals live, it’s inhuman in every way, I don’t even have words to express how those animals must suffer – all their lives, and in the millions and millions 24/7 all year long, year after year and it continues because the demand is there.

People want cheap meat so meat is “produced” with no regard to the animals actually being living beings, just like us.

So, I made the choice (Life made the choice through me) to become a vegetarian again, with the exception of eating fish, so while I’m not “perfect” (as people think you become when you awaken), I make the choice because it feels ‘right’ to me and maybe I even stop eating fish some day, I don’t know.

I can’t know and you can’t know where life will go next, what will happen next, but if we follow our intuition we will always move in the ‘right’ direction, with the flow of how each individual is meant to live in this moment, and then in the next, never knowing what exactly will unfold.

Maybe my body needed meat for a while, I have no clue, or maybe I needed the period of meat-eating again so that I could (Life could) bring this matter up again for others to – I don’t know, maybe to become inspired and investigate and do some research into how the life quality of these animals are so that they will know for themselves.

You know what is most ‘right’ for you to do when you listen to what is presented to you right now.

You might reject it and go and have a hamburger (which would be fine with me), or you might be compelled to see for yourself the horror these animals (all over the world) are going through.

You do what you feel compelled to do and I do what I feel compelled to do.

What one person is inclined to do is not what everybody would be inclined to do.

There are young girls being sold as sex-slaves in this world, and dolphins are being tortured and killed, and a whole other things are going on, but we can’t be everything to everyone and I don’t feel compelled to do anything about those things at this time in my life and maybe I never will.

But I do feel inclined to not support the abuse of farm animals anymore, so I made a choice about that.

There’s not a me that points fingers at people who eat meat, and no person here to feel guilty about anything either!

It’s all Life doing its thing, through this thing called “Maria” and that’s all there is to it.

But when the world appear real to you, it will appear real (and things are made “wrong” by the ego), and when you don’t know it’s a play, or a charade (illusion) you suffer endlessly because of the things you perceive.

People ask things like “how can God allow this?” and so on, but those are simply beliefs, it’s not real.

That is not real and this not real.

Here’s an old article that came to mind:

Yet you still operate and function as a human being in it! I know it sounds weird, and I really can’t speak beyond this point or explain anything more about it.

It’s just seen that nothing is wrong, no matter how horrifying that may sound. It’s unexplainable.

I never thought that I would eat meat again in my life, yet I did, it just happened that way (it felt ‘right’), and I don’t know if I will ever go back to eating it again, I have no clue, but if I were I would never make it “wrong”.

It would be what Life wanted for some reason or another, that is something I do know.

And it might even go in the other direction for all I know, that I become a vegan! I really don’t know and I’m not concerned about anything like that.

Right now this is what is, and what is a year from now, ten years from now, or even tomorrow I don’t know.

And since I’m going to continue eat fish I suppose I’m not a 100% vegetarian but then again I’m not doing this to appear to ‘be something’ or be perceived in any specific way.

We all somehow are contributing to how the world looks; if you’re not a hardcore vegan you are absolutely contributing to the cruelty that is being done to animals, if you drink water from plastic bottles you are absolutely contributing to the oceans being filled with them.

You just *think* that you’re not involved (some believe that cows and chickens are actually roaming around free as they do in the picture on the package in the grocery store), some others think that the bottles they recycle is actually being recycled and so on when in reality they’re not.

Do you really know for example what happens with the old laptops, mobiles and other electric stuff that people change every six month or so (even if they don’t really have to)?

They end up in toxic  ‘electronic graveyards’ in Africa where the West dumps its old PC’s etc, and some of your old stuff is probably there too.

So blame, shame, guilt and finger-pointing is just a persons opinion about something, either about other people or the person they take themselves to be, and there’s nothing better for the ego than to wallow in guilt and blame, it just revels in it.

It’s very simple: Just do what is most obvious to do right now in this moment, and then the next, and the next, do what feels right for you, that’s really all we can do; to make choices as Life presents them to us.

It’s when we (all human beings collectively and individually) go with ego that we get completely out of the natural flow of things and in some way or another (directly or indirectly) hurt others.

Some of the animal abusers even enjoy what they are doing, and even if it’s horrifying for me personally, it’s not horrifying for them.

For them it’s fun to beat and kick the animals and so on and all I can say is that if Jesus ever lived, I totally get what he meant when he said Fatherforgive them, for they do not know what they are doing”.

We are all “guilty” for some of the horror in this world and our only ‘way out’ is to wake up, and when we do we will see everything differently and then opinions about wrong, right, bad and good no longer can exist.

There is only Truth and nothing else, and Truth includes everything – even the things we perceive as evil, but the biggest “problem” is not the world but the you you take yourself to be.

Wake up from the illusion and return to the natural state of consciousness, that’s the ‘solution’ to all things.

And of course you will then realize that there was nothing to solve in reality, but first you must wake up and then you will see for yourself.

I love the weekly farmers markets here in Spain where i can buy fresh fruits and vegetables!
I love the weekly farmers markets here in Spain where I can buy fresh fruits and vegetables.


Yesterday I looked into a pigs eyes that was being abused (in a video/pic) and what I saw was one of my dog-friends eyes in those eyes, it was as if I was looking into the eyes of my friend.

I’m not going to be an advocate for animal rights, that’s not what my function is as a human being, but I wanted to mention it because it was profound to see my friends eyes in the pigs eyes because it could have been my friend that experienced the fear and panic the pig experienced.

There’s no difference between the pigs and other animals that suffer here in West and the dogs (sometimes stolen pets) that are being slaughtered for the upcoming yearly barbaric dog-eating “festival” in Yulin, China.

It’s the same thing, only different belief-systems.

Here in West most people at least can suspect that the animals are suffering even if they don’t really want to know but somehow they manage to justify their non-vegetarianism to themselves in the same way the Chines people are justifying their dog-eating.

They just do the torturing openly while he we (the factory farms, the government, corporations advertising false images of how it is etc) do it in secret, hiding the truth from the public who continues to live in their illusion of all being a-okay, pretending they don’t really know what’s going on.

Everything is consciousness and this is where it’s mostly identified with at this moment in human evolution (ego), so none of it is “wrong”, it’s just a “state” of being asleep or awake (although being awake is not a ‘state’), and most people are deeply, deeply asleep.


A charity who work for a better world for all animals:

Text taken from their website:

Animal Equality is an International farmed animal advocacy organisation that is dedicated to defending all animals through public education, campaigns and investigations. We work to create a more just and compassionate world for animals. We are currently active in the United States, United Kingdom, Germany, Italy, Spain, Mexico, Venezuela and India.

We believe that every animal should have a voice, deserving a life free of pain and suffering. We seek to achieve a behavioural and lasting change in society in order to prevent cruelty and protect animals.


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