Self-love means treating yourself with the same kindness and support you’d show to your very best friend.

All the shame, blame, and guilt-stuff has to go. All of it.

It doesn’t do you any good to wallow in it, just as it doesn’t do anyone any good that it is directed towards.

Love is always the answer, whether it’s self-love or being more loving towards others.

Love always extends care and support but it also stands firmly in its own power with healthy boundaries that cannot be allowed to be stepped over.

Here’s three ways to cultivate more self-love:

1.) Self-acceptance and self-forgiveness.

Accept your humanness.

When you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up for it but accept the fact that you’re not perfect and no one is asking you to be either.

And in reality there are no failures, only growth experiences and life lessons, and sometimes we learn them the hard way, that’s just the way it is and part of what it’s like to be a human.

Everybody has messed up something at some point in their lives and we have all done things that made us feel embarrassed or even ashamed.

It’s not fun, but that’s the way it goes sometimes, so forgive yourself and let the past go.

We can’t change the things we’ve done in the past but we are always in control of our perspective, so working on reframing your mistakes will help you see them in a different light.

It’s important to take ownership of whatever hurt you might have caused yourself and other people and you can choose to use those experiences to learn and grow from them so that you can do/be better in the future.

Or, of course you can also continue dwelling on how bad, stupid or horrible you are and shame yourself in eternity for it (and many people do).

It’s entirely your choice.

I’d say; Choose to be more loving to yourself and forgive yourself.

Forgiveness always unhooks us from the past.

Ask yourself what you would say if it was your very best friend who needed advice and then follow your own counsel.

Reframe your mistakes, failures and shortcomings as lessons and growth experiences and embrace them as chances to learn and grow.

Here’s a post you might like: “Be Your Own Best Friend“

2.) Be more selfish.

Being selfish in the healthy ways means that you’ll do what you need to do to take care of your needs. It means that you need to be selfish enough to honor them.

If you need space or time for yourself for example, you take it, you don’t ask (or wait) for others to be kind and give it to you.

Drop the victim-mentality and take ownership of your life.

Stop the finger-pointing at others and blaming them for your unhappiness. Let others off the hook to ‘make’ you happy. If you want to be happy, You make yourself happy.

The moment you take ownership of your own feelings and start thinking more about what your needs are than always thinking about what other people’s needs are (and what they expect from you), that’s the moment change can begin to happen.

So take back the energy that you’ve been giving away to others and use it to create the change you want to see in your life. Invest the energy in yourself and your own well-being instead.

If there’s something you want to do or feel the need to do, then do it.

Maybe there’s a class you’ve wanted to take, or a course of some kind. Or if you have issues or challenges that you feel you could need some help with, then seek out or ask for the help you need.

To not listen to and honor your needs is the same as denying yourself the things you know you need and that’s a very unkind act towards yourself.

You would never do that to someone you love, so why do it to yourself?

Ask your Self what you need and then take care of those needs yourself. Be selfish that way.

We absolutely need to attend to our own needs and give ourselves what we need instead of waiting for something outside of us to change or for others to give us permission to be kind to ourselves.

Here’s a post you might like: “Sometimes It’s Important To Be Selfish“

3.) Become aware of your inner dialogue.

Pay attention to how you’re talking to yourself.

You deserve to be spoken to in the same way you would speak to your best friend or any other person you love and respect.

Become aware of the inner critic and judge that is always talking you down and begin talking to yourself UP instead, the way you deserve to be talked to.

It means that if you make mistakes, experience failures or have any inadequacies or insecurities, that you respond to them/yourself with compassion rather than with harshness and self-judgment.

The voice of the small self always talks in ways that keeps us small and timid, while there’s another voice that you should pay more attention to.

It’s the voice that tells you that you’re worthy, that you’re enough, that you are ready, that you can, and that you are worth it. Listen to that voice instead.

Here’s a few articles that will help you increase your self-awareness so that you can take charge of your mind instead of having it rule your inner talk:

The stories we tell ourselves shape our lives

You are the Captain of your Soul (Don’t leave your mind unguarded)

How you communicate with yourself is causing your life

And here’s one more step to take towards cultivating a higher degree of self-love, and it’s a very important step:

End all toxic relationships. Surround yourself with people who love and encourage you instead.

Do it even if it means you have to be alone for a while before the new people show up in your life that matches the you that you want to be and truly are; a person who is worthly or love and respect and kindness.

It’s very important to be mindful of what and who you allow into your life and consciousness.

You have a fabulous life to live, remember that, so focus on the right things and people!

“My attitude toward friendship has remained the same. I will support and encourage you with all the love in my heart, but if it’s not reciprocal, I gotta go.” ― RuPaul