Having a Mind that Differs from Others

When having a mind that is different from others

My whole life I have been in a transformational process and will always be for as long as I live, and we all are more or less, but I’m definitely on the side of “more”. 

I love growth and having that natural character about me and having my focus on that every moment of my life naturally makes me someone that constantly grows.

My mind has always been different from others, I have always been an independent thinker, a free thinker, and there have been many times in my life where I have really had to fight for my right to be true to myself.

I have a mind that is focused on growth and it’s never going to be fixed on any concept or way of life.

That’s how I’m wired and recently I have gone through a transformation that has left me completely uninterested in spirituality.

I have no more personal interest in spirituality, I feel like I have outgrown it.

This does not mean it can’t come back, because it might, but I’m really not into it anymore, and as strange as it may sound I’m still “spiritual” even if I’m not.

If that makes sense. 

I can write about it and talk about it if someone approaches me and asks me questions and so on, but I don’t seek it out anymore for myself.

It’s kind of out of my system and my focus is changing rapidly towards other subjects that really excites me and makes me feel alive.

Change is Good

I remember when I used to believe in astrology and all the books I read and the horoscopes and all, they all said the same thing;

The descriptions of the personality that was assigned to “my sign” said that I don’t like change and I could just never agree with that at all. 

It was so annoying when people (who believe in astrology) put that label on me because I’m a person who actually like change.

I welcome it and if it’s a difficult kind of change that I have not chosen myself I choose to embrace it and learn from it.

My Mind is Focused on Growth

A fixed mindset on the other hand is a mind that can’t cope with change.

A fixed mind can’t handle challenges and obstacles in life and people with a fixed mind avoid that which is difficult and they give up easily, they stop making an effort when the going gets touch.

A fixed mind falls easily into victim-hood, while a growth oriented mind finds a way around the difficult times and makes them work to their advantage.

Here’s what differs a growth mindset from a fixed mindset;

We don’t complain and moan.

We don’t dwell and talk endlessly about what’s wrong or what went wrong last week or twenty year ago.

We move on, we learn, and we can actually feel gratitude (believe it or not) even for horrible things that has happened in our lives, because we learned something valuable from them and it made us grow.

We learned forgiveness.

We learned a different way of seeing things.

We learned how to set ourselves free.

Someone recently said to me that they couldn’t live like me, meaning not having a home of their home but doing house and pet sitting for people in order to have somewhere to live.

They said something in the lines of “I need to have my own home” and in my mind I though that ‘of course, we all want that’. 

But because I don’t moan and complain about my living situation I could sense that they had some kind of weird undercurrent of an belief or idea that I had consciously chosen this, that I one day decided that it would be something I wanted.

Like I had thought that “yeah, how cool, I want to be homeless for while, let’s try out that kind of a lifestyle, that’ll be fun!”. 

I know there are people in this world who actually do that; they choose to become homeless because they don’t want to live in society or whatever, but believe me, it was not in my plans at all that things would unfold like they did for me.

It was not a conscious choice and there were a lot of tears involved when I had to move out, it was definitely not something I wanted.

But it happened.

Things like that sometimes happen in life; people get sick, they lose their jobs, or they become homeless, or something else happens to them that they didn’t plan or wish to happen. 

And here’s the thing;

I could have gone into self-pity and victim-hood feeling sorry for myself, and I could have moved back to Scandinavia to my parents home in Sweden.

And no offence to my parents, but you all know what I mean when I say that that’s not really an attractive alternative to have to move back home with your parents when you’re in your 40’s. 

My point is that I could have gone back there and applied for welfare and just give up basically, start looking for ordinary 9-5 jobs and all that (which I’m not cut out for, I don’t belong in a life like that).

I could have thrown my hands up in the air and given up my purpose and dream.

If I was that type of a person, but I’m not.

I’m very resourceful, creative and dedicated, and I know my own greatness.

So naturally – because that’s my natural character – I’m making the most of my situation, I’m letting it work for me and not against me.

I didn’t succumb to the challenge (or crisis), I turned it around and looked at what I could do with it.

I saw the opportunity to use this time of my life to travel which would be more difficult (but not impossible) if I had my own home and rent to think about, and when the alternative was laid out before me to do house and pet sitting I saw it as a blessing. 

The Universe presented it to me, I didn’t seek it out myself, it came to me as an option because I was open to it, and every house and pet sitting assignment has been a pure delight for me (except for one); I have loved every one of them.

So it turned out to work very well for me in regards to the idea that came to me that I could travel and explore the world now that I don’t have a pet or home of my own anymore. 

Besides, I don’t have enough money to live on anyway at the moment so this is how I make this situation and circumstance work for me and I must say that despite of its challenges, I love my life.

I have nothing to complain about. Nothing.

I’m so grateful for my life that as I write this to you right now I’m in tears because of the gratitude I feel.

And I know this is very hard for a person with a fixed mind to understand.

Their attitude is that uncertainty and not having financial security in place is equal to living in misery, but it’s not that way at all.

I don’t live in that kind of a box, I don’t have that kind of a mindset.

This life situation (if I must call it that) does not discourage me and my self image is not tied in to my circumstances; I don’t define myself by my situation.

On the contrary I see this as a great opportunity for me for grow, travel, have new experiences in new places and so on, and whatever happens I know I will always be a winner because I know that nothing can defeat me, ever. 

And it has all to do with what’s going on in my mind, it’s all about what’s in my head-space and not what I have or don’t have in my wallet and bank account.

I know I’m going places in this life and these obstacles (or challenges) are just stepping stones to my success.

Webster’s dictionary from 1806: Success is: fortunate, happy, kind and prosperous.

Fortunate doesn’t mean “luck” by the way, there is no luck in life.

All that has happened in my life has been there to groom and prepare me for what is to come, and that includes all that I have done too, all the actions I have taken throughout the years and continue to take every day.

You are literally watching greatness arise.

Why should I be shy about that? We all have that within us and I’m not going to make myself smaller than I am.

I know who I am, and these little things that are happening in my life right now are nothing compared to where I come from and have gone through in my life.

Can you see how this all depends on how I look at my life and how the only real obstacle that exists in any of our lives is how we choose to handle our challenges and the attitude we choose to have about them?

It’s all in the mind. All in the mind.

And my mind is a great mind.

How about you? What’s yours like?

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  1. Owen

    Thank you Maria for this post. I appreciated everything you had to say, it was wonderful encouragement and medicine for my ears. Recently, I have been going through unexpected health challenges along with financial bankruptcy. I’ve shed some tears and unlike yourself, I did fall into a 30 minute self pity party a couple of times, but it didn’t last long. The amazing part of everything that’s happening is that I recently discovered in the midst these seemingly unpleasant and difficult challenges is that (I) am bearing witness to all that is taking place. The unusual thing about this is there’s a part of me that’s just not participating in the surface storms going on around me, even to the point I’ve actually observed in my minds eye horrendous scenarios that I would have created and participated in at one time. I mean, I can feel myself wanting to react, lash out, meltdown and even explode on those around me for no apparent reason, and (trust me) there was a time I would have not been able to refrain from doing so. I mean that whole heartedly. But, I’ve just been keeping very, very quiet and while riding out the storm that my mind is desperately trying to create. It is a real battle to be observed and up until now, I’ve never understood what it meant to be an observer. I feel my self identity being slowly disassembled for what feels like the first time in my life. I’m aware of something greater inside of me pushing up out of the flesh and blood that I inhabit while holding my ground and observing without reacting to my minds panic/fear button while still doing what needs to be done in my world. I’ve discovered this subtle but very real awareness behind (me) the person even though I can’t actually make sense of it all, v but then again, I don’t even care to. I also understand what you say about spirituality as it almost seems syrupy to me right now as there’s a new understanding moving in. There’s an underlying presence holding everything together ( I believe you said this as well, but I didn’t understand it to the extent I do now.) Thank you for planting the seeds of hope and trust so that I could learn to stop being a beggar in my own kingdom. Tomorrow, I go into surgery, more time off from work at the most inconvenient time but that’s okay, I still trust that everything is in divine order no matter what. Thank you for being an beautiful inspiration, I don’t think I would have discovered this peaceful place in my life had I not stumbled upon your website months and months ago.

  2. We all grow, and I have done the pity-parties too in the past, believe me.

    I kept them to myself though, but of course sometimes I vented to a friend (as we all need to do from time to time) but as you grow, as we all grow, we come to learn to trust this life and ourselves, we come to see the bigger picture of what is going on in our life.

    I didn’t tell people about my pity-parties because I know that if you tell the wrong person about it they will keep you in that kind of energy forever and I personally move on very quickly, have always done that.

    You know the type of people I mean.

    The ones that keeps looking at you with puppy-eyes (the tilted head type of look) every time you meet them and go “aww,.. how aaare you, it’s so horrible what happened” just because you shared one little peek into your pity-party with them and now they think that that’s where you dwell and live all the time.

    But in reality it was just then and there and you’re over it but for them that’s where you are still and in their mind you are a victim.

    As we grow and grow a bit more we always learn to see what goes on beneath the surface of the things that are happening and we learn to move with them so the self-pitying just stops never to return again.

    We become quick learners so the situations are turned around quickly too, because again, it’s how we handle them that matters.

    What we do with what happens.

    When I was younger (teen/young adult) I used to have a bad temper too and I exploded and what not but I worked on it when I got myself to rehab and did a lot of psychotherapy and so on because I knew some people were scared of me.

    And who wants to be full of anger and fear? No one wants that.

    So we work on ourselves, we look closely at ourselves and learn to observe our behavior and the buttons we allow others to push.

    They can only be pushed if there is a button to push.. and who’s button is it if not ours, it’s ours to do something with.

    I know all about riding out the storm too and while it’s sometimes all you can do, it’s also very important not to wait it out as in being a victim about it and simply surrender to it without confronting that within you that needs to be seen.

    There’s two ways that you can ride out the storm and what I sometimes hear people say is that they kind of succumb to the storm by waiting it out but they don’t do the necessary inner work that is required.

    That means to look the storm in the eye and meet the fears, anger or whatever it is that comes up.

    To really look at them and not just ‘let them be there’ until the storm settles.

    About spirituality; I feel it’s all mostly just another belief-system(s) and there are so many invisible “rules” there that I just can’t accept.

    Most of all I detest the stereotyping, the game-playing, the spiritual masks that people wear.

    People have this crazy idea that being awake means you become detached from the world and that you just kind of float through life, but for me, in my experience, it’s just the contrary.

    You can be awake and ambitious. You can be awake and a huge action taker. You can be awake and make plans and goals.

    You can be awake and not interested in spirituality;

    You don’t become more spiritual with awakening, you actually see through spirituality too and you just become yourself minus concepts and ideas and beliefs.

    But in most circles that has to do with non-duality and spiritual awakening (enlightenment) those things are big no-no’s although no one says it out loud of course.

    It’s a big ego’s game, the whole thing and to me it’s just ridiculous.

    While being so ‘spiritual’ they waste most of their time and energy on being concerned about the ego.

    My take on life is that if you want to do something, do it. If it doesn’t hurt you or others, do it.

    Be ambitious and passionate, take action, make mistakes (don’t avoid trying new things) and plunge right back into life; do it all over again.

    Live for God’s sake! That’s what living is for. To live.

    It’s like people use “awakening” (or their idea of it) as an escape from life.

    But with all this said, it’s not the reason my interest has shifted away from spirituality, I just simply felt that there’s nothing there anymore for me, it all seem and feel very shallow and childish.

    I just realized that I was not into any spiritual books anymore and I stopped listening to audio books, mp3’s and satsangs etc because they just stopped being interesting to me, they didn’t give me anything anymore.

    And this does not mean that I think I’m better than anyone else btw, I have moved on, that’s all but at the same time I don’t know if the interest will be sparked again sometime in the future, maybe even next week or month, I can’t know.

    I have lost interest in spirituality before too and later it came back. It just feel more definite now.

    And when/if it does it will be about other things again because I can never go backwards in my growth, none of us can.

    Unless we’re drawn in for a moment here and there, back into an old level of consciousness (of thinking, believing and behaving) but when we realize that it’s all a matter of making a new choice and we’re back in the true flow of our life again.

    As with most things in life, I have no clue where I will be in my own personal and spiritual growth even a week from now since it’s always in a transformational process.

    Moving on, ..

    Yes, it was me who said that there is an underlying peace that holds everything together, even in the midst of storms it’s there. Nothing can rock it.

    Everything is in divine order and whatever is happening in your life as well as in mine is there to help us grow a little bit more, to see deeper and realize Truth even more clearer.

    Sometimes we learn by joy and passion and sometimes the greatest learning comes from the difficulties we meet in life and with growth the difficult times turns around quickly for us because we have learned to see with different eyes.

    We see things in the right way, through the eyes of who we really are. (Greatness).

    Sending you lots of love – Hope the surgery goes without complications and that you heal quickly from it <3

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