The Ego Needs Fear In Order To Live

The Ego Lives On Fear

I recently met someone who was upset with me because I wasn’t being upset about the world or about my own challenges in regards to having no home at the moment and so on.

That I could actually be peaceful about it, and when I told them that I’m not worried at all they looked at me with great disbelief (almost resentfulness) and said ”I could never live like that” and so I asked them back ”you mean live without fear and worry?” and continued eating my pizza.

They looked at me and went ”yeah, .. I guess that’s what I mean..” and I saw in their facial expression that they just realized something about themselves that they hadn’t thought about before.

Isn’t it amazing how some people live; they are so used to being worried about everything that the mere idea of living without tension and fear is completely foreign to them.

The conversation went on and they said things like ”I could never live a passive life where you don’t care about things” and again I was amazed because I never said anything about being passive and not caring about anything.

I just said that I’m not afraid of how things unfold for me, that I’m peaceful about it, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care or that I just sit passively awaiting whatever comes.

It only means that I’m not afraid, that I have no fear or worry.

How funny to observe how the ego operates in people’s minds.

The ego.. how it draws its own conclusions so quickly, thinking that we need fear and worry to feel alive and alert.

In a somewhat upset (yet restricted, trying to be polite) tone of voice they also asked me as the conversation continued what I thought about the wars and horror that goes on in the world that are connected to religious views.

I said that there needs to be at least two that goes to war or conflict and that any change in the world has to start with the individual, and I pointed at them and each of us sitting at the table. 

It amazed me that someone resented me for being peaceful while at the same time they were saying that they want peace in the world – it’s beyond me.

How can they not see that the very thing they want to create they also resent seeing in a human being sitting in front of them – right there in the moment where we sat and had the conversation, and if I had chosen to I could have gone into a conflict with her, about peace! 😀 

They wanted me to be upset about the world, about other people and their religious beliefs, they wanted me to be angry at the injustice in the world, they wanted me to join them in their drama. 

The Ego Needs Drama

But I just don’t think that way and I have no interest at all to go into that kind of drama and that apparently makes me ”cold” in their eyes, ‘not caring about the suffering in the world’. 

I wonder how much and what specifically they do with all the ‘caring about the world’ that they do, .. hm, interesting thought.

But I never asked them about it, I kind of already knew the answer.

These are average, normal people who watch a lot of TV and discusses what’s going on in the news everyday but they never really do anything about anything. 

They just watch, talk and complain and remain in a constant tense, upset, fearful and worried state of mind; that’s their ‘norm’, their normal way of living and the thing about this is that most people live like this, not only these folks.

This is just a clear description of how the ego feeds and lives on fear on an everyday basis in completely everyday situtations – it’s how it survives. 

Anyways, the conversation went on for a while before I decided to leave because it was going into a direction where we could no longer meet.

As they were saying things like ”I can’t wrap my head around that” I thought to myself ‘I know you can’t, the ego mind can never understand this’ so I felt it was time for me to leave so I said thank you and good bye and left.

As I left I could sense and see some kind of glimpse or light in their eyes telling me that something about our conversation had hit home somewhere deep inside of them even if they couldn’t understand my viewpoints, and I think maybe that was the point Truth had with our meeting in the first place.

Maybe they will start to think about the possibility to live without fear, that such a life actually exists, I don’t know.

The pizza was good and parts of the conversation was interesting so I left it at that and it also inspired me to write this article. 

A couple of other articles that you might like: and

What experiences have you had with people that live from a very dense ego state?

Do people find your peacefulness weird, annoying or wrong somehow, are they upset because you’re not living in fear and worry like they are?

Share in the comments below!

Also share how you handle situations like this so that others can benefit from your experiences. 

The only way the ego can survive in an individual or in our collective consciousness is by fear; that’s the only way it can survive and live.

Where there is no fear and worry, ego cannot survive, that’s how simple it is – and that’s the resistance too because once the fearful mind is challenged it challenges its whole worldview. 

Some people will always stay in resistance while others start to see beyond the veil of fear and this can then start a whole new life experience for someone who previously only knew how to live in a world of fear and worry.

We are always influencing each other with our beingness so stay peaceful even if some people don’t like it! 🙂

Remember it’s just their ego and that it has no chance when it comes to the Light that shines through you as you stay calm and true to yourself. 

Share your experiences and let me know your thoughts below: 

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Val, Melbourne, Australia

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  1. The funny thing is that I actually feel more ordinary/normal now than I did a few years ago when my ego was uncontrollably large. It’s been a while since I’ve had a conversation like the one you mentioned, the way I handle it is – the more annoyed they are, or the more they think I’m just ‘crazy’, the more it makes me wanna push their buttons 🙂 it’s a lot more fun to play the role that they assume you are instead of trying to justify yourself. They may think that you don’t care about anything but really…we just don’t care about what they think.

  2. That’s what it’s like when the ego lessens and lessens, you become ‘you’, just “normal” or ordinary as you put it too, the ‘specialness’ that the ego wants and at some extent always has (the “me” who wants validation for existing) is gone.

    Sometimes it’s fun (or amusing) to poke on someone’s ego but not in order to be mean-spirited.

    Humor can be used in order to point out something in another to help them see themselves (or the ego) clearer, but not to make fun of others or make others feel uncomfortable deliberately, that’s just not kind at all.

    Remember, the one who wants to push buttons back is the ego too, so just be aware of that within yourself.

    It’s a defense mechanism of the ego when it feels attacked or belittled, then it wants to ‘get back’ in order to save face.

    I also think it’s more important to not play any roles unless you absolutely have to, which you do in some situations.

    Like for example it might not be a good idea to say that what happened to Buddha/Jesus has happened to you to the wrong people – they might try lock you in for good if you do that 🙂

    Also, I’m not always able to explain to people what I do (the spiritual work that I do) because not all can understand what it is about so I don’t go very deeply into it but instead I point them to my website and tell them that they can read more there.

    You learn to become very sensitive about these things and having been a free thinker all my life I’m pretty good at it.

    To be authentic is important – at least to me – so simply stating your viewpoint in a conversation without getting into any drama is absolutely possible.

    No need to try to justify or explain what you mean unless you sense that their eyes and ears are open to what you have to say, then you can have an interesting conversation if all people involved (or at least one in the group) stay open, which even ego’s can sometimes.

    It’s about behaving respectfully and mature towards each other, and to also have humor about it (and to be open to be poked on back too).

    You can still voice your opinion or viewpoints simply by saying what you want to say calmly once and then leave it at that.

    “Okay, so we see it differently. That’s okay. I see it like this,..this is how I perceive it.. bla bla bla” is one way to say it.

    And then continue eating your pizza 🙂

    It might be uncomfortable for a moment, or awkward (to be the only one thinking differently and standing up for that), but it doesn’t bother me much, those moment go by very quickly and then the conversations continues in some other way.

    Sometimes people come back in some other setting and want to talk more, it wakes an interest in some people when they meet someone who is not willing to play roles or games.

    Then it’s fun to talk with them, engaging and interesting.

    I will probably meet those people again at some point and I have nothing against them, actually when I left I felt (as I mentioned in the article too) that something within them was curious about me and how I see the world.

    So we’ll see – but I remain as I am. 🙂

  3. Rudy

    This last half a year, after I started to wake up, I had to leave my wife (I couldn’t keep that mask on anymore…), had to move in quickly with my parents because I was suddenly without a place to stay, see my son much less than I really want to, and my father nearly died of a heart attack (the doctors had given up all hope, but he made a miraculous recovery). People frequently ask me: “How are you doing? Are you holding up? Take some holidays to deal (somehow) with all that you had to deal with the last few months!”

    And then I say: I am doing fine; actually I never felt better and then they look very odd at me and move on to the next issue of the day. 😀

    I just don’t get all that hyped up about it all. I do care a lot about my father but I just felt, what will be will be, he is still alive right now. It might have helped that some how I knew my father would be okay and that it was not his time to die yet.

    My mother has called me ‘cold’ several times as well….

    I also agree with Yunfan that I never felt more ordinary and normal than right now!

    I also like to challenge people, not really push their buttons, but just to make them think. Ask questions they never thought about and some questions they don’t want to think about. Although when the latter happens, I usually do not push much further.

    But I noticed that despite that they are not getting it, they can ask good questions which make me think as well and sometimes realize things I assumed things about myself that I did not even knew I assumed. Quite ordinary and basic assumptions that I did not yet realized I had. Therefore, I also do enjoy those discussions.

    Note that I also had very challenging moments the last few months, but they were not related to these events I just mentioned.

  4. Changes happened in a fast paced-mode for you and began to unravel quickly I hear.

    I know that you know that I know what you are going through and that you would know exactly what I meant if I would say that I’m happy for you, so from me won’t get a pep-talk because I know that that’s not what you need or want at all 🙂

    Throughout my life when I have been through shifts and transformations (and huge life-changes) I have always thought (and wanted) that it’s better to have the band-aids quickly ripped off than to have them slowly pulled off.

    It might sting more but I rather have intense periods of transformation than going through them slowly even if it’s more hellish as it has been many times in my life.

    Now it’s not perceived that way anymore, I’m no longer going through hellish periods although times can be very challenging.

    I hear you are seeing your challenges in a similar way Rudy and I wish nothing but the best for you in your continuous journey forward from this moment on and I know that you know as well as I do that this is all a good thing that is happening, although it might be challenging at times.

    We can go through these things in life with a peaceful heart and our individual journeys and the sharing of it can be helpful to others that are going through similar things, it can be an eyeopener to them to see that you can have absolute peace in your heart in the midst of worldly chaos.

    So thank you for sharing bits from your own story, it will undoubtedly be a blessing for others to read and hear about.

    Yes, there’s a difference between “pushing buttons” and “challenging” and I too do the latter.

    If there’s a button to push in yourself – that’s the ego right there, and the same goes for the desire to push other people’s buttons – ego again.

    To challenge others as well allowing yourself to be challenged is more open-ended and inviting to something deeper and truer to come forth and that then can lead to some pretty interesting conversations 🙂

    It can also be loving to point things out for people by hitting them with an invisible (metaphorically speaking) zen-stick over the head at times, but to do that in a way where you know how far you can go before you “push” too much.

    You grow in sensitivity about this as you evolve and mature and with this growth your understanding deepens too of course so it’s a balancing act that becomes natural with time.

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