Is your desire coming from the ego or from your soul?
Where are your desires coming from?
Life wants to experience things through us, it wants to do things through us, and give/express things through us.
Ask yourself WHY you want the things that you want.
“Why do I want this, where is it coming from?”
Is your desire coming from a place of lack, or from a need to create an image that can give you some kind of status or recognition?
Or is your desire coming from a natural inclination to do something?
Does it feel like a calling, something you ‘have to do’ with maybe no other apparent reason besides from that?
Is there a pull towards a certain direction with a sense of naturalness and rightness about it?
Your WHY is important to know.
Then you will see if it comes from the ego, or if it’s something that originates from a soul level.
If you’re answer is something like this:
“I feel drawn to do this, it feels like I’m meant to do this, that Life is calling me to do it”, then you might be on to something good and real.
If your answer is in the lines of:
“I want it because it will help me make money”, or “I want it because when I succeed it will make me happy”, then you can be pretty sure that your desires are coming from a level of ego.
These are of course just a couple of examples.
The most important thing is to become aware and to really connect with and understand your “why”.
Why you want the things you want.
Authentic desires are the desires that comes from a true place within you and where you pursuit a path simply because you feel a calling to do that.
When you live in the flow of Truth, things unfold naturally and you always know when to take action and also when to let go and let the rest be done by the universe.
Let yourself fall into the flow of Truth by surrendering to it.
When you do, things continuously manifest for you as you move with the Now-moment.
The process of flow is when you move with it in a state of surrender, and that’s when things start to happen for you.
It’s not like you have to struggle, strive and push to make them happen, but Life brings to you what you need for your next unfoldment, whether it’s opportunities, resources or insights and so on.
Life just starts to unfold for you in almost magical ways and things mysteriously start to fall into place and you’re seeing all this happening before you.
That’s what flow is, and you get to observe the perfection of its unfoldment as you move with it.
Doors open up, people appear that needs to appear, things happen that are perfect to happen etc.
There’s no neediness in this, no clinging or ego wanting going on.
It’s a harmonious way to live life, but it doesn’t mean that there is never any work involved, of course there is.
That’s why your love/passion/interest for what you do, or sense of purpose or calling, is vital.
So there are times when you’re doing everything to make something happen, maybe for years you’ve done that, and then one day when you finally let go (surrender), the thing you wanted happens.
But if your desire comes from the ego you won’t even last that long because you will give up very early and then the surrendering is not real.
Then the surrender is of the ego.
The defeat that comes with that kind of surrender makes many people not believing in themselves anymore.
But it’s not really about believing in yourself, it’s about believing in the vision that Life has given you.
So you continue doing the work you’re called to do while keeping your ego out of the picture.
You keep working on it because it’s your calling, not because the ego wants it.
Life wants it, through you, so you keep moving forward despite your ego’s disappointments.
And when you do, you will eventually come to a place of true surrender.
That’s when you click into place with your flow and all the struggle and striving falls away and the process of creating becomes effortless and natural.
When the final letting go happens, you fall into a continuous ‘state’ (beingness) of surrender with Life and that’s when things starts to work out for you.
That’s when Life and you come to flow as One.
☼☼☼
Other articles that you might like:
“9 ways the ego keeps humanity small”
“Going with the flow is not passive”
“10 ways that obstruct the flow”
“Find out why you’re here and then do it”
That’s really helpful Maria. What about other desires, like wanting to be valued? How do you differentiate whether that is coming from the ego, or from the true self? Say you don’t feel valued in a relationship. The other person isn’t doing anything bad per se, but you just have this feeling that leaves you feeling sad, and it’s a repetitive cycle. I guess I just don’t know if my expectations are high, since technically, no one owes each other anything, and it’s not the other person’s job to make me feel valued…
Wanting to be valued is human, not ego-based.
(It’s actually the ego that is saying that you’re ‘wrong’ with wanting to be valued!)
It’s not that people ‘owe’ you anything, it’s about you valuing and respecting yourself first and foremost, and by the respect (or lack of respect) you show yourself, you also teach others how they can treat you too.
So if you don’t feel valued in a relationship, then trust that, the feeling is right, because if you did feel valued, you would feel that too. And if you don’t, then.. Well, it’s just not there is it.
You don’t want to hang out with people that leave you feeling sad, that’s not a good vibrational match at all, and if it’s a repetitive cycle then to me that only means one thing; leave.
Your soul is saying you deserve better, so it’s about you valuing yourself and growing in self-worth, and not about trying to get other people to value you.
When you value you (when you know your value and worth), good things happen, and when you don’t, you feel drained and sad.
And when you do, when you value yourself, you also make better decisions for yourself, which naturally involves hanging out with people with whom you feel appreciated and valued.
Not because you demand it from them, but because it’s natural to you on a soul-level, just like you genuinely value them. It’s just naturally there.
Other people can do whatever they want; they don’t have to value you, but you also don’t have to hang out with people or where you don’t feel valued either.
There’s plenty of people in this world that would love to hang out with you and with whom you would feel happy being with!
And of course you have standards. It’s just a matter of living in alignment with what you prefer.
Do you prefer to hang out with someone who value you, or do you prefer hanging out with someone you feel drained and sad with? What makes you most happy? Not what they do, but what you do, what you choose.
They can still do whatever they want, but so can you. They can just do it over there while you’re living your fabulous life over here where you do feel valued.
We all have different standards and expectations and it has nothing to do with other people being bad or wrong etc. It’s just a personal choice, a decision where you want this and not that, and where you value and respect and carry yourself with grace.
You are powerful when you know your value and when you know that you are value, that you are worthy, and then it becomes natural to only want to surround yourself with good energy people too.
Was this helpful to you?
Thank you Maria, as always, you hit the nail on the head 🙂
I think ultimately I had to ask myself – “If I voice my needs, will this person at least try to meet them, or would they walk away?” I didn’t actually want to ask that in the first place, because I already knew the answer.
But I asked anyway, and that person got defensive, and things fell apart.
Funnily enough though, the outcome didn’t actually matter after I finally stoop up for myself and said what bothers me and what I need, what mattered is that I stoop up for myself. I realised I didn’t voice those things before only out of fear of loosing the person, but when I finally did, even though it wasn’t a positive response, I felt better instantly, even though the relationship instantly crumbled.
It’s also very eye opening how you said that it’s the ego saying it’s wrong wanting to be valued – I will remember that one. I’m learning to honour my wants, needs and desires. I can’t believe how difficult it has been! What’s an “appropriate”? desire I asked myself. And it’s whatever is inside was the answer.
I suppose everyone is different, there is no wrong or right desire, it is whatever that YOU feel you want. And everyone has different desires, different needs, I think it’s designed that way on purpose 🙂
That’s a great question you asked Val, and with some people in our life, or that has crossed our path in life, we already know/knew the answer right away, and those people simply do not belong in our life, but it can be heartbreaking too if the person has previously been very close to you.
Sometimes we try to communicate and share our honest and sincere thoughts and feelings with someone and they just can’t handle it (even if it’s done with a loving intent), and then the whole relationship just crumbles and comes to a natural ending, sometimes with lots of tears and drama, but sometimes also with a simple and clear recognition that it’s over (or not meant to be).
The more aware you grow, the quicker you recognize what belongs in your life and what doesn’t (or who), so the whole drama part is no longer part of your life experience. You just sense pretty much right away if there’s an energetic match or not, and if there isn’t, then you just don’t go there.
Here’s an article that came to mind that I think you will like:
https://mariaerving.com/ego-afraid-of-feelings