Even Fear Has a Purpose
The ego wants to have something to hold on to (opinions and beliefs) and it’s annoying for it to hear that we are exactly where we need to be because it likes to marinade itself in either self-pity and yes, fear.
While the ego is fear (ego=fear) it also fears fear. It’s a peculiar little thing this ego isn’t it, when you really start to look more closely at it 🙂
It keeps looking for truth, it seeks God, and then when its close to Truth, just by the edge to nothingness it turns around, scared shitless of its discovery that this whole seeking-thing has nothing in it for it, there is no reward there, no gain, no high fives of achievement by the (imaginary) finish line to Enlightenment.
Fear is actually an indication that we’re close to Truth, so don’t fear the fear but instead meet it, move towards it – see if it’s real and if it really can hurt you.
You will find that it can’t.
Fear has been put in your mind by the ego – it’s in the mind and not your heart. (And you are the heart).
The heart is completely untouched by the drama of the mind.
Fear is always of the unknown, and that’s where spirit lives; spirit is the unknown, the unborn, the uncreated, and undisturbed.
The stillness, the emptiness, the nothingness where all life spring from.
Everything is of God, even illusion and ego, and our suffering comes from the mistaken identity consciousness made a long time ago (when we started to believe that we are the mind and our feelings etc), and a spiritual rebirth means changing back to who we really are, not adding something to the ego. (The person we take ourselves to be).
Awakening is awakening from that (the conditioned self), so of course there will be fear involved in this!
Because there is nothing for the ego to hold on to.
And when investigating more closely and not only experiencing life on the surface level we start to see that in the midst of all this something is watching the drama, something is watching the fearful one.
That is what we need to look closer at.
What is that?
Look at the root and core of this with curiosity and boldness.
So lets look at the fear, and the one who is fearful, and the awareness that is observing the whole shebang.
Try that the next time fear shows its face. Who are you in all this..?
At the edge to any deep transformation you will meet your deepest existential fear – the fear of losing yourself. (The ego is obviously afraid of its own death).
Meet it, and know that Truth uses fear to push itself to its own awakening so don’t turn away from it.
Fear is not real, but fear is also very real, fear doesn’t belong to you, but it’s experienced as if it was ‘you’ experiencing it; true spirituality is paradoxical in all its ways!
Oneness means it includes everything and this is disturbing to the ego because it started out on the spiritual journey with the belief that it would benefit it and now it realizes that it won’t.
What a discovery to make ! 🙂
That everything actually plays a part in our life experience (both good and the not so comfortable experiences) and has a purpose is beyond the mind to comprehend so this process can be very challenging because our beliefs and concepts will be confronted and we will feel provoked along the way (or the ego will), and what it all will lead to is a total relinquishment of all ideas of the mind. (An authentic and complete surrender, which is a process in itself).
As Jesus very clearly said:
“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God”.
The one who is filled with (rich with) all kinds of ideas and beliefs cannot enter the kingdom of heaven (awakening).
There will not even be the concept of God left when Grace has done its work in you, there will not be someone left in you that believes in God, but instead knows God. (Not about God).
No beliefs left to believe in. No ideas or concepts left to hold on to, and this can be very frightening for the ego who likes having opinions about everything and who even wants to own the Truth.
Life is in the unknown, and ego lives in the known, so obviously you can’t take with you anything that you ‘know’ in this process.
It’s about a total letting go into the not-knowingness.
But before we’re ready to do that fully; like a child in the backseat of the car when going on a family trip somewhere, we will go on and on (and on!) asking (wanting to “know”) “are we there yet, when are we there? Are we there yet?” every 5 minutes!
We pray, we plead, and we ask for this and that (“How will I get..? How do I..? What do I..? ” etc) and we (humanity) rarely takes a moment to just be and actually do not one little thing at all.
Can you imagine? How frantic the mind is. How small it’s perspective is.
It craves answers to everything, it wants to know, but how many actually asks who it is that want to know?
Who wants to know?
You might say “well, I do”, but who is that? Who are you?
All descriptions you can give, all definitions you have or yourself, that’s not it.
Look deeper, beyond them.
Again, all ideas has to go. That means the ideas you have about yourself too. (And they will because Grace will remove everything that is not of Truth).
And those are the ones that are held on to the most tightly, because the ego gets scared and asks “who will I be then?”
The reality is that it doesn’t matter how much we keep asking because what we need to know and when we get the answers so to speak is not up to us and we can keep asking and begging for answers until we’re blue in the face.
I actually know someone who used to hold her breath as a child and made herself faint if she didn’t get what she wanted right away (and her lips turned all blue), ha! that’s funny:)
But that’s kind of how we are too, we push and push until we have exhausted ourselves and then when we let it all go (when we have come to the point of waving our white flag of surrender), that’s usually when things open up.
But to let go in order to have things opening up doesn’t work, that’s manipulation and doesn’t sit well with this whole Truth-thing 🙂
And don’t you think God heard you the first time? (Continuing the analogy of the child in the backseat).
That’s how we behave! Just like any parent would know when their child asks the same question over and over again it’s just plain annoying. (I can only imagine of course as I don’t have any kids myself but I have been one once and I have five younger siblings..).
But our true life is not really about knowing things at all, but to let go of the need to know.
It’s not about getting what you want but what you need and we can’t possibly know what we need, so if we should ask for anything then ask for wisdom.
Not wisdom to get something or understand something, not wisdom as a means to acquire something, but simply pure good ol’ wisdom. Wisdom. Period.
Feel the difference? When there’s no desire or want besides from simply that?
Your persistence has nothing to with anything and fear is a part of the packages!
Even Jesus had his humanness to deal with and he also felt fear, but he also had complete trust.
When he pleaded God to “take this cup of suffering away from me” he obviously felt fear (‘please God, let me out of this’) but then his next thought was “thy will be done”.
This clearly describes the two aspects of the One (Christ consciousness), and having a sense of self too (Jesus the human).
So it’s all a part of the One consciousness and nothing is essentially wrong and there is nothing to fear (because it’s all God and spirit always wins); and even our fears has played (or are playing if that’s what you find yourself in right now) their part in this great event called Life.
So don’t make it wrong or shun away from it, but instead meet it and that’s how we move through it and transcend whatever it is that we have to transcend.
Here’s a few other articles that you might like: (All links opens in new windows)
(Someone also wrote me and asked me about when I lived in Spain so here’s a couple of articles that are related to that: mariaerving.com/my-encounter-with-jesus and mariaerving.com/cheers-to-your-success-book)
Are you trying to get rid of the ego? Then read this.
Enjoying the summertime 🙂
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