Fear Of Regressing Back To The “Old Life” After a Spiritual Experience [What am I supposed to do now?]

I love hearing from my readers and the members of mariaerving.com; I love hearing your thoughts and questions.

I usually prefer when the questions I get are short, clear, and stated in a few sentences, but sometimes I receive longer questions too and I decided to post this following question in it’s fullness because it clearly describes what many people go through after they have had a profound spiritual experience.

This is a common concern and fear that can come up. The fear of loosing the realization/opening/experience, the fear of regressing back to the “old” while knowing it’s an illusion.

It doesn’t matter what the spiritual experience was (what you call it), if it was a small ‘aha’ where one suddenly realizes something profound that changes their whole perspective of life, or if it’s a huge explosive experience; the question will undoubtedly dawn on everyone eventually, because what these experiences also bring, is the sense of not knowing or seeing where to go from here, and also feeling the impossibility of going back to life at is once was.

“What am I suppose to do now?” is a normal reaction from the mind.

Sometimes if the realization is profound it can be experienced like waking up from a dream, realize how life really is, and then being afraid of being forced to go back to the dream as if it was real, which we now know isn’t. This fear can be dreadful.


Hi Maria,

I have always read books on spirituality and religions, and I’m a practicing Muslim.

Last year in February I had a strange experience in broad daylight with open eyes.

I felt a strong pressure or force inside my body and a I rushed out… it went to my head, I closed my eyes and after few seconds it left my body and I felt huge catharsis as if I had cried for hours.

Things became more brighter and clearer than before. I had this experience twice everyday, I felt renewed and full of compassion and I went for walks and felt like praising God all the time.

Then I predicted certain things which actually happened after certain time. I saw a baby in a womb and became pregnant in four months time. The feelings stayed with me for a month.

I was completely free of all kind of negative feelings.

Its gone now.

What am I supposed to do now?

How am I supposed to, .. how can I climb my spiritual ladder…I am at a loss…please answer me because I can’t go back to my previous life again…


To answer your question “What am I suppose to do now?”: Surrender to the process.

There is nothing you can do ultimately, excepts for letting Truth/God do it’s thing with you.

After a spiritual experience of some sorts (after the ecstatic blissfulness of it), there comes a period of stabilization and “integration” if you will.

The first initial experience can come about as a huge bang and realization that is almost ecstatic, but that will eventually wear off. But only the experience will do that, not what the experience has transformed in you.

The transformation itself is irreversible.

You do not have to worry about regressing.

Once you have seen what you have seen you will not be able to go back. You can’t go back to being an infant either, can you. You have grown from that and it’s impossible to go back to being a baby again.

What will happen though, is that after a realization or opening of some sorts, after it has waned off so to speak, one will enter a period of uncertainty, disorientation, and sometimes deep confusion, as the mind wants to understand what’s going on and make sense of it, but it can’t.

So asking “what am I supposed to do now?” is a normal reaction from the mind, and the answer is; let go into the process completely and dwell in the not-knowingness; surrender to it.

Your mind will not be able to figure out the next step, it’s by surrendering to God (Thy Will) that we are liberated.

Not the person-“I”, but our true self, and it’s not done by will, but by realization and insights into who we are not.

That’s when Truth can come forth.

Stillness. Contemplation. Letting yourself be transformed by Life itself.

There is no ladder to be climbed.

Nothing for the little self to do but to be relinquished.

The true self has nowhere to go but to be here and now. Life is Now, and we are that.

Only the ego thinks there’s a ladder to be climbed, something to gain or attain, somewhere to go and something to achieve.

All that you’re looking for ‘out there’ is in reality to be found (or discovered) in the present moment, and not by climbing any imagined ladders.

The one who is at loss is the old self, the little self, trying to find it’s place in the new-found realization, but it has nothing to gain from it, as awakening is about awakening from the person we think we are.

The person itself has nothing to get from awakening, it will actually have to go (the identification with it), and that will Life take care of by itself so you don’t have to do anything but to surrender, knowing that all is well and that the period of not-knowing what to do or which way to turn will not last forever.

Something else will take over and the doing will be done through you and as you, not via the little persons point of views, wishes or will-power.

The time between the two worlds so to speak will last for a s long as it’s supposed to and it’s completely out of our control.

Of course, the dedication to Truth helps, I don’t mean to let go in the egoic way where the inner voice says that there’s nothing to do so what’s the point of anything etc. That’s the ego speaking.  What it is about is trust, and to attentively listen to the inner voice that speaks softly; our intuition.

The flowing back and forth is normal, and this is a perfect opportunity to learn about true trust and faith by surrendering to what is happening – and it can always only be done in this moment as Life is always Now.

Life will change (or your perception of it) and the more you let go into the transformational process the better.

If I would suggest something for you to “do”, then it would be to continuously ask “What’s real and true about this?”, ask that about everything you encounter and experience, while totally relinquish what you think is the Truth, because reality as it really is, is not what the mind can ever make it up to be, or understand.

Lean into Truth and let yourself be totally swallowed up by it.

Freedom is in Thy Will be done.



(Click on image to see larger)

“… Sometimes we reach a plateau in our spiritual evolution that can be experienced as a very weird place to be, but as much as we know that it is a part of the unfolding of the path, the mind still can get a bit disturbed by that because it always wants to know everything and it always tries to understand everything.

Truth is a bit different – it never explains itself – we just know intuitively what we are asked to do, and sometimes that is simply to be in that weird place for a while, in the place between the awakened state and the egoic state of consciousness.That is perfectly fine…” :



“… Letting go of the self doesn’t mean letting go of only the so called limiting beliefs we have of ourselves, but actually the whole shebang; the little self, the ego, who is the person we imagine ourselves to be. It’s all the same.

To surrender to the point where all you can say and know is “I am“…” :




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