Feeling caught between a rock and a hard place spiritually

My God, these moments, how they come and go while we keep reaching new levels of consciousness.

When a new plateau in our awareness is about to be reached, the ego-side of us takes such hold, that we feel we are stuck between a rock and a hard place – spiritually -.

We feel held back by some invisible force and while knowing what it is all about because we have gone through them like a hundred times before, there are moment when we just want to scream out loud. And some of us do.. 🙂

I had one of those days yesterday.

Feeling stuck in the space between love and fear, knowing that I wasn’t stuck at all. I felt stuck, because I though I was. My attitude, the lack of trust, and my own thoughts that I was using to scare myself with, those were the reasons why I felt as if I was being played by God himself. Like a cat playing with a mouse. All happening in my mind.

While we know, we know, that the most productive way to solutions comes from being connected to Peace first, we are still having times in our evolution experiencing being on a ego-level, kicking and screaming to a God that ego thinks is outside of ourselves. While knowing it’s not true at all.

I was so angry, so furious with God and I just wanted to cry. “Phleeeeeeaze God, why can’t you just help me with this f****** thing??! What part of DESIRE don’t you understaaand??Aaaaargh..!!!” (Yes, I used those kinds of words, I was very, very angry… 😉 (and as if God was some person outside of myself..)

And I knew, while I was doing this kind of ego-based “prayer” – LOL – that it’s not attracting any solutions to me. I knew I was only fueling the law of attraction to bring me more to feel furious and sad about. The stronger the feeling, the stronger the attraction. And boy, were there some intense feelings involved…

So, there was a lot of anger and feelings of hopelessness involved, and later that night (yesterday) I came to a place of relief again, by forcing myself to take a step into Peace instead. Going from having one foot in the new awareness (God), and one foot in the old (ego), I decided to let go of the trying and struggle. The trying so hard to bring forth a solution, coming from a place of desperation and motivation based in fear, to a place of embracing the space of uncertainty, to honestly say to myself; “I don’t know” and accept it. Accepting the fact that I simply don’t have a clue. –Knowing that God has. The universe knowing about it all, and is waiting for me to relax, so I can let it in. My real job was to let it in.

We know all this, don’t we. If you are on a spiritual path, I’m sure you know all about these moments 🙂

So, I woke up this morning, feeling a little bit better, but I still immediately started to ask myself  “How am I going to fix this, what am I going to do?” etc, with a fearful vibration behind my words. And I just stopped right there. And I decided that today I’m just going to let it all go. Because I know that’s the way to go.

Made my morning coffee and opened up my email inbox and read my usual daily inspirational quotes from Abraham Hicks, Bob Proctor, Brian Tracy, TUT and some others, and I got the message loud and clear. What really spoke to my heart was an email I got from Kaia, a new member of the Agape Staff, and it was exactly what I needed to hear. At that moment I reeeally let all my concerns and worries go, and I decided to use this day to contemplate, pray (the right way; “Thank you God for helping me”:-) and meditate, connect with nature and refuse to even think about any solutions, problems or anything.

I want to share parts of the email:

“…..nothing is more important than putting God first.

Many of you know I’m actually new here at Agape Media International. Can I share something personal with you? Prior to being here, my consulting business had dropped off due to the economy, and I had taken on a client who did not share my spiritual values because it paid my bills. I was stressed, and unhappy.

I continued to seek work and put out over two hundred resumes. I never missed a networking dinner. But, to be honest, I wasn’t showing up as regularly for my meditation practice. Really, I was afraid that if I didn’t spend every waking second trying to find work, I would lose my home…….

………….And what happened was a cosmic shift for me. I realized I wasn’t putting God first. I wasn’t truly trusting the benevolence of the Universe to assist me. I deepened my attention to my prayers and meditation, and I decided to just trust God and relax!

So one night (trying to get better at relaxing), I took my towel and joined a friend at the hot tub in my complex where I met one of AMI’s beautiful staff, and we started talking. She learned what I do, and said, hey, you should come in for a meeting at AMI. It was the happiest job interview of my life… and now I actually work for Michael Beckwith! Is God good or what!!

Miracles happen in your life when you put God first. I wanted to share that story with you, because I urge you, especially if you are worried about finances or employment the way that I was, to join Michael and Rickie at the Revelation Conference that starts on Thursday. You want to get your consciousness higher so that you start living your life from the field of attraction that will call in the biggest blessings God has in mind for you. You want to shift yourself to the vibration of peace, of love, of joy, and then watch as your problems dissolve when you put God first. You might even meet your new employer in a hot tub!

Whatever you are going through in your life, remember, God is more powerful”.

–How many times haven’t we experienced the same thing?

I can honestly say that I recognize my own behavior in Kaia’s email. I too have sent out hundreds and hundreds of job applications in the past, among many things, in pure desperation, while knowing that when we finally let go of the struggle, the answers comes to us.

Still we are experiencing this over and over again. It’s a part of our growing process, I know, but still, it amazes me that we often do things even while being aware of it not leading to a good place 🙂

The trick is to just let go (and let God), but some days when having these spiritual temper tantrums it’s really hard..

Anyway; my whole day (every day should be dedicated to this:-) has been dedicated to putting God first, to make the connection to my inner being most important, and every time a thought has come up about the “how’s” of things, I have said “It’s not my job to make anything happen. My job is purely to tend to my energy and LET the answers come to me – God is taking care of biz ” and when I have said it, like a thousand times today :-), a sense of relief has come over me.

–And as good ol’ Abe says; it’s the relief we want. That’s where Peace can come in and take hold. (The last part was my words:-)

I wanted to share this, because I know many of you are experiencing these same things as I am from time to time, because I get emails about it. It’s important to know that it’s OK to have these moments, and that there is a “way out”.

– And I also want to share with you that so far my day has been absolutely fantastic! The letting-go-thing that God promotes, it really works:-)

Do try 🙂 Put God first today.

I had a complete turnaround to my situation

I had a complete turnaround to my situation so many thanks for helping me transform something I had lost hope about. It’s a miracle and the outcome could not have turned out better! If you want to see a real shift not just psychological but spiritual shift, then Maria is the lady to see. I am so glad I found you!

– Sophie P

Maria is leading people to a new way of being

Maria is changing the world by her presence. She’s leading people to a new way of being. She’s able to see where you are at in your journey and can show you the way forward. I feel so incredibly grateful that she has been a companion during this time of change. If you feel drawn to connect with Maria I encourage you to move forward with confidence.

– Carolyn W. Asheville, NC, USA

Now I know what is creating my reality

I’m overflowing with gratitude and joy! Life has changed dramatically for me after our time together. I have truly realized on a fundamental level what is creating my reality and it has given me confidence for the first time in my life to finally be ME, I feel liberated to be my authentic self!

— J. Carlson

This journey with you has been amazing

Words cannot fully express the profound impact of my session with you – it has been nothing short of magical. You helped me remove the blockages that held me back, helped me recognize my true worth, and providing so much insight that has been truly life-changing!

— Sarah K.

You are truly a gift to us all!

I can’t even begin to express how much I have gained internally after my session with you. You have been an instrument of peace in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

– Owen, USA

I’ve never had a conversation like that before

I just wanted to say thank you so much again for our session yesterday, I’ve never had a conversation like that before and it was truly amazing. I could feel weight lifted as we were talking and for the first time my mind did not try to make sense of things, it was all truly felt in the heart space.

Val, Melbourne, Australia

The whole session felt as if it was operating on another level

If you can trust one thing in your life right now, trust Maria. You can trust her with your heart and soul. It’s hard to explain, the whole session felt as if it was operating on another level. I’ve never had that kind of experience before. It just felt so much bigger than I anticipated. I can tell you with absolute honesty and conviction that having a session with Maria is life-changing!

– Lisa, USA

The feeling of peace and freedom is priceless

This feeling of peace and freedom is priceless. Maria is beyond amazing. Had I not experienced it myself, I would probably not believe it. I recommend anyone who is trying hard to be truly free and really start walking down the path of self fulfillment and happiness to book a session with her.

You have really made a difference in how my mind works

I don’t know if I make sense, but all I can say is that I feel blissful. And I can’t thank you enough for that. I don’t know exactly how you managed this, but you have really made a difference in how my mind works.

– Silvia, Marbella, Spain

Could not more highly recommend

Maria is the real deal. You will sense it the moment you lay eyes on her. She offered much, much more than I’ve derived from other teachers; highly specific and personal recommendations. It is as though I got a crash graduate course from spirit. Could not more highly recommend!

Catherine Rondeau, Westport, Connecticut, USA

I have never felt more aligned to my true self

Maria’s awareness of energies and the conditions of the mind are truly impressive. She knows exactly what’s going on. She is so attuned to other peoples’ energy that she just knows where you’re at. After working with her I have never felt more alive and aligned to my true self.

Andrew B, San Diego, CA, USA

Something happened within me that I cannot explain

During and after our session, something happened within me that I cannot explain nor would it even make sense to anyone. There was a part of me that felt my being been taken over by a real peacefulness that I’ve never encountered before. Sounds odd but it’s the truth.

– A.

Beyond grateful for the transformational journey we shared

Maria, I am beyond grateful for the transformational journey we shared. it was nothing less than a miracle that has allowed me come into who I really am. I wake up every morning with a big smile on my face, feeling immense gratitude for just being alive, I can’t explain it, I´m just enjoying this fully. Your guidance has so profoundly changed my life, and I cannot thank you enough.

— R. Los Angeles, USA


  1. Kimberly Castleberry

    Letting Go and Letting God can be one of the most challenging things when we are in the midst of an emotional storm. How easy it can be to lose our cool and rage at our higher aspects when things seem fearfully out of control. How easy it can be to put our self in a position of trying to swim upstream, battling the current, fighting the world, yelling at the storm… when what we need to do is take a deep breath, close our eyes, and ride it out knowing that there is a reason for even this too. Thank you for sharing that email and your reminder to stay in the flow.

    PS: Maria be sure to add your twitter ID to the “source” field in the plugin settings so that you can see who retweets and mentions and so that those that do know your ID.

  2. Maria Erving

    Hi Kimberly,

    Thanks for your comments 🙂
    I know..! It’s so obvious, we know that we are putting ourselves in the role of being a victim of circumstances,
    while knowing that we are the creators, and so we can’t be victims, but still we sometimes let ego take hold –
    it’s easy to smile to oneself after these spiritual temper tantrums 🙂

    About the Twitter-thing; I’m not sure what you mean, but will look into it tomorrow.
    Always happy when I get suggestions and advice on how I can make my site better! 🙂

  3. Maria Erving

    Hello again Kimberly,

    I just did what you suggested about the Twitter-plugin, but I’m not sure what you mean by “so that you can see who retweets and mentions and so that those that do know your ID”..?
    Where can I see that information, and what is it good for?

    Thank you again for your advice! 🙂


  4. it’s taking that step, just that one step, moving the foot that lies deeply rooted in the ego, and putting it in the soul arena. gosh how i am struggling with it at the moment. that little voice of fear, “you cant just go off and meditate now, walk in nature now, go hiking, visit your wednesday night group…you have to be looking for/doing work work work” yes that darn voice. thanks for the post and a reminder to let go and let god x

  5. Maria Erving

    I’m glad you liked it and that it inspired you to let go and let God 🙂
    -Sending you loads of positive energy!

  6. dave

    liked that. a feeling of validation lol. I have been letting go (stopped drinking 16 and a half years ago). Really started to live when this happened.

    Made redundant coming up for a year ago. The plus side is that this time has given me the opportunity to gradually love me without the distractions and the “escaping into an external” ie job.

    There has been many timkes like you described. One just like last night. After it all I realise “I need to try something different here – with less resistance”.


  7. Maria Erving

    🙂 I’m glad you found a feeling of validation in my post. These kinds of things happen when we leave one (lower) way of living to something on a higher plane that is from Spirit – ego resists it and makes all sort of chaos and negativity – we just have to keep moving in the direction we desire to be, or just dwell in the now until we are helped over by our faith and trust to the other side of ‘the rock’ if you will lol:-)
    ~And congratulations to you for having been sober for so long! All the Best to you Dave

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  10. I really admire your faith! I hope I also have that one! I grew up in a very religious family but still there are times that my faith gets off..Maybe its just me I get easily devastated with what is going on around me. But that I also pray and let God help me to become more faithful to Him. To God be the glory! God bless us all!

  11. Hi Maddie,

    Thanks for commenting!

    This post is over a couple of years old and I am in a totally different place today, so what I wish to share with you is that the more you trust, the more you will realize that there is nothing to fear or worry about, and the more faith grows in the process as well.

    That is something I can really testify to.

    Self inquiry is also something I would invite you to do: https://mariaerving.com/who-am-i/

    Hope you find my newer articles inspiring and helpful as well! ☺

    If you search for “faith” and “trust” in the search box (and check out the category “spiritual surrender” as well), a bunch of articles come up that you might like.

    All the best,

  12. Pingback: Don't Let Fear Steal Your Peace · Maria Erving :: Maria Erving

  13. Madeline

    Uff!! There you go again Maria!! I couldn’t possible go through all that I identify and clap my hands at in glee!! Yes it’s true, it’s all true, and you say it with so much clarity because one gets the strong sense or realization that you’ve been there! And I’m on the right track. What a comfort! I LOVE your passion for just wanting to put God first it makes my heart bubble up! A bit over the top? Um well…so what, my little girl wants to dance when I read your articles, an instant connection with the love that flows from you! Here in this moment. I have had lots of experiences I would like to share with you one day ( which seems likely as I shared your website with P my friend and we plan to come and see you in the New Year). This last few days your articles have been an answer to prayer. Be blessed Maria. Sending love over the quantum airwaves 💃🙏💓xxx

  14. I’m so glad to hear it resonated with you Madeline. 😊

    It’s an old article but thought you might like it as you mentioned the “kicking and screaming” part in your previous comment.

    I wrote it over a decade ago when I was still in my awakening process.

    Things has obviously changed a lot since then, for example my belief in a God.

    The whole concept of God changed with the awakening and with that all the kicking and screaming stuff was replaced with love and deep connectedness, freedom and bliss.

    My dedication was and has always been to Truth, and it was that (and the fact that I never settled with anything less than that) that eventually liberated me and set me free.

    “God” is within, it’s our true nature, and my soul is my #1 priority (and also what I identify with.)


    There’s a lot I could share about that and all the processes one goes through! Maybe some other time. 😊

    Sending you lots of love back and maybe we’ll speak/meet soon! 💓

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