Self-forgiveness sets you on a new life trajectory

It’s often easier to extend compassion to others, but when it comes to ourselves, we can be so hard on ourselves sometimes.

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and says or does things sometimes that make them feel bad somehow, like feelings of guilt, shame and remorse. We’re all worthy of forgiveness and love, no matter what.

You are human, and you make mistakes. It happens to everyone so don’t be so hard on yourself, because you know what? There is no other way. You cannot change the past and there’s no point in dwelling on it as it just keeps you from focusing on what matters in the present.

Look at yourself, learn, improve, and be better, that’s all we can really do. To err is human and sometimes we do dumb things, we mess up, or repeat the same mistakes over and over again, but you have to forgive yourself for all of it and just keep trying and doing better.

The guilt, or remorse, is our subconscious mind signaling and communicating to us that one of the high standards we hold for ourselves has been violated. If you’re feeling this guilt, I can guarantee you that you’re not a bad person. If you were, you wouldn’t feel bad or ashamed.

So acknowledge the bad feelings and use them to better yourself and evolve.

Forgive yourself – nobody is perfect

Don’t let the mistake define you as a person. The ‘old’ you made that mistake for whatever reason, but there’s always something valuable that can come from anything, no matter how ‘bad’ it was. There’s a lesson in everything. Sometimes the things we most regret are actually the exact keys to unlocking our greatest blind spots. It can help us understand the root of our guilt, why we did what we did, or behaved in a certain way.

I also recommend prayer and connecting with your higher self, God, the Divine, etc., and including them in your forgiveness process. Use the ‘negative’ feelings to get even closer to that which you call God, or even reconnecting again, if you have felt out of alignment.

Don’t hold on to guilt and shame; guilt has finished its job – it no longer serves a purpose. It has made you decide to become a better person, and in communication and connection with your higher self, you can.

Learn from your mistakes and implement the lessons you learn into your life as you become the new you. You are not your past, and the humility that comes from guilt is divinely empowered. It brings you closer to your true self and humbles you (in a positive way), while self-hate and condemnation takes you out of alignment.

At the end of the day, we all mess up and make mistakes (some big, some small), but what matters is that we strive for growth and a better future.

The humility that comes with grief and regret helps us become more compassionate and empathetic towards ourselves and others, and what makes a good person isn’t someone who never does anything wrong; it’s someone who looks inward and tries to learn from their mistakes and improve their behavior/ways.

Show yourself compassion

Look at yourself in the mirror, place your hands over your heart, and say out loud: “I forgive myself. I accept myself. I love myself. I am growing. I am learning. I am better than yesterday.” Say these kinds of things until you feel an energetic shift. Tell yourself that you are no longer the person who made the mistake, and that your past doesn’t have to define you. Guilt and remorse can drive you to become who you want to be, or who you’re meant to be, so let the guilt guide you toward your future self.

Guilt and shame can be overwhelming, and sometimes we physically cringe when we think back on something we did. But we can’t keep dwelling on it; we have to forgive ourselves and move on.

Breathe through the uncomfortable feelings and accept that it happened and if/when the cringe-worthy thoughts haunt you, close your eyes and silently say to yourself, “I forgive you. I’m forgiven. There is no condemnation. I have forgiven myself. I am forgiven.”

Keep saying these kinds of affirmations, and the self-condemnation will eventually lessen and go away.

Life loves you unconditionally

You cannot disappoint life. There is no condemnation.

Life forgave you the moment you did something unloving, so there’s no need to punish yourself. It’s now time to let the past go and learn to love and accept your whole self—good, bad, and ugly.

And don’t beat yourself up if you have setbacks – Just keep trying; we’re all human, doing our best.

Treat yourself like someone you love, because we all have moments where we act impulsively or do or say things we regret and what’s important is how you choose to move forward and make things right.

The kindest thing you can do is forgive yourself. If you could forgive others for making the same mistake, then you can forgive yourself too.

Can you find forgiveness in your heart?

Imagine a friend confiding in you about making the same mistake – What would you say to them? What advice would you offer? Sometimes it’s much easier to have compassion for others and be too hard on ourselves, but everyone makes mistakes—literally everyone, even those you might look up to (yes, that person too who just came to mind, who you think is all perfect and holy—they’re not).

Remind yourself that you’re only human and acknowledge the feelings and try to figure out the root issue, why you behaved that way, or did/said that specific thing, etc. Don’t dwell on the past but accept your lesson and focus on being better, and move forwards.

If you’re struggling with regret and with letting it go, you can tell yourself, “I did/used to [thing you regret], but now I [thing you do instead].” The goal is to focus on positive change and think about the present and future rather than the past and regrets.

Deep breathing, meditation, journaling, and repeating kind thoughts and words helps, and asking yourself if you’d be as harsh on your best friend or little sister as you are with yoursef. Most likely, the answer is no. The only person judging us so harshly is ourselves, so try to be a better friend to yourself.

Forgiveness is an act of self-love that liberates and sets us free

Whenever you catch yourself dwelling on your past, remind yourself that “that’s not me anymore” or “I’m not that (kind of) person anymore.” Remind yourself that all is forgiven and you don’t have to keep beating yourself up for it anymore.

Repeat these kinds of affirmations (out loud is most powerful) until you feel a shift in energy.

Sometimes this can take a lot of work, especially when the event is recent and the anxiety is high, but you have to just keep moving in the right direction with your life, not backwards. See yourself as a new person, separate from the past version of yourself, because it’s true; you’re no longer the person you were when you made the mistake/did or said the dumb thing.

Sometimes our mistakes can create a radical shift that makes us change overnight to a new, improved version, and the wrongdoing or mistake may have been the tipping point that was needed for that change or shift.

You’re not a bad person. ‘Bad’ people don’t reflect on their wrongdoings; they don’t care, or feel regret or guilt.

Just do your best to change/evolve/grow today, moment by moment. You might stumble at times and make more mistakes (even some of the same ones), but you must pick yourself up and keep going.

Keep your head up high and don’t give up on yourself

No one is a saint without mistakes in their past. No one. We have all done things we’re not proud of, but acknowledging these imperfections is the first step towards self-forgiveness and moving forward.

There is only the present moment. The past is behind us; it’s over, and the future is not here yet, so the best thing to do is take care of the present – Do your best in each moment and forgive yourself for the past.

Be kind to yourself; you deserve all the happiness in the world, no matter what. Focus on today and the path moving forward. Live in the present and make your future something to be proud of – It’s never too late to change.

What you do Right Now is all that really matters, so give yourself the gift of forgiveness and leave the past in the past. Be patient with yourself, give yourself some slack, and show yourself more compassion.

Remember, every step forward, no matter how small, is progress, so believe in your ability to grow, evolve, and change. Your future is a blank canvas—paint it with the colors of hope, self-belief, and self-love.

You are worthy of a good and happy life, no matter what you have done in the past.

Consider yourself freed and know that you are deeply loved by Life, by the universe, by the divine. There is no condemnation, only love, and absolute and total forgiveness.

(Original) image by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

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