Life Is a Happening and Everything Is Exactly As It’s Suppose To Be
How different my perception on life and myself is today.
I just re-read one of my posts from last year when I experienced the shift in consciousness: http://mariaerving.com/spiritual-awakening/ and realized how so much more aware and integrated I am in the present moment now than I used to be, and how I have grown comfortable with not knowing anything.
It hasn’t always been like that; in fact after that particular awakening, maybe a couple of months later, I went through yet another hellish process of purging and relinquishment, but that’s another story.
The only thing I know is this moment.
I can’t even think of visualizing or anything like that anymore, it’s so far from who I am today, it doesn’t resonate with me at all anymore.
There’s no longer any praying going on in my life, no talking with God, no Angels, no scriptures that I feel is true as I used to (no Bible, no a Course in Miracles, no nothing) and no desire whatsoever to make this moment other than it is.
It doesn’t mean I always like it in a yey-what-a-jolly-good-time-this-is-kind of way.
It just means I accept everything as it is, and life includes all, and with that acceptance comes peace.
It’s only our interpretations of what is that can cause us to suffer, and knowing that there is no way we can ever trace the cause to anything (and no, the cause is not your thoughts, it goes way beyond that) makes it obvious that just because of the fact that we can’t ever see the whole picture of why events happen as they do, there is no meaning in trying to understand them or interpret them to somehow make them make sense to us.
That was not always so before for me.
It’s so very clear to me now how all the Mind Power and Law of Attraction stuff that I used to be so passionate about is essentially all about not accepting life as it is, it’s always about improvement, changing something (“change your life”, “attract this or that” etc), making or creating something better, dreaming bigger, expecting something great to be just around the corner, and so on.
I’m not into personal development anymore; I don’t see any point in “developing” anything (evolution happens without my striving for “improvement”), little alone myself, or my persona. I know that that’s not who or what I am, so it doesn’t interest me anymore.
I’m only interested in the Truth of who and what I already am.
I only need to tend to that, and it comes naturally as I follow my intuitive knowing, it’s like the doing is done and there’s no effort in remembering that.
I simply (and with the uttermost sincerity and devotion ) have my undivided attention on Truth.
I don’t make any demands anymore, I honestly don’t expect anything anymore, I don’t have any ambitions, I don’t have any goals, dreams, nothing. (This just happened by itself, I didn’t chose to loose interest in my many goals, plans and dreams).
And I feel free. I feel liberated.
I can’t believe I once believed with all my heart that I could control life, or that I even wanted to do that!
Now I let Life live me. There is no “me” that is living a life. I am Life. Life is living me.
I respond to this moment only.
With curiosity I’m attentive to the next moment, but there is no expectation that it’s going to be a moment of total bliss, happiness and awesomeness.
That’s the egos demand and goal, and it will never be content because such a life is a fairytale.
Everything is exactly as it’s suppose to. Life is perfect.
The only one that objects to it is the ego, even if it’s on a unconscious level; there’s always somewhere for the ego to move from or towards, while the truth of life is that IT moves us. We only need to respond to it and act on our intuitive knowing.
That doesn’t mean we only do what makes us happy (as the ego always wants) but it means we always do what feels right in our hearts.
There is all sorts of emotions. The difference with me now is that I’m not attached to them.
I can watch them come and go, and occasionally I get drawn back into them; for a few moments I can feel fear or worry for example, but my awareness of it them not being real (it’s just a thought) brings me back to this moment which I know is my whole life.
This doesn’t mean I expect it to always be like this, I may very well get caught in some drama of the mind tomorrow once again. (I’m not permanently awakened yet and may not even be in this life-time).
But I don’t feel myself caring about that as it seems unimportant.
(I do however know for absolute 100% sure that I will never have any spiritual rantings with God again; I don’t have a subject-object relationship with any God anymore; it’s like arguing with myself or talking to myself and that would be a hilarious thing to do now:-)
It was very interesting when I started to experience this; it kind of just happened that I was witnessing emotions happen to the body, or ‘Maria’, and especially once when it happened when I woke up in the middle of the night when I was worrying about something, and I got kind of annoyed that ‘I’ had to be woken up for something emotional that was happening to ‘Maria’.
I can’t explain it better than that, it’s was just very peculiar when it started to happen like that.
It reminded me of when I started to evolve as a healer and when I began giving Reiki healing to people about ten years ago and I could feel my clients emotions but be totally detached to them because I knew they weren’t issues, or “my stuff” so to speak.
I even cried tears and felt physical pain in my body ‘for’ my clients without getting caught up in them, because I knew they didn’t belong to me.
I could even feel when people that I was in rehab with had relapsed because I felt when they got high.
It was very weird, but I could sit in the sofa watching TV, minding my own business, when suddenly I felt someone else’s ‘high’ and I had to kind of wait it out, not able to move my body.
After I came to myself again I contacted the staff in the rahab I was in and sure enough, someone was missing and it later came to light that they had indeed relapsed.
Anyways, back to the topic of this post.
I just simply experience myself not demanding anything anymore, and believe me; I have had some serious battles with God and ego in the past about this – I have had some pretty severe spiritual temper tantrums that I can’t even begin to put into writing if you know what I mean.. 😀
I just know that all I know is this moment, and nothing more.
Life is a happening. Everything happens according to the plan (divine plan), and nothing is wrong.
Sure I can still feel intuitively that something might come up in the “future”, I can feel the direction of where life is going, but I don’t start to create any visions or expectations around them.
I just know what I know, and I let it be like that.
(And there are some things I know about my life/future that I have always known, since I was a child I have known I’m here for a specific purpose that is larger than myself for example. It’s an intuitive knowing).
I don’t know anything except my own experiences, I don’t know anything concrete about the future, because there isn’t any. It’s always in the Now. The so called future will always happen in the now. We can’t ever know what’s around the corner. Ever.
This moment is all I know, and I love it more than I can express in words.
“Life is the unfolding of this moment, we don’t have to understand it, or interpret it. The interpretation is what creates suffering, because whatever is happening happens, depending on how you interpret it. So when we just drop the thoughts that arises that wants to judge it either being good or bad, that’s when we enter true reality. In those moments of no-thought” ~Maria Erving