When it feels like you’re losing your mind (Awakening Process)
“I feel like I’m going crazy, that I’m losing my mind”
“I believe I am experiencing a spiritual awakening. I’m not sure how to explain it.
It’s like my mind was cleared and not my mind but my being was traveling at light speeds and my understanding of everything was crystal clear.
This will last for different periods of time but after it’s over I am left feeling despair and lack of prior connection.
I don’t know who to talk to about this. I feel like I’m going crazy.
I get to this very intense place of clarity and understanding and then my ego starts up and the door shuts and I lose the feeling and question everything.
Is it normal for your understanding to open and shut?
When the window shuts is it normal to feel despair?
Or am I have some kind of manic episode. I have not been manic or depressed in the past.
Is this normal or am I losing it?”
Thank you for your question.
If you’re going through an awakening process then yes, what you described is ‘normal’ (very common), and you’re far from being alone.
Here’s a few articles that comes to mind that I think you will find helpful:
Just to mention a few of my many articles 🙂
So you see, you’re not alone.
Hope you find comfort in knowing that there’s an end to the agony when you read them.
There is a darker side of spirituality that most people don’t talk about and it’s called the awakening process.
Sometimes it takes you by surprise (you have a sudden spiritual experience) and sometimes the “Love and Light” type of spiritual path turns into a path of pure Hell.
Where there once was light, love and bliss, it all one day turns into a spiritual crisis that makes you think you might be losing your mind and going crazy.
It’s called the spiritual awakening process, and in a way you are losing your mind.
You are losing your old mind, the ego mind, and you’re in the midst of a shift in consciousness (or consciousness is shifting back to itself/Truth).
This process can be, and often is, hellish.
Some individuals are even on the verge to committing suicide.
It’s ‘normal’ to experience severe pain and agony in the “ego death” process, and the stronger and denser the ego is, the more difficult it is.
The ego gets severely bruised and hurt in the process of awakening and it’s normal to have it throw both temper tantrums and have foot-stomping moments of frustration and agony over life.
You can have beautiful and awesome life-altering spiritual experiences and openings, and then afterwards you fall back into ego consciousness again.
This happens because the ego is very strong so consciousness falls back into the most dominate “state”, which is the level of ego consciousness.
And the more light/Truth there is that you came to see in the spiritual experiences, the more the ego fights and tries to stay as the ruler in your life.
Healing sessions can be very helpful when you go through an awakening process. Learn more about that HERE.
At some point in your spiritual growth you will have crossed a threshold that you can’t turn around and go back from.
It doesn’t matter what you do because you’re on the roller-coaster now and there’s no way of jumping off of it and the sense of powerlessness that comes with that can throw a person into deep depression and despair.
They sometimes almost feel cursed and regret the day that they even embarked on the spiritual path to begin with.
But there is a way out, and that is through.
Through the process of awakening you have to go.
In this process you’ll experience a lot of things, both beautiful phases but also darker phases.
Oftentimes there can be a sense of emptiness and darkness that is very present, so your trust in Life needs to be bigger so that it can carry you through it.
There is a ‘something’ within you, that greater part that is within you, and it is leading you from the inside.
And yet there are many times when you cry out in agony regretting that you ever chose the spiritual path in the first place, or you ask what the point was to see the Truth and then not be able to live it.
It seems almost as if you’re being sadistically tormented or punished or something.
The agony comes from the resistance of the ego.
It’s the ego that is in agony and since the person is still asleep and they still identify with the one who is suffering, they think that it is them that is suffering.
With the process you’re going through now your awareness will naturally grow and increase and you will come to realize that it’s the ego that is suffering, not you.
Then you will come to see that the ultimate solution to all your struggles is an authentic surrendering to the greater part within you (Truth) that is the driver and puller of the process itself.
At this point it’s no longer about wanting to become free, but simply because you have run out of options and there is nothing more left to do but to surrender.
You are tired of fighting and suffering, of trying and striving, and of the endless chatter of the ego voice in your head, so you come to a place of true surrender.
Surrender is the last thing we do, and that is what ultimately changes everything.
When this realization comes, that’s when True Surrender occurs.
It is very different from the surrendering that the ego does.
True surrender is when you surrender everything.
That includes the self you’ve taken yourself to be, life as you see it, the beliefs you hold about life, about yourself, spirituality, you name it, it all has to go.
And you’re willing to let it go, you’re willing to enter into your darkness and see it for what it is. You’re willing to be taken over completely by Truth.
The old self is dying and it can be incredibly painful when you’re in the midst of it.
A part of you is literally dying; the false self, the ego self, so the process of ego death can be almost unbearable to go through.
But it doesn’t have to be (but it is in the beginning, it can be very difficult until you have grown beyond a certain point).
The sooner you surrender to the process, the sooner you fall into the peace that passeth all understanding (it’s always to be found in the present moment).
The sooner you give yourself over to Truth, the quicker you’re able to leave the old ego consciousness behind (wake up from it).
Obviously you still have to do the inner work, the seeing through your illusions and your delusion.
It’s all a shedding process where you let go of more and more and more.
It’s sometimes a long and tedious process because naturally the ego will continue to re-build itself up.
It creates itself anew with new self-images and labels and they are then in turn torn down again (by Truth) only to be set up again – more polished than ever, and so it continues for a while.
Until you again surrender your own will, desires and beliefs about who you are and what Life and reality really is.
So it’s a process and each time an authentic surrender happens it goes even deeper than before.
Here’s a link to some of my articles about surrender:
The old self loses its power and becomes less and less powerful, and it becomes more and more insignificant to you (you stop listening to its chatter), until it drops away completely, and all that is left then, is the you that you really are.
This is when you’ve entered into a place within yourself where there is no fear, no worry, and no more agony.
Only appreciation for the Life that you are and your wonderful humanhood, the unconditioned consciousness that is You, and life as it is meant to be expressed and lived.
In peace and complete flow and harmony with Life itself.
This is true oneness.
When You and Life moves as One.
Here’s another one of my older articles where you can read about how the mind gets emptied out in a spiritual awakening process:
So keep moving through this process trustingly (and from a place of surrender) and you will come out on the other side as a new being and live from a totally different place.
All will be changed in the process, and it’s all for the better.
It’s the process that can be hellish at times, but not what it leads to, so keep moving forward.
Keep trusting your path and following its flow as it continues to lead you through the maze of the spiritual awakening process, out to the other side where your true life awaits.
Hope this article was helpful to you, and if you have any additional questions or thoughts you want to share, then please do so in the comments below.