A little bit about my past

My story (parts of it anyway!)

This morning when I was meditating I was asking God for guidance about this new day as I always do, and what came up was that I should share about my past –

Please understand that I’m not doing this in order to be pitied or put in a victim-hood-vibe, because I’m not a victim, and I’m not a ‘survivor’ – I’m a LIVER of life! 😀

I know all about forgiveness and letting go. You know that if you have followed my writings for a while.

I know all about inner peace, I know God, and I love life. I have never felt this good in my life.

That’s where I’m at in my life for those of you that don’t know me that well.

I’m sharing my story, or the short version of some of it, with you with the intent to Inspire, Encourage and Empower others into feeling that they too can be joyful and free, that there is a way, no matter what is going on.

My life has been very eventful at times to say the least. Very turbulent, and I can honestly say that I have been through Hell and back a few times.

I’m kind of stopping up now, wondering how to put this in a way that doesn’t sound like poor-little-me and oh, so terrible – bu-hu. Ah, well, I’m just going to write as it comes out of me.

I don’t consider my childhood as have been easy, but the real hell broke loos when I was a teenager and I got raped two times within a year.

I became very mentally and emotionally unbalanced I would say, and it went so far that I had an Angel intervention that I to this day believe saved my life.

Prior to the moment when I met the Angel who saved me I had began cutting myself and had severe anxiety and I was in a very bad, dark place. The cutting helped me relieve some of my pain, and it was compulsive; sometimes I had to get up in the middle of the night just to cut myself.

Prior to all this I had always been very interested in reading and learning about drugs, psychology etc and I was a very deep-thinking child and I studied and read everything I could come over – books that was meant for grown-ups, but I was so intrigued and interested in all those things, so I kind of automatically slipped into experimenting with different kind of drugs and so on, especially after I had been raped.

There was a lot of turbulence in my life with other things as well, as most teens go through, and later on I became a full-time drug addict and did drugs for a decade or so before I put myself into rehab where I stayed for a couple of years. It was an intense time.

The things with me is that I have always been very intuitive, and I was actually shown inner pictures and images of my future where I could see where my drug abuse were headed if I chose to continue, but I said yes to it anyway.

It sounds kind of strange to some, but I felt it was a part of my life-journey, that I somehow had signed up for it before I came here. I wanted it. (the experience)

Little did I know that what I had been showed was nothing compared to the hell I went through in reality years later.

During my time in rehab I got a lot of alternative therapies along with psycho-therapy and gestalt therapy and countless of group therapy sessions. One time I ran away from there, but when I got home I knew that I have to go through it despite how hard it may be – I just had to – of two reasons:

1. I knew I would die if I didn’t, I knew it without a doubt

2. I have always known that I’m here to share something important with the world. I had a mission and I had to follow through even if I didn’t know what it was yet. I just felt a calling.

I had to go back. So I did. And the time that followed is a story in it self, I’m sure you can imagine, too long to get into right now.

All in all; despite the difficulty of it I also started to move up and forward in my life. I learned to heal not only myself but also others, and I started to study different kinds of therapies and modalities in order to be able to help others later on.

I started to feel alive again.

The doctors told me that my brain was so damaged by all the drugs that I had done that I would have to take medicines for the rest of my life in order to ever feel real happiness again, but I refused. I told them that I’m going to heal myself and I will be happy and free again, in a natural way – and I did.

I slowly took myself of all the different kinds of medications that I had been on for years and one day I was completely free.

With the help from the people in the rehab of course, but I did heal, and I AM happy and free again without any kind of medicine! Can you imagine if I had believed the doctors – I think I might have been a vegetable at this point with all the chemicals in my body!

I have been drug-free now for about ten years.

When I think about my past, it feels like it’s a different life altogether, and it is in many ways because it’s the complete opposite of what I’m living today 🙂

After my years in rehab I moved away and lost (by choice) contact with the people I had lived with (for several reasons that also is a story of itself) and I began yet another period/chapter of my Dark night of the Soul.

During my whole life – despite whatever I have been through – I have always been interested in spirituality and self development, but now I started to use all my time in reading and learning and implementing and soul searching and meditating and and… !

Things evolved and I moved to Spain after I had heard God told me to go there.

So I gave everything I owned away and to make a long story short; I just took a couple of suitcases with me and my two cats and moved. The time that followed was a test in my Faith. I stepped right into my Dark night of the Soul.

My faith was tested to the core and I had never felt such horror as I did in Spain.

It was also one of the most wonderful times in my life. I came to really know God.

Things happened and I had to move back to Scandinavia. I had nowhere to go so me and my cats were homeless and had to live in a caravan with a hole in the roof in the middle of the winter.

At this time in my life I had entered a Bliss-state. Sounds strange, I know, but that was the time when I came to live in an inner space of the ‘Peace that passeth all understanding’.

This time I really knew I was taken care of by God, and I really was, and still am and always will be.

There I was, in the middle of nowhere, in the cold Norwegian woods, with a smile in my heart and on my face 🙂

It hasn’t  always been so —

I truly know what it’s like to feel rejected. I had tried for so many years (in the past) to be at service to the world, and even offered to volunteer to do all kinds of spiritual work for free when all the jobs I applied for came back with an ‘thanks, but no thanks’-note, only to be rejected again.

I have felt rejected even by God. I have been on my knees, crying and screaming, with no one to talk to, totally friendless – I just had to leave all my old friends behind, we didn’t connect anymore when my interests of actually living my life came to the front fore of my life.

It was better to be alone than with people who I didn’t resonate with any longer.

Today I know that all the rejections were because God had some other plans for me 🙂

I was never meant to have a ‘job’-job, and I needed to grow some more before I could share what I share today.It was tough and there was a lot of fear and struggle.

I know of all these things; fear, rejection, sadness, depression, frustration, anger.. etc.

And I also know the opposite of it all! I know of inner peace, I know of purpose, meaningfulness, love, joy, freedom ..! I know of letting go and letting IN.

I’m not saying that my story is special in any way, or anything like that, but I do want to say that whatever your story is; don’t lose hope, you are not alone and all will be well.

Keep working on your faith in a God that only wants what’s good for you. Keep following your dream no matter what.

I would never want to change anything about my past, I can actually appreciate all of it today. Cliche’ maybe; but I am who I am because of it, and for choosing to let go of the hurt and only take the wisdom from the experiences with me to the now and to my future.

And don’t get me wrong; I have had many wonderful moments throughout my life and a lot of fun too! – not that I advocate for drug use – but yes, there were some good times too.

I wouldn’t have continued with it if there wasn’t.  The thing with drugs is that you have no control of when the day comes when the drugs take over you and your life.

One day you just sit there and think “how did this happen to me?” Not that I was surprised, but I can’t recall when it went from having fun with it, to not so much anymore.

I hope that the things I have shared with you can inspire you to move forward and upward even if things might feel as if they will never improve – just keep moving in the direction that your heart points you in and a better day will come – I promise you that.

Please share your thoughts below –

~And have a wonderfully magical Saturday! 🙂

Beyond grateful for the transformational journey we shared

Maria, I am beyond grateful for the transformational journey we shared. it was nothing less than a miracle that has allowed me come into who I really am. I wake up every morning with a big smile on my face, feeling immense gratitude for just being alive, I can’t explain it, I´m just enjoying this fully. Your guidance has so profoundly changed my life, and I cannot thank you enough.

— R. Los Angeles, USA

Connecting with you is magical

Maria THANK YOU. Sometimes just by connecting with you even briefly gives me instant clarity, it’s really magical, thank you so much. I trust your guidance so much, I’m just so grateful!

— Val S.

My life has radically changed

I finally know my worth. I feel so different now, I feel lighter, happier and more self confident. I treasure the time I spend talking with Maria and look forward to my sessions with her. There has been big changes in my life, synchronicities showing up like magic and I’m constantly blown away at the business and opportunities that I’m attracting. My life has radically changed for the better after I met Maria.

— Robin, New York, USA

Could not more highly recommend

Maria is the real deal. You will sense it the moment you lay eyes on her. She offered much, much more than I’ve derived from other teachers; highly specific and personal recommendations. It is as though I got a crash graduate course from spirit. Could not more highly recommend!

Catherine Rondeau, Westport, Connecticut, USA

Serendipity led me to Maria

Serendipity led me to a life-changing session with Maria. The insights about life and myself that I gained during our session were incredibly liberating and empowering. Her clear and practical guidance helped me create a life that is in alignment with me and what I want. Working with Maria truly felt like divine intervention in my life!

— P.T, New York, USA

You have really made a difference in how my mind works

I don’t know if I make sense, but all I can say is that I feel blissful. And I can’t thank you enough for that. I don’t know exactly how you managed this, but you have really made a difference in how my mind works.

– Silvia, Marbella, Spain

My life has changed dramatically

Maria’s teachings and my session with her has transformed my life and allowed me to live in a state of flow and beautiful synchronicity. Maria, your impact on me is immeasurable, and I will forever be grateful.

— Maya

Definitely worth the investment

Maria showed me how magic can be created by my own Being. It was definitely worth the investment in myself. I’m extremely grateful for my time with her.

- Anna

This journey with you has been amazing

Words cannot fully express the profound impact of my session with you – it has been nothing short of magical. You helped me remove the blockages that held me back, helped me recognize my true worth, and providing so much insight that has been truly life-changing!

— Sarah K.

You are truly a gift to us all!

I can’t even begin to express how much I have gained internally after my session with you. You have been an instrument of peace in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

– Owen, USA

Can’t recommend her enough!

Working with Maria was one of the best investments I ever made in myself. I’ve seen immediate shifts in my energy as well as learned to work with my own energy and mind. It has been one of the single most transformational experiences of my life. Can’t recommend her enough!

– Chris, USA

I had a complete turnaround to my situation

I had a complete turnaround to my situation so many thanks for helping me transform something I had lost hope about. It’s a miracle and the outcome could not have turned out better! If you want to see a real shift not just psychological but spiritual shift, then Maria is the lady to see. I am so glad I found you!

– Sophie P

The whole session felt as if it was operating on another level

If you can trust one thing in your life right now, trust Maria. You can trust her with your heart and soul. It’s hard to explain, the whole session felt as if it was operating on another level. I’ve never had that kind of experience before. It just felt so much bigger than I anticipated. I can tell you with absolute honesty and conviction that having a session with Maria is life-changing!

– Lisa, USA

More transformational than any other thing that I’ve tried

I highly recommend Maria! I don’t even recognize the person who started working with her a few months ago. Maria clearly sees what is blocking, stopping or limiting you. Working with her has been more transformational than any other thing that I’ve tried. Thank you Maria!

Britt, Marbella, Spain

Maria is leading people to a new way of being

Maria is changing the world by her presence. She’s leading people to a new way of being. She’s able to see where you are at in your journey and can show you the way forward. I feel so incredibly grateful that she has been a companion during this time of change. If you feel drawn to connect with Maria I encourage you to move forward with confidence.

– Carolyn W. Asheville, NC, USA

I have never felt more aligned to my true self

Maria’s awareness of energies and the conditions of the mind are truly impressive. She knows exactly what’s going on. She is so attuned to other peoples’ energy that she just knows where you’re at. After working with her I have never felt more alive and aligned to my true self.

Andrew B, San Diego, CA, USA

Maria is able to see the blocks that are holding you back

It’s been a month and I’m literally THRIVING! Forever grateful to you, Maria, I don’t even have words to explain how much your guidance and work has impacted and changed my life.

— Kim

Something happened within me that I cannot explain

After our session, something happened within me that I cannot explain nor would it even make sense to anyone. There was a part of me that felt my being been taken over by a real peacefulness that I’ve never encountered before. Sounds odd but it’s the truth.

– A.

Her unique ability to read your state helped me to breakthrough

I’ve had HUGE shifts in my beliefs. Her undivided attention, presence and unique ability to read your state helped me to breakthrough and release old patterns and replace them with new self-empowering practices that have truly shifted my life. I would highly recommend Maria to anyone. I am forever changed and forever grateful!

Joanna, USA

Completely transformed my understanding

Maria guided me to realize that relying solely on my mind (like LOA teaches) wouldn’t lead to the changes I wanted. A profound shift took place within me which completely transformed my understanding and my perspective on life. I am eternally grateful to Maria. 

— Carrie, USA

It was more than I could ever hoped for or expected

I feel like a huge weight have been lifted and I have so much more perspective on what I have been struggling with! 

Miriam, Espoo, Finland

The feeling of peace and freedom is priceless

This feeling of peace and freedom is priceless. Maria is beyond amazing. Had I not experienced it myself, I would probably not believe it. I recommend anyone who is trying hard to be truly free and really start walking down the path of self fulfillment and happiness to book a session with her.

My self-awareness has soared!

Thanks to your guidance, my self-awareness has soared, allowing me to understand how my state influences the world around me. I am immensely grateful for the positive impact you’ve had on my journey.

— Al, Cincinnati, USA

I’ve never had a conversation like that before

I just wanted to say thank you so much again for our session yesterday, I’ve never had a conversation like that before and it was truly amazing. I could feel weight lifted as we were talking and for the first time my mind did not try to make sense of things, it was all truly felt in the heart space.

Val, Melbourne, Australia

I have clicked into place with myself

Your guidance empowered me to show up more confidently in the world, it unlocked something within me that had kept me stuck. Now I know what I’m meant to do, and it has been life-changing and I feel I have finally clicked into place with myself. Thank you!!

Now I know what is creating my reality

I’m overflowing with gratitude and joy! Life has changed dramatically for me after our time together. I have truly realized on a fundamental level what is creating my reality and it has given me confidence for the first time in my life to finally be ME, I feel liberated to be my authentic self!

— J. Carlson

 I am so glad that I reached out to you

Maria, you are truly godsend. I cannot describe how happy I am. I have no idea what you did and how you did, but I am truly grateful to you. My words in this email cannot thank you enough. Today is the first day that I woke up feeling as if I am ready to take on the world. I am so glad that I reached out to you. I am truly grateful to you. I will definitely recommend you to my friends and family!



  1. Lisa Holladay

    Thank You very much for sharing Maria, I resonate with all that you talked about. I have been going through a dark night of the soul of late and struggling with my faith. So , I want to say how much I appreciate you and your constant encouragement always…here and on face book. Thank you, Much Love, Lisa

  2. Lisa,

    Thank you for your kind words – it’s always nice to hear that what one does is appreciated.

    Building up my faith from belief, acceptance and trust has opened up my life in wonderful ways, so I encourage you to keep working on it, keep the inner talk on conviction that All is well, and keep your new faith by not let anything enter your thought that could weaken your conviction.

    Affirming your Oneness to God will help you do just that. Sometimes it’s a ongoing struggle Love-Fear Love-Fear Love-Fear all day long for a long while – until it sticks in your mind that you are now choosing Love and it becomes automatic. It becomes the new ‘norm’ 🙂

    And all along we know this is a process, don’t we? 🙂

    Remember what Jesus said about the mustard seed? “I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there” and it will move.” That quote has made me feel relief so many times in my life – like ‘Phew! All it takes is a little‘ and then built on that.

    And I just love A course in Miracles! Found this one for you:

    “All aspects of fear are untrue because they do not exist at the creative level, and therefore do not exist at all. To whatever extent you are willing to submit your beliefs to this test, to that extent are your perceptions corrected. In sorting out the false from the true, the miracle proceeds along these lines: Perfect love casts out fear. If fear exists, Then there is not perfect love. But: Only perfect love exists. If there is fear, It produces a state that does not exist. Believe this and you will be free. Only God can establish this solution, and this faith is His gift.”

    Nothing real can be threatened.
    Nothing unreal exists.
    Herein lies the peace of God.

    I have a post that might resonate with you and your process: Development of Trust (The six stages of Development of Trust)

    Much Love!


  3. Hassan,

    Thank you for your always so kind words 🙂

    I see your new website is up and running now – have to go take a peak:-)

    Much Love!


  4. Pingback: Only What Is True Remains (Letting go of the little self) :: Maria Erving

  5. Pingback: How To Pray The Right Way - Maria Erving

  6. Richard Lane

    Having just read your story, mine seems pretty tame. For me, it wasn’t tame at the time, though. I am glad, really glad, that you made it through the hard times, Maria. You are being a bright light for many people.

    Comments like this one may have an adverse effect on your ego, if you still have one. I reckon you can deal with that…must have done for many years now. Mine is always there…wasn’t for awhile, but sticks up its ugly head fairly often. After the experiences that have sometimes shaped whatever I am now, (Some of them, at least), I knew a lot more about ego, also mine. Mostly forgotten now, but not all of it.

    Anyway, thanks again for just being. I’ve wondered for years if there was anyone out there who might understand what I had become aware of. I’m pretty sure that you can, and probably do. We’ll talk soon…

    Jeffrey Lane

  7. I look forward to it Jeffrey, and thank you for your kind words.

    I’m glad that my story can be inspiring, that’s why I share it, it can be encouraging for others that might go through difficult times to see someone who made it through the rough times and find strength in that knowing.

    On January 25th it’s actually my 11-year anniversary as drug-free 🙂 That was the day I went to rehab and stayed for a couple of years or so.

    And here I am today, blessed to be alive.

  8. Pingback: I'm an Atheist [+Submit your own story about letting go of God] · Maria Erving

Add A Comment