Not Everyone Wants To Have Children (Reply To “Ask Maria”)

This is an anonymous reply to my article called “What are your feelings regarding responsibility to family and to oneself?” which you can read here:

mariaerving.com/spirituality-and-responsibility-family-oneself

Anyone who wish to remain anonymous when replying to articles regarding their questions and topic requests when using “Ask Maria” can comment and reply this way.

Read more about that here:

mariaerving.com/reply-anonymously-ask-maria

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Reply From The Reader:

“Hello Maria – thank you so much for your reply to my question about oneself and family.

I relate so much to what you wrote. I too never wanted children or enjoy being around them for any length of time.

So I don’t know what I or my spouse was thinking when I married someone with 2 children, though now grown, and now there is a grandchild, and more to come.

My spouse knew from the beginning I like a lot of time to myself and was fine with that.

But as you mentioned in your reply, I don’t think we were “thinking.”

My spouse is very close to his/her children, and the expectations are different from when I grew up.

My spouse is aware of my feelings regarding children and recently my questioning family but has not expressed concern.

Though they do get pissed off when I’m negative and complain (I don’t blame them).

I feel I’ve put this facade on my whole life to look “nice” and do the “right thing” so I could convince myself I wasn’t this awful selfish person.

And it hasn’t worked. Doing the “right” thing hasn’t made me happier, kinder, or selfless.

And now I’m questioning the whole thing.

For example, a woman at work recently referred to a relative of hers as selfish, because this relative won’t babysit.

And I found myself questioning why would that make a person selfish? By who’s standards?

And I actually admired the relative for being honest even it means others will judge them unkindly.

I do know I will always want to know my spouse. My life feels richer for this person being in it.

Reading your articles has had an impact on me regarding being true to oneself and living your own truth.

I believe it has “allowed” me to start to question my feelings and how I’m living life, and I’m very grateful to you for that.”

My Reply:

Thank you for your reply, and you’re very welcome, I’m glad to hear you found it helpful.

I think you said it all yourself in your reply and there’s not much more I can add; my article and your reply will be helpful to others who have the same thoughts and are wired in similar ways as we are.

It’s really okay to not want to have children and we have to just follow what feels right for ourselves and we need to do this assertively/fiercely sometimes (and not be so damn timid and accommodating) because of the opposition from the world. 

As I said in my article; the only true responsibility each and everyone has in this life is to be true to ourselves first.

When we are true to ourselves and others are true to themselves (and there’s mutual respect for each others individuality), then there’s a natural flow to things and life and relationships becomes much more harmonious and enjoyable.

Here’s a few other articles that came to mind, maybe you like them too:

Having a Mind That is Different From Others

Ways To Live Your True Life In 2016

Our People Pleasing Society

7 Ways Of How We Dull Ourselves Down Spiritually

And lastly, this one:

mariaerving.com/spiritual-stereotypes

It’s a really old one and quite funny to read now but it shows how we need to stand up for our individuality instead of allowing ourselves to be stereotyped just to fit in.

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