I find the lessons in ACIM grueling (Ask Maria)
“I had a spiritual “calling” about 5 years ago… I’ve read an awakening implies a shift in perception which I did not have, but there was this unmistaken inner energy that made itself known in a active and comforting way.
I was so filled with gratitude and awe as I witnessed this transformative energy work its way in my life.
I’d never knew or heard about awakenings or anything like this. I wasn’t actively seeking. In fact I was absolutely miserable.
I began reading articles about Kundalini awakenings, and even though they didn’t apply to me, what they spoke to touched me very deeply.
I eventually found my way to ACIM. Sadly I’ve only made it through 75 lessons in a little over 4 years.
The resistance I feel, in spite of initially thinking I wanted this, is like a boxing match.
I find the lessons in ACIM grueling and it always feels like a struggle doing them. I don’t look forward to doing them.
And this inner energy which seemed to grace me without my even understanding anything about it has seemed to grow quieter… I can’t say I want the Truth above all else because I don’t really know what I’m asking for.
I recently read that you can’t manufacture this kind of desire or motivation, it’s a “fire” that finds you and doesn’t let go…
I thought it had found me 5 years ago… should I just commit myself to doing the lesson regardless of how I feel?
Motivation or not?
It has grown quieter because you are not listening to it.
It’s obviously directing you away from ACIM, and I know that people who are into the course in miracles and are dedicated to it would perhaps not agree with me but I’m speaking from my own experience; when your gut tells you to let go and move on it means “let go and move on” even if it’s your most cherished belief.
If your intuition or gut tells you to move on from something then you definitely should regardless of what other people or a certain teaching or book tells you to do.
Every teaching serves its purpose at a certain point in our evolutionary process and if you allow yourself to get brainwashed into one specific teaching like for example ACIM by forcing yourself to do the lessons then you might eventually build your life and business around that belief system believing it is “the Truth”, but in reality no book is “the Truth”.
And I’m talking about any kind of belief systems and books and teachings, it can be a religious belief system, a new age belief system, whatever it is; if you allow it to rule your life (when you “must/should/have to do this or that”) then you’re a slave even if you think you’re free because every belief system is false.
Awakening means you wake up from all belief systems.
When you don’t have any beliefs anymore, that’s when you’re truly free but you can’t see this until you are on the other side.
Human beings love believing in things and most people love idolizing other human beings weather its a Guru or a singer or whatever they might be.
In essence most people live their lives based on belief in something and they worship ‘authority’ especially if they think they have knowledge of wisdom they lack, but even if they’re just charismatic and talk complete BS and nonsense, people still love following them and putting them on pedestals.
That’s the prison of human kind in a nutshell.
We revere others and ‘make idols’ but forget about our own truth or we ignore it because it’s not what others believe or think.
So afraid of themselves that they don’t dare to look beyond what they believe or perceive to be true because if they did their ego would die.
And the ego doesn’t like that so it puts pressure on you to perform and conform according to a set of rules made by other human beings.
Again, a concept, a teaching, even a teacher or Guru has their place in our spiritual growth, so I’m not bashing any of it, but when it’s time to let go and move on it’s time to let go and move on.
Trust yourself. Don’t let a book rule your life! It’s only a book.
And some books are dangerous to the human mind while some other books provide and promote healthier perspectives and so on but for God’s sake don’t let any book be the guideline of your life.
I personally burned all my books before I moved to Spain, ACIM included (and yes, “that” book too) because I could not for the world live with the thought of having passed on falseness and further delusion into humanity by giving those books away.
So I burned them; all kinds of books; all my law of attraction books, books about angels, astrology, self-help books and different spiritual books, I mean there were not many left that ended up in the second-hand store where I left some of the many books I had.
And there was no emotions involved, no drama whatsoever, I felt nothing special when I burned the books.
It wasn’t a statement or anything like that, just a simple bonfire made of books that I had to get rid of for practical reasons since I was moving to another country.
I still remember the feeling I had though when I woke up from the ACIM teachings (yes, I’ve been there too and done that) but I can’t remember anymore which specific sentence it was but there was one single sentence that I read in the course in miracles book that opened my eyes to the Truth of that book not being true at all.
Its message might be spiritual and noble and all that, but it’s not inspired by any God or Jesus.
Again, it’s only a book and we don’t even know if Jesus has ever existed to begin with.
Take what resonates and leave the rest and move on with your life and know that there will be other books until there will be no more books.
That’s how it goes so don’t get hung up on one teaching especially if it’s grueling for you to even open the book. Let it go.
Maybe it comes back to you at some later point in your spiritual growth process, and maybe not.
My point is; move on.
If it’s not resonating anymore it’s time to let it go.
This is what your intuition has been telling you but you have put a book before your own internal knowing so that’s why its voice has diminished and you can’t feel its presence as strongly anymore.
But once you start to listen to it again you will soon feel in alignment again – with yourself, not some teaching that your ego tells you is “the Truth” that you should follow.
That’s my advice to you, see if it resonates.
Another thing worth mentioning when it comes to this subject and that can be helpful to you is this;
Remember what I wrote in this post: mariaerving.com/reviewing-the-past-ten-years-of-your-life?
When I did this review of my life and asked myself “If I could only keep one change from the past ten years, only one, and every other lesson/change/transformation had to be forgotten, which change would I keep?” the answer was very clear to me and it actually kind of blew my mind.
I would say that the answer to that question, if I would include (which I also did when I looked into this question) my whole life, all my transformations included, all my happy days, all my lessons, everything – every single thing; if there was only one thing I could keep, it would be the realization that God does not exist.
Of all the things I have realized and discovered and been through, this was my number one thing that I would keep.
That’s the most profound thing that has ever happened in my life and it has brought me the most joy, freedom, and liberation even if it took me a lot of pain and suffering to get to the point of awakening from that particular belief.
I hope me sharing this with you helps you in your process somehow.
The most important thing there is is to be completely honest and sincere with yourself and that alone will pretty much take you all the way, when you dare to follow what rings true for you instead of following what others lay before you on your path.
Be selective and honor yourself; live your own truth.
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