Being single-minded to what Life wants

A few words about single-mindedness..

I was inspired to write a longer reply to a comment I received on this post:

Being Single Minded

The comment I received was this:

“Through knowing this all, I’m still feeling like I’m not single-minded as much as I need to be to make my biggest dream come true, like the only thing that can help me right now is a miracle… I’m in a really bad condition; I need to be so strong but I’m absolutely broken inside; I don’t believe if I deserve to see it happening”.

Here’s my reply:

Mary, this is an incredibly old article, it’s from way back when I believed in all kinds of spiritual concepts like the law of attraction and so on.

So I won’t speak from the perspective I had then, but from where I am now and how I can help you move forward from where you are.

So forget about what I wrote in the post and let’s start afresh.

You wrote:

Through knowing this all, I’m still feeling like I’m not single-minded as much as I need to be to make my biggest dream come true”.

First of all I want to invite you to question your belief that says “through knowing this all”.

How do you *know* that what I wrote in the post is true..?

Because the truth is that when I wrote this I was broke and lived on welfare.

So really question this belief that has been imprinted in your mind from the mainstream spiritual and personal development arena.

Even ask the people who teach these types of concepts about all the things that they have supposedly “manifested” and you will probably not get many answers back.

It’s the idea that sells, the concept, because it’s desirable for the ego, that’s why it’s such a big business.

Anything that makes the ego feel good or in control will always be a good selling point, but look for the truth, ask about the direct experiences instead. 

Don’t believe everything you read.

If you had asked me at the time I wrote the article about all the wealth that I was trying to ‘manifest’ I would not have been able to give you any other answer than that I was ‘believing’, and ‘in the process of manifesting’.

You would have got an “Any day now, it’s coming, I can feel it” – type or reply.

And it would have been a completely sincere reply, because the people who teach these types of concepts, they really believe and they really want to inspire and empower others, but the reality is that most people are still in the ‘waiting’ phase.

Always demand the direct experience from life, and always ask for the direct experience from people.

There is not one single concept that is true and all belief-systems and all the different spiritual ideas you entertain should be questioned and confronted – in that you should be single-minded – to find the Truth of the matter.

So many things has unfolded from that particular time in my life and my life looks vastly different today which brings me to your next sentence where you wrote:

I’m still feeling like I’m not single-minded as much as I need to be to make my biggest dream come true”.

Look, here’s the truth.

Your dream might not be what Life wants, but there are so many other aspects to take into consideration such as the natural flow of things, you pushing too hard and going against life instead of with it etc.

It might be so that ‘your dream’ and the desire from Life (living and experiencing itself through you) is the same, but even if it is, don’t ever expect that everything will unfold in the way you want them to, or expect to.

Most likely it won’t. 

The single-mindedness that I would promote today is to be single-minded when it comes to what wants to come through you, what wants to be created through you, what wants to be expressed through you, and not so much at all about what *you* want.

There has been so many times in my life – so many times! when I thought of quitting, and there has been so many times when I just said ‘screw it, I’m not gonna do this anymore’ and tried another path that was completely different. 

But then Life put me back on this path again, over and over again.

It just kept redirecting me back to *this* even at times when I really just had had it with everything, but even *this* has changed numerous times before I came to where I am today. 

The journey wasn’t always easy, far from it.

That’s why most people don’t undertake it, it’s too hard for most to handle and you really can’t be like the average person if you want to break free.

You need to be moving above all that, constantly taking steps outside of your comfort zone and staying true to yourself when the world loudly demands otherwise. 

There were times when I too cried and felt self-pity etc and when all I could hope for was a miracle, just like you, but my path also taught me that this isn’t about me (or who I was back then).

It’s about what Life wants (and you and life are one and the same although you don’t know it yet) while the ego-self usually does things only as a means to an end and also in congruent with beliefs held in the moment.

But beliefs are lies and whatever idea/concept you believe in is merely a tool made to deceive human beings, all created by the ego itself.

A free individual is an individual free from beliefs.  

So my suggestion to you is to ask yourself what Life wants.

Lay everything that you think you want aside and ask what wants to be lived and expressed through you, and then you just simply follow that flow and do what’s in front of you.

You simply do the next obvious thing, and then the next, without thinking of the ‘fruit of your labor’.

You just do what you’re guided to do in each moment and let life unfold that way.

Living this way does not exclude anything by the way;

Sometimes it does involve planning and setting goals and so on and sometimes it involves throwing it all out the window; burning all your plans and goals and surrendering everything to the truth of your being.

At one point some years ago I even burned all my books! 

I can chuckle and laugh at it now, but boy was that an empowering experience! 

I think you’ll find this article very helpful because it describes one of my phases where this sort of thing happened:

A Life Worth Living 

And here’s another one: “Spiritual Madness” that also describes some of the processes I went through.

Be true to yourself, and be brutally honest with yourself. 

Every decision you make is forming the person you’re continuously in the process of becoming and you can’t be something you’re not yet ready to be, but you need to be who you are, right now, and be that honestly.

Sometimes that requires you to relinquish everything and allow yourself to be stripped naked by Truth itself, and that is usually a place where you literally stand alone, having nothing to hold on to. 

Lastly you wrote:

.. the only thing that can help me right now is a miracle… I’m in a really bad condition and I need to be so strong but I’m absolutely broken inside I don’t believe if I deserve to see it happening”.

Read the articles I gave you the links to above and get insight into the processes I went through and hopefully you will feel encouraged by them to continue following your path, even in times of challenges and tribulations. 

I don’t know what your dream is, but all you can do really is to stay true to yourself and do what you feel inclined to do while forgetting where it will lead you, because you’ll never know.

Enjoy the things you do, and if hard work is required then do the hard work.

I know I have, but I have also been intensely focused and dedicated to live a life that is true to myself.

That is kind of the reward in itself; it’s not about the end of a journey but about the now-moment while moving with the journey.

There’s gonna be a lot of twists and turns, a lot of transformations and changes and so on that you can never, ever predict.

You will lose some aspects of your dream but gain others, you will almost give up at times and then again give it your all, determined to “succeed”.

The most important thing is to always stay true and in integrity.

This will sculpt and define your character and the more in alignment you are with yourself, with Life, the more supported and guided you will feel.

The miracle that you’re looking for here is yourself.

And the moment you surrender to the process you’re in, that’s when the miracle happens.

But it won’t look like your ego wants it to look.

It will look far from it, but it will be to your delight because Life can always give you more than what you can give yourself.

So be single-minded when it comes to what Life wants and be attentive to that and not your false self’s petty aspirations and the temper tantrums it has when it’s not getting what it wants.

I can assure you that if you just keep moving forward, letting go more and more while at the same time questioning everything, you’ll be fine.

Actually way more than fine.

It’s a process where you learn so many things about yourself, about life, and about trusting the path you’re on. 

trust the path you're on
Trust the path you’re on. You didn’t choose it as much as it chose you. Don’t try to control it but instead let it lead you.
Life has a magical way of clicking into place once you get in alignment with it.

Once you’re freed from the past and blockages are released and dissolved, a sense of renewal and liberation comes over you and you’re able to move forward in life with a new sense of aliveness and inner joy, peace and confidence.

You have been an amazing addition to my life!

Thank you for all of the wonderful light, and love that you send out into the world. You are indeed an inspiration even though we are half way across the world – isn’t that wonderful! It is a privilege that is not taken lightly. Thank you Maria! 

Ruby Coleman Professional Musician and Actress, Memphis, Tennessee, USA

Comments

  1. Morgan

    Is a good indicator of what Life wants to come through you, or created through you or expressed through you, something that you love?

    For instance, I love animals and have since I can remember. They fill me with a sense of joy and love, and I feel very maternal towards them that I don’t necessarily feel towards children.

    And although I’m married and my husband has children, and now a grandchild, I’m constantly thinking about a life that doesn’t involve the obligations and “pulls” of family life. Can this be Life calling in a different direction?

    Thank you.

  2. Yes, it can be something you love, feel passionate about, or feel called to do.

    It’s a pull, or a ‘calling’, and it doesn’t have to be “fun” in the sense that you smile and laugh all day, every day, but it can be something you love and that feels meaningful.

    Helping abandoned and hurt animals for example might not be “fun” but it would give a sense of purpose if that’s something you feel drawn to do.

    To live a life where you feel like you exist for other people and where you feel obligated to be in a certain way in your family for example (‘be’ the roles you play for them in a way that they agree with), is not really a life at all.

    That would be you living somebody else’s life.

    I would say it’s the breaking free from that that will ultimately give life meaning and purpose.

    When you can be yourself and be free.

    Ask yourself how long you have been thinking about this.

    How long is it?

    If it’s something that been on your mind for months, or even years, then it really is time to start making some changes in your life.

    But even if it’s something that you’ve felt for the past few weeks, obviously there’s something there for your to pursuit and you shouldn’t delay the exploration of that.

    Always listen to the inner voice, don’t wait for weeks or in some cases even years before you take action.

    Specifically what changes you need to make in your life, I don’t know, but for instance, if you feel the pull towards working with or helping animals, then start doing that.

    Who knows, maybe your family even gets involved in it too with time.

    But if not, that should not stop you from venturing out on this path if it’s calling you to do so.

    You are entitled to have your own life, your own interests, your own ‘hobbies’ and whatever it is.

    It’s your life.

    Look at it the other way around;

    If your husband occasionally meet with his buddies and does whatever it is that they like doing, why are you not able to go out and do the things that interests you?

    Or are you holding each other prisoners..? Tightly within the bounds of the roles you play for each other?

    What is holding you back from exploring this interest?

    What is hindering you, really?

    Look honestly at it.

    Why is it such a big deal if you want to do something that sparks an interest in you?

    And what is (truly) most important to you?

    To obey family rules and obligations, or to live this life that is yours to live in a way that pleases you (and harms no one)?

    If I were you, I would just go out there and do it, do whatever I felt called towards to explore.

    Go to an animal shelter for an example, they always need an extra hand.

    What harm would that do to your family?

    And if you don’t like it, then stop going there!

    It’s very easy if you think about it.

    It’s not like you’re committing to something you can’t back out from later should you wish to.

    Everything is a learning and growing experience, and I think you would love it.

    You would grow, learn, meet new people, befriend new animals and pets, enjoy the company of them and so on.

    And if you for some reason later realize that it’s not for you anymore, then leave.

    You can simply say that it wasn’t for you after all, or that your priorities has changed and are now focused elsewhere etc.

    It’s not a big deal.

    Many people stay stuck in ambivalence where they’re constantly waffling about which direction to go instead of just doing it.

    So Do It.

    Explore what life has for you because to me it seems obvious that there’s something here that calls for your action.

    You might like this article too:

    http://mariaerving.com/allow-yourself-to-make-mistakes

  3. Morgan

    Thank you, Maria – Your articles are always so inspiring to me! I’m in the process of hopefully retiring by summer, and work with animals in some fashion. My retirement isn’t much money, but at this point, I don’t care and know I can make it work. Right now if feels like the best decision I’ve made in a long time!

    I have a lot of freedom as far as my husband goes. It’s the whole “family” thing or idea that I’ve never felt drawn to or close to. I need to do some soul-searching on this topic. It’s like I don’t want to be tied to anyone in anyway which means I have to do things I don’t feel drawn to do. For instance: weddings…Long, Loud, Boring. I generally don’t enjoy them. But it’s something one does to show support . Do you see where I’m going with this?

    I hope you don’t feel I’m using this forum as a “Dear Abby”. But this family/people thing is huge for me…and I sometimes think I might be a little schizoid. I really don’t want to do anything that I don’t want to do (period). And I’m really interested in your thoughts about this.

    Thank you so much!

  4. I’m not into family-life either so I understand what you mean, although whatever choices you’ve made in the past is in the past and something wonderful did came out of it so enjoy that and forget the rest.

    Make a new choice now as a commitment to yourself that when you retire (or already now of course!), that the rest of your life is going to be yours, and yours alone to decided what to do with.

    And then go do that 🙂 Enjoy and explore.

    Regarding weddings and other family-stuff; why not excuse yourself and simply leave when it gets boring?

    I’ve been to parties too when I have excused myself early in the evening because I have felt that I’m not into it/in the mood/not my thing etc.

    And if people say things like “you’re leaving?? Why?” etc, you don’t have to make a big deal out of it and it only takes a few minutes before you’re out the door and they are back to partying.

    You don’t really have to explain yourself as much as you’d think.

    I honestly don’t think you need to pay much attention to this part in your journey, I think that would be a waste of energy that you could use on having fun instead.

    For example; what specifically would you like to do when it comes to animals?

    Focus on figuring that one out instead of dwelling and navel-gazing on why you’re not into family-stuff.

    To me it’s just a preference, nothing to really do any deeper inner work on.

    Not all people are into family-stuff and that’s that.

    Would you do soul-searching on why you like vanilla ice-cream better than chocolate?

    That’s kind of how I see it.

    It’s just a preference and now get on with your life.

    What do you want to do when it comes to animals, do you have any ideas?

    Feel free to share.

    My point is that I believe it would bring you more actual insight to your life if you just accepted that part of yourself that is not into family-life.

    There’s nothing wrong with being like that.

    Just get on with your life, do what you enjoy, start moving in that direction instead of having your focus on sides of yourself that you have not come to terms with.

    Acceptance comes when you start doing the things you want to do instead of focusing on the things about yourself that you don’t like or that you somehow think is wrong.

    Specifically with you I want to say this, because of course it’s not the same for everyone, but really; enjoy your life and let yourself be just the way you are.

    And please, feel very welcome to ask, share and comment as much as you’d like here, I love interacting with readers, I enjoy it very much 🙂

  5. Morgan

    Firstly, thank you again for your response. I’ve been looking at the family thing as an “either – or” situation. Either I’m all the way in or all the way out.

    But as I read your response, it makes total sense to me.

    My first move in the direction of working with animals, and while I’m still employed in my current job is volunteering walking dogs at an area animal shelter. I’m also currently signed up on a web-site to walk dogs and care for animals if needed on the weekends. And, down the line, I’m going to look into volunteering at a farm animal sanctuary in my area. There are actually two of them. Those are my plans now. I was even looking online regarding “animal healing,” However, I am not a healer…just looking.

    And regardless of how this works out, I just feel in my heart it’s the right thing for me right now. Like a breathe of fresh air. It will be interesting to see how it unfolds.

    I don’t think I would have even thought about leaving my job, taking steps towards doing something I’m actually interested in if it wasn’t for your web-site which I started reading last year.

    Your articles really planted a seed and I’m very happy and grateful for that.

  6. That sounds wonderful Morgan! Let me know how things unfold 🙂

    And who knows, maybe you are a healer.

    Some people find their true calling late in life, maybe you’re a late bloomer.

    If animal healing sparks your interest you might want to look into that more.

    Remain 100% open to the journey forward because you can never know where it will take you.

    And thank you for sharing with me that my writings has been helpful to you.

    It’s an honor to be part of your journey at this time in your life and I look forward to hear about your progress as you move forward on the new path you have before you.

  7. Wesley

    What is going on for me is that I feel deep desire to be … not in Canada. I feel averse to the culture. To the winter. The temperature. And who I’ve been and see reflected here. I wanted to be in India, but I’m not. I’m open to any sort of insight as to how I can get myself moving forward, past the part that doesn’t want to move forward.

  8. You are being guided from within Wesley.

    Follow the inclinations and you will be massively rewarded.

    Go.

    If Life is calling you to go somewhere: GO.

    As you may know, I’m from Sweden, and Sweden is cold as well, at least in the winter time, and that was one of the reasons I decided to leave and move to Spain.

    But my main reason was that I felt guided to move here, so I did.

    I had lived in Costa Blanca before a couple of times but felt that that was not the direction for me this time and I felt drawn to go to Costa del Sol instead.

    I had no idea where I would go since I’ve never been here so I meditated on it and asked within where I should go and a name of a town came up.

    When I saw this name with my inner eyes, I ran to the computer to Google it and lo and behold, there was a town with that exact name and when I read about it I liked it and decided that this was where I was going to go.

    And a few months later I had given everything away and all that I had with me was my cat, my laptop and a couple of suitcases.

    The rest is history.

    I have other examples too; for example when I felt called to move to Costa Blanca years ago, but maybe I share that another time.

    Back to you 🙂

    So you feel called to go to India?

    Then go.

    In the fall of 2015 (I think it was) I felt the call to go to India (and I had never felt drawn to go there before) and a few months later I was there, traveling all around the place.

    While having severe financial limitations and issues mind you.

    I did it anyway because I knew that when Life guides me to do something, the resources I need will always be there.

    They always show up, and this time they did as well and I was taken care of very well, very, very well actually.

    So I urge you to move beyond your fear (ego voice) that is trying to hinder you and start planning the traveling and just go.

    Just go Wesley.

    You will be so happy you did.

    Look at the alternative, where will you be 3 months from now if you don’t go/start planning the trip?

    And where could you be if you did go/started to plan the trip?

    Powerful questions.

    The answers makes the decision quite clear, doesn’t it?

    Look, you have ONE life. Live it. That’s my advice to you.

    Live it.

    Don’t let your ego dictate how you should live, where you should go and not go etc.

    This is your one shot on this thing called life.

    Live it in alignment with the truth within you.

    Here’s my archive for my India travel, hope it inspires you:

    http://mariaerving.com/category/india/page/4/

    Begin by reading the article “I’m going to India”.

    There’s a lot of things that needs to be planned when going there but as you take one step at a time, you will be just fine.

    It’s a process and as you move along with the guidance you get, people and resources and everything you need (ideas, direction etc) will come to you.

    And as you implement and move ahead with what is shown to you more and more clarity (and excitement:) will come to you, I promise.

    It’s always worth it to follow your heart, wherever it leads you.

    Trust yourself, your gut-feeling and the direction Life is giving you.

    Let me know how it goes.

  9. Wesley

    Thank you.

    It hasn’t really gone anywhere. I started to plan and ran into my own issues. It’s almost as if when winter came, I froze… and all the truth and courage I’d cultivated evaporated. Many things disappeared from within. I had strange things like finding some sort of connection with a girl from kindergarten and then watching it disappear. And like a capacity to have a pet… it disappeared. And these strange dreams.

    Now, it appears like my identity has reverted back to an earlier point in my life. It seems like energy has lessened and with that there isn’t enough to fuel my more developed or clear experience of reality. That’s what it seems like, but what’s really going on? I’m becoming clear about what my biggest fears. My reality doenst look very nice at the moment. And it’s like I’m just sitting here, watching it happen with very little motivation to do what it would take to make a change. I see that’s the story… and what to do, tell a story I’d rather be experiencing or say it like it is…

    I’m aware that the solution to this is surrender. The reason for this state of mind is that I didn’t… and it’s getting to the point where it’s going to be my only option.

  10. Do you think you’re in a spiritual awakening process Wesley? That that’s what has diminished or taken away your motivation and inspiration?

    In that case, here’s a few articles that might be helpful to you, see below.

    It’s very common to have your ambitions, dreams, and hopes for your life taken away when you go through the awakening process so see if it resonates.

    Not sure if you’re a member or not and which articles are public/not public, but you’ll see when you click on them:

    “When No Life Lives Through Us (Utterly Uninspired)”:
    http://mariaerving.com/no-life-flowing-through-me

    “Fear Of Regressing Back To The “Old Life” After a Spiritual Experience [What am I supposed to do now?]”:
    http://mariaerving.com/fear-of-having-to-go-back-to-illusion

    “Spiritual awakening process: “I feel like a zombie!” (Ask Maria)”:
    http://mariaerving.com/spiritual-awakening-feeling-like-zombie

    “Ambition Changes With Spiritual Evolution”:
    http://mariaerving.com/spiritual-ambition

    And lastly, here’s a link to some of my articles about surrender:
    http://mariaerving.com/?s=surrender

    It is the last thing people do, but it’s also the thing that sets you free, so if the call to surrender is there, don’t hesitate.

    I’m telling you, that is the answer to your struggles, “spiritual” or not.

    And if it’s not about you being in a spiritual awakening process, then please feel very welcome to describe more specifically what it is that you’re struggling with and also post a specific question, then I’m able to give you more clear guidance.

    Hope this was helpful to you.

  11. Ajit Menon

    “Ask what wants to be lived and expressed through you”…I like that!
    If I ask myself that question then I think the answer would be to “see inside me and keep seeing without getting distracted by what happens outside me or around me”.

  12. Maybe that is your current “task”, or assignment 🙂 If it feels intuitively right and like the next obvious thing to do for you, then follow that and see what unfolds as you do.

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