The Experience of Spiritual Awakening Does NOT Automatically Make You An “Awakened One”!

Something that I have noticed lately is how much the concept of spiritual awakening is getting thrown around, like a badge of honor or something, and believe me if that is how you think an awakening feels, like an accomplishment of some sort, you can be sure that it is your ego talking and luring you into thinking you have “awakened”.

An awakening is not the end of the journey, it’s actually the beginning.

An awakening is not about your hard times and struggles, it’s about realizing who you really are, your true nature. 

And it usually comes (the realization) after years and years of seeking, learning, meditating and contemplating about life.

Sometimes people write me and share with me that “Oh, I have struggled so much, therefor I am awakened”.

No, you’re not. If you were, you wouldn’t go on sharing your drama with me in the next sentence, or looking for approval from me so that I acknowledge you as being awakened.

If what I write upsets you the slightest, you are not awakened.

If you were, you wouldn’t even care what I think, you would just smile. (You would, not that smug ego of yours who thinks you’re special because you have “awakened”)

The experience of a spiritual awakening doesn’t automatically make you an Enlightened One.

The journey that takes you to the point where you can live from your true nature 24/7 is a PROCESS, often times with a number of awakening-experiences – sometimes with many years between them – but they are all life-altering, you will never (ever!) be who you were before your experience of awakening, and there will be no doubt about if you had an awakening or not.

You will not wonder about it or think “Oh, that must have been an awakening, yeah, I think that was an awakening, lets call it that”, you will absolutely know something profound happened to you, it’s LIFE-ALTERING; YOU will have a huge inner transformation, but usually only a taste of your true nature and life as it really is at first.

We don’t usually stay there permanently after our first experience.

But we will clearly see the silliness of the World and take that with us in our hearts. We will go on, even if the experience itself fades, carrying the Truth with us, knowing it, but we will most probably not be able to live it fully just yet.

It may take you 20 more years before you really ‘get it’ on a deep level after your first taste of your True nature, and it’s not something you control, you can’t decide that you are going to awake.

That’s something life gives you, it’s not up to you. But of course, you can’t sit and wait for it either; you must really want to live authentically and you will want to seek it if you have had a taste of it (you cannot not want it again), there will be no slackness about it at all because you know you don’t belong to the world anymore.

So don’t go and change your name into something Indian-sounding just yet. Which is just another label you put on yourself; “I’m now an Enlightened One so I must change my name to Baba Krishna” or whatever.

Another thing is that being spiritually aware and awake are totally different things!

A lot of people can be aware (I am) but very few are actually awake (I’m not. I have had experiences of awakenings, yes, but I’m not awake yet, I might not even ever become awakened in this lifetime).

The ego can make itself spiritual, it can make you think you are enlightened, but as long as there is some kind of conflict left in your life,you’re just like the rest of us.

If you argue with yourself (and your thoughts), if you resent your situation, are angry with God, or get annoyed by your best friend or mom at times, you are NOT awake, so please stop fooling yourself.

If I were awakened, I would not be irritated by this concept being thrown around and write this post to voice my opinion about the ridiculousness of people thinking they have awakened when they may not even had an experience of a spiritual awakening in the first place!

I hear people think they have had a spiritual awakening, and they don’t actually have a clue.

It’s a very profound thing, and if all you can share with me is about your struggle, then you don’t know what an awakening is at all.

It’s a realization about who you really are, and it’s indescribable, beautiful and it will change your perception of who you think you are forever, but there will be some more work to do before you can become totally de-conditioned, and until then, your ego will try to make you think you have awakened so that you feel content with what is so that you don’t grow, or become more of who you really are.

The awakening is the beginning (not the end, or “arriving”), and you will see that everything you once thought was real, is not.

That’s when life really begins, but it can take years and years before you ‘get there’ so to speak, it’s not a one-time event that suddenly makes you Enlightened, and it’s not about your struggles, it’s not about your pain and bruised ego.

It’s about Self Realization. 

And that’s a beautiful thing, and you will not be left wondering about it. You will absolutely Know.


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  1. Frank de Graaf

    By knowing who you are.. the now.., bringing presence in your life, knowing about the ego(frozen identity), thinkingconcepts en all worldmechanismes, friendly with your self, creating your life on base of your(reinvented..) believesystem, knowing that the world is how you see it, remebering that nothing has meaning except the meaning that you gave to it, that love is the mainprinciple, go for it and keep on going, with love Frank(student for life)

  2. Hi Frank,

    Many thanks for your comment!

    I don’t agree with you though on some of the points you made.

    When we know who we are, we also know that we (as in “I”) are not “creating” anything and there is no presence to be ‘brought in’ as we are It.

    We are the Presence.

    What I share on my site is not about new, re-invented belief-systems at all.

    All concepts are false:

    We are beyond thoughts and beliefs and all beliefs are merely opinions. (Which are not true as opinions change and Truth never does).

    I share my own experiences here, and not what I believe is true.

    It’s important to look closely at all our beliefs in order to root them up and transcend them altogether; not to replace them with new ones that feels better.

    The spiritual path of awakening is not about ‘feeling better’ (that’s the egos’ game), but to look closely and honestly at our darkness and move beyond it.

    My writings are meant to be pointers towards Truth, which can’t be explained through writing or speaking, but has to be experienced. Every individual must experience it for themselves.

    The Truth is to be found within – and not through replacing one beliefs system for another.

    My intention is to help others think for themselves (and feel with their hearts) and move beyond the false self (ego) which isn’t even real.

    It’s a mental attachment (identification), and that identification crumbles in the process of spiritual awakening.

    The path of awakening is a demolition-plan, not a ‘re-build/create your self/personal improvement program’ for the false self; or the little “I”.

    Feel free to elaborate and share your own personal thoughts and points of views on this as I appreciate comments and making conversation here on my blog.

    All the best,


  3. Harry

    Hi there, haven’t you missed the point a bit too? You telling others they haven’t had a SA is a form of judgement… are you being upset that others are getting closer to self realization like you have or aren’t seeing it like you do? That is the EGO too remember, it’s also the reason for pointless religious arguments everywhere…. “No, my view of religion has more truth than yours”. (“My SA is more real than yours, because….).

    You have some length to go too if that’s the case, which is no bad thing (you’ll know this as I do. I’m learning everyday still, and you’re right…. IT IS BEAUTIFUL). Like you say, it’s the beggining of the journey, but people MUST find it out for themselves for it to be rewarding and meaningul, it’s nice your pointing them on the right direction, but each proper awakening is personal and to be found on your own.

    Don’t get too upset at people using it as a ‘badge of honour’, it shouldn’t cause any offense and does nothing to prevent others from getting their anyway… or themselves. I probably (as did you maybe) do the same at first, even subconciously I thought “Ha, I see the world for what it is, you don’t…. thus I’ve awakened and I’m better than you”. BUT, that doesn’t mean you’ve not had a SA…. it is the “beginning” (As you have mentioned i know), but it’s important that they find this out for themselves for it to be meaningful. Otherwords you’d just be giving them this ‘gift’ instead of allowing them the time to realise they don’t need to be pointed in the right direction, their growth and self will do that for them over time….. days, weeks, years…. dosn’t matter.

    I used to get frustrated with my family seeing me as a nut, or religious freak…. but they have been conditioned by a long time of disinformation and negative influnces. That can’t be changed overnight, and is definitely not rtheir fault. So, don’t feel to bad that they “boast” about it. To them it may just be as powerful as what we’ve been feeling.

    Peace, hopefully you don’t see this as too judgemental or critical, I’m only pointing out my perception, I’m certain you have the right reasons and am delighted that you have such a positive blog. Thanks for that.

  4. Hello Harry,

    Thanks for commenting.

    I’m coming from a totally different place than you – I’m not sharing my experiences trying to be oh, so non-judgmental and ego-free; I really don’t care, to be honest – about how your image of me is and what you expect from me and how I should or should not behave.

    I’m sharing in my own personal way, and how you perceive it is totally up to you.

    There’s a lot of “awakened egos” out there, thinking they are awakened/enlightened just because they have had a spiritual experience, and if this post can get people like yourself a bit upset, then that’s a good thing, it hopefully makes you turn within to see if there’s something that might be not-so-awakened after all, and that leads to an authentic life.

    The ego can be very deceiving and cunning and when I see this happening with people, of course I write about it!

    To write and express oneself openly and without holding back and having opinions that differ from others is not the same as being frustrated, upset, or “feeling bad”; it’s simply having a voice and using it.

    And what’s so wrong with feeling all your feelings anyway? If you feel frustrated, feel that frustration fully, and look deeply into it. Allow yourself to feel.

    The spiritual path is not about feeling good all the time, avoiding things that’s a bit uncomfortable, it’s about embracing life as it is and facing what’s in front of you.

    It’s really about being AUTHENTIC. Be who you are, come from where you are in your own evolution. Period.

    And this is me being who I am, where I am, totally free from trying to please others; I write exactly what I’m inspired to write about and I don’t hold back.


    Not much to add I think.

    Readers who know me gets what I mean and where I’m coming from, but you seem to have drawn your own conclusions based on this one post and are basically trying to lecture me which is kind of funny.

    I don’t do ‘should’s’ so I’m not here to sugarcoat my writings for anyone.

    The thought that came to mind right now, is that you (or your ego) might have found this post for a reason. Maybe looking into that would give you some insights into your own journey in a more deeper way.


  5. Elena Antoniadou

    At the beginning of May of this year I started to experience strange uncontrollable emotions, I didn’t know what they were, I sat searching on the web – first it was horoscopes, then tarot cards, then self realization sites. I hardly slept, and I lost a tremendous amount of weight.
    In the past 4 days, i have uncontrollable emotions, I may laugh the one minute and cry desperately in the next. I have vivid dreams now every single night.
    I have been through depression in the past, and I know the difference – this is not it.
    This is not a feeling of helplessness – I feel great strength. I am terrified that it will not stay with me.
    I have started meditating, reading on everything about awakening and it seems to fit exactly what I am going through. But I am at the beginning and do not know where to go now. So many questions, words that I cannot even begin to phrase.

  6. Hello Elena,

    Thanks for sharing with us.

    We all experience our spiritual journey in different ways but all those things you mentioned are very normal, and it sounds like you already know that, so that’s really great.

    The different experiences of emotional bursts etc are all completely normal, and although some of them are very, very pleasant (who doesn’t like bliss for example?) they will all come and go, like experiences always do.

    So I have to disappoint you – they will not stay with you forever! 🙂

    Spiritual awakening is a deconstruction plan (ego death), and the one who wants to hold on to experiences (or states of blissfulness, great strength/feelings of power etc) is the ego; but everything is in a constant movement and nothing can be held on to.

    The experiences will come and go, and what to pay attention to is who is it that witness it all, who is the experiencer, the observer of it all?

    Look into that more than the actual experiences.

    If I may give any suggestions to you on how to proceed, it would be to go within everyday, meditate and be still. Observe what’s going on with curiosity but not by grasping or seeking any kind of experience.

    You are not in control of this so the best thing to do is to relax and surrender to the process.

    The mind wants to understand all this, but it never will, because Truth is beyond mind, and when we realize that – that acceptance and realization will bring great relief and from that place of peace true wisdom can emerge.

    Simply put; the more you can relax, the better.

    Wishing you all the best on your journey Elena,


  7. Harry

    “If what I write upsets you the slightest, you are not awakened.

    then in reply to me…

    “I really don’t care, to be honest – about how your image of me is and what you expect from me and how I should or should not behave.”

    Sounds upset?!

  8. Hello Harry,

    If that is how you perceive it then that’s how you perceive it.

    That’s about all I feel like giving you in a reply to your comment.

    I’m not into arguing or trying to convince anybody about anything, so if you feel offended somehow then I suggest you go read someone else’s blog.

    As I said; I really don’t care what you think, and I also want to add that if you’re planning on dragging that argumentative and negative energy here, then I will just simply ban you from my website, simple as that.

    Not everybody is open and into what I share and you seem to be one of them; some are and some are not, no big deal.

    That’s the end of our conversation so don’t bother replying to me.


  9. Jaime

    Hello Maria!!

    I was blessed with a heightened sense of awareness a little over a month ago!! I am so thankful for your words because I have been fraught with despair that I wasn’t on any type of path! Always so obvious and in front of my awareness and in my panic, I missed it!! I am just suppose to be enjoying the experience of the experience! I may be new to all this but I know exactly what you mean! When you are ready to be true to yourself you no longer look to the opinions of others to validate you. You begin to realize (and yes, I do have to reassure myself, I have a lot of prior thought processing that has to be let go off, I”m learning to be gentle with myself, and love her, as the Universe does) that you are magnificent of your own right. You are taken over with AWE sometimes by the GLORY and the Beauty of it ALL. But I thank you for reminding me that everything passes and its a good idea to just get still and appreciate! Thank you! <3

    Thank you SO much for being just the right Teacher the Universe put in my path today!! Blessings upon you!! I know this is an adventure!! I"m not quite ready for the whole "Enlightenment" Title but I am sure i will appreciate the journey, the lesson, the experience, the messages…. All of it! So much more than I ever did before and you are right, once you have had that taste the water of this world will forever remain stale!!

    Light and Love,


  10. larry moran

    Hello Maria…i agree with harry that you are being judgemental in evaluating someone’s awakening…your comment that you don’t care is judgemental and you need to use different words to express your inner peace than i don’t about thanks for your thought..peace be with you.

  11. Actually I don’t “have to” use any other words than the ones I feel like writing Larry, so my response is still “I don’t care” because I really don’t.

    And that without any emotions or feelings attached to it; I just don’t bother dwelling in what others may disagree with when it comes to what and how I share my writings.

    If what I share rattle some cages/ruffle some feathers, fine, I don’t mind if some egos get bruised, and I’m not even going back to evaluate/analyze what I wrote and how I said things as I’m over that and not interested in the past.

    I mean that literally, I don’t carry the past with me – I only deal with the present moment and respond to it from where I’m at at Right Now.

    Your emotional response is really your own responsibility and not mine.

    Which reminds me of this story by Nyogen Senzaki:

    “Tanzan and Ekido were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was still falling.

    Coming around a bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection.

    “Come on, girl,” said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.

    Ekido did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he could no longer restrain himself. “We monks don’t go near females,” he told Tanzan, “especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?”

    “I left the girl there,” said Tanzan. “Are you still carrying her?”
    ― Nyogen Senzaki

    You might find this post interesting; it’s about putting people into boxes and expect them to behave in ways that are comfortable and cozy to the ego:

    All the best,


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  13. April

    I stumbled upon this blog as I was searching for information on how becoming spiritually awake can be so difficult at times. Sometimes it can be difficult as we develop ‘new eyes’ that see other peoples pain, motivations, intention and struggle much more clearly. I liked how you mentioned that there can be several ‘awakening’ experiences. I have had three (not counting my childhood, which was very connected to spirit) one when I was 16, one when I was 21 and one when I was 32, two years ago. My daily practice in meditation and yoga ( I am a yoga teacher) enables me to spend a lot of time and energy to continue to stay open and live in clarity, with hopes of Buddha-like enlightenment any day now.
    One thing I do want to address, because it was mentioned in a few comments, is the words and tone of some of the blog. It does come across as angry, critical and possibly judgmental. I would consider this kind of violent, actually. Going down the spiritual road ( for me, since 16) can, at times be very scary and downright terrifying for those with a past that includes trauma, abuse or neglect. We should all strive to be toerant and comforting to those who even express an interest in becoming awake, not slamming them down so they run back and hide, becoming more afraid of their own light. Too many times this has happened to me and it was devastating to the spirit. Becoming awake is a gift, but what does matter a great deal is how we get there also.

  14. Hi April,

    Thanks for sharing bits from your own life experience.

    I want to start out by saying that it really doesn’t matter what and how I said things in the past comments, I still won’t go back to evaluate anything as I’m over that.

    It’s very interesting that that gets mentioned even when I have said I’m not going to apologize for anything as I was responding from where I was at that time.

    It may have been judgmental (perceived as such by others), and it may not have been judgmental/critical at all, I truly, really don’t care. At all. I don’t think I can say it any clearer.

    I don’t strive to be anything but what I am in the moment, I don’t try to be holier than I am.

    And if others are so sensitive that they run and hide as you said, then I’m obviously not the person for them. I don’t walk on egg-shells for people and I’m not interested in becoming friends with their sensitive little egos.

    The spirit doesn’t get afraid. Only ego is afraid, and that I really don’t care a iota about.

    I’m not the slightest interested in speaking with people who run away from the process. (Which can be terrifying, yes, the spiritual path is definitely not for the faint-hearted).

    People who gets offended easily or scared easily are obviously not ready for that kind of development.

    In all honesty, I really am done with this.

    Moving on;

    Thanks for sharing from your own experience, it’s always interesting to hear.

    I would like to mention that being awake is our natural state of being, our true nature is already wide awake and has always been.

    Spiritual awakening means awake from the person (the ego, the person we think we are), it’s not the person who awakens.

    And we can’t control it, it’s not something “out there” that needs to be gained or achieved ‘one of these days/any day now’.

    It’s already here.

    Ask yourself who it is that hopes for a “Buddha-like enlightenment any day now”, as you yourself put it.

    And I’m mentioning that in all sincerity.


  15. April

    I understand your disdain or dismisal for the ego, but what about your heart? What’s going on there? It sounds like you have some healing to do….this is part of the path, don’t forget! Anger and hatred are VERY important teachers and they are natural for all of us. Aum love to you and wishing you peace on your journey, aprille

  16. April

    Also, awesomely said about spirit not getting afraid. It is solid, steadfast and strong with Love at its core, unwavering. Nicely said, thank you!

  17. I have no more comments on my style of writing and sharing, the whole drama is getting very childish and ridiculous.

    From now on I will only reply to comments and questions that has to do with the actual article and it’s message.

  18. Rosina

    So that’s what happens when you turn spiritual into a career! You get all bent out of shape about who is awakened and who isn’t

  19. Hello Rosina,

    Thanks for commenting.

    I see myself as someone who helps raise awareness about this as I have seen one too many awakened egos that thinks that a spiritual experience is equal to being enlightened.

    The ones who are open and willing to be totally honest with themselves are the ones who are not offended – or even care – about what others think of their awakening or not awakening, and thus can appreciate my article and its message.

    They simply have their being in Spirit and are staying open and curious without thinking they are somebody special.

    The ego very easily takes ownership of a spiritual awakening experience, that’s why I think it’s important to talk about theses things.

    So many people have read this article that I have written and to me it shows that people are wondering what their spiritual experience really was, and that to me is good news.

    They don’t simply take it as a one-time blissed-out Nirvana-thing that suddenly made them enlightened, as the person who thinks he or she is enlightened is the ego itself! They are willing to look deeper, and I love that, I love speaking with people that are willing to give themselves completely to the process, because it is a process.

    To be able to speak up about what I have observed is a privilege that I have as I’m the owner of this website and can write about anything I want. (And you have the option to just keep surfing the net searching for other blogs if what I write is not resonating with you).

    Even Jesus himself got pissed of and voiced his opinions and thoughts!
    And he got crucified for it… I get a few angry peeps that get offended or whatever, but I can live with that 🙂 I’m just as dedicated to serve Truth as he was and will not be shushed down by anybody.

    I have moved on since this article was written and I don’t even remember what I wrote as I rarely if ever go back and read my old articles, but I know for sure that I was coming from a place of Spirit.

    It’s interesting to hear you say “turn spirituality into a career”; wouldn’t you agree that anyone that does work that comes form the heart is doing spiritual work (whatever career or occupation they have chosen) and that that is why we are here in the first place; to do that which the heart directs us to do and to be at service to one another..?

    I like this quote:

    “Whatever joy there is in the world
    arises from wishing for others’ happiness.
    Whatever suffering there is in the world
    arises from wishing for your own happiness.”
    ― Shantideva

    I wish you all the best,


  20. Yander

    How are you going to judge people for their ego when you yourself are as egotistical as any other human being? No matter how YOU see it, everyone has an ego. It’s part of human nature, that’s the point of being human, to experience human feelings and being. It’s the way you go about it. Your article for example, rains with nothing but negativity as you state nothing but the flaws in what the people think instead of trying to help enlighten them with joy about what they’re trying to do. So what if they come to you asking for advice or opinions about their enlightenment. That’s what your website is for isn’t it?

    You can at least try to have some sympathy for people’s feelings instead of saying, quote;

    “If what I write upsets you the slightest, you are not awakened.”

    I think you yourself need to dig deeper and awaken yourself and get rid of your negative ego before you go telling people what is what and what they should do.

    You can’t say what it is to be awaken, because everyone’s their own person, spirit, being, etc. You can’t tell people what it’s like, because you’re going based off of YOUR opinion and YOUR experience. In which results to your egotistic being.

    This article is useless, it seems like just another judgmental rant formed into an essay.

  21. Hello Yander,

    You are obviously entitled to have your own opinions just as much I am entitled to write about my personal observations and experiences on my website.

    It’s almost a year ago since I wrote this article and I decided to read it now to see what the fuzz is all about, and I even though I have obviously evolved since the time I wrote this article, the subject is still very much something I stand for.

    I sometimes see this in people (the ego taking ownership of spiritual openings and experiences) and I think it’s a great thing if this stirs up something in others, because it is true that if you were so called enlightened, you would not care one iota about what I write.

    It invites us to look closer when we are rubbed the wrong way so to speak, and if we allow that to happen we are able to grow from it.

    So bruised egos is not intimidating to me at all.

    I will still continue to share from my heart and some will like what I do, and some won’t.

    That is not an issue for me. It’s more important for me to be who I am and stay true to that.

    And sometimes what I share might not be everybody’s cup of tea and that’s perfectly fine, I never dwell on anything, I simply acknowledge the emotions that comes up within myself from the observations I make, express them if I feel it’s necessary and then I move on. Very simple.

    And once again; I never go back to re-write/edit articles, and I rarely even read my old articles as I simply share and move on, share and move on,…

    So, thank you for sharing your point of view, and I wish you all the best on your journey,


  22. dewayne

    🙂 i see that i am life. i see that i can’t say what i am. what i am is somewhat like and observer watching what is before my awareness. after time i awake, life grows clearer and clearer. life is clear, i am life. god is life. apart from life nothing exist. who is awakened? the person that recognizes life as it is. who can say what life is? no one. but yet i am life. you are life. we all share one life. the life in you is the same life in me. we are together. we are one. i have achieved high spiritual attainment. i am like one beholding his own face in the moon…..thoughts are nothing but perception. there is no permanent thought or feeling. they arise and disappear.

  23. dewayne

    you are interesting. it sounds as if you are awake. i wonder how far you have come along……i will share my first experience with you maria…….last year, i was talking to a man, we was standing still as i paced back in forth in front of him, as he spoke. than he spoke he, “are you even paying attention to me?”…i stopped pacing and asked, “what did you say”…he said again, “are you paying attention to me?”…… those words, “pay attention”….everything around me was as if i had seen it for the first time. the trees became brilliant in color, movement seem fluid, i felt incredible. i remember looking at that man after that moment, he asked, “why are you looking at me like that?”…..”like what?”….”like that.”……something about my look offended the man, so he walked off somewhere. i walked off into the woulds, saying, “this is it, this is it”…i was so happy, at that moment i felt as if i could heal something. i remember walking up to a dead tree and touching it, it didn’t work. but it made me laugh…….every since that moment last year i have been growing increasingly fast….perfection is near. last night i realized. i am life. a week before that i realized i am spirit……i am awakened………..i’m only 24 years old

  24. dewayne

    life itself is what i am, life itself is what you are……life itself is unchanging and yet changing…….life is awareness. my awareness is life. i am life. apart from life i don’t exist. apart from life you don’t exist…..the life in me, is the life in you. we are the same. for we share one life, but live different lives. i am like a young spiritual master. I’m actually impressed with my own understanding from just a short amount of time….when i started mediation, i thought it would take forever to awaken. it only took me two months…….I’m am liberated, i don’t mean to speak as if from a ego. i speak as if from love. for love likes to share. i don’t even truly know you, but i can say from a pure heart, “i love you”…..pure water is said to be clean when nothing is in it, a pure heart is said to be pure when its free of ego, ideas of self, and feeling attached to self……what a painful process it is in letting go…..but it is worth it. so many horrible nights of loss. i notice a pattern, when i let go, i find something new….what I’m finding more and more is life. what I’m realizing more and more, is life as it is. life as it is, is free of duality and concept.

  25. Richard

    You hold a very strong point of view you that defend quite aggressively for a spiritual person, so much so, you have obviously roused my ego as otherwise I wouldn’t have commented on it. I guess neither of us are as ego free as we could be, which is fine 🙂 (I noticed you acknowledge that fact yourself already so no jibe intended)

    I write this comment as I do agree, and found useful a lot of your points upon the journey of awakening, it provides a good summary of what we all already know. Thank you for those, Not worrying about it and letting go is a beautiful thing, as in reality nothing really matters except the experience. Reading blogs like this leads me to an inner peace as like many other things in live like nature etc. there are pointers in what you say to the stillness within.

    Take care x

  26. dewayne, Thank you for your comments and for sharing from your own life.

    It’s a beautiful experience you described, it reminded me of a similar experience I had maybe 13-15 years ago or so.

    I don’t know if you have followed my sharing or if my website is new to you, but I used to be a drug addict many years ago, and at the time I had a similar experience as you described, I had been clean for some months and started to ‘get back to life’ again so to speak.

    I was in a park, it was in the summer-time where many people gathered in parks and enjoyed the beautiful weather when suddenly my perception of Life changed and I was in complete awe of everything, all the colors, the insects, tree and so on and even now thinking back I can’t describe the beauty, it was soooo beautiful, and I though that “this is how Life is in reality, THIS is how it really is suppose to be!” and I wanted others to see what I saw but they didn’t/couldn’t.

    In hindsight I know I must have come across like some kind of lunatic hippie haha:-D

    Anyways, it was very nice to read about your experience with seeing the beauty in everything and if I would leave you with something it would be to remember that experiences are simply experiences (however profound they may be) and will come and go, but they are not “it” so to speak, so keep inquiring and go deeper and deeper within yourself asking questions like:

    -Who is it that experiences this?
    -Who feels theses things, sees this, hears that?
    -Who is the listener? Can the listener be seen? Who is the seer..?
    -What is the awareness that observes it all? Can you describe it?

    And so on. You might also like these posts by me:

    Hope you enjoy the read!

    All the best to you on your journey,


  27. Richard; Thank you for your comment; this is what I mean, now we can talk! 🙂

    It’s beautiful how openness allows us to discover more deeply about existence and beingness together.

    When there’s an acknowledgement within that accepts and sees the apparent ‘upset’ for what it is it opens up for wisdom to seep in and a conversation can take place, or connection to be made, heart-to-heart.

    So thank you for letting me know that you saw the deeper meaning in my article, I appreciate that. And I have the same appreciation for the other comments above too from the commentators who were more of the open-minded type.

    (In reply to your comment “…that defend quite aggressively for a spiritual person…”, I invite you to read this post>

    Hope you enjoy reading the rest of the content too here on my website, and feel very welcome to comment and share your thoughts further on other articles as well.

    I too LOVE nature, there is nothing better than long walks in the forest and spending time around/by water.

    This post just came to mind, thought you might like it:

    Right now we have freezing cold weather here in Norway but still, nature calls me out to play everyday! 🙂

    Wishing you the most beautiful rest of the day, and a lovely weekend,


  28. dewayne

    🙂 maria. i have been asking questions as, “who is it typing this?”……if i am not the body or the mind, “who is?”…… there is no one doing it. but i see it happening. i seem to be just something observing what is. whatever that is its free of everything. could it be god?…….earlier today i walked into a store i heard, “who is buying this?”…”that man i’m observing is buying this”…..its like watching a person do everything, but its not me…….lol a real life movie.

  29. dewayne

    everything that happens is now, nothing in the past is real, nothing expected is real……..i use to ask questions like these, “what will happen when i do this? what will happen later? what will happen after that happens?’….now i understand that i can’t answer these questions. the answers are directly experienced…. 🙂 lets see what happens. whatever happens, i will embrace…… seems we can’t prevent anything, or in reality cause anything new to happen. it seems as if i have no power to do anything. for everything already is. everything is happening. can anything new happen? in truth nothing is new or old. everything seems to be just the way it is. i am life inside life.

  30. dewayne

    who does this body belong to? who do these words belong to? who is it perception belongs to? what gives birth to thought? what gives birth to feeling? how does love happen? how does a smile happen? how does a feeling happen?… is this body happening? how is the mind happening? how is this writing happening? what is guiding these words? what is reading these words? what is there that is not perceived by neither mind nor body? what is perceiving awareness… you ever heard the sound of water hitting itself…..awareness of awareness. is the ultimate goal….awareness of life is awareness of now, awareness of god is awareness of life…….. 🙂 this is understood so far along my path.

  31. dewayne

    life is good, god is good. among all things now, i see life in all. in every direction these eyes look, life is perceived. god is everywhere. ….reality is happening, reality is changing…….but life itself and in itself, doesn’t change. its hard to express what i mean. the life in you is the same as the life in me….its the same life. life is aware of life. the awareness or person writing this is life. awareness to me, i have nicknamed life… is looking through these eyes, life is using knowledge of words to express itself. life is what i am, or what i seem to be… cannot be described in word, life is only experienced…..i am life. that is what i have realized……god said, “lets make man in our image.”….god is life, me being made in his image i am life to………i am life experiencing life.

  32. dewayne

    i describe awareness as knowing…i know what is thought, i know what is felt, i know what is smelled, i know what is tasted, i know what is happening…..awareness and knowing seem to be one in the same……yet i can’t point to awareness, i can’t physically see awareness. but awareness is perceived by awareness, or in other words i know that i am aware….life recognizes life. awareness recognizes awareness.

  33. dewayne

    🙂 excuse me for cramming your page with writings. over the course of a year, i have just realized so much……..its fun to write and share, its fun to see my growth. though it is extremely painful at times, this work pays off……….earlier today i saw a leaf, “look you fell from your home”….how did that happen?… 🙂 poor little leaf…..i can’t help but notice and adore all nature. its like I’ve fallen in love with everything.

  34. dewayne

    love is great. i see everyone with new understanding and new awareness…..when i look at people they all seem preoccupied with everything else accept life itself. its like looking at robots sometimes.

  35. dewayne

    well maria, its nice to find someone who is awake. i look forward to sharing with you if you like. 🙂 by all means, lets smile together….. 🙂 two smiles make a greater one. i’m gonna go on a walk and check up on life..anyways….along your path maria you’ll find life in its fullest.

  36. dewayne

    🙂 water meets water at the fall, at the fall they make a pleasant sound…. good day to you maria. brighten your face by standing in sunlight. 🙂 i’m off

  37. Pingback: Don't Stop! Keep Looking! · Maria Erving

  38. Thanks for all your comments dewayne, thank you for sharing.

    You wrote that you enjoy writing and sharing about your experiences; why not start your own blog? That way you can write all you want about what you’re experiencing and share it with others 🙂

    Here’s a post by me that describes how to create a website:

    Regarding sharing with me personally; you are welcome to make an appointment with me to explore and inquire deeper when it comes to your experiences and spiritual journey.

    You’ll find information about sessions with me here:

    All the best to you,


  39. Candace

    im experiencing one in my life as i write.. i have been slowly throughout this month. several events occurred causing me to believe i was utterly doomed. all so i thought i feared. im realizin so much about myself to the depth of my raising, situations I’ve endured, relationships i have had, and the foundation of who i am. its like having someone unveil a curtain or lift a midst from foggy views. i am thankful. i was in a very controlling relationship for many years and many have passed but i lost so much of who i was i forgot so needed truths. pieces like a puzzle have gathered through the course of my time, slowly falling into place. its been so long since i knew me as i once was and forever changed, but now i can say i feel happy with who i am. i thank God.

  40. That’s the key to everything Candace, to have the willingness to look deeper and become aware of the processes. I’m glad to hear you have come to realize that in your own path and from your own experiences.

    The spiritual discomfort and divine discontent (even spiritual crisis) is all there for our awakening (or the awakening, as it is not ‘our’), and it’s beautiful in it’s ruthlessness; it’s pure, fierce grace.

    It’s when we take the spiritual experiences for being The Truth that we go right back into delusion and illusion again. Experiences are beautiful but they are not the whole shebang, far from it.

    Thank you for sharing, it’s beautiful to hear that you have come to a place of gratitude and thankfulness from what you have experienced so far on your own spiritual journey.

    Blessings to you.

  41. jaime

    Adulterated – Render (something) poorer in quality by adding another substance, typically an inferior one. It could also mean the removal or moderation of some valuable content such as Harry’s comments (whom I largely disagree with).

    I agree with many of the things that you say about awakening and the difference between thinking you might have had an awakening versus knowing. I also agree that truth doesn’t change, and that awakening is not enlightenment.

    I am curious to your self investment in “not caring.” The irony is that the only thing wrong with your writing is that you are defending it. You are completely right that we all have egos including you.

    But, I also believe that when you indulgently feed your ego, despite what you are preaching about “self”(as being a false identity). In regards to ego, if you don’t know not to feed it, we could say it you are naive. However, if you know not to feed the ego and you continue to do it anyway, we would have to say you are ignorant.

    The reason I share this is because through reading some of your writing I felt a connection. That was until the part where your ego got caught up in a fight with someone who wasn’t seeing things the way you did.

    When righteousness rules, the conversation stops;when there is no conversation the ego rules;when the ego rules, we don’t care what others think. We then become the furthest from what we are as truth and honesty-of-heart within.

  42. Thank you for sharing your viewpoints jaime.

    I’m personally not interested in elaborating or discussing this any further. (It’s getting really old:-)

    I remember I wrote an article in response to the comments so feel very welcome to read it if you feel inclined to:

    But as I said, this is not interesting to me anymore so I will not discuss it any further.

    But someone else that has commented here before may wish to share their thoughts with you.

    All the best,



    Thank you everyone for your comments and for sharing your viewpoints and thoughts.

    And if you’re new to it and were looking to comment on it, please read my previous comments and replies as I have already said everything there is to say regarding this particular post.

    I’ll also invite you to read this article:

    You’re very welcome to share your thoughts there and of course on other articles as well.

    All the best,


  44. Maggie

    Hi Maria
    I’m a middle age woman, married with two kids. Last year I took up Mindfulness Meditation and so far it has been ok ie, when I’m meditating, it is very peaceful for me but outside the meditation, my anger, frustration etc all comes tumbling back. I was once told, a long time ago that I was an ‘Advanced’ soul and that I was at ‘Level 3’ as most people, as this woman told me, are not at this level. Not that it makes much difference, as my life has not most of the time been fulfilling (to which I blame myself) and for some reason, I feel as if I’ve been ‘restrained’ or ‘restricted’. But of recent, I’ve been experiencing high pitched noises, white bright lights at the bottom of my eyelids, and the colours I experience in meditation are similar to the theme colour in your website. Sometimes, I see a deep blue colour, as well. My question is there a difference between ‘awakening’ and coming into your purpose. I ask because I notice that I have been reading books on spirituality (which all speak of moving towards one’s purpose) thinking about things spiritual, and strangely, when I have a question in mind, eventually it is answered, whether I find it from a book, a radio broadcast or the TV.

    Many thanks

  45. This article is one of the articles I get most comments on so I’ll re-open the commenting now.

    Let me get back to you maybe tomorrow Maggie as I’m in the library right now (I have moved to another country) and will have to go now because they are closing.

    I’ll write you a reply in a day or two 🙂

  46. I’m glad to hear you’re meditating, that’s something I urge everyone to do in one way or another and there are many techniques to chose from, Mindfulness Meditation is one of them.

    (Eventually all techniques will be let go of and stillness will remain as the one and only ‘technique’).

    In the beginning of any meditation practice old stuff will come up, it’s normal to have the “Pandora’s box” opened so to speak and all kinds of stuff can come up, like anger and frustration like you are experiencing.

    What’s important is to not start using meditation as an escape – because it do feels really good to meditate doesn’t it:)

    But instead when you’re back to living life as usual (when not meditating) you take a closer look at the things that comes up for you as they are meant to be dealt with.

    They want to be seen and accepted and not made ‘wrong’.

    All the levels you’re talking about are simply the ego’s way of trying to put experiences neatly in labeled boxes in attempts to try to make sense of life.

    In reality there are no levels, no third advanced this or that.

    So forget about what others tell you about You.

    Whatever labels and concepts there are – none of them describes who you are in reality.

    The ego wants to ‘know’ so it comes up with all kinds of concepts and spiritual ideas that they believe can measure where they are or where others are in their evolutionary process, it likes to think it can control life as if it was some kind of ladder you climb and then at the top of the ladder there’s something called “awakened being” or “enlightenment”.

    The ego is not going to get enlightened – it’s life that wakes up from the illusion of being this small little person in this big big world, trying to get ahead and make sense of what all this is about.

    I know you wrote that it doesn’t make any difference to you what some woman said, I’m just mentioning this anyway:)

    Also, the colors and sounds etc are also normal things one can experience when doing some kind of meditation practice. As long as it’s not bothering you in any way of course.

    What you can do is to be curious about it, even speak to it, asking it what it is all about.

    See what comes up when you do that.

    You wrote:

    “My question is there a difference between ‘awakening’ and coming into your purpose?”

    It’s not like most people think.

    Everything is interconnected and everything plays their part but not everything has a grand purpose, and speaking of a person’s idea of purpose of their life might not be what Life wants to do through that person. (As that particular human being).

    We give life meaning, but life itself is one single movement and sure, it wants to expand and evolve. Every living thing wants to be happy and free.

    We can see that clearly from looking at our own individual development both bodily and emotionally etc and also if we look at trees and flowers and so forth – they too strive towards the light.

    They too want nourishment and they too have a evolutionary process – but does a flower have a purpose? To the bee it has purpose, in fact it’s vital for its survival, and bees play their part in the world as well, much more than most may believe.

    We give what we see and experience meaning and purpose, and we could say that yes, the rainforest for example functions as the lungs of the world so that purpose is clear to anyone who’s in contact with nature.

    Everything is interconnected and everything plays their part, but it’s not possible for the human mind to comprehend the big picture in all of existence.

    Why does flowers grow and die before ‘their time’? Why do some people die young?

    We don’t know.

    A person may have a clear sense of what they want to become regards to their purpose in life but may be taken away from us too soon (according to our perception).

    So what someone thinks is his or her life purpose might not be what Life has in store for that person at all. This I know from my own life experience as well.

    I know all about the ego trying to re-build itself by becoming this or that.

    It’s all part of the process, and the process always, always leads to complete surrender – and not before that moment will Life start to move more freely and clearly through us.

    When we let Life live us, instead of experiencing ourselves as separate from Life, as if life was something we have to manage and control there’s a sense of ‘rightness’ about it, it just feels as if we are exactly where we are suppose to be and there is a flow to all things.

    Before this happens there can be a lot of frustration and trying going on; trying to understand, trying to get a grip, trying to control, trying to make sense, trying trying trying.

    Until that drops and we realize that “Aha! Life is what I am”.

    And then from that realization something else can come forth, and what that is for each and everyone is not something we can know beforehand.

    That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t go for whatever we feel inspired to do.

    God knows I have done a lot of different things throughout the years, and I firmly believe that you should just give it a go and if it’s not working then it wasn’t for you – but at least you went with the inspiration and hopefully enjoyed the experience.

    That’s the most important thing I think, at least for me. To enjoy what you do.

    Or feel some kind of meaningfulness in what you do. And doing it with integrity – that’s a vital point in all doings at least for me.

    And of course, if you’re drawn to work with helping starving children in Africa you might not ‘enjoy’ it, but you will feel that you’re doing exactly what you’re ‘suppose to do’ and things will feel right in your heart.

    It will feel like the most obvious thing, like there is nothing else in this world that you are suppose to be doing right now.

    And I know for myself, in my personal life, that I am not the type of person who would stay with only one thing for a life time.

    Life is an ongoing, moving process and it unfold before us at all times, even in our times of frustration and anger or sadness – what is important is to not stay with any of that.

    We move through it, we experience it, just like with any other experience such as joy or bliss or gratitude. Those emotions and feelings flow through us, we don’t hold on to them either.

    Our life purpose is in this moment.

    Where do you feel inclined to go, in what direction? Just go there and see what opens up.

    I’m an explorer of consciousness and life, curious by nature and has always been and I think that’s innate in all of us, to have that within us to want to live life to the fullest.

    We can live by instinct – and follow nature as we are one with it.

  47. John Maynard

    Dear Maria,

    Thank you for this great posting, very refreshing and down-to-earth. It might be getting so many responses too because it comes up top of the Google search list if you post a question like: Why am I not awakened? – and there it is No.1, top of the list.
    So, I will explore some more before posting anything else.

    Thanks again.

  48. Thank you John, glad to hear you liked it.

    Aha, that’s interesting what you mentioned about the Google search “Why am I not awakened”, I did not know.

    Yes, have a look around and feel very welcome to share your thoughts and comments on other posts as well.

    Hope you enjoy the read 🙂

  49. Asia Nealy

    I disagree when you say its not up to you when you become awakened. I think that contradicts us being in control of our lives and being GOD. When people are aware that there is more in life they will search for the truth and there faith will allow them to find it much faster than others. From experience I know its a choice. I didn’t unwillingly go through enlightenment I pushed myself there

  50. You are of course free to agree or disagree as you please.

    Just to clarify; it’s not ‘you’ who wakes up, it’s God who wakes up to itself.

    So the ‘you’ who started the journey of seeking Truth is not the same ‘you’ that eventually realizes it.

    You will be born again, and there will be no need in you to call yourself ‘enlightened’ or to defend any labels you think defines you.

  51. Asia Nealy

    The true self which is YOU is awoken which is the same as god. My only problem is that your telling the reader that they have no control of when it will happen. But everything is in our control that is what I’m getting at. I never did call myself enlightened I said I went through it. I’m not defending anything nor did I use any labels to define myself. I think you have missed my point dear.

  52. Asia Nealy

    If that’s what you want to get from reading my post that’s fine. But I don’t see the need to read all of those when I was simply writing an opinion.

  53. Maggie

    Hi Maria
    Thanks so much for such for taking the time and trouble to give an amazing heart felt response to my question. It’s more than I expected. I will definitely pay attention to your thoughts and strive to allow life to live through me as opposed to always trying (that word again) to second it.
    Thanks again and loads of blessings to you.

  54. You’re so very welcome Maggie:) I’m so glad you found it helpful. Sending you blessings back! <3

    Just a short message to those who want to comment on this article from now on, please keep the conversations mature and positive.

    If you have any problems with what I wrote and absolutely feel the need to share your feelings with me then please present your opinions in a way that it is possible for me to reply and have a normal conversation with you.

    When someone is not open or listening to what I'm saying it's not easy to have an adult conversation with someone. I am not the least interested in quarreling with anybody, I have better things to do with my time and energy.

    So from now on I either;

    1.) Do not approve the negative, quarrelsome comments that doesn't contribute to the conversation. I will simply delete them right away.


    2.) I approve the comments but won't reply. I approve them because some of the comments I receive only proofs exactly my point and what I wanted to convey with this article in the first place.

  55. Yngve Almli

    Dont worry about the spiritual besserwisser ego comments above haha.(i know you dont lol). loved the article, keep it up maria. you really contribute to the true community 🙂 <3

  56. Asia Nealy

    I wasn’t trying to be negative. Actually can you point out where I was being negative? I just responded to the article

  57. I wasn’t only referring to your comment Asia. I have closed the comments on this particular article a few times now I think because of the negative emails I receive from offended ego’s who’s “enlightenment” is threatened. I don’t want that kind of energy on my site, simple as that.

    I’m not going to get into any discussions anymore as I stated in one of my previous comments unless they are of the positive nature and actually contributes to the discussion at large.

  58. Asia Nealy

    I understand if you want to do that. But if I was being negative it would be something I would like to know.

  59. Pingback: Flowing Back and Forth Between Ego Consciousness and Spirit :: Maria Erving

  60. Chika

    It look to me like am the only one that love your article 100%. While reading, I was laughing and agreeing with what you have written but was surprised at people’s negative comments on it because I have seen nothing wrong in the write-up. Anyway, keep up the good work because you teaching the truth. Thanks.

  61. Thank you Chika!

    It was very refreshing and wonderful to read your comment this morning 🙂

    I think there was a few others that liked it too.

    I’m glad to hear it resonated with you and that you like what I have to share with the world so thank you for saying that.

  62. Mark

    I have to admit to a certain amusement at the people taking offense to this post. Probably what got me started on this path years ago was Zen stories, which were full of teachers slapping or insulting people to wake them up. So that fact that anyone reading takes offense is nothing more than proof they needed to read this! Now by no means am I beyond getting insulted now and then. It happens. I am not awake. Like many who come here I have had some experiences and am looking for guidance toward the next stage of things. I did have a question. Who, exactly, wakes up? Is this question somehow “wrong” in its framing or assumptions? What I mean is, the true Self is already there but for the identification with the ego/body/mind. But what identifies with the ego? It seems very paradoxical, like getting out of your own way. Thanks for making this site, and I appreciate your “no apologies” style. It can seem a little strong but it is good medicine.

  63. Mark, thank you for your comment, it made me smile and I appreciated it very much.

    And thank you for appreciating what I share here, glad to hear it resonates with you.

    Regarding your questions:

    Those are wonderful questions that you have, I love it that you have them!

    Everybody should ask questions like that.

    Those types of questions asked with deep sincerity and self-honesty are the questions that opens us up for deeper truths about ourselves and life.

    And it is very paradoxical, this whole path is very paradoxical, and there are no wrong questions to ask on this journey.

    In fact, the more you ask the better, and we should never accept other people’s answers to those questions but only go within ourselves to ask them.

    The deeper questions can be discussed with others of course, but the Truth can only be revealed within each individual for themselves.

    We can be philosophical about them, we can talk about them with others, but pondering them deeply within our own consciousness and seeking the answers from within is how realization comes about.

    I’m doing Teleclasses about all kinds of topics that has to do with spiritual awakening, spiritual transformation and about living the life of Truth so if you’re interested in joining me you can learn more about the classes here:

    Next class is on Thursday – Hope you join me! 🙂

  64. It is only your perception brothers and sisters, if you think it will take 20 years, then it will, if you think and have strong faith that it is in a moment, then it will be so. We are all awake already, we are all the beings of light if you want it or not, we just have the blindfold in front of our eyes that keeps us from seeing the truth, who we are, it is only up to us and no one else to take it off for we have created it ourselves, it is our responsibility to connect to the light again and see. Also the ego that we have created will fight when you shine light on it, but when you know the truth nothing can harm you anymore, because you are the creator of your own harm.

  65. Thank you Selene for sharing your perspective.

    There are things in you comment that I agree with and some other things I disagree with.

    We can know all we want that we are beings of light, and many do, but that doesn’t mean that we are awakened.

    In fact, most people are not.

    So knowing something conceptually doesn’t mean that we are able to actually live the Truth of who we are, because we all live out our beliefs and beliefs are not the Truth.

    So yes, most people are blind to the Truth of who they are, but it’s not faith that can wake them up so to speak, it’s not what we think that will happen (when we will wake up) that will ‘make us’ awaken to reality.

    And the veil (or the blindfold) is not consciously created by us so to say that it is our own ‘fault’ as if it was a choice is just not true.

    The conditioning of the mind began when we were born, we grew up trusting and believing that the world and the people around us came form a place of love, and even if they did, they too were programmed by their parents and the environment that they grew up in and so on.

    Now that we are adults we can make wiser choices of course and it’s usually in our adulthood that the awakening occurs (or begins, as it is a process), and sometimes it comes as a result of some kind of crisis or just a nagging feeling of things being ‘off path’, feelings of being fed up and so on.

    The nagging feeling that there must be something else to this thing called life than to what the world has told us.

    But none of us can deliberately choose to wake up right NOW as you said.

    It doesn’t matter how much faith you have or what you believe.

    You can’t just snap your fingers and believe and have faith and so on, it’s all so much more deeper than that.

    It’s a ‘happening’, a process where grace takes you through the fire that burns away everything about you that is not alignment with Truth.

    So ‘thinking’ has very little to do with any of this.

    But, as you evolve and grow on this path, as your awakening deepens and matures, you will also know that you have a responsibility in the process but that usually comes after the initial awakening which usually comes as a surprise to you.

    We have the responsibility to renew our minds, but it all depends on what mind it is that you’re doing it from on and from, because sometimes the ego-self gets into this process and only enhances itself.

    And if the person has not evolved enough to understand that there’s a refinement process going on, a shedding process, and not an enhancing process, then all we get is a world full of “enlightened ego’s”.

    There’s so much to say about this – everybody’s process is different but there are definitely some stages involved that you can see in everyone – similar experiences and phases one goes through, and I can tell pretty quickly when someone is deluding themselves into thinking that they have awakened when their path in reality have just begun and they have no clue of what awaits them.

  66. Dear Maria,

    Yes your words are right about the awakening process and how it happens, it is a painful process because it is pealing off the layers of previous beliefs that we have created ourselves (and decided/were tought to follow from our guides/parents/friends).
    This world has become a system of fear and when we come here we are tought something else from the Truth we tought fear, that makes the process much more slower and complex, it is like a flower, if it is growing in a right environment it will grow faster and healthy and if it is grown in a poor environment it struggles to grow, but eventually when it matures it can choose for itself, and child chooses also but it needs support in growth (I knew two girls from my childhood who lived with abusive parents that were submerged in pleasures of alcohol, one girl chose to go the way the parents went and ended up being a prostitute, the other however took a choice not to follow that path and rather went into educative corner to get away from all that, she as a child still took a choice to follow or not). Underneath all that fear created by us is Light, if you want it or not, if you are conseous of it or not, you are the being of Light that was created by Father God.
    I do not want to prove aything to you for you are right where you are right now. We can not convince anyone of anything because you live your life from your view, you make up your thoughts not I am for you, you view world around you, percieve it and make up your thoughts about it. You choose if the glass is half full of half emty. If I keep on telling you that glass is full and you see it still empty I can not change your mind, only you can.
    The only thing I will do is support you and accept you the way you are right now, if you agree or disagree, you are a wonderful being no matter what you say.

    Lots love and peace to you.

  67. Yes, we all have our own path to go.

    Life is not over until it’s over, and who knows what will happen with the sister that took the “wrong” path – she might end up being an overcomer and a great blessing to the world.

    That’s the vision I hold for her.

    Peace and Love to you as well Selene,

    – Wishing you a wonderful weekend, wherever you are!

    Greetings from sunny Spain ☼

  68. Oscar

    the best part of this article was the discussion 😀

  69. Pingback: How do I get my awakening back, Maria? (1/2) · Maria Erving :: Maria Erving

  70. Pingback: Interacting With People In The Dream State · Maria Erving :: Maria Erving

  71. Pingback: How Do I Get My Enlightenment Back? (Ask Maria) · Maria Erving :: Maria Erving

  72. Cristian Solervicens

    Hi Maria

    I agree with you, enlightment is absolutely impossible to describe in it’s true dimension, but I’ll try to.

    Psichical “powers”, lucid dreams, awareness, travel consciously with your sutil body while you’re doing something else, see through people’s mind… that’s not enlightment, the way is just beginning, you have to remove your ego, your traumas, your prejudices, you have to look to yourself stright to your eyes and see through your deepest night and your brighter day, and then if you realize both are ilussion, then you will fall into the infinite.

    Enlightment is an opening to a completely new level of perception and redefine your bare existence, and the unverse. It’s beyond everything you can dream or imagine. Enlightment is TO BE the entire “Creation” and the creation is much bigger than the Universe.

    Time, space, individuality, your phisical body, all you know is ilussion, only TO BE is REAL, Consciousness is REAL. God is looking through your eyes, and is looking at you. Is to be terrified and completely still, in an absolute peace and love.

    Every one and every thing is devine. We’re all different but the same, nobody is better but complementary.

    You’re all special, you’re all God.

    Cristian S.

  73. Thank you for commenting on my blog.

    I aim to always respond to every comment I receive but on this particular article I have nothing further to add since it’s very old and the conversation is not interesting to me anymore.

    I’ll make exceptions if someone has a question or something like that but until that happens I’ll just continue approving comments on this post without responding to them.

    Have a great Christmas all! Hope you enjoy.

    All the best,


  74. Asia Nealy

    I’ll take seeing this again as a sign to start my own blog. I mean if something as enlightenment can be so opinionated I might as well have a crack at it. That and the attitude of this page.

  75. Rose

    “Spiritual Egos”, I feel, are just as important as fully awake people. All people, regardless of their personal egotistical issues, play an integral part of our collective healing. My personal journey began with denouncing Christianity and marrying an atheist who questioned more than I’d ever thought to. From that point forward it was a frantic search for truth, obsessive lists about how to save the world, and more loneliness I thought I could survive. My point, I guess, is that without that atheist to make me question I probably wouldn’t have. Atheism is not Truth and is another egoistic tendency but without it my journey is incomplete. I bet you that truly aware and awakened people feel the same way about the false spiritual Egos in their lives, seeing passed their facade but discerning Truth and learning from them what they can. I appreciate this post (the only one I’ve read of yours) for the fiery disgust for false idols and gurus, I think we all feel that way towards illusions that separate us and the anger is important to tell us something is untrue. I think the reason people seem upset or irritated is because our true selves tell us that we are all one and even those who seem less deserving are made from love and are reflections of ourselves so we must have grace. But not every blog post needs to state that and not everyone needs validation. I commented solely to share my thoughts because we should all share our loving thoughts with one another, and I love the emotions this post captured and I love the people who responded. I hope this makes you smile and you have an uplifted day.

  76. Thanks for commenting Rose, and welcome to my website, great to have you here! 🙂

    Yes, of course everything and everyone plays a part in our lives.

    Everything is consciousness, not separate things floating around in the universe, and whatever is before you is your teacher.

    I don’t agree with any “collective healing” stuff though as I don’t see anything as inherently ‘wrong’ that needs to be healed or saved.

    Spiritual awakening is not a healing journey, is a death and rebirth process.

    Everything I went through throughout the years before my awakening was what lead me to awaken and that includes both the good, bad and the ugly.

    And I actually went through being an atheist too in my process until that too fell away.

    It was a phase only but I needed it in order to state clearly for people that I no longer believed in God since I previously had written about God this and God that in my articles.

    So in order to free myself from the perception my readers had of me as being a person who believed in God I needed to make myself clearly understood so I chose to call myself an atheist for a short period of time.

    But that’s a long time ago and today I’ve come to the point where I don’t even care about spiritualized ego’s anymore for the simple reason that most people will never wake up.

    I’m not (and have never been) prone to be some kind of savior; I have no interest wheresoever if someone wakes up or not.

    But if they do want to go through the whole process fully without backing out when it gets tough, then I’m here for them, offering my guidance wherever they find themselves in the process.

    Those people are very (very) rare though because the process is anything but easy and comfortable. It’s not a “love and light” journey to put it that way.

    Again, it’s a death and rebirth process and that means that you, as the you you know yourself to be right now, is not the you who wakes up.

    “You” will not be there in the end.

    And many people fear this death although it’s unknown to them in the way that they believe that it’s actually them waking up when it’s not.

    The ego is the one who wants to wake up but it never will.

    So I have moved on with my life and left the spiritualized ego’s to continue playing in their playground where they will probably stay for the rest of their lives.

    Most people are just not ready to go through the process of awakening and that’s perfectly fine with me.

    I’m more interested in living my life, enjoying myself and making the most of this time I have on earth as a human being 🙂

    No time and energy to waste on things and people that are not important to me.

    Thanks again for commenting Rose and hope you enjoy the rest of my website as well.

    For links to my free articles you can visit my other website:

  77. Rose

    I completely agree, spiritual awakening and growth is painful and the process is the death of something that no longer serves you. The love and light are the aspects I personally choose to focus on because they’re my favorite parts lol. But I am so deeply in process; what I type is always going to reflect the best aspects of myself, not the fact that I still yell at my kids and say things I regret to my husband, even though I know better.
    I speak of collectively healing because my own health has been ripped apart because of the lies that have been told to me and healing is an important part of my personal journey. I think we project our own journeys onto the world as a whole, regardless of true necessity for it or not, so we can attract and assist those we can identify with. I appreciate your response and will explore your site further, and I love that you offer guidance for those who need it. Thank you for being you!

  78. Glad to feel your appreciation Rose 🙂

    To comment on your reply:

    The person you’re healing right now is not the one who will end up enlightened, it’s actually the one who will die in the process.

    But the healing journey is a necessary part of the process since we wouldn’t be able to handle the awakening from a more fragile state of consciousness.

    The false self (the person you now take yourself to be) has to be strong enough, to put it that way.

    And not everyone needs to go through a healing journey because some people are already in a strong enough state of consciousness that makes them able to go through the awakening process.

    I went through my own healing journey closer to fifteen years ago (I used to be a drug addict) and had done plenty of healing-work in the years leading up to when I went to rehab (forgiveness work for example).

    And when I was strong enough to handle the awakening process, that’s when it could begin for real to do do its work in me (I was in rehab for about a couple of years or so).

    It’s just a natural progression of everything that it happens that way but as I said, not everyone needs to go through a healing journey.

    So it’s not about dying to what no longer serves you, nor is it to become kinder to your husband and children and things like that.

    The ‘love and light’ stuff happens early on, before the awakening has really begun and this is where most people are.

    They might have had a spiritual experience of oneness or something like that and they think that that’s the awakening.

    It’s not. In reality spiritual or mystical experiences has nothing to do with the awakening itself.

    The awakening process is really about dying, period.

    Dying to everything you now know or believe to be true and real. Literally.

    I’m not exaggerating.

    When Truth is done with you there will not be any ‘you’ left.

    Not even a “true self”; that too will vanish in the process.

    But it is a part of the process to come into “union” with the universe, to ‘become one’ with Truth, God, “True Self”, or whatever you want to call it, but eventually that too will fall away and there will be nothing left of you.

    The awakening process is a complete destruction of yourself as you know yourself to be and life as you know it will not look anything like it does now, it will be completely different.

    When Life/Truth is done with you, that’s when your real life can begin but not before that.

    Wherever you are on your journey I’m sure you will find other articles here as well that resonates with you.

    Right now there’s closer to 700 articles on my website where I have shared my own processes I went through in the past and articles that addresses my readers own processes as well.

    I’ve answered questions (and continue to do) from readers who are in the midst of their awakening process and by reading them (should you become a member) you will find that those people are way beyond the ‘love and light’ phase and where they have come to the realization that this is actually a death and birth process.

    Hope you enjoy the read and find it helpful for your own journey, wherever you may be.

  79. Rose

    It’s a comfort to me that the person healing right now will die. Thank you for your encouragement. I will continue my process with the ultimate death and rebirth in mind, and grasp on to that which brings comfort for as long as it serves me, until I need no more crutches. I appreciate your wisdom.

  80. You don’t have to keep anything in mind Rose except for loving and caring for yourself in this process, and that goes for everyone, wherever they may be.

    The death and rebirth part is in essence none of your doing, it’s Life/Truth that takes care of that part.

    You just focus on being present in your own process.

    Show up and do whatever it is that you’re intuitively guided to in every moment and the rest pretty much takes care of itself.

    Don’t get into self-loathing as many people do by desperately wanting to ‘kill the ego’.

    That’s not the way to go about this.

    Just follow what’s in front of you and get to know who you are not, because when you know your ego the Truth of who you are will also become clearer.

    So it’s not really about ‘finding who you are’, but more about finding out about the ego; who you are not.

    A couple of my older articles came to mind, hope you find them helpful:

  81. A.S

    First of all I commend you for the way you handled the people who attacked you because they were triggered by the truth. Ego hates truth.

    Second I don’t think they read your article which states you are in the same boat with them. I am too.

    I am dealing with friend who is “doing” spiritual work like a schedule and says I did this tomorrow I’ll do that and I will finish. I instinctively knew you can’t control your spiritual growth.

    I tried to tell her and she resents me now. She tries to make me angry by saying I am resisting her and being stubborn.

    She competes with me (“I am more awake than you”) although her understanding is only surface level. She triggers my anger by challenging me and uses circular argument and trying to make my self-esteem lower than it already is.

    She is giving air of superiority over everyone. If I disagree with her she tries shames me.

    As you said I understand the reason it bothers me is because I am not awake neither. But this is really ridiculous. I just want to share it with you.

    Thank you.

  82. Thank you for your comment A.S.

    It’s always nice to receive a comment especially on this article from someone who’s open-minded.

    I don’t know which article or sentence you refer to about me ‘being in the same boat’ though.

    This is a very old article so I don’t really remember exactly what I wrote and it’s irrelevant to me today so I won’t be rereading the article again 🙂

    Your friend sounds a little bit like the personality I described in this article, maybe you should send it to her!

    Joke aside,

    Someone with a spiritualized ego is very easily offended when someone challenges their view of themselves as being “more spiritual” or whatever it might be.

    It’s very typical behavior, not at all uncommon in (immature) spiritual circles.

    Here’s an old article that might be helpful to you and your friend:

    If you could both go into an open-minded heart to heart conversation with the intent to really meet each other and hear each other out things might get better between the two of you.

    But if not then you might want to reconsider having her in your life.

    If being around her feels toxic then it’s best to end it, or take a break.

    Sometimes we have to grow apart for a while and be separate and do our own thing (or inner work) before we can reunite again.

    And then things will be better because both has grown and become more mature.

    Or we might just simply grow apart altogether and that’s okay, it’s how it goes in life sometimes.

    The most important thing to remember is that we have this One Life, so to allow toxic people into our life is like poisoning the life we have.

    Better to eliminate everything and everyone that drains us, that’s how I see it.

    Better to live well and enjoy our time here 🙂

    If you feel intuitively in your gut and heart that you want to give your relationship with her a chance, then do the exercise I’m describing in the article.

    But if not, release the relationship and let her go her way, and when you do, forgive her and wish her all the best (you can do this silently in your own mind and heart).

    Leave her with no resentment or anger but actually bless her as you see her go.

    She might have to go on a different path than yours for a while to figure things out for herself (and you for yourself).

    Here’s another article that might be helpful to you as well:

    It’s very natural and common that when people evolve and grow (in whatever way that may be), relationships always change too.

    Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse, but change is inevitable.

    Hope you find the articles helpful and thank you again for commenting.

  83. I want to add a comment to what you wrote.

    You wrote:

    “I am dealing with friend who is “doing” spiritual work like a schedule and says I did this tomorrow I’ll do that and I will finish. I instinctively knew you can’t control your spiritual growth.”

    Not sure what you mean by this so feel very free to elaborate.

    Of course you have control of your spiritual work.

    It’s totally up to you if you want to have a beer and watch TV or do meditation and self-inquiry for example.

    But sure, sometimes people get too rigid about their ‘practice’ that they make it a “truth” while in reality it’s just a tool they can use right now before they move on to the next stage of their growth.

    I’m huge on the importance of implementing what you have learned and what you’re guided to do, I always say this to people.

    It’s vitally important, so if your friend has a routine right now where she’s implementing spiritual work into her daily life then good for her.

    Most people don’t implement. They just read and read and read, and then read (or listen to/watch) some more spiritual stuff but they never actually do what is suggested.

    This is what separates the people who mature spiritually and the ones who stay on a very immature level of personal and spiritual growth.

    It’s the ‘doing’ part, but again; you have to have a sharp BS radar and disregard a lot (most) stuff that is taught in the spiritual arena today.

    There’s a lot of crap out there so it’s important to trust your intuition when it comes to all the millions of different teachings that are out there.

    Mainstream spirituality is nothing more than another form of religion and as long as there are beliefs involved (and there always are until you actually dismantle them) the individual will stay ignorant and asleep.

    What awakening ultimately leads to is the end of spirituality itself, but until that happens the person absolutely has control of their spiritual growth in the sense that they can choose to either do the work or don’t do the work.

    But timings, outcomes etc are not in our control.

    Maybe that’s what you meant?

    If so, how does this relate to your friend and what she’s doing?

    I might be able to give some guidance if you’d like to share what you meant.

  84. L. Lundin

    Hi Maria,

    Thanks for all the text and your activity. I have some question. I can relate alot to your article. Since years I am struggling between self awareness and ego awareness. This can shift within minutes and there are days when I am not self aware at all.

    1) you write that you were not permanent awake in the post. Did this mature until today?

    2) is awakening the same thing as permanent self awareness? I would not mind if that is so because for me it is a pleasant state which I would love to just stay in. No need for further chasing really.

    3) I feel I am getting more sensitive to the world. Minor things, relations, parents are more likely to cause anxiety/pain and ego awareness. Perhaps this was always but I am only aware of it today. I am not sure. I try to exercise space for it to arise
    and be. Do you know if this is something I should trust in the process?

    4) I have identified two states in teachings. Self consciousness and one consciousness. Is one consciousness the product of maturing in self consciousness or do you know how they relate?

  85. Thanks for commenting and for your questions L.

    The shifting between the different states of consciousness is common in the spiritual awakening process.

    Here’s an article that I think you might find helpful:

    Awakening leads to the realization that you are consciousness itself (not just that you ‘have’ a consciousness, or that you’re in a ‘state’ of consciousness).

    To answer you questions:

    1.) Yes, my spiritual awakening process is done and I’m awake now.

    But it’s not something you mature into, better words to describe it is that it’s like a new birth (because it’s not the ‘you’ that you think you are who wakes up).

    The spiritual awakening process is a death and rebirth process so the Maria who once started the whole journey (although it wasn’t really me who did that, it just happened to me) is not the same Maria who is communicating with you now.

    2.) No, awakening is not the same as self-awareness (no matter if you call it permanent or not, it’s not the same thing).

    There will be many pleasant plateaus in your process, you could see them as a breathing space if you will before the next phase of your awakening process takes off.

    Enjoy it to the fullest! 🙂

    (And sometimes it feels like there’s never going to be any ‘further chasing’ as you put it but the seeking naturally begins again after a while).

    3.) Yes, I understand, and that’s very common too.

    As you grow and evolve spiritually you’ll get more and more aware of everything around you (and yourself/your ego).

    You awareness will expand beyond what you have been aware of before, but of course what you ‘see’ now was there all the time, you just had to grow more aware before you could see it.

    So whenever there is discord or friction of any kind then recognize it as the call for further progress for you.

    Pain/anxiety is basically your cue to look into the ego and to really get to know it because this whole thing is not about ‘finding yourself’ as much as it is about getting to know who you are not.

    4.) I can’t say anything about what other people teach so that is really something you have to ask them about.

    To me self consciousness and one (I assume you mean “oneness”?) consciousness is not something I could or would speak about in the same context.

    Hope this was helpful to you and let me know if you have any other questions.

    Here’s some other articles as well that I believe you will find helpful:
    (some may be for members only):

  86. And PS regarding you question about trusting the process:

    Always trust the process. That will make things go so much smoother!

    There’s nothing to fear or worry about, so as much as you can, when/if things feel like they will never improve or get better, remember this one thing and hold it to your heart as much as you can:

    You can trust this process. Always and in all ways.

    Truth has you and will not let you go.

  87. Bill Dungan

    Hi Maria,

    I have been attending AA meetings for decades. I have yet to be able to concoct a God of my understanding. The AA literature, based on Christianity, tells me to create my own Creator. I have yet to take this suggesting seriously. I skipped Step 3 and continued with, what I call, the practical steps. I cleaned house, made amends and try and help others in need. This past January I was given a very disturbing health diagnosis. After the initial shock wore off I found myself looking at my life in a completely different way. I haven’t felt any depression, anxiety or fear since the diagnosis. My diet has changed dramatically. I’ve lost 30 pounds of fat without even trying. My entire outlook on my life and how I see others has changed for the better. I’ve read that a death of a loved one or a disturbing health report can bring on a spiritual awakening. Your thoughts on this matter will be greatly appreciated.


  88. Thanks for commenting Bill, and I’m happy to hear about your positive changes.

    Well done 🙂

    I didn’t see any question in your comment though, so please let me know exactly what your question is that you would like to talk about.

    And even better if you can share a personal experience (with a specific question) that I can address.

  89. Hello again Bill. You came to mind for some reason the other night when I was watching a movie and I was guided to tell you about it.

    Have you seen “the 13th step”?

    I think it could help you come to terms with the whole God-thing and help you move on with your life as you seem to be doing better and better.

    Let me know what you thought of it, if there was something there that resonated with you.

  90. E

    from an E. pov (like mine, joking) everybody are enlightened.
    From a non-E. pov u will never be E. or maybe u will be E. in a impredictable-far future (next reincarnation).
    In the meanwhile enjoy your free time. Less practice, more “life”.

    Anyway you already are “it”, you can just believe not to be and entertaining with thoughts (fictions).

  91. E

    Maria is correct in the article.
    The difference is not perceivable in verbal expressions.
    A non-awakened guy can write the same thing of the A. one.
    But the latter has tasted it, the former no.

    Paradoxally, an A. don’t give a **** of classic terminology, he simply “see” what it is.
    A non-A. is full of great concept, perfect descriptions, but zero taste.
    So don’t bother too much about tecnical details.
    Truth is incredible simple, delusions (untruth) are incredible complex.

  92. Thanks for commenting (on this incredibly old article).

    Next time though, if you feel inclined to comment more anywhere else on my website, please write in a way that is easy to read using whole words and complete sentences etc.

    Much of what you wrote in your first comment for example makes little sense since the reader basically have to guess what words you are trying to convey.


    PS: Reincarnation is a belief too.

    We can’t really know what will happen when the body dies (something may happen, but then again, something might not happen and that’s that).

    We can speculate, sure, but I’m not really into that.

    There’s a lot more to discover about the brain (and consciousness) and its ability to create experiences and visions etc.

    I’ve had plenty of them myself so I know that if one thing is “true” then another would have to be true as well, not only the things we’d like to be true.

    Here’s an old article of mine that you might like:

  93. E

    Thank you for the welmcome, Maria

    sorry for my “short-codes”, i’m a lazy guy 😉

    from my pvo (poin of view) the believe is no more an issue.
    Neither “mine” sensorial experience is a big issue.
    No experience “is”.
    In my view there are just endless falshes that blink in such way that “appear” solid-static or moving in some directions (giving them an apparent meaning).
    Nice effects, but they don’t affect me anymore.
    Anyhow they are a beautiful entertainment.

    Enjoy <3

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