Spiritual Purification and Raw Emotions
I remember many years ago when I went through a process of releasing my past, or better said; my need to know my past, as I had suppressed large blocks of my childhood. I knew there were a lot of trauma, and that my mind had blocked out whatever it was in order to protect me.
A lot of therapy and being fully committed to my own healing allowed me to finally let go of it all. I was healed.
What I remember was a process I did that my psychotherapist suggested (and that I advice others to do as well today in my own work of helping others), is to write about your life in third person. From the day you were born until where you are now. It’s very cathartic, and it healed me and released me from my past.
At that particular time I went through this I cried and cried, and cried some more. Not for a particular reason, I just released so much pain, and I remember my cat being all wet from all my tears those nights that I bawled my eyes out holding on to his little body of comfort and love.
This is so very important; to allow ourselves to feel these raw emotions to the fullest, to be with them, accept them, and finally release them for good. I can’t even tell you how freeing it is.
My life is nothing like it was before at the time I went through this.
I had a similar experience last night that surprised me when it happened. In the process of my own awakening I have of course become keenly aware when these processes surface, and I’m more spiritually mature now to handle my emotions than ten years ago, or before that.
I was watching TV and saw a program of someone that had planned to smuggle two starfishes to another country, probably because they had been on a vacation and wanted to take a ‘souvenir’ back home.
They had changed their mind for some reason and had thrown the (dying) starfishes in the garbage bin at the airport bathroom, and when I saw this I was filled with this incredible – indescribable – sadness and grief for those starfishes, it became a question of the cruelty of humanity and something within me released a flood of tears and I cried for those starfishes.
Obviously it wasn’t about those starfishes, they just helped release something within me that helped me open my heart.
I felt so filled with compassion for the planet, so much love for the starfishes, that my heart almost swelled outside of my body. I could feel the suffering of the planet in my whole being and I felt like some kind of Jesus-freak lol. I’m kind of giggling now, but the whole experience was really so much larger than me as it had to do with the planet and the need for healing for all its inhabitants.
Later that night (last night) when I went to sleep, the process of opening my heart went full throttle; I bawled my eyes out, I did the whole ugly-cry-thing, and I could feel how the energy of Love took over and cleansed my whole being, and while all this was happening I was so aware of the “I”, that I could – in my grievance for the planet – and love and compassion, all rolled in to one, experience myself being the ‘experiencer’, the observer of the process.
That moment my heart bursted open, and I was set free. Waves of pure love and healing went through my body as I allowed myself to cry those tears.
I’m still processing this experience (and feeling good about it, I know something important took place) and I can’t even begin to describe how I feel right now other than having the feeling of not having the need to understand it, all I know is that I was freed and that something within me cracked open a little bit more. I’m aware of this being a part of my awakening and I’m just being with it, very peacefully.
In the process of awakening it’s important to allow ourselves to feel all emotions, to embrace them, because they will keep pushing themselves on you until you accept them and see them. We need to move through them, but I don’t believe we need to understand them as they transcend themselves as we allow them to flow through us.
Don’t try to hide them from yourself; when we go with them (instead of against them by desperately chanting positive affirmations etc) we can transcend them, and believe me, there will be some openings like the one I had last night for you too if you are serious about your own spiritual practice, and they often come when we least expect it, or when we have reached a plateau of bliss in our own evolution.
Something will crack open and allow more of God/light to move in if we let it happen.