Only What Is True Remains (Letting go of the small self)

Spiritual awakening is a death and rebirth process

Letting go of the self doesn’t mean letting go of only the so called limiting beliefs we have of ourselves, but actually the whole shebang; the small self, the ego, who is the person we imagine ourselves to be. It’s all the same.

To surrender to the point where all you can say and know is “I am“.

And not “I am a mom, I am a brother, I am a golf-pro, I am an angel therapist, I am an author, I am a dentist, I am  healer, I am a this or that”.

All those things fall away, and the letting go of them is not really your own doing, it’s not like you one day decide to surrender suddenly, it’s something that Life imposes on you and that you realize when you have tried all your own little ways and “failed”. (It doesn’t have to be like this, but most often spiritual awakening includes some kind of defeat).

The so called failures of desires not met leads to true surrender and desireless-ness; when all you want is the Truth and nothing but the Truth, and there are no personal desires left.

And it’s not about you throwing your hands up in the air of of frustration. Although doing those things are also a part of the process but on an egoic level still. The ego throws it’s fits and gets easily frustrated and the more we indulge in victim-hood, the more we obviously suffer. (And ego strengthens itself when we get hooked in the drama of our minds).

Before true spiritual surrender happens we can go through some severe spiritual temper tantrums (which can’t even be compared with the ego fits of frustration), and they are part of the process as well.

True spiritual surrender is a very deep and profound process, almost impossible to describe in words.

What follows is liberation, freedom and also weirdness, because the whole perception of how we look at things has shifted.

Life has taken a hold on you and the “I” is no longer there. The “I” has been stripped away, layer by layer, maybe for years and years until the the ultimate spiritual surrender occurs and we’re able to with complete honesty say: I Don’t Know.

Because we really don’t know anything but “I am”. We can have tons of ideas and opinions of what and who we think and believe the “I am” is, but none of those are true.

The ego has no clue of the Truth, but it can pretend it does, as it can pretend to have awakened too.

But there is no one that awakens. Awakening awakens to itself, it means there is no self that becomes awakened.

We are One, so who is this entity that thinks it has awakened? Investigate that, ask yourself who this “I” is and see what you find. Or don’t find.

About a month ago I wrote this post and I happened to read it again today and once again I find myself in a totally different place in my life and consciousness.

What was relinquished that didn’t belong to my expression is gone, while some was “given back” to me and the difference is that it is no longer the “I” that has chosen it. “I” don’t run the show, in fact, none of my “doings” are mine, they are simply expressions of how Life decides to move through me. (Although I have always felt that my writings are not really mine, it has always been something I have felt “happens” through me).

So while I don’t see myself as anything or anyone special or specific (while at the same time I’m everything) what happens is that Life is moving through me as an expression of a spiritual teacher and inspirational writer (right now; I have no clue how it will move through and as me tomorrow or next year or ten years from now), but the teaching and writing is not done by ‘me’, it’s something that Life does through and as me.

It came back to me when I let it go because it was the true expression of my human experience.

The thing with Truth is that it burns away all things that are not Truth, and only the Truth remains.

After I had pondered how to do with my header-image/text etc, I have decided to let it be for now even if I don’t label myself as being this or that (spiritual teacher and writer) but because of the fact that I’m committed to Truth and it’s kind of practical to use the labels of the world so to speak in order for others to find my site and read my articles. Which by the way are meant as pointers and not fundamental teachings.

To me it would be a bit silly to say “I’m nothing, no one and everything” as not all people can relate to those words, or understand what I mean by them, so the clarity is not meant to be for me (I don’t care about labeling myself) but simply for practical reasons.

I don’t even like the word “help” because it implies that there’s something wrong that needs to be fixed so I’m using the words “assist” and “providing others with reference points in their own awakening” as it can be very challenging and difficult to go through alone, but there is no pull or drive within me to “help” anyone.

I don’t “help” others to merely feel better – but to point others in the direction of their own inner knowing and to the realization that the only “way” to true freedom is to with absolute sincerity face the processes as they arise, which they will; the spiritual path is not for the faint-hearted and it will require you to let go of everything, including your most cherished beliefs and ideas that you carry about yourself; the person you think you are you’re actually not, and to awaken to that realization can be very, very difficult (and yes, blissful too) – but the difficulty is not to be avoided in any way by different methods and techniques to merely “feel better”.

You can go on tapping, chanting and saying affirmations all you want, but Truth doesn’t work that way. It’s wonderfully ruthless in its ways. Everything that is not Truth will be removed, that you can count on.

My “teachings” are meant to bring and inspire awareness, but the true teacher is the Guru within.

Everything in my (and your) life has been there for me and not against me and it feels right in my heart to share my experiences with you, not to help but to inspire and to bring awareness.

My spiritual awakening process began (on a more conscious level, although I have had many spiritual experiences throughout my whole life) about 11 years ago when I decided to get myself to rehab for my drug addiction; that was my initial spiritual surrender, and looking back I can see how all my experiences has lead up to this moment right now in perfect ways.

So many different phases and processes has happened throughout the years and so the surrender itself is very deep as it has been the ongoing thread as I see it now when looking back; it has always been about letting go (Let go, let God).

It’s always going deeper and deeper and the realization becomes clearer and clearer, and many times when we think we have “got it” Life presents yet another layer of the false so that our true nature can become even more realized.

It all comes to the final surrender when we can say with full and deeply sincere conviction that we don’t know anything, that we never did and never will, and with that realization the little self who thought it knew – falls away too.

That’s when our true life/existence begin; the moment we realize we are nothing, and that’s also when new processes begin. None of us is ever done in any way, Life is infinite in it’s ways and there is no end-arrival.

Don’t ever think your “done” in any way, do not delude yourself but instead always stay honest with yourself and know that as long as you think you know something, you really don’t.

Here’s a post I wrote a couple of years ago I think, it’s a little bit about my past:

I published it when I still believed in different concepts such as A Course in Miracles for example.

At that time in my life those concepts were valid for me as everything else in our life plays its roles; they are all pointers but not Truth itself.

https://mariaerving.com/my-story/

Other posts that you may find interesting and/or inspirational to read:

(All links open in new windows)

Interests Fall Away With Spiritual Awakening

The Mind Gets Emptied With Spiritual Surrender and Awakening

Life Always Gives The Insights When We Take The Time To Listen

Allow Yourself To Feel All Emotions

Feeling Our Feelings and Fully Accepting Them

You Can’t “Find Yourself” Intellectually

Falling Back Into Duality (Spiritual Awakening Process)

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Val, Melbourne, Australia

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Words cannot fully express the profound impact of my session with you – it has been nothing short of magical. You helped me remove the blockages that held me back, helped me recognize my true worth, and providing so much insight that has been truly life-changing!

— Sarah K.

You have really made a difference in how my mind works

I don’t know if I make sense, but all I can say is that I feel blissful. And I can’t thank you enough for that. I don’t know exactly how you managed this, but you have really made a difference in how my mind works.

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— R. Los Angeles, USA

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The feeling of peace and freedom is priceless

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Andrew B, San Diego, CA, USA

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  7. Billy

    Great read as always, Maria! “The so called failures of desires not met leads to true surrender and desireless-ness; when all you want is the Truth and nothing but the Truth, and there are no personal desires left.” I have struggled to describe this to people so thank you for putting it into words. I have always been suspicious of the fact that I didn’t surrender my desires through my own will but it was god who refused the fullfilment of those desires to me which eventually opened my eyes to how I never really cared for these desires anyway.

    What I am still confused about, though, is the part where you say, “all you want is the Truth.” In my case, I don’t want Truth. I have shed all earthly desires and now I feel empty, desire-less. But I am exhausted too, and I want nothing, not even the Truth. a) Existence is painful, b) there is nothing the world can offer me that would excite me anymore (money, fame, status, reputation), and c) there is too much labour required to just ensure one’s survival which is impossible to get yourself to do in the absence of any overriding purpose or drive. In such circumstances, I am more desirous of nothingness than I am of Truth. I’d rather just die and not be.

    Truth has always been a pursuit of mine ever since i can remember, except ironically when I underwent the spiritual awakening process. The awakening process and life’s dire circumstances have rendered me confused and frustrated and lost and while yes there’s still that deep-down urge to sit down, be still, meditate, reflect and pursue Truth, it is overridden by the urge to just not exist at all. To not pursue or desire anything. Not because I’m depressed, but because I just don’t feel too strongly about chasing Truth anymore. There’s nothing I want enough to actually get up and pursue it. Shouldn’t the awakening process have amplified my desire for the Truth? I feel stuck. I don’t want anything worldly, I don’t want anything otherworldly. I have no purpose or drive or reason to live. But I can’t die either because I have responsibilities. I feel like I’m in an abyss.

    We all carve our own unique journeys and I don’t expect to be understood for mine, but do you by any chance have any insight on what I have described above?

  8. Hi Bobby,

    Thank you for your comment and for sharing, glad to hear the article spoke to you.

    I’m personally not on the spiritual awakening path anymore and I no longer offer guidance on that topic either (except through my older articles about it, like the one you just read, those will always be available on the website).

    I recommend that you care about how you feel more than anything else (make feeling good a priority), and focus your mind towards things that would bring you more joy and happiness in life. (And obviously, if you feel depressed then I recommend that you seek some kind of help to overcome it).

    We’re only here for a relatively short time so make sure that the time is well spent and enjoyed.

    Create a different life and reality by coming into alignment with who you really are and the beautiful flow of Life!

    You can do whatever you want – Nothing is hindering any of us from embarking on a more empowering path other than the beliefs we hold about life and ourself.

    So I would start there; dismantle your false and limiting beliefs, and then go from there.

    That’s actually what awakening is about; It’s about waking up from the person you think you are. The one who is struggling and suffering is not the real you, and the work is really about realizing that:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=beliefs

    The real you is powerful and free, so the work is about releasing the limiting/false beliefs that are in the way for you to live your life in a free and joyous way. It’s the beliefs we have in our mind and consciousness that are the real blockages to forward-movement and progress in life.

    What you believe is limiting you is not real (How to Set Yourself Free):

    https://mariaerving.com/limitations-not-real

    Your beliefs about god for example, and even the awakening process itself, and the way you spoke about life and living in general – Look into all those beliefs because they are holding you back.

    Here’s some articles that came to mind that will be helpful to you as well:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=alignment

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=live+free

    https://mariaerving.com/let-go-of-what-feels-heavy

    https://mariaerving.com/reject-whats-not-in-alignment

    And lastly, here are some other articles as well that I know will be helpful to you:

    https://mariaerving.com/?s=contrast

    null

  9. Billy

    Thank you, Maria! I will go through these articles. I was just reading an email you sent on the 11th of July, titled, “Do what feels right for You”, and it addresses the problem I’m dealing with currently. I also came across your article, “The Secret Knowledge of Your Gut” and it was extremely helpful too. I think I just needed that push to do what I already knew I’m supposed to do; listen to my intuition and let myself go in the direction that I’m drawn to right now, in this moment. Right now, I have no desire to meditate and pursue the ultimate Truth and there’s no reason to question why that is. I feel more drawn to exploring the smaller truths, the ones about myself… to just be by myself and contemplate the life I’ve lived so far and maybe repair that self-connection.

    Thank you again!

  10. This: “.. listen to my intuition and let myself go in the direction that I’m drawn to right now, in this moment. Right now, I have no desire to meditate and pursue the ultimate Truth and there’s no reason to question why that is” = YES! Exactly.

    No need to pursuit anything that is not really vibing with you (anymore). It might come back later, but if not then it’s not relevant for you anymore to pursuit it (whatever it may be).

    Here’s another article that came to mind that you might be able to relate to and find helpful:

    https://mariaerving.com/should-i-let-go-of-a-course-in-miracles-lessons

    This is the whole secret to a fulfilling and happy life:

    Follow your own life’s flow and intuition, that’s it. Follow what makes you happy, what sparks something in you, whether it’s an interest, passion, or just curiosity about something; follow that, and keep following it, and that way every moment is enjoyable and you feel aligned and clear.

    When we feel tense or frustrated it’s a good idea to just BE, as you said, to just be and focus on connecting with your inner being. That way the new path and direction will reveal itself to you in perfect divine timing.

    Spending time in nature is good, so is listening to some great music. I personally love progressive emotional trance, that kind of music, but I also love other kind of music as well that is uplifting and emotional.

    One of my favorite songs right now is Anastacia – “Best Days”. I invite you to put your headphones on, enjoy, let loose and DANCE! 💃😊

  11. Billy

    “That way the new path and direction will reveal itself to you in perfect divine timing.” Thank you!

    The song is lovely! 🙂

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