The Ego Will Keep Re-creating Itself Until We Embrace Being Nothing On a Deep Level of Being
When we come to the point in our spiritual evolution when we have realized that this person we thought we were, we’re not, and the life we thought was Life, wasn’t; basically everything we thought was real, isn’t, the ego will revolt big time.
When the ultimate let-go has been done, or imposed on us (by fierce grace) and we realize that we are in fact nothing, no thing, while at the same time everything, every thing, the minds former occupation looses it’s function; it is no longer needed to the same things as before.
It becomes more of a practical tool (not in the way you may have been taught to use it) as it is kind of great to know to be aware when being out in traffic and so on, but it’s no longer a tool for manipulation of ‘reality’, aka the delusion of us ‘creating our reality’ with all kinds of manipulative means and techniques.
When we realize Truth, there is no longer anything to hold on to, and the last thing that is surrendered is the self, the false self. (The person you imagine yourself to be).
This is very uncomfortable for the ego and in the beginning of our awakening it will re-create itself (we will continue to ‘create’ a better version of ourselves) and it will always find something to identify with, good or ‘bad’, it doesn’t’ matter.
As long as there’s an identification to something or to be someone or something, there’s always going to be a sense of separation.
Only when there is a surrender to nothingness, to emptiness, and when there’s no grasping or striving going on anymore, can the real life awaken to itself, but it’s not you who awakens to anything, in fact, you are dying, and when ‘you’ are no longer – that’s when life really begins, as you. (You are an expression of life itself).
After a while you start to see what’s happening, you begin to recognize the process of ego death and get an understanding of what’s going on, you start to get insights in your own evolution and then the day comes when you finally embrace the not knowing-ness, and the not being-ness of anything, and when that final realization comes when you no longer feel the need to re-create anything (because you have realized the spiritual immaturity in that) that’s when the ego begins to look at the past for an old identification.
If it can’t ‘improve itself’ anymore (when the relinquishment of personal development and new age stuff happens), it will find an old identification from the past to cling to.
You may be hooked by the cunning ego and it’s deceiving ways into believing that there’s something there to still gain so you may re-identify with an old self again, and this could be an old self from years and years ago – the ego will find a version of you who you thought you were at some point in your life that brought you great grief and great pleasure as well and hook you to it emotionally and in how you behave.
Be very aware of this: the ego will do anything from preventing itself from dying and if it can’t re-create itself (by becoming a better version of yourself by all kinds of self improvement concepts) it will do whatever it can to find an old identification and cling to it.
Until you realize what’s happening.
Until you realize that a mask from the past has been picked up again and put on.
Until you realize that the truth of who you are means having no mask. At all.
Until you realize that this person, or this behavior you’re now once again engaging in, is not an accurate manifestation of who and what you know yourself to be in Truth.
Until you realize this ego game, you will be stuck in suffering.
You will keep imposing (or trying to by vision-boards and affirmations etc) something on life as if it was missing and all this time you’re blind to see that Life already is, and it will not (ever!) succumb to your petty wishes.
You may go back to doing drugs or drinking for a while, or you may become someone you once were that you didn’t particularly like. (Being gossipy, bossy, or jealous, or you may go back to an ex who treated you like crap for example deluding yourself to believe that it will be different this time, or whatever).
The more emotionally the ego can hook you (sometimes through an idealized image of how things were once, but in reality wasn’t for example, or by making you believe it’s good old fun and that you can handle it now), the deeply it can take hold on to you.
Nothing needs to be added to life. (And really can’t, that’s an illusion – nothing is missing).
Everything has to be stripped off. (Life does that to you by itself and the more you can surrender to it, the easier the journey).
The ego can’t bare to be nothing, can’t bare to not know, and when the willingness arises in us to let go of the need to know, the need to see and control what’s ahead (there is nothing ahead, all there is is an infinite Now), and as long as we believe in our thoughts about having to know, the longer we will suffer.
The longer we cling to the old self, the false self, an old identification, or by any other (new) identification, there will be both pleasure (pleasure is short-lived and of the mind) and pain, but very little real deep joy.
When we can fully embrace that we really don’t know anything about anything, that we are nothing, while knowing that we are all things and everything – not until we fully embrace that and let go of all attempts to control or manipulate, or create, or change anything, but are fully accepting this moment to be our whole life, that’s when we realize that we are indeed already free.