inner conflict and war

Stop the War you have with Yourself and the Universe

Relax, Just Do You.

Go your own way, do your own thing.

Don’t be so serious and don’t take things so seriously for a moment.

My God, just relax!

Right now, take a deep breath and relax your shoulders.

Become aware of any tension, relax, slow down and come back to this moment. 

There’s two main things I want to cover in this article.

One is the tenseness of spirituality, and the other one is about relaxing into what is.

Both deal with seriousness and the lack of just being able to relaxing into being.

  • Into who you are, just as you are.
  • Into the moment, just as it is.

Spirituality is personal, it’s very individual, it’s the connection you have with yourself, the deeper (and truest) essence of who you are.

It has nothing whatsoever to do with being or aspiring to be a perfect being who does everything perfectly, in the most perfect “spiritual” way.

The most spiritual thing you can do is to just be who you are.

Allowing yourself to be.

Forget about how others are living their lives, just do you.

Whatever you fancy.

Eat, drink, and be merry.

(Seriously; chill out for a moment from all the seriousness).

Now let’s continue with the same attitude towards Life.

Everything in life is cyclic.

We all go through phases where we at one point feel very spiritually connected, introspective and quiet and then a new cycle begins at some point where we feel more outgoing, sociable and driven.

I sometimes get emails from people who are overly spiritual to the point that they neglect the human part of themselves, the part that has desires, dreams and hopes. 

They think it’s wrong to ‘want’.

Here’s a snippet from an email I received recently:

“.. the transformation of the soul is different to self development which is ego based and my question is, where does an individual obtain the guidance to travel the path of truth?”

My reply:

The “soul” doesn’t need to be transformed.

It already is everything, so it only needs to be recognized and seen (realized).

And self development (or personal growth as I prefer to call it) is not ego based, that’s a spiritual idea that is completely false and where many “spiritual people” get stuck and stagnated.

They don’t allow themselves to be human so they stifle their own growth by making the natural evolutionary process of growth and development as something that is “bad” (or “ego”).

In fact, in reality it’s the (spiritualized) ego that makes the person believe that personal growth is “wrong”.

It’s not wrong at all. We need both aspects to be able to evolve as human beings.

This is what the flow of life is about.

It’s a moving thing, not a fixed thing. 

Consciousness is not “growing”or “developing” itself; it is “expanding” and “discovering” more of itself, and that is a constant, ongoing transformational process.

If someone is grinding away 24/7 with personal growth stuff and neglecting the spiritual side of things, then yes, then there’s too much ego there.

But the same thing goes with spirituality.

If someone is overly spiritual and neglecting and disregarding the fact that they are human beings with human needs and wants, then there’s also too much ego involved.

What needs to happen is that people have to find their own way in this thing called life.

Not blindly following what that person over there does, or what this Guru says and so on, and definitely not believing all the lies that the ego says!

Find your own way.

There’s a ‘middle way‘ that fits you perfectly. Find it.

But it’s not even about that (it’s not about “balance”), because we are all different, with different personalities and unique inner drive, temperament and nature.

It’s about individuality and following that which is true within each person.

And it’s also about engaging with the whole of you, not just parts of you, or the aspects of who you are that the ego happens to agree with.

We are both ‘spiritual’ and also ‘worldly‘.  

There are many invisible rules in all the different types of groups and circles (be like this/act like this/think like this etc) so the most important thing one can do is to find your own way in the midst of all the “right ways” that are presented out there.

This is what flow is about; to follow the flow of your own life’s energy, that’s where fulfillment and also freedom and independence is found.

We live in a society that is overloading with information where one “expert” says this and another person says that and many people has completely lost themselves, or their flow, because they are looking for the ‘right thing’ to do ‘out there’.

This often then leads to either frantic mindless “doing” or not doing anything at all (indecisiveness and procrastination) where the person is stuck in a limbo “waiting”. 

They don’t know who or what to believe anymore, so the most important things you can do for yourself is to get back in alignment with yourself again, with your own inner truth.

Make that your #1 priority. 

This is where most people are disconnected. They look without when they should look within.

Tune into your intuitive knowing and self-awareness and you will find your way again.

Get inspired by others, get empowered, be influenced, absolutely! – Do ALL the things you feel guided to do.

Grind away, strive, push, do that if the energy and drive is there and you’re enjoying the process.

There is nothing wrong with that as long as you enjoy the journey.

The same goes for spiritual growth;

Meditate for hours every day, go for long walks in the woods, stare into candles or whatever your thing is.

Do whatever you fancy and enjoy yourself.

But also respect the other side of the flow because at some point there will be a tipping point that pulls you in the other direction.

The only thing that ever hinders you from going with the flow is your ego.

It’s either telling you that relaxing is unproductive and that you should continue pushing and striving even if it puts you in a state of stress and strain.

Or, it’s telling you that to “do” things and to have goals and make plans for yourself is “unspiritual” and therefor “wrong”.

Both voices are the ego speaking and of you listen it, you will throw yourself out of the flow and you will come to suffer.

Life is a dance with the Universal Flow.

Sometimes the energy is inwardly focused and quiet and sometimes it’s action-oriented, expansive and driven.

Both phases are equally right and important, they both have their appropriate time and place.

Sometimes we feel really awesome and outgoing and sometimes we feel like being alone watching movies all day doing nothing.

For every phase (however it manifests itself) there is also the opposite and nothing is ever fixed or stays the same.

It’s only when we resist the phases (by making them “wrong”) that we get stagnated and stuck.

The moment you yield to the flow however, and let it be what it is, the faster the tipping over to the opposite happens.

And while you’re in that surrendered state you actually come to enjoy the very thing you just felt resistance against and you can once again relax and let Life breathe through you.

To come back into your true nature is essential if you want to have things work out for you (and they will, beautifully and magically).

But you have to allow the ups and the downs and the high and low energy phases of life to be there for what they are.

Again; life is cyclic.

Nothing ever stays the same for very long if we just go with the flow of things.

So my invitation to you today is to take the path of least resistance.

What are you truly (intuitively) drawn to do today?

And when I say “least resitance” I’m not talking about only doing the things that are easy, because not all things in life are easy.

What I mean is this:

Where is the resistance in you that is causing disharmony?

What is it about, what are you resisting?

What are you making “wrong” or “bad”?

Take the path of least resistance. All it takes is sincerity and honesty (with yourself), not perfection. 

Resistance is always about the ego.

The ego resists the flow thinking it knows better, but it never does.

Where (in what area) in your life can you take the path of least resistance today?

In both your own personal life, and also in the way of how life flows.

  • Where are you having a war with yourself, how are you in conflict with yourself?

What’s the resistance that needs to be released?  

  • Where are you out of sync with the universe, how are you working against the flow?

What needs to be released? Where do you need to yield and surrender?

Forget about everyone else and what they are doing.

Do You, and go your own way.

Honor the flow of your own life’s energy and it will honor you back.

By taking the path of least resistance, you end the war with yourself.

Give into the Flow of Life. Your own life’s energy.

That’s when the war finally ends. 


Join me in my monthly live video calls and get guidance on anything you’d like to talk about regarding your spiritual and personal life.

Next online meeting is on Saturday at 6 PM CET/9 AM PST/Noon EST.


Transformational Coaching and Energy Work with Maria Erving


  1. Carolyn

    Thank you for this powerful post. Thanks for brining up personal growth and how the spiritual ego can thwart it. It’s also good that you mentioned the invisible rules in certain circles. In the past, I studied and worked in the yoga industry. Looking back, I can see now that I did get caught up in the spoken and unspoken “rules”. It didn’t feel authentic, so I let it go. Lastly, the questions you included on noticing resistance are really helpful.

  2. You’re so very welcome Carolyn, glad to hear it resonated with you 🙂

    Yes, when things start to feel contrived that’s the cue that tells you it’s time to leave and move on.

    You got what you needed, it served its purpose I’m sure (as with anything in life), you were simply ready for the next level of your growth and evolution.

    Good for you that you didn’t start to question your own judgment and intuitive nudges but instead chose to trust yourself and move on on your own individual path. (Which may or may not still include Yoga).

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