I want aligned friends!

“Hi Maria,

I’ve been finding it more and more challenging to be around people lately. It feels easier to be alone, but at the same time, I want friends. But it’s draining and sometimes frustrating to deal with people.

Am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life??”

My reply:

You’re definitely not doomed to spend life alone! What you’re feeling is your inner guidance speaking to you; it’s a signal to become intentional about the kind of people you allow in, so here’s an exercise you can do.

List the people you interact with regularly. Beside each name, create two columns:

What they add to your life, and what they subtract.

Be completely honest and write exactly what comes to mind, and don’t overthink it or feel that you’re judging anyone. This is for your own eyes only, and you need to be completely honest with yourself.

Next; rate the quality of the interactions you have with each person between 1-10.

How fun is it, do you look forward to seeing them, do you have interesting conversations, how drained do you feel, how easy is it to be yourself with them, how relaxing is it, are you laughing together, and so on.

And then look at the list and decide something like this (if it rings true to you):

“People have to bring something that is elevating my life (assuming you also bring something that elevates their life in return). I don’t want to drag people with me, they have to be my equal and the relationship has to be balanced and healthy. Interacting with them has to feel ____________ (inspiring, empowering, supportive, loving, stimulating, etc.) and it has to feel good when I see them.

They too have to bring something to the table that enriches my life, the connection has to be of high quality, where we both adore each other and value each other’s company in a genuine way.

No more transactional relationships, or the feeling of not being seen, or where the other person is just not ‘getting’ me, or ___________ (list what you’re done and over with)”. Things that you will never accept again.

And then also add the things you value:

Your personal non‑negotiables that you require (like laughing together, emotional intelligence, growth-minded, and so on, the things that are important to you). The qualities you like in people.

This way you create a filter; “what I will accept and what I will not”, and that filter will help you make an executive choice, or decision, about the people in your life.

Some you may want to break up with altogether, while some of them you might want to just keep at a distance and not interact or engage with as much anymore.

You have the right to choose your own happiness

If you’re not happy in your relationships and you have tried and done your part in making it work, or communicated your needs and the other person has not met you or even tried to make an effort;

Then it’s time to get them out of your life, honestly.

It takes bravery to hold yourself at a certain standard and say no to everything that doesn’t meet that standard, but you just have to do what’s best for you, even if they don’t understand.

Aligned relationships and connections exists, and when we have clarity around our values and what’s important to us, then we’re more likely to meet others who share those same values.

But when we’re trying to drag people with us, or when we’re not feeling a genuine connection with them, we are slowing down our own life force energy, and then we feel resentful, frustrated and so on.

So release the dead weight, or create some distance.

And something that you might discover is that once you stop making an effort with them, the whole relationship dissolves and falls away quite quickly after that. It just ‘dies’.

If it’s not aligned, it’s not meant for you

It’s like you were the only one keeping it ‘alive’, and when you take your hands off the relationship, and say (to yourself); “I’m okay without you/without our connection”, and they don’t even bother to check in on you and ask why you disconnected, then it becomes clear to you that it was never a genuine connection to begin with.

And now that you have released the old energetic ties and bonds, you are open and free to receive the people that are the right ones for you and who are aligned with you and your values.

Those are the ones that are able to truly see you, and who you can laugh and have wonderful times with.

When you have done this exercise, you can end it with a short prayer or request to the Universe and say something about you now being ready to meet and connect with them.

And that if there’s something you can do to initiate the meetings, that you’ll be guided to how to do that, and then something will come to you, something that helps let in the new people into your life.

You might get the idea to join a cooking class, or you suddenly see a poster for dance lessons, or something else completely random. If something about it speaks to you, then do it, and see who you’ll meet! 😊

Sometimes it can be as simple as getting an intuitive nudge to go for a walk on the beach or something, and when you go, you might meet someone there.

Time lag between the old and the new

It might not happen immediately (although sometimes it does), but know that as you’ve let go of energy that no longer aligns with you, you’re making space for new, aligned energies to enter your life.

Sometimes there’s a natural time lag, periods of solitude before new people arrive, but even if the releasing is hard (as any breakup can be, whether with a friend or partner), you’ll feel lighter and more unburdened once the old energy is gone.

Not because they were ‘bad’, but because you did something that was true to your heart and values.

And as difficult as it can be (and I know this from my own experience), it’s just part of our human journey and growth and the progression of things. Sometimes we outgrow each other, and that’s okay.

Let yourself grieve and feel the sadness if it’s there, and also bless the people as you let them go; wish them happiness and freedom as you both move your separate ways.

The Universe has many ways of making the right connections happen, and sometimes they happen when we least expect them to, so stay open!

Trust that the right people for you are out there and that you will meet each other when the time is right.

Here’s another article that can be helpful to you:

“When we grow and evolve, our relationship dynamics changes too“

Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash (text added by me)

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